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They had been mentally dancing around each other for days. They spent their days and evenings with the kids, sometimes all together, and sometimes Nick with his and Kevin alone with his boys. Both men worked hard to make sure the children felt included and happy with their current living arrangements. But no matter how each day went, the evenings always ended the same.

Both men wrapped around each other and fast asleep in Kevin’s room. While they had both become quite accustomed to their new arrangement, neither one had actually said anything about it. It was an unspoken understanding that come time for bed, Nick would crawl in beside the other man and they would settle down together. Sometimes they would watch tv or a movie, other times, Nick would fall asleep almost as soon as Kevin’s arm came up around him. Kevin’s boys were no longer morning kids, which allowed Kevin the luxury of sleeping in. While Saoirse was lucky to sleep past 6, Nick was always up with her bright and early. It also helped keep their sleeping arrangements hidden from the rest of the house. Nick was not at all itching to explain to Kevin’s sons why he slept with their father every evening.

The week seemed to have melted away from all of them. It was already Friday, Mason and Maxwell would go back to Kristin’s tomorrow. It had been unseasonably warm for November, it was even supposed to get close to 80 today. Nick and Kevin had decided they would host a campout in the backyard for the boys’ last night of the week. They had spent the previous night before putting up two separate tents in the backyard. The plan was for the boys to sleep in one, while Nick, Kevin and Saoirse slept in the other. That way if Saoirse couldn’t handle the camp out, Nick would easily be able to come back inside and sleep in the house with her. Nick was very excited that Kevin had still planned on them sharing a tent, even while having all the kids outside. He’d grown so used to sleeping with the other man, he worried without him he’d be restless all night long.

The boys were super excited about the campout. They had ordered hotdogs, and stuff for s'mores from Instacart, plus they had pulled out Kevin’s acoustic guitars and they had promised to sing songs and play football in the yard. Nick had to admit, he was probably looking as forward to their evening as the kids were. He loved being included and participating in all of these little family activities that Kevin came up with. The fact that Mason and Maxwell wanted him and Odin to join in made it all the sweeter.

Nick was in the kitchen trying to get lunch finished when the boys came racing into the kitchen, Kevin hot on their heels. Odin grabbed ahold of Nick’s legs, giggling so hard he could hardly breathe. “Mobster!” he yelled as he tried to hide behind his father. Nick looked up to see the twinkle in the beautiful green eyes across the room. He laughed. “What’s going on guys?”

Mason laughed and flopped down in a kitchen chair. “Dad’s been chasing us all over the house pretending to be a scary monster. He got Odin pretty good.”

Kevin smiled and came around the island to help Nick with lunch. He grabbed some plates and began putting chicken nuggets on plates while Nick helped Odin wash his hands. Once all kids were washed and had plates in front of them Nick took a seat on the island bar stool and breathed a sigh of relief. It was like feeding animals at the zoo come mealtime with a house full of hungry kids. When they were ready for their meals, they were not going to be kept waiting. Saoirse watched the older kids intently as she gummed on her own set of chicken nuggets.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Kevin asked sitting down beside Nick with his own plate.

Nick shook his head. “Nah. I snacked a little while making lunch. I’ve not really been that hungry lately, nerves I guess.”

Kevin frowned at him but said nothing and went back to eating his lunch. He tried to remember the last time Nick had really sat down and ate a full meal. They’d all been so busy lately with having Max and Mason home, especially Kevin since he was also facilitating school with them during the day and trying to spend time with them at night. He made a mental note to keep an eye on the younger man. He was brought out of his thoughts by the doorbell.

“Expecting someone?” Nick asked, looking over at him.

Kevin’s frown deepened. “Not at all. I’ll go check it out. You stay here with the kids.”

He put his plate on the island and brushed the crumbs off his lap as he stood up. He had no idea who could possibly be at the door. Kristin wasn’t supposed to be here until tomorrow and he couldn’t think of anyone else who would have the gate code to get this close to the house without calling ahead. His heart sank when he peered out the peephole to see none other than Brian shuffling from foot to foot on the front porch. What the hell was he doing here? Kevin took a deep breath. He was happy to see his cousin, of course. But a sinking feeling in his stomach told him this wasn’t going to be a pleasant visit, for any of them. He didn’t think Nick had even spoken to Brian in weeks. Nick had asked Kevin for time when it came to the other man. Why the hell was he here now? Well there was only one way to find out. Opening the door he peered questionably at his younger cousin.

“What brings you here Bri?” Kevin asked coolly, opening the door.

“What kind of greeting is that?” Brian asked, pushing past him to enter the foyer.

“It’s the kind I ask people who show up at my door uninvited.” Kevin retorted.

“I didn’t think I needed an invitation to visit my family. Where is everyone?” Brian asked, looking around the room.

“We just sat down to eat lunch. Are you hungry?” As frustrated as he was by Brian’s arrival, manners prevailed, and if Brian was hungry he would of course feed him. Right before he threw him back outside on his ass.

“That sounds great.” Brian said turning and heading for the kitchen.

Kevin took off right after him, hoping to get to the kitchen quickly to ease the confrontation between the two blondes. He reached the kitchen about the time Nick’s eyes landed on his best friend. His eyes shot from Brian up to Kevin’s, a look of hurt and distrust clouding his baby blue eyes.

“Uncle Brian!” the boys shouted, jumping up from their chairs and running over for hugs, Odin included. Brian was quick to return hugs and kisses, stealing chicken nuggets off plates as he went, much to the dismay of the kids.

While the other man was preoccupied, Kevin tried to catch Nick’s eye. He could see instantly that his guard was up. The easy going demeanor that had been part of him since he arrived at Kevin’s was now stiff and rigid. He could almost feel the anger vibrating off the younger man. He curled his hand around Nick’s bicep. “You okay?” He asked quietly for only Nick to hear. The blonde shook his head. “What the fuck is he doing here?” he bit out.

Kevin shook his head sadly. “I have no fucking clue. He wouldn’t tell me. Whatever it is, I have a really bad feeling about it.” Nick nodded and stiffened as Brian finished with the kids and turned to look at the pair.

“What? No hug for your best friend?” Brian asked, coming closer to the younger man.

Nick held up his hand to keep Brian from coming any closer. “What are you doing here?”

Brain stopped in his tracks and gazed at them curiously. “You’ve been ignoring me. I figured this way, we could get to the bottom of whatever it is I did to piss you off. If I’m here, you can’t ignore me.” he said smiling cheekily.

The goofy good guy routine Brian did usually worked on Nick. Nine times out of ten, Nick would giggle, and throw his arms around the other man, their argument long forgotten. But whatever had caused the rift, was much deeper than Kevin had first believed. Instead of hugging his friend, Nick pushed away from the island. “Fuck. You.” he growled at the older man before storming out of the kitchen and onto the patio.

The silence was deafening. Kevin stared at Brian, his eyes wide. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Nick so upset. What in the world had happened to make Frick and Frack crumble like this. Brian turned to look at Kevin. “What’s his problem?”

Kevin held up his hands in surrender. “I have no idea what’s going on between you two. He asked me to stay out of it, so I respected his wishes and I haven’t asked or pushed. Whatever you’ve done, you’d better fucking fix it. You can’t run off and leave him in this state. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this mad.” Kevin said angrily.

Brian nodded and took off his baseball cap. He sat on the barstool and ran his hands through his curls. “I really thought coming here was a good idea.”

“I think a heads up would have been nice.” Kevin said hotly.

He helped the boys clear their plates and ushered them out of the room. He took Saoirse from her high chair and washed her face and hands before tickling her tummy for smiles. “She’s getting so big.” Brian commented while watching. Kevin nodded. “Yeah, she’s gained quite a bit of personality in just the few short weeks she’s been here.” He hoisted her in his arms and headed out of the kitchen.

“Fix this.” he said, before leaving Brian alone in the kitchen.

-
Nick paced the backyard. He couldn’t believe Brian had the audacity to just show up here. He was so mad, so hurt, that he felt like he was coming out of his skin. In hindsight, he should have seen this coming. This was Brian’s MO. He could not wait for you to come to him. If you were mad at him, he would force the issue until he got his way. All Nick had asked for was time to get over the hurtful things he’d thrown at him the last time they spoke. That shouldn’t have been too much to ask for. The fact that it had taken this long, and Nick still hadn’t reached out or replied to him should have clued the older man in on the fact that he went way too far this time.

Nick stiffened as he heard the patio door open and close behind him. He wasn’t sure which one had come out to check on him and at this moment he wasn’t sure which one he wanted to face.

“We need to talk,” Brian said from the patio door.

Nick sighed and turned around to face the man who was supposed to be his best friend. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that.” Nick said honestly, but he crossed the yard to the patio and settled down in Kevin’s rocking chair, taking some semblance of strength and comfort from the scent of Kevin clinging to the old wood.

“Nick.” Brian started, sitting down beside him in the other rocker. “We’ve never been upset with each other this long before. I didn’t know what to do to get you to talk to me. I’m sorry if showing up here upset you, but I can’t keep pretending I’m okay with you ignoring me either.”

“Fuck what you are comfortable with Brian.” Nick said hurtling himself out of the rocker to face the other man. “I came to you, in one of the hardest times of my life, needing assurance and comfort and what do you do? You throw your biblical nonsense at me and tell me I’m wrong for how I feel and how I will feel so much better if I just push those feelings away and work harder on saving my marriage.” Nick spat out.

“Wait a minute,” Brian tried to speak, but was cut off again by Nick’s outburst.

“I LOVE HIM.” Nick screamed, his face turning red from the stain of his voice and the tears he was trying desperately to keep at bay. “I fucking love him. I’ve loved him for as long as I possibly can remember and it is absolutely killing me being here, knowing he doesn’t feel the same. So you know, I go to my best friend, the one who’s supposed to encourage me and support me in everything I do and instead of providing any semblance of support. What do you do brother Brian? You fucking stick the knife in a little bit deeper and you twist it around, spouting your hate and your bullshit beliefs. So fuck you. I don’t need your kind of support. And I certainly don’t need your lame excuses or your attempts at soothing your own conscience. I’ve been doing just fine without you and I can’t tell you when I’ll be ready to talk to you again because right now, I can’t even fucking stand to look at you.”

Nick brushed past the older man and stormed into the house, colliding right into Kevin as he went. He felt himself slipping, feeling the solid mass of the man he loved against him, the tears were overwhelming. He couldn’t do this, not right now. He pushed away from Kevin and quickly left the room. When he got to the stairs, he took them two at a time until he was safely locked inside his bedroom. Only then did he allow the avalanche of tears to fall.

-

Kevin stood gobsmacked in the kitchen. What had just happened. What had he just overheard? Could it possibly be true? The thoughts were racing through his mind so fast couldn’t even grab on to one to see it through. At this point, he wasn’t sure if he should follow and comfort Nick, go outside and interrogate Brian or lay down from the shock of it all. He took several deep breaths to calm his nerves. Had he really just heard Nick screaming that he loved him? Could the stars finally have aligned for them in that way? The possibility of it was leaving him breathless. He’d been trying all week to keep his heart and his mind opened to the possibility that Nick could feel the same, but besides them sleeping together every night, he hadn’t really been able to pinpoint any example that said yes, he really did feel the way Kevin was so desperate for him to.

Kevin didn’t have to decide his next course of action, it was decided for him as Brian opened the door to the kitchen and stepped inside. He looked startled to see Kevin standing in the kitchen. “How much of that did you overhear?” he asked sheepishly.

“Most of it.” Kevin said gruffly.

Brian nodded in resignation. “I really messed up this time.”

“It sounds like it.” Kevin returned, trying to keep any emotion out of his voice.

“Should I go try to get him to talk to me?” Brian asked, his eyes misty with united tears.

Kevin shook his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea right now. I’d at least give him a little bit to calm down before trying again.”

“Did you hear what we were fighting about?” Brian asked softly, refusing to meet his eyes.

“Barely. I’m not sure I understand completely. But I caught the gist.” Kevin didn’t want to press, but the hopefulness of the situation was almost too much to take.

“I guess I’ll go play with the kids and see if he calms down.” Brain said sadly getting up to leave the room.

“How long are you staying?” Kevin asked curiously.

“I’d planned on the weekend, but I guess I’ll play it by ear. If I can’t get him to talk to me I’ll just change my flight and head home. I’m not going to force myself on him in his home if he doesn’t want me here that badly.”

Kevin nodded and suppressed the urge to smile like a loon at the “his home” comment. “Can you keep an eye on the kids for me? I need to call Kristin and check in for tomorrow. Saoirse is napping in the pack and play and the boys are playing Fortnite.”

Brian nodded and left the room. Kevin dug his phone out of his pocket and stepped onto the patio. Dialing Howie’s number as soon as the door closed. He picked up on the third ring.

“Lo,” He sounded distracted.

“Hey, you got a few minutes for me?” Kevin asked softly. He walked out further into the yard, heading down towards the wood line to stay out of earshot of everyone else.

“For you? Always. What’s going on? Everything okay?”

Kevin was quiet for a moment. “Kev?” Howie asked again.

“I’m not entirely sure. Brian’s here.”

“Oookay? Is that a problem?” Howie asked, confused.

“Well normally no, but he and Nick got into it a few weeks ago and Nick had pretty much cut all communication with him. Brian has asked me to intervene and when I started to, Nick asked me to leave it alone, so I did. I didn’t really think much of it until he showed up on the doorstep.”

“Dude, that keeps happening to you. Are you running an orphanage for Backstreet Boys? Will AJ be next? I guess I need to call him and decide who’s turn it is.” Howie said laughing.

Kevin chuckled too. It was pretty comical when you could look at it from an outside perspective. “Okay so here’s where it gets serious and I need your advice. So they had a confrontation in the kitchen and Nick stormed out with quite a bit of colorful language. So I quickly got the kids out of the room and set up in the living room so they wouldn’t know what was going on. In the meantime, apparently Brian went out to confront Nick again. You know how he is when he feels trapped Howie. I’d never seen anything like it. All I know is, I was coming back into the kitchen to see where they ended up and all of a sudden I hear Nick, screaming at the top of his lungs, I love him. So I froze in the kitchen, not sure what to do. Half terrified he was talking about somebody else and half terrified he was talking about me. Then he starts laying into Brian and tells him he’s loved this man forever and then says he’s having trouble being in the house because I don’t feel the same way. Howie, he was talking about me. I’m almost sure of it. He told Brian he loves me. Screamed it. What do I do now?”

Howie let out a whistle. This was getting old. “Holy shit. That’s a lot to unpack. What do you want to do?”

“I want to hold him down until he says it to my face and then I want to do all kinds of things to him that are none of your business and can’t be done with five kids running around.” Kevin said breathlessly.

Howie laughed out loud. "Thanks for sparing me the visual. Where is he now?”

“He went storming into the house away from Brian. If I had to guess he’s locked in his bedroom.” Kevin said, turning to look back at the house. From where he stood at the edge of the woods, there was no movement at all. He wondered how Brian was doing with all the kids at once. He wondered more how the blonde was coping upstairs.

“I think you should give him time to calm down. No good is going to come of pressing him before he’s ready. Give him some space and then when you feel like the moment is right, then you either tell him how you feel, or you show him. Whatever is natural in the moment.” Howie said gently.

Kevin nodded. Could he do that? Could he open up his mouth and say all the things he’d kept buried deep inside for so long? He wasn’t sure, but if there was any sort of chance that Nick felt the same way about him, then he owed it to both of them to open his mouth and do something to change everything for both of them.