The first snowfall, Kevin believed, was always a cause for celebration. When he was a little boy and his father was still alive it was something they celebrated together. Kevin could still remember being woken from a dead sleep by his father, his eyes dancing as he instructed Kevin to get dressed, handing him his winter coat and shoes. He always sat on the edge of Kevin's bed while Kevin hurried to change and bundle up. Once ready to go Kevin's dad would hold a finger to his lips, signaling that they needed to be quiet. Together in the dark they crept out of the house, leaving Kevin's mom and brothers sound asleep. They wandered out into the backyard, a thick layer of snow already coating the frozen hard ground. Kevin stood in the middle of the yard, flakes coming down all around him as he spun in a circle laughing and trying to catch the icy flakes on his warm tongue. They stood outside for what felt like hours, looking at the snow and sharing this very special moment together. After the very first time Kevin had known to expect it. If he heard rumblings of snow coming from school or the news he would go to bed with a giant smile on his face knowing at any moment his bedroom door would creak open and there would be his father, jacket in hand and so excited to venture outside. No one else was ever invited, it was the one thing they shared together that was just theirs and no older brothers were involved, stealing his dad's time and leaving Kevin out of the fun.
Kevin leaned against the couch in his studio and smiled to himself as he remembered the memories. He hadn't always been so serious, so focused and determined. A long time ago, Kevin had been that excited little boy. When he lost his dad, any leftover innocence was taken too. By the time the rest of the guys came into the picture and the group was formed, he had forgotten all about magic and how it truly felt to have the heart of a child. Kevin always felt like that part of him had died that day, buried alongside his father. But it was slowly coming back. Being with Nick, having all these hopes and dreams come true was doing a lot to bring back that childhood wonder and love for things of magic, like the first snowfall.
It just so happened that the snow was scheduled to hit on Christmas eve. He hadn't checked the forecast at first when he'd begun to plan out Nick's Christmas present. At the time the weather wasn't even something that would play a part in his plan. But then his phone alerted him of the possibility of snow, the first snow and he'd been flooded with memories of his father and winters long ago. Every time he tried to think of something else, his mind drifted right back to those cherished images of dancing in the snow with his father. Ashamedly, he'd never done the same with his own boys. He hadn't even really given much thought to the snow or the time with his dad in years. Most of the time he wasn't even home when the first bout of cold and snow ravished Kentucky. But everything was different this year, everything. And all Kevin could think about was snow and how now, somehow, this had to be a part of it. He wanted to make this new memory with Nick.
While he knew no holiday or day for that matter could ever be exactly perfect, he wanted to at least try. After everything they had been through lately, he really needed a win. They were prepared for Santa and for Christmas morning. All gifts had been ordered and wrapped and were currently sitting locked in the studio closet. While they weren't going to have Kevin's boys for Christmas morning, they had already made plans to go to Kristin's to do Santa in the morning with all the kids and then after breakfast they would bring Odin and Saoirse home to unwrap the rest of their presents. The younger ones were still little enough not to care, and Kevin secretly wondered if this would be the last year Mason would believe. He didn't want to mention that fact, too scared that if he said it out loud it would come true. He wasn't ready to admit his oldest was old enough to stop believing in Santa.
They would get the boys back on Sunday night, allowing the boys extended time with Kristin. It was also to assist with Nick's Christmas present but he didn't know that yet. He smiled to himself thinking about his plans. She would also be keeping the younger two overnight as well. The original plan was for her to keep them on Saturday night into Sunday, but now with the snow coming, Kevin had to figure out if the snowfall was worth changing his plans for. Well, not changing them, just speeding up the timeline a bit.
He checked the forecast again. Almost a foot of snow was expected to fall beginning at dawn on Christmas eve. Nick had never seen snow like this before. His mind made up, Kevin dialed the familiar number to change his plans.
--
Kevin was acting weird, he was almost… giddy. Nick had never seen him this way and honestly, it was starting to scare him. It started sometime Sunday night and there had been no mention, no defining moment that Nick could point to and say that's what caused it. It was nice, very nice to see Kevin all smiles at every turn. But that wasn't Kevin and now Nick was growing concerned his boyfriend had been replaced by a pod person. Perhaps Kevin usually got this excited about Christmas. Admittedly they hadn't spent the holidays together in several years and never after they'd started having kids, so maybe this really did happen every year. Whatever had happened, he wouldn't talk about it. Every time Nick brought up his good mood Kevin just assured him he was fine, just finally happy. That always shut Nick up with a smile. He loved being part of what made Kevin happy. After all, he had his own permanent grin every time Kevin was in his general vicinity. Kevin had made him extremely happy too. He had no idea when this hellish year had started, that it could end with them finally at this place. Finally together and working towards building a life not only for themselves, but also for their kids.
The feeling was indescribable and Nick had always been awful with words so he struggled to really define and explain to Kevin how much he meant to him. He'd tried. His first idea for Kevin's Christmas present had been a letter. That was scrapped very quickly. Nothing made sense, it seemed flat and Nick didn't even feel anything after he read it. He wanted to give Kevin something that would touch him and mean something to him, not just a watch or a book. This had to be personal, this had to be special. It was their first Christmas together and Kevin meant everything to him. So why was this so hard? Was he really that clueless about life and love that he couldn't put pen to paper and write his love what he felt in his heart? Maybe it was just the fact that he never excelled in writing, as a musician it was a hard thing to admit. Nick wondered if bus school played a part in it or if he was always destined to suck at it. Didn't matter, he couldn't change the outcome now.
He stretched out on the floor in Saoirse's room as he watched her play. He spent a lot of time thinking lately about the past and how he and his children had gotten to this point. For the longest time, he'd been afraid to think beyond the past, to hope or to dream about what his future could hold. Sure he and Kevin talked in future tense, made references to their lives together and great things to come. But in the back of his mind, Nick was always hesitant to imagine, to dream too far into the future. Anytime he'd ever done that the worst would happen and his world would bottom out and then where did that leave him? Slowly, probably much too slowly for Kevin's liking, this was beginning to change. For the first time Nick could start imagining what the next year or two could hold and know that it had a very good chance of coming true. Kevin did that, Kevin gave him back his ability to dream by providing him love, security and comfort. How was he ever supposed to express all of that in just one Christmas gift? Kevin has spent Nick's whole life helping to mold and shape him into the man he was today, and then, when the time was right and they both were ready, Kevin was showing him how to love and be loved, how to be a better person, a better man. He owed everything to Kevin, his whole life, his heart.
Maybe he could work on a song, put lines down and see where that got him. Maybe, just maybe, if it were good enough he could convince Kevin to record it. A fire began inside him, a thrill so invigorating it demanded to be set free. How wonderful would it be if Kevin recorded a song that Nick wrote for him, about him, about their love? The smile grew as his baby girl shoved a block in her mouth and slobbered all over it before taking it out and handing it to him. He needed to get some paper.
--
It was Kevin’s turn to grow suspicious. For the last two days every time he saw Nick his head was buried in a notepad, scribbling furiously across the page. Kevin had made the terrible mistake of trying to take a peek and Nick had shrieked, jumping from the couch and sprinting up the stairs. The whole thing had happened so fast that Kevin stood dumbstruck in the middle of the living room. Once his mind had proceeded what had happened he chuckled to himself, his curiosity now peaked ten fold. He had tried to ask Nick about it later, but the younger man had shut down, insisting it was just something private he was working on. Kevin tried to accept that, give him the privacy he so obviously wanted, but the not knowing was driving Kevin insane. Which that in of itself drove Kevin insane. He was not typically impatient by things like this, preferring to allow people to come to him rather than force things out of them, but this time, especially with Nick it was difficult. Kevin didn't like that either.
--
"Do you mind helping Odin and Saoirse get ready for bed? I want to finish what I'm working on and I'm running out of time." Nick asked sweetly as they cleared the dishes from dinner.
Kevin turned to him, one bushy eyebrow raised as he smirked at the other man. "Is this the same top secret project you won't tell me anything about?" Kevin inquired.
The grin in Nick's face expanded. "The one and the same."
Kevin looked at him, leaning against the island, his hair a mess and his shirt covered with half of Saoirse's spilled dinner. Nick had never looked more beautiful. Kevin dropped the last of the dishes in the sink, determined to deal with them later and crossed to where Nick stood. He placed either of his hands on each side of Nick, backing him up into the cool surface of the island top. He dropped his head down to brush his lips sweetly across the blonde. When they broke apart Kevin smiled at him. "Anything for you, love."
Nick smiled back and wrapped his arms around Kevin's neck, pulling the other man closer. He placed several kisses up and down the exposed flesh before burying his face in the spot between Kevin's neck and collar bone. Kevin wrapped his arms around him tightly, holding him in place tightly against him.
"I love you, Nicky." Kevin said against the top of Nick's hair.
"I love you more Kev." Nick mumbled against the heated skin of Kevin’s neck.
They stood like that for several moments, holding each other like they never wanted to let go. Nick pushed his hips into Kevin's and smiled when he heard the small gasp of breath from the older man. Liking the response, he did it again and started this assault to Kevin's neck. Kevin moaned and pushed him further onto the island, grounding their hips together. It was Nick's turn to moan and he his grip around Kevin's neck increased, trying desperately to hold on and stay upright. Kevin caught Nick's bottom lip with his own and pulled the other man in for a steamy kiss that left them both panting and wanting more. Just as Kevin reached out to touch the bulge that was growing rapidly in Nick's pants, Odin came barreling into the kitchen. They broke apart instantly and Kevin scooped Odin up in his arms to allow Nick time to adjust himself. Kevin glanced over at the blonde and smiled triumphantly as his face was flushed red, eyes closed tightly and his chest heaving as he tried desperately to catch his breath. Kevin leaned over and kissed his cheek gently.
"You go do whatever you need to do baby, I got the kids."
Nick gave him a soft smile, finally opening one eye to look at him. "Thanks baby,"
Kevin smirked. "You might however, start with a cold shower."
--
After the iciest shower Nick could stand he still didn't feel any less affected by Kevin's advances. Damn him. Nick pulled the notebook out of his nightstand drawer where he was keeping it stashed and spread out on their bed. Laying on his stomach with the notebook in front of him he debated and fiddled with the wording as he tried to get it just right. The scent of Kevin was everywhere in the room and all over the blankets filling him with immediate comfort as well as causing his already heated body to respond. He needed to chill the hell out if he was ever going to get this song finished. He had the chorus down, that came very easily to him and he was actually really proud of it. Writing lyrics had never come especially easy for him, not as much as it did for the other guys. This was a big undertaking and he hadn't left himself much time. The good thing was that if he fumbled or messed up the wording that once Kevin got it he would know exactly how to fix it and make it right.
The first part also came together easier than Nick anticipated. The words just seemed to pour out of him and he only had to do small edits to get them how he wanted it to sound. It was the second verse after the first chorus that was keeping him stumped. Nothing wanted to flow together and he kept writing and then erasing everything he put to paper, none of it good enough for Kevin's Christmas present.
Nick rolled on his back and stared up at the ceiling fan, watching it circle slowly around and around. Maybe when all of this was over he should take a songwriting class. That could possibly make things easier for him in the long run.
He remembered the first time he'd ever written anything. They were in the Bahamas so many years ago, writing for their next record and he had been sent to his room until he could produce something of substance after being caught doing one too many pranks and not working. He'd been so embarrassed, so frustrated. He couldn't tell the other guys how much he was struggling with the actual writing part and that's why he spent all his time pranking and goofing off instead of writing. Nick had barely been 20, every bit of a lost kid at that time. After being yelled at for being childish and a distraction ]his shoulders had sunk and he'd fled from the room before any of them could see the tears fall. Once he was safely back in his own room he'd flung himself on the bed and cried until his throat was sore.
He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he remembered he woke up to the gentle strokes of someone rubbing his back. He rolled over and was shocked to see Kevin perched on the edge of the bed, his green eyes filled with concern. He'd reached up and brushed a lock of blonde hair off Nick's forehead before cupping his cheek in his larger hand. "What's going on Nicky?" he'd asked so softly Nick wasn't even sure he'd actually spoken.
Nick shrugged and looked away, the argument with the other guys hitting him full force as he remembered the angry things they had said. "I can't do this Kev, I'm not good at it. I don't know the right things to say in most situations, let alone in a song. I suck and I'll make the record suck or you'll all laugh at what I write."
Nick refused to look at him, instead focusing on a piece of imaginary lint stuck to the top of the bedspread. Kevin watched him for a moment before reaching out his hand and gently raising Nick's chin to make him look up. Once their eyes met Kevin gave him a soft smile.
"Nicholas, you are smart, strong and capable. You can do anything you put your brilliant mind to. You can do this, you're doubting yourself too much to allow your creativity to flow free. Clear your mind and then write down how you feel, about anything. Life, love, friendship, any of those things can spawn great lyrics. We're not looking for complete songs here, get some lyrics down on paper and then we can all work together to make something of them. This is what brainstorming is. The nice thing about being in a group is you have four other people to work together with, to bounce ideas off of and to grow with. That's why we're here. Don't shut yourself out and think you're not good enough, because you are, baby, you're amazing and you're going to do great things. You'll see."
Nick remembered every single thing about that encounter. Looking back on it now, Nick believed it was probably when he first felt a spark for Kevin. A tiny ember of love that came from someone taking the time to understand his insecurities and instead of laughing or shoving it aside, Kevin met it head on and instead encouraged him not only to do the task at hand but to be better overall. No one had ever told him he was smart or capable of anything before. He'd never had that encouragement from his family or school or anything else. It was like somehow without the words every being said, Kevin understood he needed someone to believe in him, believe he could actually do something. Kevin's encouragement and understanding had made all the difference in him and he'd actually been able to sit down and contribute quite a bit to the writing process.
Thinking about it now gave him goosebumps. Had Kevin loved him even then? That had been almost twenty years ago, it seemed insane to think about it now, especially when moments like that felt like yesterday. Defining moments in Nick's life that now in all actuality were probably defining moments in their relationship without either of them even knowing. Nick smiled as he snuggled deeper into the mattress. If he was being honest, almost all of his defining moments in life included Kevin in some way, some more than others. He'd spent so much time pinning for the other man and so much time wishing they could be together, that Kevin could ever love him. Then in his worst moments he would stumble into Kevin's arms, begging his older brother, his band mate, to make everything better, to fix his heartache, all the while wanting nothing more than for Kevin to see him. And now he did, how in the world did Nick end up so lucky? Inspired now from his trip down memory lane, Nick rolled back over and began scribbling once again.
--
"How do you feel about Kristin keeping all the kids tomorrow night so they can all wake up together for Santa on Christmas morning?" Kevin asked rolling over to gauge Nick's reaction.
Nick propped himself up by his elbow on their bed later that night. He looked at Kevin quizzically. "Where did this idea come from?"
Kevin smiled, trying to keep the bigger grin off his face. He didn't want to give too much away. "Well to be perfectly honest, I was going to have her keep them on Christmas so I could give you your present later in the day on Christmas but there's somethings that have changed and I now want to give you your present tomorrow instead and if it goes how I hope it will, we will want time to ourselves after."
Nick stared at him for a moment. "It's not some kind of weird sex thing is it?"
Kevin’s laugh shook the bed as he laughed so hard he ended up with tears in his eyes. "What the hell Nick!"
Nick laughed too. "Hey I'm just trying to figure out what kind of present involves not wanting children in the house."
"You'll see." Kevin said, his green eyes twinkling in the bedside lamp light.
Nick was silent for a moment. In all his haste to create the perfect gift for Kevin he never really stopped to think about what Kevin would be giving him. Now the curiosity was killing him.
"Nick," Kevin asked gently after several moments of silence. "Are you okay with Kristin keeping the kids?"
"Are you sure she doesn't mind. I mean it's a little strange to ask your ex-wife to watch the kids of her ex-husband's lover so they can have time together for Christmas." Nick said, glancing at him uneasily.
Kevin nodded. "Yeah, I mean to other people sure, it's weird. But you know first hand that my relationship with Kristin isn't like other divorced couples. We're closer than that and she knows how much I love you. Hell she loves you herself and those kids."
Nick smiled, his cheeks tinting red. He couldn't remember ever having people care about him this way outside of just brotherly love then guys felt towards him. "Yeah I'm okay with it as long as it doesn't put her out."
Kevin smiled and pulled Nick to him until Nick's head rested against Kevin's chest, their legs tangling together in the familiarity of their bodies coming together. They were quiet, just holding each other for a long stretch of time before Nick pulled away to look up at him.
"Hey Kev," Nick said softly.
"Hmm?" Kevin mumbled sleepily, opening one eye.
"Do you think, I mean depending on how this goes, it could all change if we don't get it, but I was thinking, maybe."
Kevin cut him off and stared down at him, both eyes completely open now. "Slow down. What is it baby?"
Nick took a deep breath and then tried again. "If we end up getting custody, if we win, do you think all the kids can always spend Christmas eve in the same house?"
Kevin felt a tug at his heart. How did this man constantly do these things to make him fall even more in love with him over and over again? He leaned down and brushed a kiss across Nick's forehead. "We will win. Don't worry about that. But yes, I think we can talk to Kristin and see if she objects, but I seriously doubt she would have any issue with it."
Nick smiled. "I just thought it would be nice if they got used to all being together for Christmas. Waking up in the same house and not doing Santa at two different places."
Kevin rolled to the side to flip off the light before pulling Nick even closer to his body. "I think it's the best idea. I love you, so much."
Nick buried his head against Kevin's chest. "I love you too." They drifted off both dreaming of Christmas gifts and new traditions.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Merry Christmas! Thank you so much for giving me an outlet to deal with my stress and anxiety. I am so thankful you've been enjoying the story and the love between these two.
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas! Let me know what you think about the Christmas gifts!
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas! Let me know what you think about the Christmas gifts!
