That's when thoughts of Alyssa snapped into his head. He wished that things could have been different. He still didn't understand how their love, a love that the great poets wrote of, simply vanished. It was all mind boggling, and now that he thought about it, he would willingly go back and change some things, keep their small family together instead of growing so far apart. Maybe if he would have came home more often, and talked more to Alyssa on the phone. He knew she needed him, but he was too busy caught up in the whirlwind the elite called 'The Entertainment Business'. He remember there were times when he and Alyssa would be talking about daily agendas and then she would break down and beg for him to come home, just for a few hours. Why? Because she needed him. Not just Tyler. She, his wife, the mother of his child, the woman he supposedly loved needed him, but he always refused claiming he had way too much stuff to do. Of course it broke her heart and finally she stopped asking and surrendered to the arrangment.
Nick groaned as he sorted through all the stacks of papers from previous years. There were so many contracts that now no longer existed. He tossed them all through the paper shredder with a small smile on his face. That chapter of his life was closing and with it a new door was opening, but to what, he had no clue. All he knew, was that he was going to be the father Alyssa always wanted him to be. He was going to turn over a new leaf and show her that he was capable of taking care of a kid.
Hell, maybe even he and Alyssa could patch things up. He knew that would be a one in a million chance. He'd already pushed her away, to the point where she could barely tolerate him. Of course, he couldn't blame her. A marriage without love was stupid and it would never work. He thought that maybe they could start over, get to know each other again. It was a plan. A plan that needed to be considered and weighed out for all pros and cons.
Alyssa was busy working one of the longest days of her life. She decided to wear heels, which turned out to be a very bad idea. Her toes, her ankles, everything was sore. But she knew she had to deal with it, she wanted the money and by God she was going to get it. That made her smile. She loved earning her own money. Sure, she hadn't revieved her first check yet, but that would be in another week. She'd thought about framing the thing when she got it, but instead decided to open her very own bank account!
"Excuse me, Miss?" A teenaged boy said walking up to her counter.
Alyssa gave the kid a smile. "Can I help you?" She politely asked.
"I was wondering where I would find the Lord Of The Rings books?" He shyly asked.
She gave him another gentle smile and pointed to an aisle about twenty feet away. "Down aisle three, I believe they are on the third shelf towards the end."
"Thanks a lot." And the boy ran off, anxiously waiting to get his hands on the popular material.
Not long after, the boy was back with the book he was looking for and after a few moments was on his way, bouncing lightly. Apparently he couldn't wait to read his selection.
Finally after another four grueling hours, Alyssa was able to go home. She slipped her shoes off and was greeted by three new red blisters. She sighed. She needed to get some more comfortable shoes, but she had no money. She could always go to Nick. But the moment she thought of that, she scolded herself for even thinking those thoughts. She limped over to the bar where the mail was and saw a letter for her.
"Now who would be sending me mail?" She mumbled out loud, ripping the envelope open. She stopped dead in her tracks at the familiar handwriting. It was Nicks. She debated whether or not she wanted to read it or not.
The door opened with the sound of keys jingling, and in walked Kerri, carrying three full bags of groceries. Alyssa dropped the letter and ran to help the struggling woman. "Thanks." She mumbled, catching her breath. "So, did you have a good day at work?" Kerri asked, starting to put the yummy looking food up.
Alyssa grabbed some as well and started putting it all in their assigned places. "It was alright. I found three new blisters." She chuckled.
"Ah lovely. Poor thing, but don't fret, I picked you up something that might help." She smiled, reaching into one of the bags and pulled out some ointments and some band-aids.
Alyssa enthusiastically grabbed the two products and ran to the couch. "Thanks so much!" She hollared, already feeling the healing sensation of the ointment.
"Don't mention it." She smiled, throwing away the grocery bags. She looked across the counter towards Alyssa when an open envelope with Alyssa's name written on it. It was obvious it hadn't been sent through the mail. There was no postage stamp nor any address on it. It just had the name Alyssa Carter written on it. "Hey Lyss, what's this for?" Kerri asked holding up the envelope.
Alyssa looked her way and shrugged her shoulders. "I haven't read it yet. But I do know its from Nick."
"How so?" She asked looking around the outside of the envelope for any clues. She didn't dare peek inside the broken seal.
"It's his hand writing." She said matter-of-factly, like anyone should have known that.
"Well aren't you going to read it?" Kerri wanted to know the contents of the letter, it was bugging the crap out of her.
"Yes, I'm going to read it. But not now, later. I've got some things to do right now." She sighed as she finshed bandaging her feet up. She grabbed the letter from Kerri and disappeared into her beadroom, shutting the door and giggling when she heard a dissapointed groan from Kerri.
Alyssa sat down at her desk and sorted through some papers she had brought home earlier in the week. They were divorce papers. They were something that she dreaded, but she knew would become the inevitable. She sighed loudly. She didn't want to do this. Every part of her body told her it was the right thing to do, ever part that is, except her heart. The one organ that knew when the one she loved was nearby. She sighed and threw the papers back on the desk. She couldn't bring herself to do it. She'd always thought it was wrong, but what could she do? They couldn't stay separated for their entire lives, never knowing again what it is to feel loved or to feel the touch of another human being. She glanced back at the papers and right beside them was the note Nick had sent her. Maybe he'd sent her divorce papers as well. She chuckled. That would be a surprise. He sure as hell wanted her out of his life. But why?
That was always the question she came back to. Why. A three letter word that plagued her so much. She could never understand what drove Nick away. She could never understand why he became so distant. She'd never understand how their love could just simply vanish. It was all giving her a headache. She marched over to the desk and hovered over the letter, sporadically reaching out to grab it, but pulling her hand back.
"Oh God Alyssa, get a hold of yourself, you're acting like a damn baby." She solded herself, angrily clutching the letter. She finished ripping open the seal and pulled out two pages with Nick's scribble on there. She unknowing smiled as she sat down on her bed in the dim light of the evening.
Alyssa,
Hey. I don't even know why I am writing this letter, or what posessed me to do so. I just know that I had an impulse to sit down and write out my emotions and what I'm feeling. Tyler's just fine, so there's no need to worry about him. Ms. Forrester is wonderful with him and I must say Tyler likes her a lot. They've gone to the zoo this week and Tyler came back with lots of information that he shared with me. Everyday he amazes me. I didn't think he could comprehend half the stuff he does, but every night as I sit down to tuck him into bed he shines light on some information that I honestly have no idea as to where he learned it from. I really love our son. I truly respect you for all that you've done with him.
Alyssa, I don't know what it was that drove us apart. But I do know that it was my fault. I was sitting at my desk today thinking about the past five years. I remembered how you used to plead for me to come home, but I never did. You wanted me to come home for you, not for Tyler, but for you. And like a selfish asshole I never did. I was selfish Alyssa, a selfish bastard. And I truly am sorry. I never ment to hurt you. I swear to you that I didn't.
I guess all those nights of being alone brought me to believe that I didn't need a family. That I was perfectly content without having my family around. I was dead wrong, and these past three weeks made me realize that.
I sat down today, and went through all of my contracts. I looked at all of them, and they no longer brought me comfort or job like they used to. Instead, they brought back horrible memories of how I used to neglect you and Tyler. I shredded the Alyssa, I shredded them all. I've ended that chapter of my life. Now, I want to be a father. The best damn father there is. I want to prove to you that I am capable of taking care of our son.
Now I don't know where that leaves us. But I know I loved you more than words can express. I still care Alyssa, I always have. Even during those times when it seemed as if my heart was cold as ice, I still cared for you. I know I don't deserve a chance. But I was wondering if we could start over, get to know each other again. I don't know what the future holds, but I want to give us another chance. Let's try to date again, and then see where it leads us. I know this is a lot to think about and I know that I don't deserve a chance in heaven or hell, but please at least consider my offer.
Always,
Nick
Alyssa sat the letter down beside her. The tears were flowing freely. He wanted to try again? Was it even possible? What brought on the change? So many questions and possibilities were running through her head. All were jumbled and formed a massive headache that caused her to sleep hard that night. She couldn't forget the letter, no matter how hard she tried. Her dreams were filled with Nick. He was sincere, she knew that. He wasn't pulling her leg nor was he trying to be an egotistical prick. She truly believed he wanted to try. God she loved him still. But she didn't know if she was strong enough to handle it again.
