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Thanks to Anita, frackandbonechick, AJsSweety, dancinpacer03, Anastacia and Jamelet for reviewing chapter 27. Enjoy 28. I can't wait to hear what everyone thinks!

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Amber sighed as she wrote out her thoughts in a blank notebook she’d bought at the drugstore a block away from the hotel. She’d had Nick walk with her there, but wait for her at the front of the store while she purchased what she needed to get. Her thoughts were all a jumble, and she had a hard time speaking them aloud, but scribbling the words down on paper made her thoughts make a lot more sense. It was unraveling her thoughts, making her express things she’d never known she’d felt until she re-read her words on the lined paper.

Tapping her pen lightly on the pad of paper, she thought of what else she could write. She felt the need to get everything down on paper from the past month that night. She had to, for she was on a role. Plus, she wanted a complete book of her thoughts, feelings, fears, emotions. She wanted everyone to know how she felt. The book was more of an explanation to he Boys of what she could not tell them in words rather than a diary or journal kept for her own private thoughts only. She wanted them to know everything. Especially Kevin, Howie and Brian, since they were the ones she was least comfortable with and the three Boys who knew the least of her. This way, all five of them would be on the same page as the others.
Amber wished that she could have been stronger through all of this. But every time she thought that things were getting better, another obstacle stepped in her way, blocking her path to recovery. Because of that, it made her trying to get over the incident all the harder and nearly impossible. She hoped that Nick wouldn’t hate her for doing what she felt was necessary. She loved Nick like a brother and hoped that he would understand, or at least understand after time. She didn’t want to hurt any of them, for they had been so kind to her over the past month.

Amber wrote down the last of her thoughts, which had taken up a grand total of five hours of her time and over twenty pages of writing. When she was done, she flipped to the front of the notebook to a letter she had written so that it would be the first thing that was seen and read when the Boys found the book of writing.

Getting up, she walked over to the entertainment center that the TV was sitting on, placing the notebook on top of it. With a deep breath, Amber closed her eyes. She opened them and calmly walked out of the room and in to the bedroom. She sat on the bed and grabbed her purse, opening it and pulling out a small brown bag. Opening it, she pulled out a bottle of sleeping pills that she had bought at the drugstore along with the notebook. She peeled off the plastic ring that surrounded the lid, then uncapped the bottle. She took out the cotton swab that was at the top of most bottles of pills, tossing it aside, pouring a handful of the pills into her palm. The bottle contained seventy-five pills. She was guessing that she held at least half of them in her hand. Taking a bottle of water from the night stand that she’d placed there ahead of time to be prepared, she poured half of the pills into her mouth with tears starting to fall out of her eyes. An eerie sense of calmness came over her that somewhat scared her. Amber didn’t think that she should be this calm, but figured it would make it easier. She’d endured enough pain in the past month. The sooner she did this, the sooner the pain would be gone. It was time, in her mind, for her to be in peace once more. With a gulp of water, she swallowed the pills, pouring the rest in to her mouth and washing them down. Amber squeezed her eyes shut, laying down on the bed near the edge. She wondered if half the bottle would be enough, having no regrets for what she had done. She begun to choke on her sobs, knowing that in a matter of hours, she would no longer be existing. There was no turning back time now, and she was fine with that. All she could do was lye there and wait.

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“Hey, have you seen Amber?” Nick asked Brian and Howie, barging into the lounge that they were watching TV in.

He stationed himself behind the ivory leather couch tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for an answer from his two friends.

“Nope,” Howie replied, “Why would we know where she is? She hides from us, remember?” he added.

“Yeah,” Brian added, turning around to face Nick, “You’d know better than we would. You or A.J.” he scowled.

Nick sighed. He didn’t know where she was, and could tell that the two men before him weren’t going to be much of a help. Brian, it seemed, was becoming bitter about Amber not opening up to him quite as quickly as him and A.J...or even Kevin, for that matter. Brian and Howie were both not getting much of a response from Amber.

“Aje doesn’t know either, and neither does Kev,” Nick explained, “Well, if you hear from her, let me know.” he grumbled, his voice troubled.

“Don’t you have a spare key to her room?” Howie brought up, “I could have sworn that you did.”

Nick nodded, “Yes, but I want to respect her privacy. I’ve been knocking on the door, but she doesn’t answer.”

“Probably asleep,” Brian responded, turning his attention back to the movie, “Don’t worry about it. Try again in a few hours or so.”

“Don’t you even care that something could be wrong?” Nick growled, “This is not like her at all. She always answers for me.”

“Of course Nick,” Howie replied, “But nothing is wrong. If there was, we would have been informed by now, don’t you think? Maybe she just wants to be left alone right now and is sick of you bugging her half out of her mind.”

Nick rolled his eyes, “Thanks for the help guys,” he muttered unkindly before walking out of the room. He had hoped that his friends would have offered him some advice, or at least words of consolation. He hadn’t received either though. Nick found it odd that Amber didn’t open the door when he knocked. Asleep or not, she always answered. This time, she wasn’t. He had to wonder if she had snuck off somewhere. Maybe gone down to the pool. Nick immediately exited that thought from his mind. She was paranoid about the Boys seeing her in a swimsuit. There was no way she would expose herself to complete strangers.

“Hey Nick,” Kevin greeted, walking past the solemn man, stopping in the middle of the hall, “You find Amber yet?” he asked
Nick shook his head, “No. Not yet.” his shoulders slumped as he looked towards the ground. He didn’t want Kevin to see that he was worried, and his eyes would give that away.

“I’m sure everything is fine,” he told Nick, giving him a pat on the back, “Don’t forget, we have to leave for a meeting in an hour, then we have a show at eight.”

“How could I forget,” Nick muttered as Kevin strode past him to get to his own room. Nick sighed, going in to his own room, which was conjoined with Kevin’s. He wished he knew something, anything. Then a sudden thought struck him. What if Amber had decided to go back with her mother after all? True, she’d seemed less than thrilled when the woman had called two days prior, but what if she’d changed her mind? Nick knew that back in the beginning, Amber had missed her parents very much. He paced pack and forth across the decently sized suite. The more he thought of it, the more the wondered if that is what she did. The thought put his stomach in knots. But wouldn’t she have left a note? Anything for them to see that said she had left.

Nick immediately flew from his room and across the hall to Ambers. He knocked loudly, banging on the door.

“Amber,” he called, then yelled her name more loudly.

He waited for a good two minutes still getting no response. He dug his hand into the pocket of his jeans, grabbing her room key. Fumbling with it, he finally slid it in to the door. He turned the handle and walked inside.

“Amber,” he called out, searching for her. She was nowhere to be seen, but her suitcases were till in the room. Nick knew that Amber would not leave without her belongings, so she had to still be in the hotel at least. The question was where?

Nick searched the room, the bathroom, the small living room area, even the balcony, but still could not find his friend. His heart thudded in his chest as he began to panic. Nick never knew he could feel so strongly about a person in five short weeks, but he had grown close to Amber, taking her in when she needed somebody. He needed her too, in different ways. It wasn’t like Amber to disappear without telling him, or A.J. at least. Something had to be wrong.

Nick continued to search for Amber, slowly about to give up hope. He could not find her anywhere. He was on his way out of the living room of her suite when a notebook on the small entertainment center caught his eye. He dove for it so quickly, he was surprised he didn’t ram his head into the dresser. Heart thudding in his chest, Nick, with trembling fingers, picked up the notebook. He hoped that it said where Amber had disappeared to. As his eyes quickly but carefully scanned over the letter, what he read, he was not nearly prepared for.

Nick, A.J, Kevin, Howie and Brian
I just wanted to thank you all for being so great to me in the time that I knew you. You took me in when I needed a place to stay, without even knowing me. You will never know how much I appreciate it, and I am sorry that I didn’t say it enough in person to your face. I’m also sorry that I never really took the time to get to know all of you. It is one thing that I do regret. A.J. and Nick...especially you, Nick, thanks for being so good with me and patient. You were such great friends to me. Nick, tell your sisters and Aaron that I had a great time over Christmas with them. Kevin, I’m sorry I was so cold towards you and didn’t open up to you sooner. You would have been an amazing friend to confide in. Howie and Brian...all I can say to you is I am sorry for not giving you more of a chance. I guess what I am saying, or trying to get at, is that I could not take anymore pain. I’ve been depressed for a while now, since the rape happened and I came to accept it. I just hid it so you wouldn’t have any extra burdens to worry about in your life, as I knew that you had plenty of your own, let alone mine to add to it. I can’t carry on anymore though. Things keep coming up, bringing back memories that I’d rather not think about, so after today, I won’t have to. Behind this letter is a complete journal of everything I thought and went though. Maybe it will help you understand better. Please don’t hate me for this. It is what I want. Just know that, if it helps. I love you all and thanks again for everything.
Amber

Nick could swear that he had stopped breathing had while he read the letter. The letter that appeared to be telling the Boys that she had ended her life. His heart hammered in his chest. His whole body was shaking out of control. All he could think was that Amber couldn’t and wouldn’t go as far as to kill herself. He knew that she was still upset over some things, but he though that having him to talk to was enough to help her. He had thought that she was doing good and was strong enough to carry on. This was the very last thing that he would have expected. The notebook dropped from Nick’s hands as he turned around and fled from the room, wondering where Amber was. The sooner he found her, the better her chances would be of being found alive. He didn’t know what he would do if she wasn’t found alive. She was an important part of his life. It would be like he was losing a sister. That thought made him move even quicker, if that was possible, although it seemed time was going in slow motion.

“Amber,” he shouted at the top of his lungs, tears of fear coming down his face. His voice was unstable, “Amber, where are you.” he called again, “Please, Amber. Answer me.”

He rounded the suite three times without finding her and was about to exit the bedroom to look elsewhere in the hotel when something caught his eye. He turned around and slowly walked towards what he thought he saw. He was afraid of what he might find. Sure enough, it was Amber lying on her stomach in the small, narrow crevice between the bed and the wall.

“Oh, God no,” he whispered fearfully, his breath catching in his throat as he begun to choke on his sobs.

As he moved closer to Amber, he noticed a medium-sized bottle of what appeared to be a sleeping aide of some sort lying on the bed with the cap off. He didn’t take the time to see if the bottle was empty or not, knowing that it would be using time that he did not have, as he immediately pushed the bed away from the wall further, dropping to his knees quickly and heavily. His movements were swift and quick, adrenaline rushing through his body at a speed he’d only seen in the movies. All he knew was that he’d never been so afraid in his life as he was right then. He gently but quickly turned Amber over on to her back, hoping that she had only decided to take enough to put her to sleep for a couple of hours. Her skin was cool to the touch though, her body feeling lifeless in his arms, which put Nick’s stomach in even greater turmoil. Once on her back, Nick got a good look at her face. She was pale, her lips had a bluish cast to them. Her eyes were closed to all but small slits. It appeared her eyes were rolled into the back of her head. Nick just screamed.