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Kevin's relentless pounding began to give me a headache so after a few minutes I decided to let him in. I opened the door enough to just be able to stick my head out but it was useless because the minute that door opened, Kevin pushed his way inside actually knocking me down.

"Why the hell didn't you answer me? Do you have ANY idea how worried we were about you?" He screamed at me as he gave me his hand and helped me up.

"And what the hell was all that banging and screaming about? I thought someone was killing you or something!" I looked into his menacing green eyes and relaxed when I saw the deep concern that was reflected in them. Concern was better than anger when dealing with Kevin.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to be worried. I was just yelling at my cell phone."

"I see it must have lost the battle then" Howie said as he entered the room with Joe. I was trying to make sense of what D had said so to help me he pointed at my cracked phone that was now lying on the floor. I just nodded and smiled suddenly feeling a little too uncomfortable to be the center of all the attention. I used to enjoy that, but ever since I had made my way back to BSB, being the center of attention meant that everyone was mad at you.

Joe looked at the three of us like we were all insane before looking at me to give him some kind of sign as to whether I wanted him to leave or not. "Joe, sorry they came and got you for no reason, go eat some lunch or something." With that being said he left the room, leaving me with my two eldest bandmates.

Howie reached down and picked up my phone noticing that there was still some broken glass on the floor. "Um...what else did you break Nicky?" He asked me while cleaning the last few pieces of glass. He looked in the garbage can and said "Oh, I see..nevermind. Looks like the score is Nick one, phone and glass nothing!" he laughed at his own awful joke and sat on my bed.

Kevin continued to stare at me until it made me uncomfortable. I was the first to break eye contact and sat down next to Howie. Only after I was seated Kevin moved a chair right across from me as if he wanted the staring match to continue. I was getting angry now.

"So what the hell are you guys doing here anyway? I thought we had said all that needed to be said at our little meeting, unless you have a whole nother list of complaints you want to pass my way!" I was trying to be as sarcastic as possible. Nobody laughed.

"Nicky, we know what we said hurt you before. We" I cut Howie off right there. "Howie it was them not you, you didn't say anything. Do you want to now? is that why you're here?" I knew he was only trying to help but it was always easiest to attack him when I was mad mostly because I knew he would never lay a hand on me. I wasn't expecting what came next.

"Yes, actually, sure why not, let me have my say. I kept quiet in that meeting today because I didn't want them to blind side you. I did agree with one thing that was said though," I was speechless, Howie's tone was loud and intimidating. "I agree that you should have done something just for you! Never put business first, if that had meant telling us to screw off to go to college, than that's what you should have done!" He then grabbed me by my shoulders and actually SHOOK me when he said "And another thing kid, how can you possibly think we don't care about you? I am personally offended by that!" He then pulled me into an embrace. He hugged me so tight that I started to cry. Two minutes later there was another warm body hugging me from behind and I suddenly felt so safe that I wanted to fall asleep.

We broke from our embrace and I suddenly felt like an idiot because I had cried. Kevin handed me some tissues and I gratefully accepted them. He sat next to me putting his arm around me. "Kiddo, we never wanted you to quit. You have to understand that. we love you Nicky and we really didn't mean to hurt you. That wasn't the intention."

I looked over at Kevin and said "Then what was the intention? You guys must have known that by saying that stuff I would get all upset!" I looked over to D for some kind of answer. He was looking at Kevin.

"Yeah Nick we figured that what we said would upset you but we had no idea how you were feeling."

That made me sit up a little straighter. "I know you didn't know how I was feeling because since February, you guys haven't much asked." I felt the need to stand up so I did and began to pace around the room. "I know you guys were mad at me for doing this but it's something I had to do" I looked over at Kevin "That's why maybe I should quit. I can't deal with you guys resenting me and not being happy for me. It hurts too much. I'm tired of hurting too much."

They both looked a little shocked by the last statement, like they didn't realize that maybe I had a tough year. On cue Howie said "Why do you hurt? What's wrong Nick?"

I laughed, "Well...D. It's not easy making a huge decision with essentially no support. It's not easy..it hasn't been easy...losing you guys." Even saying those words hurt. I didn't want to lose them but I had. They did everything as a foursome now and what's worse they looked happy doing it. somehow I felt out of place. I just needed to admit that to them as well as myself.

Feeling the need to start crying again I opted for the safe very Nick thing to do, put on the TV and flip through the channels. That didn't last long because Kevin immediately shut it off.

"You haven't lost us Nick, we have been right here all along." I wanted to stop him afraid that he would burst into song but I let him go on anyway. "You have been shutting us out of your life, not the other way around."

I never thought about it that way before.

Kevin sat on the floor across from me, put his hands on my legs and went on "How many times have I called you since our break? And out of those times how many did you actually return?" I thought about it and could honestly say maybe once.

Howie than took over, "I know we have all tried to get in touch with you only to be blown off, that hurts too you know"

I gave a sympathetic smile before saying almost under my breath "Not Brian" I sat back on the bed feeling like a lost child. "I didn't realize that I had blown you guys off. I was just confused. I didn't want to be yelled at or lectured to. You were all doing your own things and I somehow just didn't fit into the mix anymore. You all grew up without me. I know that makes me sound like a baby but I can't help how I feel." Kevin stood up only to plop down next to me on the bed and firmly put his arm around me. I looked at Howie who had taken a place on the floor sitting with his legs crossed pretzel style. "I didn't do this for spite, I know that's probably what J and Brian think, I did this because I needed to. I needed to grow up a bit out of everyone's shadow. this album has helped me to do that. It really has. I hate the fact that you guys aren't happy for me or proud of me. I guess I do know you care, But I need you to be happy for me. Even if you have to lie about it. I can't let this album be the reason you guys start to hate me." I looked down at the floor. I was done and just waiting for the lecture. It never came.

Kevin stood up and walked over to the door. I thought I made him mad enough to storm out or something but he was just stretching.

"Nick, we should have told you this... I should have told you this when I visited you last night, but I didn't even think about it. I'll tell you now though because I think you need to hear it. Yesterday morning when we were all in the studio working, Glenn had the radio on very softly in the background in the control room. It's not because he wanted to hear Sk8ter Boi, It's because Brian wanted to hear what you had to say."

I thought to myself oh great he must have loved my comment about the guys not even hearing the CD. Maybe that was why they attacked me today. They were angry or something...I came out of my thoughts and back to what Kev was trying to tell me.

"We worked all morning but when the station announced you were there, we stopped. We listened to your interview and we laughed when you were funny and we were silent when you were serious. We listened to every word you spoke and when you said that we hadn't heard your stuff yet and the way the stupid ass radio guy made you feel, we hurt for you. When your song came on and you sounded so happy, we high fived, clapped and cried. All for you Nick. Why? because" Kevin started to choke up as he continued, "Because we were so proud of you. We are so proud of you. All of us. You sounded so mature and professional and happy. I like that on you. When your song was over we opened a bottle of champagne and toasted you. Brian said way to go little Bro" Then we went back to work.

I was speechless, me Nick Carter totally speechless. I finally contained my emotions enough to get out "You...did that..for..me?"

Howie answered "Of course we did Nicky. We are a brotherhood. You are and always will be a member of that brotherhood. The baby of the family. the baby who has grown up but maybe needs some more growing to do. Take your time with that Nick. You've had to grow up too fast." We then embraced in another group hug.

Getting up to leave, Kevin said "I hope you reconsider your decision to leave us Nick, we want you to stay. Sleep on it and give us a call in the morning."

"Yeah, don't blow us off." We all laughed at Howie's words. We hugged again and I walked them to the door.

When they left I stood in a happy disbelief, thinking they did that for me?...