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Have you been wondering why I carried all these skin
When it’s you who help me put up all these walls I’ve built


“Drink up Cous.” Howie said, holding out the wine glass to Brian.

“I told you I don’t drink.” Brian snapped, waving his hand aimlessly to shove the glass away. He hit a perfect target and the glass slipped from Howie’s hand. It fell to the floor, sound of broken glasses froze everyone in place.

“No worries, just a slip of this silly hand that’s all!” Howie announced to everyone. “Go on, keep dancing and be merry.”

Everything went back to normal in a skip of a heartbeat and Howie’s face turned dark when he resumed his seat. “What the fuck is your problem man? That’s Evian, I just thought you’d prefer it in a wine glass.”

“You were getting on my nerves, that’s why.” Brian snapped. “Is it really that strange that I don’t drink?”

“It is, but I wasn’t offering you alcohol.” Howie bite back.

“It looked like you were.” Brian replied.

Howie dragged his chair as he took his seat. It felt wrong to have them seated next to each other.

“Nick, you okay?” Kevin asked, which got me frowning. Why shouldn’t I?

“I’m good.” I said, feeling uncomfortable that the attention was now on me. “Why?”

Kevin shrugged and drank his wine. “I just thought you looked pale for a second there.”

Maybe I did. I told you I hate fights. Especially if it involves broken glasses.

“Look, why don’t we just drink up and forget about that for now? Lets not start a scene.” Kevin said as he started passing around the drinks.

“You look like a waiter.” AJ laughed. It broke the tense because Kevin really did look like one.

“Summer job.” Kevin said, trying to keep a straight face.

“Are you serious?” Brian laughed. “Where?”

“Some restaurant in LA.”

“That’s not bad man, I worked in worst places.” Howie sighed.

AJ raised his glass as if for a toast. “Oh do tell.”

“Mc Donald’s, Burger King, Long John Silver and Pizza Hut.”

We burst out laughing. Imagining Howie in those uniforms was too painful.

“Yeah, laugh all you can.” Howie smiled.

“You’re a serial fast food worker.” I said.

“Ain’t complaining, I need the dough.”

“How about you? Any odd jobs weirder than D here?” Brian asked AJ and I.

“I worked at KFC for like two years after school and then I tried paperboy, which didn’t last long cause I can’t wake up that early.” AJ claimed.

“You sure it’s not cause of some neighbour’s dog chasing your ass down?” Kevin joked.

“You kidding? Dogs bow to this dude.” Howie laughed.

“I’ll leave it at that.” AJ smiled and then looked at me, ready to divert the firing squad over to me. “How about you?”

“I shine shoes at a bowling alley in the summer, that’s it.” Cause I was too busy going in and out of hospitals.

“That’s cool man. I worked in a kiosk once but I quit when we got robbed on one of my shifts.” Brian said.

“Oh man, did he wave a gun or something?” Howie asked, too excitedly if I may say so myself.

“Nah, a knife. It didn’t bother me much until I watched the surveillance camera. Got some stupid ass phobia after that.”

“I’d quit too.” Kevin said. “Probably have nightmares after that.”

Brian shrugged. “I didn’t get nightmares but I think about it sometimes. I thought of stuff that I could actually do to stop him or what would happen if he’d actually use that thing on me. I feel useless sometimes just thinking about it.”

I wish I could tell Brian ‘ I hear ya bro’ but I didn’t. He’d be wondering why I would feel useless and then the questions will start coming in.

Father and Maria had already left for work when I woke up the next day. It wasn’t unusual, we had the reliable alarm clock to wake us up and it wasn’t like she ever had breakfast waiting at the table in the morning. I had a slight fever, probably because I had skipped dinner again the night before. Not that I wanted to, but after all the ordeal I went through, food was the last thing in my mind.

I made sure Aaron was on time to catch his bus and then it was one long walk for me. Normally, I would have Jeff and Steve to walk with, but I had called them up earlier that I would be late. It was just an excuse though. Jeff especially had been through the worst with me and I was thankful for him and Steve, but I wasn’t in the mood to be scrutinised.

Going to school was a dread. The entire walk was spent dwelling on the fact that the one person who had made me happy was now gone. Every morning I would wait for her by the student parking lot because her seventeen year old brother drove to school. She had a family I always dreamt of having. Even Gerrard, her brother, was nice to me. We would talk about random things, Stacie and I, before we headed for class. No matter how bad it had been the night before at home, I could always find escape in school and in her.

That day, I knew I would be entering school alone. It didn’t felt as bad as I thought it would be, because part of me didn’t want her to see me in that condition.

I stayed in class during break because I was too worn out by then. My stomach had been growling since morning but I had no money with me to buy lunch. What I had left, all two dollars, was given to Aaron. Father had forgotten our pocket money again, although Aaron prefer referring to it as ‘pretending to forget’. Sometimes I forgot that Aaron was growing up and I couldn’t sugar coat things for him anymore.

“So you’ve decided to avoid me now?”

Stacie found me when I was in the middle of searching for some kind of ease from the fever. Sleep would be good.

“I’m not.”

“Then why are you here? You know what, don’t even explain that. I can’t believe you, the least you could have done is straighten things up with me not hide like this.”

“I’m not hiding.”

“Right. I thought you really care for me but-”

“Of course I care.”

“Yeah? Where were you when your mom called me a whore? Where were you when she slapped me and accuse us of having sex? You were freaking sitting on the bed like you’re not even there! You didn’t even move!”

I sat there, speechless, because she said the truth. I did nothing, just sat there and watched them fight. I wanted to help her, I swear, but the yelling, screaming, hitting…

“I don’t want a boyfriend who can’t defend me Nick! It’s useless!”

We broke up that day.