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Author's Note: Thank you Mersey and Mare. Without you I wouldn’t be posting my stories. Just another example of the great things BSB music brings in: The chance to meet incredible people like you both. Marina





Freezing the Time


“Why did you keep saying that it was weird?” she had asked him a couple of days ago and since then that question was the only thing on his mind.


It happened just after her sister interviewed them before the NBA party; as soon as they left Nicky behind, she had stopped him and asked him that question. “Why do you keep saying in every interview that the first few days in the studio were weird? I saw you there and didn’t notice anything weird. You guys seemed to be having fun working together again.”


He didn’t have the chance to answer. Someone approached them to say hello and the next minute she was chatting with some other guests and became completely oblivious of him. Good thing, he thought, because he didn’t know what he would have answered.


Two days had passed and here he was, still thinking about that. Were those first days that bad? Were they really weird?


Finally he had came to an answer. Yes, those first days were pretty uncomfortable but the strange thing was that he had also realized that they had not been weird for the reasons he used to think they would be.


After all these years he finally knew that every uncomfortable feeling he had ever experienced could be summarized in one word: change.


All his life he had tried to avoid change. No matter how much he tried to show the opposite, he simply hated change. How was that phrase that AJ used to say about the life of every man being an endless series of habits? Yes, that was it. He, Nick Carter, was just a man of habit.


When he was younger he was always afraid of trying new things, either it was something so simple like eating foreign countries’ dishes or buying a new brand of cereal for breakfast, or something more complicated and important like deciding whether or not to leave the music industry and pursue his dream of going to college. He never had the guts to affront change.


He remembered one afternoon, during the early days of the group, sitting on the bus drawing one of those stories that later became the Backstreet Project, and thinking about superheroes and special powers, trying to decide which special power he would love to have. There was only one special power in his mind. Ever since he was a little kid he had dreamt about having the ability to stop time and that was the power he gave one of the characters in his stories. That power, of course, never went to the published stories, it wasn’t as “cool” as the ninja thing, but it was really the first power he gave to his alter ego. He just wanted to stop time.


At that time he had thought that the reason behind that wish was a very simple one. “Wouldn’t it be cool to do everything you want without people bothering you? Go all the places you usually can’t go?” he had asked the other guys one day just to see them laugh after hearing AJ say “What Nicky really wants is to enter into the playboy mansion.” He had blushed then and decided never to mention that power again.


Today, after all these years, he had came to realize the truth behind his desire to freeze time. What he really wanted was to freeze the happy moments in his life, freeze the happiness and be able to keep it forever.


But that was just a child's fantasy. In real life happiness didn’t last forever as he had learned at a very early age. Things change, people change, and sometimes those changes brought pain with them.


His way of avoiding pain was very simple and ironic too. When something new in his life made him feel unhappy he would do what he knew the best... he would run, he would flee. That was the drastic measure he would take every time something around him experienced a change, the drastic answer to things that made him suffer. He knew that running in some way would accelerate the change. If the change came fast maybe the pain would go away faster.


He loved his family with all his heart but as soon as they started to fall apart, when the problems were bigger and more frequent, he was the one who drifted apart from them and until now he had tried to keep his distance.


The same happened with the fellas. He loved the group, he loved his brothers but when they started to talk about doing some other things and taking some time apart he was the one who ran to a solo career, the one who didn’t return the calls and treated the others like they had never been part of his life. He simply pushed them away.


Why? Because he wasn’t the only one who had changed. Of course he had grown up but the others had changed too. They had changed so much, and that was what scared him the most.


The first meeting they had all those months ago was a reminder of those changes and he opted for putting up a “wall” to keep them out of his sight. The next day the group released his statement.


He turned around from his seat on the couch in the studio’s little living room to observe the guys.


Kevin, the man he used to look up to, the man who had practically raised him, was trying to sleep on the other couch. One of his arms was covering his face to protect his eyes from the light; too much light was not welcome after partying all night. He was laughing and giving AJ the finger after one of Bone’s jokes.


The leader of the group, the one who in the early days had only work on his mind, was now complaining about the rhythm of work and asking the other guys to leave the new song for the next day. No that he didn’t want to make the album, he was as happy with the idea as everyone else, but the break had brought Kevin some new kind of confidence. His big brother had learned to enjoy every minute of his life without pressure and was now taking things easy. Kevin had told them that he was simply getting older but watching him he noticed that, on the contrary, this new approach to life made Kevin look younger. He wouldn’t tell Train that though because he loved to tease his big brother about his age.


Brian was not happy with Kevin's complaints. The guy who used to be his best friend and used to live only to sing and make jokes, was now this very responsible man who in a way had took Kevin’s role as the one in charge of the group. He had just left the phone after a long conversation with his wife. He was so in love and so happy with the new pride in his life, his son. Brian was a serious and responsible father now and looking at him telling Kev to get his ass off of the couch made it hard to believe that this was the same guy who used to play so many jokes on Kevin. He hadn’t lost the brightness in his eyes and the easy smile on his lips though, but now he was always carrying on serious conversations.


Howie was oblivious of everything sitting right beside him. He was listening to the new songs in his discman and reading something, probably some real estate papers. He had just come into the studio after spending all day in some other place, fulfilling some other commitments. The guy who used to be the “glue” in the group, the one who always wanted them all together, was now too busy and could not spend too much time with them. He was still Sweet D but he didn’t picture himself playing pranks to this Sweet D. This Sweet D didn’t like to waste time.


And AJ, dear AJ was just hyper, dancing to a song they were listening to on the radio and teasing Kevin and Brian. His big brother who in the past had always pushed him away, the one who was too cool for a little brother and wanted to have friends outside the group, the one who used to get tired really fast of the other four, was now the most affectionate in the group. He was always hugging them and tagging along. He loved this new Alex but for some reason this new Alex also made him nervous at first. He couldn’t avoid thinking how fragile he was now, he wasn’t a though guy anymore.


How much have they all changed.


“Nickster, what are you thinking man? Haven’t you learned that you can’t make your brain cells work so much? They are not used to it, man. You are going to get a headache” he heard AJ say and everyone laughed. Howie put his headphones away and Kevin got off of the couch. For a minute he felt that everybody in the room was looking at him.


Then they all starting to talk at the same time, each of them having a piece of information to share, each of them having a new joke to say about him. Yes, they all had changed and yet they were all laughing and that felt the same. They were changed but in some way they still were all the same.


He laughed at something Brian said and knew at that moment that he could get used to them again and become aware that the days to come would be full of happy moments like this one.


He definitely could get used to the changes. He would get used to this again, after all he already wanted to freeze the moment and keep it forever.