Deck The Halls With Mashed Potatoes...
Before I knew it I was on my way back to AJ's, this time for a whole week with the rest of my family. I was overwhelmed at first. I mean it had been a while since I had seen them all in one room together. And of course the holidays meant one thing. Dad was back! The day after my blow out with Howie, if you can call it that, we went to go pick up my father at his home.
I had fallen asleep in Howie's bed and was kicked awake by him the next morning.
"Why were sleeping in my bed? I had to get stuck sleeping on the couch"
"Sorry I didn't even realize I was in here"
"Don't you think you're a little too old to climb into bed with me these days Nick?"
"I said sorry jeez! Where the hell were you last night?"
"Not important"
And that was the end of that. We kind of avoided each other until the time had come to grab dad. Naturally it was me that had to go in there and get him. I walked in to a bunch of elderly crazy people...oh my mistake i'm supposed to call them mentally ill. Anyway I walked in to them singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer while clapping and playing tambourines.
Dad was right in the middle of it all. When he saw me he waved me over and stopped everyone, "Hey it's my son...Nick start us off on a chorus of Santa Clause is Coming To Town"
"Dad we have to go, Howie's waiting in the car"
"Aww don't be a spoil sport come on... You better watch out!" He started screaming the song. I couldn't help but laugh. I kind of liked the blissfully happy crazy man as opposed to the mean one.
"Dad come on...Howie will be mad"
"Oh alright fine...bye everyone see ya in a week" They all clapped for him. It was odd.
As we walked out and got into the car his mood changed, almost as quickly as Howie's had. "So how long until we get there?"
"We just got on the road dad so it'll be awhile" Howie said sighing heavily and turning on the radio. My stomach started churning.
The ride wasn't quite as bad as I had imagined it would be and we made it without anything major happening. By the time we got there Brian and his family had already arrived and were sitting in the living room catching up with each other while huddled around Sarah, rubbing her belly.
Brian ran over to me and grabbed me in a huge hug almost knocking me off my feet. It felt nice to be missed. "Boo!!!" I laughed, "Get off me idiot!" He kissed me on the cheek and let me go. "How was the ride college boy?" I shrugged, "I'm a little tired"
"You look good...hon doesn't he look good?" Leighanne looked up from her seat next to Sarah and winked at me, "Yes hi sweetheart" I walked over and gave her a kiss when I felt a small tug on my pant leg, "Up" Baylee said and I was happy to oblige. My godson was growing too. Almost looking identical to his daddy.
"Tee" He said pointing to the huge but fake Christmas tree that AJ had in his living room.
"Yup and I bet there's a present or two for you under there"
"Me"
"You" I poked at his belly and he giggled. Suddenly the churning in my stomach was all but gone replaced with love. "Hey is Kevin here yet?" I asked gently swaying Baylee in my arms as I talked. Now I yearned for my nieces as well. The Carter kids were the one thing that was right about this family.
"Not yet, I think he's getting here later tonight"
"Cool deal!" I said turning Baylee upside down and blowing on his stomach.
"Nick be careful he just ate" Leighanne warned. I stopped but not because I was afriad the kid would puke on me but because of the nervous look in his mom's eyes.
I gently placed him on the floor where he woddled over to his mom and she picked him up and placed him on her lap. "Nicky come here sweetheart" Sarah said grabbing at my hand and placing it on her belly. "The baby has been kicking all morning" I crouched down next to her and leaned my face into her stomach which made Brian laugh, "What are you doing? He's not going to start talking to you from in there you know"
"What makes you so sure it's a HE?" Sarah moved my hand further down her stomach to an area that would have otherwise been off limits but then I felt it. A tiny kick, I gasped and Leighanne awed at me. She awed at me.
I looked up at Sarah and she smiled down at me, "I think she's going to be a fiesty one"
"Yeah just like her mother" I couldn't resist. She pat my head and laughed. I stood up and looked around, "Where did D and AJ go?"
"I think they're out getting the bags" I nodded to Brian, "I guess I should go help otherwise i'll never here the end of it" I walked out the door and stopped when I heard my name.
"Nick will just have to understand" I backed up a little.
"He shouldn't have to understand AJ"
"Yeah well sometimes life is tough you know Howie? You can't keep it from him forever"
"Why not?"
"Because you're starting to resent him for it"
"No i'm not"
"Yes you are D. I can totally tell, you have this way about you with him nowadays"
"I'm doing the best I can AJ!" He shouted that and I moved closer to the wall, wishing I could dissolve right through it.
"Easy Howie...see? It's changing you. Please you have to tell him"
"How do I do that?" I wanted to know the answer as badly as Howie did.
"Want me to tell him?"
"No...i'll tell him but after Christmas. I mean college is his life AJ"
"It'll work out D. He can always go back next year" I moved along the side of the house not even caring how weird it might have looked to anyone who might be watching. I needed to get as far away from that as possible. It's funny because prior to my eavesdropping, I was worried that something was wrong with Howie. Hearing AJ say college was my life and I could always go back next year, scared me possibly more then any disease ever could.
I wanted answers but yet I didn't. It would have been so easy for me to just interrupt them and ask them what the hell was going on but I couldn't. I knew whatever it was would be bad. What hurt even more was hearing that Howie resented me. Had I known that all along? Yes I think I did, but something about actually hearing it verbalized just made it all too true.
"I thought you were going to help with the luggage" I jumped at the sound of Brian's voice.
"They took care of it" I wish I knew my way around New Jersey because I wanted out of there like no ones business. I needed to run away and think, pull what I had just heard together and make some sense of it.
"Is everything alright?" I looked over to Brian who had a look of concern on his face. "Yeah sorry...I just forgot I left something at home"
He smiled, "We can probably just replace it for you"
"Yeah....maybe"
"Well you gonna come in? It's cold out here" He pulled my sleeve and I followed him inside. I couldn't even make eye contact with Howie when I passed him. "AJ can I use your phone?"
"Sure who are you calling you're sexy honey bunny?"
"Um...no I just need to call Brent"
"Honestly Nick can't that wait? I mean it's a long distance call" Howie snapping at me again.
"Chill D. Sure Boo go ahead, you can use the phone in our room"
"Thanks" I turned and ran up the steps.
I shut the door and even locked it. I knew I needed to make this call to get the answers I needed. I called information and got the number for the Bursars office at my college.
I was connected to about three different people when the one before hand couldn't answer my questions. It always amazed me how little the people who worked at a college actually knew about you. To them you were nothing but a social security number. By the time I got hooked up to MY finacial aid advisor I had been on hold for about thirty minutes, listening to some song horribly destorted my Muzak. That is great going insane music right there.
The guy told me soemthing I didn't want to hear. He said there was a problem with my scholarship. See the only way I was able to go to Boston was because my essay had earned me a full ride or so I thought, but turns out the scholarship I recieved was one given to kids who have no parents. I vaguely remember checking off the box saying deceased when they asked for my parents information. I mean Mom was and dad was all but dead when it came to helping me.
According to WIlliam, yes by the end of the conversation the finiancial aid advisor and I were good ole buddies... anyway according to him, The college contacted Howie about the mistake in Octboer and reduced the amount to less then half. In a panic Howie made them put the full amount in one semester which was this first one. Meaning come next semester I had nothing!
William said I could take out an even bigger student loan but it wouldn't be anough to cover the cost of tuition. I was screwed.
I got off the phone with him and just sat there stunned. M stomach fluttering and my hands numb. How could something like that happen to me? Why? Why always me? There was no way I was not going back. Even if I had to live in a box in the parking lot I was not staying home.
"Nick....dinner" I vaguely heard one of the women shout up to me. I still just sat there, my brain going into overdrive. Trying to brainstorm a way out of this mess. How could Howie not tell me about that? I sat there and stewed and the more I did the angrier I got.
By the time I was called down by AJ I was livid. I should have stayed upstairs at that point, just kept ignoring them, lock myself in the bathroom and calm the hell down but rational thought was all but gone.
Yup by the time I got down those steps I was ready to kill and the main focus of my rage was none other then Howie. The traitor, he hated me so much he probably WANTED to screw me over. Maybe that was it. He resented my happiness and figured he wanted me to be as miserable as he was.
I sat down at the table across form Howard and refused to looks his way. We were having a regular feast of roastbeef, stuffed mushrooms, mashed potatoes and homemade rolls.
They talked about boring stuff mostly kids and family. I just sat quietly and ate not even looking at anyone. "So how is good old Brent these days?" It took me a minute to realize that Brian was talking to me. "Oh...he's good. Really happy at college. College is a great place to be" I thought i'd add that in for good measure. "I hope you ween't talking to him this whole time" Howie said bitingly.
"No I wasn't" I smiled short and sarcastically. Suddenly the vibe at the table was uneasy all you heard was the clanging of silverware and dad's snorting as he ate. It was one habit he had that always wore thin on my nerves. He was the loudest eater I had ever heard.
"SO Nicky have a girlfriend yet?" Since when was everyone interested in my life? Sometimes I think I could die before anyone asked about me but then the one time I wish they would all leave me alone they can't know enough suddenly.
"I'm not seeing anyone" I smiled at Leigh. I guess I should have been grateful she even asked.
"Isn't that girl you used to date up there?"
"Yeah but we're just friends"
Howie was shifting uncomfortably in his seat during the college talk. AJ kept glancing over at him as did Sarah who quickly changed the subject, "So Kristin told me that her and Kevin are trying to have another baby"
"Great another kid! Jeez what are they? Freaking rabbits?" I don't even have to say who that was do I?
"Dad enough" I shook my head.
"Nick tell me about school" I looked over at Brian realizing that maybe he had no clue what was going on either. "I love school in fact when i'm there I am completely happy. It's the one place in my life I feel content. I don't know what i'd do without it" I know it was mean. Doing the whole guilt trip thing but I couldn't help it. I wanted Howie to hurt. And he was. He didn't look up at me while I talked. Just sat there solemn and expressionless. "I don't know what I would do if I didn't have college"
"I have a feeling you would manage Nick" AJ said, trying to shift gears again.
"I don't think so... I mean I am finally happy and settled. I feel like I am getting to know who I am. Nothing can beat that feeling"
"Aww that's great Nicky. I'm so happy for you kiddo" Brian said winking over at me. I didn't look at him because I was focused on Howie. I swear it looked like he was about to cry. He put down his fork and left the table, "Excuse me for a minute" He said abruptly getting up to leave. For what it's worth I wanted to take my fork full of mashed potatoes and fling them at his face. Call him a traitor and how I knew nothing would make him happier then to see me down.
But I didn't. Instead I excused myself, said I had to go to the bathroom.
"Nicky" I stopped when AJ called to me. I knew what he was going to say, "We need to talk later"
I started to walk away, "I know" I muttered under my breath.
I noticed Howie sitting outside on the porch and as tempted as I was to go out and talk to him, I didn't. He ruined my life. I mean now I know he dnd't but at the time...yes definetly did. I sighed and made my way upstairs while my father started a chirus of Deck the Halls in the background.
