~ The Christening of Eva ~
I really should have realized that things would not go as planned where Kelly was concerned. I mean the girl was unpredictable at best but I guess when it comes to women I am a slow learner, so I was an unsuspecting fool when Kelly suddenly called me up about two days after she arrived in Boston.
We talked for about an hour on the phone, laughing and talking about the good old days. She finally suggested we meet at a coffee house in Harvard Square. Her parents had just left and she was feeling lonely.
After getting detailed directions from Kenny, who seemed to have a natural ability to find his way around, I was off to meet my ex girlfriend.
When I stepped out of the T and out into the cold Cambridge air, I was struck with wonder just looking around. You read so many things about Harvard and what a prestigious place it is, that when you get off the subway and start walking around close to the actual campus, it becomes almost like a scene in a movie. There are some weird ass people who go to Harvard. Guys wearing Mohawks and pierced noses and lips. Not at all typical of what you would think you might see. Of course they most likely didn’t attend the actual university but who knows?
I walked around the long sidewalks stopping in front of the place that would later become my second home in Boston, The Harvard Bookstore, and couldn’t believe at how massive it was. I almost walked in but then I noticed out of the corner of my eye, the place where the two of us were supposed to meet. I crossed the street and waited for her in the café.
I propped myself up on a corner stool and ordered an iced cappuccino looking out the window and watching for her curly blonde hair to pass me by. Maybe this would be the place we would fall back in love with each other. Not that I was ever in love with her in the first place, but how cool of a story would that be? A couple of high school sweet hearts go to neighboring colleges and eventually fall in love and get married. Of course the author in me was always looking for a good story book ending.
She arrived ten minutes late. Right on time in Kelly minutes. I waved her over and she walked by; bags from a local gift shop in hand. “Hey you!” She said walking over and giving me a hug. I felt tingly, like she always made me feel.
“Kel, how are you? I mean you look fantastic” She placed her bags at her side and smiled at me.
“Thanks Nicky”
“Do you like it here so far?” She shrugged and looked down at the table. Suddenly a huge doubt flew over my head.
“It’s alright I guess” Her gaze shifted to the bag she was carrying, I couldn’t help but wonder if she had bought something for me. I was always the five year old at Christmas time when I thought there was a gift around that needed opening.
“Is everything alright Kel?” Once again her gaze shifted down towards the bag and I became uneasy. “What is it?”
“Can I tell you something? I mean promise me you won’t be mad”
Promise her I won’t be mad? Uh oh…
“Sure I promise, what is it?”
“I haven’t totally been honest with you” Those are not the words you generally want to hear from people.
“Okay….about what?” now I found myself looking anywhere but at her. She was making me that uncomfortable.
“Okay…how do I say this without you making a huge scene?”
“Kel…I won’t make a scene I mean we aren’t even a couple anymore and…”
“Nick, I’m gay” time just stopped for a few minutes. Even the crowd hushed, maybe they were all listening.
“Excuse me?” I looked into her beautiful blue eyes that were now tinged with tears, “I’m sorry. I have been a lesbian for a long time now”
“How long?”
“Since 9th grade” Okay right there I knew she was lying because we had been together since the end of 9th grade and then on and off for our high school life. Why was she doing this?
“Kelly what are you trying to prove?” I jumped off my stool and was ready to leave when she grabbed my arm, “Nicky wait…please!”
Maybe it was the desperate tone in her voice but I turned back towards her and once again climbed onto the stool. Once I settled in for what I could only imagine as a very long story she finally started, once again diverting her gaze from me to the table.
“I never meant to deceive you Nicky. I loved you, I really did but I loved Lisa more”
“Lisa? Lisa who?”
“Miller” Oh my God. That was her best friend in school. From grammar school straight to high school, the two were inseparable. They were currently college room…
“You guys are a couple?” I asked realizing of course they were and feeling totally stupid for not seeing the signs sooner. She nodded.
“Is that why she decided to come up here for college too?” Again Kelly nodded. I had actually forgotten that Lisa was rooming with Kelly. I never really had the desire to talk to that girl. She always reminded me of a mouse, always lurking in a small corner and watching my every move. Now I knew why; she was seizing up her competition.
“My Mom caught us kissing the day she left” That definitely was not a good thing. Kelly’s parents were ultra conservative. Her Mom a devote catholic and her father devoted to her mother. “She was so mad Nicky, I didn’t know what else to do”
“What did you do?”
“I told her that we were just playing around and that you and I were in a very serious relationship” Now I was figuring it all out. I had a role in this new drama; the sympathetic boyfriend.
“Did she believe you?”
“I think so…yes but just in case, I thought you should know”
“Were you ever going to tell me? I mean if your Mom hadn’t caught you?”
“Probably not”
“Nice” I was pissed, but had every right to be. Here was girl I had pledged my allegiance too. The one I thought would take me out of childhood and make me a man.
Truth was, as of right then, I was very much a virgin. An eighteen year old virgin and it completely bothered me. All of my friends has assumed that Kelly and I had had sex by now and I guess I did the typical guy thing by never setting them straight.
Now it made sense that whenever I made an advance on her, no matter how heated the moment she always said she wasn’t ready. That’s because I didn’t have a vagina. Nice…
On my way back from the café, I was still in a state of disbelief. I dated a lesbian for four years on and off and didn’t even realize it.
When I got back to my room, I was hoping for some peace and quiet. I needed to be alone to digest the information I had just received but lo and behold there were about four guys in my room, sitting on my bed and drinking.
Kenny very quickly became a favorite of the other guys on the floor. It was his quirky personality coupled with his partying ways. It was kind of cool for me because I became popular by association but at the same time, our room became the party room.
“Hey Nicky! Settle a bet that I have with Seth over here” Seth was that next door neighbor that was blaring Dave Matthews on my first day here almost two weeks ago.
“What bet is that?”
“Seth seems to think he can burp the whole alphabet faster then I can”
I laughed, “Maybe he can”
To which Seth chugged his beer and saluted me, “See? The kid knows what he’s talking about!” Seth was an upperclassman. He was a senior who never had the desire to join a frat or get an apartment. I don’t think he even had the desire to graduate to be honest. All Seth seemed to enjoy was drinking and partying.
When he came in with his friends from down the hall, Hairy Mike and Dave, I don’t know why he was called hairy Mike and I kind of never wanted to find out, anyway when they came over they would hang in the room and never leave, talking and drinking until they were so out of it they would collapse in our room most of the time using my bed and I would be stuck sleeping on the floor.
“Hey Nick why don’t you sit down and have a beer with us. Come on you never drink” Kenny pulled me down next to him and handed me a beer. “you okay?” He asked, I guess able to see through my mask.
“I guess I could use a beer” I popped it open and took a chug. I was never much of a drinker, not saying I hadn’t tried much but beer wasn’t really something I enjoyed. I saw what alcohol could do to someone watching my father drink on his lonely nights and it never really interested me much. It felt good going down today especially reliving the conversation I had with Kelly.
Three hours and a six pack later, I was drunk as a skunk. Where did they come up with that expression I wonder? How many drunk skunks have ever confessed to having a lesbian girlfriend?
“Dude…did you just say your girlfriend is a lesbian?” Oops! I guess I did.
“She told me today” Kenny put a loving hand on my shoulder, “Kelly is a lesbo? Tough break Nick. I know you really liked her”
The others were silent and smirking. I couldn’t believe I told them all that; damn you alcohol. Damn you!
“Yeah I did, but ah well”
“She was just a stupid butter piggy anyway” Kenny said taking another chug of his beer.
“A what?” I asked in a half laugh.
“A butter piggy. You know I picture her as a big butter piggy” I’m sure it made sense to him but I was confused, but also drunk so I just agreed. “Yeah a butter piggy!”
“You better get yourself tested for HIV kid” Seth said suddenly turning all big brother on me.
“I never had sex with her” Again why in the world was I telling them that. It got even better though, “I actually haven’t ever had sex with anyone! I am a friggin virgin!” Once again, just like in the coffee house, there was a silence and I felt like a complete idiot.
“Aww Nick, that is so sad” I wasn’t really sure who said that, at that point I refused to look up anymore. My stomach started doing flip flops and I thought I was going to throw up right there on my roomies shoes. I got up and ran into the bathroom and got to the toilet just in time.
“You okay in there?” I think it was Kenny, he opened the door but I pushed it closed, “Yeah I’m okay”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, just not used to drinking so much” I spewed again as I heard them all laughing at me in the room.
I can’t even tell you how long I stayed in the bathroom. Long after I was done getting sick I sat in there just staring at the wall feeling like a complete loser as I heard their muffled voices gradually fading away until it was just Kenny snoring in the room.
I had the urge to call home then, finally stealing some peace and quiet. I crawled out of the bathroom, literally crawled; because my balance was still off and called Brian. He would make things better. He always did.
“Hello” My brother’s groggy voice alarmed me. I didn’t even bother to look at the clock before I called.
“Brian?”
“Nick? What is wrong?” That’s when I heard the baby start to cry in the background and heard his annoyed wife say, “What does he want at this time of night?”
Only then did I look at the clock already knowing it would not be a good thing. Sure enough it was three o’clock in the morning.
“Nick answer me. What’s wrong?”
“Oh…nothing I was just calling because I was…”
“Nick it’s really late”
“I know…well actually I didn’t know but now I do” He paused to whisper something to Leighanne who was obviously disgusted with me, but then again what else was new?
“Nicky…have you been drinking? You sound drunk” Why did every conversation I had with one of my brothers end up with them asking me if I was drunk or on drugs?
“Well kind of yeah but that’s not why I called”
“Should you be drinking with that ulcer of yours?”
“Brian I just called because I miss you”
“Nick I have a feeling you just called because you are drunk, now do me a favor and get off the phone and go to bed”
“Don’t you miss me?”
“Shhh Baylee it’s okay go to sleep” He started humming to his son.
“Bri?”
“Nick…I need to go okay? You really should get off the phone and go to sleep!”
“Do you miss me Brian?”
“Yes bonehead I miss you now go to bed!” And I guess I did because when I woke up the next morning I was sleeping in a fetal position on the floor with the phone still in my hand.
I sat up with the worst case of cotton mouth ever and a huge headache to match. Everything was foggy to me, especially that conversation that I would grow to never live down. It came up at every gathering we ever had, “Hey Nick you remember the time you called me really early in the morning drunk off your ass and told me you missed me?”
I stood up ready to go into the bathroom to brush my teeth before going to bed for real this time when something in my own bed caught my eye.
“What the hell is that?” I asked my still sleeping roommate loud enough that he stirred and opened his eyes.
“Oh good you’re awake for a while there we were afraid you had died in the bathroom” He sat up and stretched. I pointed at my bed, “What is that?”
He jumped down and ruffled my hair. Why did everyone always do that? “That my friend is Eva” He said pulling the blankets off of a big inflatable doll.
“Eva?”
“Yes…Eva. We felt so bad for you and your situation that we decided to let you borrow her”
“Huh?” I was confused. Kenny always made me baffled.
“You know…the virginity issue” Oh my God
“Borrow her?”
“Yeah she is yours until that little problem is fixed”
“Uh…thanks I don’t know what to say except….no thanks” He laughed and picked up the doll, “Are you dissing Eva? What did she ever do to you?” Kenny was now holding the doll up by her breasts.
“Nothing and I’d like to keep it that way thanks” He pretended to cry and then flung her up to his bunk, “Okay have it your way kid but then once I christen her she’ll be spoken for”
I shook my head at him and walked into the bathroom as he said, “Have it your way then, but I suggest you don’t come out of there right away” And believe me I didn’t!
