Home again home again jiggety jig...
It was almost midnight when we pulled up in front of the house. Howie didn’t think to leave any lights on so it looked even gloomier than it was. “Let me go first otherwise you are going to break your neck” He said grabbing one of my bags and running up the steps and into the house.
I slowly walked up the porch steps and turned around to look at my neighborhood. It was very quiet but a few lights were on here and there. Of course when I turned in the Novak’s direction I saw his tall frame staring at me from his window. I blatantly waved at him, if he was going to spy I was going to let him know he wasn’t a very good one. He waved then quickly closed the curtain and shut of his lights. That’s when ours went on and Howie gave me the all clear to enter.
The first thing that hit me was the smell, funny how even after all of the crazy people have long since moved out that their smell remained. I wonder if it lived in Howie’s nose, immune from how close he actually still lived to all of the icky things we tried our hardest to block out.
That’s what I think of when I hear the words mentally ill. Some people define it as an action or as a look. For me, it was a smell, I remember it well; when I was little, the smell of mom having gone maybe days or weeks without showering. I remember one time that I smelled like that too as a child. Briefly, my hair always unkempt and knotty. The neighborhood kids would make fun of me. Call me Carter pissy pants. That’s when Howie stepped in, well he and Melissa both. Took to making sure I bathed regularly and made it a point of forcing my mother to do the same.
I closed my eyes and relived one of those moments as I stood in the doorway. When I opened them, Howie was staring at me with an amused smirk across his face, “You zone out again?”
“No just thinking of the good ole days”
“Are you being sarcastic?”
I closed the door, “Howie is there any other way to be?”
I had to give my brother props because he had managed to make this place his. In the few months that I was gone, he got rid of all the stale and smoke stained furniture and replaced it with a set that could have come right out of one of those Ikea commercials.
“Wow”
“You like it?” He asked draping his coat over one of the blue recliners sitting by the newly painted wall.
“It looks amazing in here” I walked into the bright room and took in how incredible it looked. He had repainted the walls the same color but added a splash of yellow in here and there. There were colorful prints all over the place and a nice purple couch followed by the two blue recliners. It almost looked livable now. “Has dad seen this place yet?”
“Yup, he’s been here a few times. He said if he thought I was queer before he really knows I am now” He rolled his eyes at me and laughed but I still wanted to slap my father for saying that to him.
“I did it over the last two months and finally finished it last week. You like it?” I looked over at him and nodded. “Hell yes it’s really just…wow”
“Thanks”
“Did you redo my room?” A guy could hope right?
“Nope Nicky sorry. I left it just the way you did”
“Are you feeling a little better about being here now?” The way he asked made me feel like maybe he did this just so I wouldn’t ever leave. But he was right I guess, I did feel better about being home. Mainly because it didn’t feel like home anymore.
“Yeah I am …thanks and sorry again for being such a jerk to you”
He came over and gave me a hug, “It’s great to have you home again Boo”
“Thanks D. I am exhausted so I think I may just go to bed, do you mind?”
“No, not at all, I promised Ricky I’d give her a call when I got home and then I’m ready to turn in. Nighty night Nicky. You can leave that bag down here and I’ll bring it up later”
“Thanks” My Howie always takes such good care if me. I wish I didn’t always take him for granted. I mean he has always just been there.
When I opened my door and put on my lamp there was no doubt that I was back at home. My room really did look just as I had left it back in late August when I ventured away. Even some of my drawers were half opened and clothes were scattered on my bed. I grabbed my camo pants “so that’s where they were, I never packed them” I pushed the clutter off to the side and plopped down on my bed. Staring up at the ceiling, I had forgotten how small my room actually was. The ceilings in the entire house were pretty small but in my room in particular it was maybe about three inches taller than I was.
My room was not really meant to be a room but when you have six kids I guess you have to utilize all the rooms you can and in my case, they changed a large half room into my room. Funny that I never thought of it as nothing more than a glorified closet until I left and came back. That’s what it was though, tiny and claustrophobic.
I rolled over on my stomach and hugged one of my pillows which still carried the faintest smell of high school. It felt surreal being back home but then again it kind of felt just as surreal going away in the first place. I rolled over again but this time plopping myself on the floor next to my phone, a habit which I found fun. I had the sudden desire to call Brent to see if he was home. Maybe we could get together and hang out, I mean I was tired but there was something in me that didn’t feel the need to sleep.
I let the phone only ring three times before hanging up, feeling bad for possibly waking his parents. I would try him again tomorrow.
Howie tapped on my door and smiled when he saw me sitting on the floor, “You fall off your bed?”
“Nah…just trying to call Brent”
“I thought you were going to bed” He came in and placed my bag on the floor next to me.
“I am”
“Good because you look exhausted”
“Okay” I yawned and rubbed my sleepy eyes.
“Well kiddo I really think you should get some sleep. You have a big day ahead of you tomorrow”
“I do?”
Howie shook his head and sat down on my bed, “I forgot to tell you this, We are going over to AJ’s tomorrow.
“We are?”
“Yes…Sarah’s friend is up for the weekend and is taking her to some kind of baby expo”
“Oh God don’t even tell me we are going with her!”
He laughed, “No, but we are going to hang out with J while they are gone”
“So we are babysitting AJ then?”
“Yup”
“Ok sounds great” I yawned again which Howie took as a cue to give me his hand and help me up off the floor, “You…bed...now” He pointed at my bed.
“You…dork…always” I had to, he asked for it. He slapped me on my ass. “Night smartass” He said walking out the door.
The next day we traveled to New Jersey, what an exciting adventure that was. Nothing is quite so lovely as Jersey in the morning. All the drivers honking and trying their hardest to push you off the road. I thought I was an impatient driver.
Some guy gave Howie the finger because he was in the passing lane and only going 50. Howie tends to drive like an old lady sometimes which bugs me to NO end. We would have the biggest fights about this because he hated to drive yet he would refuse to let me drive when I complained. Like now. “Howie just please go onto the shoulder and we’ll switch”
“Nicky hush…I got it, you’re making me nervous”
“But everyone is passing you”
“So what? Let them” I laughed at him which made him mad, “You know why don’t you go back to sleep and I’ll wake you when we get there”
“Maybe I will take a nap since at the speed you’re going we won’t get there until tomorrow”
“SHUT UP NICK!’ He screamed at me. I jumped not expecting it. He really caught me off guard.
“Sorry” He said after a few minutes of really intense silence.
“Whatever” I laid back on my headrest and pulled my baseball cap over my eyes and tried to sleep.
Happily when I stirred awake we were pulling into AJ’s driveway.
“We’re here” He barked at me and then pasted on a smile and got out of the car, “Jeez…moody much?” I asked under my breath. AJ hearing the car came out to greet us in his bathrobe and socks. He looked like he belonged in an episode of The Sopranos. I laughed at him, poor guy, I hadn’t seen him in almost five months and the first time I do I laugh at him.
Howie grabbed his hand and pulled him into a hug, then he focused his attention on me, “Nick my man come to papa!” He held his hands out to me and I rolled my eyes at him.
“Hi J, nice outfit”
He turned around to model it for me, “Thanks its Sarah’s. Since she is like the size of an elephant these days we are wearing the same clothes”
“Aw I’m sure she would love to hear your elephant reference”
“She knows I kid. I wouldn’t have her any other way” He pulled me away from him and looked me up and down, “What’s up at that college of yours? Don’t they feed you up there?”
“What do you mean?”
“You look like you have lost a lot of weight”
“Huh?”
“Maybe you just grew or something”
“No, you’re right” Howie cut in giving me a disgusted look, “He’s lost some weight” I had no clue what they were talking about. “I eat like a pig guys”
“You’re scrawny kid. We have to put some meat on your bones” AJ grabbed my arm and walked me into his house. Since I had gotten home I felt like I have been led everywhere like a child.
“Is Sarah here?” I was hoping I’d get to see her. I kind of missed Sarah.
“No, you just missed them by about fifteen minutes” He plopped on his couch and lit up a cigarette.
“I thought you said you were quitting for the baby” Howie said walking over and opening a window. The non smokers universal sign of annoyance. Not that I was a smoker but at college I was surrounded by enough of them to notice the things that bugged them most.
“Kids not here yet D”
“Yeah but even still AJ” As if on cue both my brother and I glanced at each other and shook our heads. Nice to know I wasn’t the only one thinking that Howie woke up with a bug up his ass.
“I have to use your bathroom” D said abruptly leaving the room and actually slamming the door when he reached his destination.
“What is his problem today?” I looked at AJ and shrugged. I wish I knew, I didn’t much enjoy having mood swings let alone watching them.
“He’s been pissy all day long”
“Gotta love D and his moods. They are getting ever increasingly bad these days”
“Really?” AJ nodded.
“Wonder why?” We stopped our conversation when Howie ventured back inside and sat down on the sofa. “So AJ, what’s the plan for today?”
“I got nothing. Just thought maybe we could hang out like old times. Maybe play a killer game of Monopoly”
“Monopoly? Cool I get to be the boat!”
Howie smirked at me which possibly signaled the end of mood swing number two.
