I didn’t leave with Jeff immediately. We talked a little more that day and cleared up lots of things, especially about his life, his past, his problems with my father and everything that had happened to Michelle, his sister. It turned out that Jeff had a ship; it was an old little B34 that he had stolen from the Tracons when he left them, so transportation wouldn’t be a problem. He would wait some days for me though. I didn’t want to leave immediately because I knew Kevin would be going after me and there were big chances he could find me. I remembered that he and Howie would be going out in a mission three or four days later and Jeff and I agreed that would be the best moment for us to leave.

I went back to the base and tried to act as if nothing had happened for the next days, which ended up being the longer three days in my life. To be in front of the guys and pretend everything was okay turned out to be way too difficult. Part of me didn’t want to be with them but I didn’t want to be alone either because when I was alone I couldn’t stop thinking about my mother. Nick’s revelation about uncle Ryan was still fresh on my mind, and the fear of my mother suffering somewhere, knowing what I was becoming, kept making me cry. I had never thought too much about where people would go after dying. My family was very religious in a time where religions were already old history on Earth, but since I left Earth being so little I grew up far from those beliefs. I never considered myself a religious person. Brian and Howie were faithful and they kind of try to impart some of those beliefs to Nick and me. Kevin let them do it but he wasn’t a man of faith, and we both ended up being more influenced by his indifference to the subject than by Brian’s and Howie’s teachings. Either way, Bri and D told us about ‘heaven’ and about our parents being there, nevertheless I never really believed such a place existed. The fact that Nick had been able to communicate with one of them told me that they were right in a way and I hated it because it meant that my mother was looking at me.

Trying to put those thoughts aside I found myself facing the hard task that would be to ‘survive’ those last days with my family without regretting my decision, embracing every single moment with them knowing that after those two days I wouldn’t see them anymore. The saddest part was that the AJ they knew, the person I used to be before our trip to K-Tawoor, was back. I was laughing and joking like nothing had happened. I had to give them that much. I wanted them to remember me that way. We were all such good actors since they were acting like nothing had happened too. We were all back to our normal selves even when, I’m sure, they all had uncle’s Ryan’s words engraved on their heads as much as I had them on mine.

The only serious talk during those two days was the one I had with Nick. After hearing more about Michelle I was convinced she was the girl in Nick’s dreams. I approached him the first morning while he was sitting in the kitchen eating something.

“Nick, that girl in your dreams... do you remember anything more about that place?”

He went pale and stopped eating.

“Nothing, except that it looked like a space station. An old one. Why?”

“Just curiosity”

He gave me a long look and went back to eat his sandwich.

I considered why Jeff’s sister, if my suspicious were right, had contacted Nick and tried to determine how much harder would be to find her without the kid helping us. But then I was almost sure she had ‘approached’ Nick just because he was the easiest way to get in contact with me. Nick himself had told me that she was calling for me and for Jeff. Maybe the nightmares would stop now without me in the picture. I wished he could just give me more info but it looked like he really didn’t know anything else about the place.

I asked him about the place another time, in the most subtle way possible. We were talking about space stations, a conversation topic that of course I had chosen, and he mentioned the place again. Still didn’t help me too much. He thought ‘for some reason’ that it was close to the Saradian Galaxy but he wasn’t sure why because none of the stars he had looked through the window while there looked familiar. Either way, it gave me a place to start and I stopped mentioning his dreams. I didn’t want to bother him anymore and those dreams always made him feel uncomfortable. I wanted him to be happy from now on.

Finally, the day that Kevin and Howie were leaving came and I felt a knot in my throat and another one in my heart forming when we accompanied them to the door for the usual good byes.

“So guys remember that Brian is in charge so do what he says, okay?” Kevin was saying while I was fighting with myself, trying not to cry.

“Take care of yourself guys,” Brian said hugging them and I did the same.

“Yes, take care,” I repeated hugging Kevin. “I love you,” I added and I think my voice trembled a little because he placed his hands on my arms and looked directly to my eyes.

“Are you okay Alex?”

“Yes”

“Sure?”

“Yes, man, don’t worry.”

He seemed to doubt for a minute but then he smiled and hugged me again.

“Okay, try not to get yourself in trouble, kid,” he patted my back. “Same goes to you Nick,” he said hugging the kid and ruffling his hair next. You better behave while we are not here.”

“I will.” He smiled.

I hugged Howie. This time it was going to be even harder because I knew the second I opened my mouth he would noticed something was going on. He could ‘read’ me that way. But I had to tell him that I loved him for the last time no matter what.

“Love you man,” I finally said.

“Love you too bro,” he said looking at me even longer than Kevin had done it. “AJ, you aren’t planning anything stupid, right?” See, I knew it. Kevin looked immediately at us.

“Of course not,” I quickly replied. “Why are you asking that?”

“I don’t know. Is just that…”

“Come on D,” I interrupted him. “I promised you I would avoid getting in trouble, don’t worry. I won’t be drinking in Turmei while you aren’t here and I definitely won’t let Nick do it, although he probably is planning it.”

“I’m not!”

“Guys” Kevin shook his head.

Sorry Nick but bringing attention to you is the only way to take it away from me.

“Okay D, come on, we have to go. We will be back in a couple of weeks guys. And don’t forget that…”

“We know it Kevin, Brian is in charge. Go on already or they are going to leave you,” I pushed them through the door laughing.

When the door got closed behind them I felt I was about to pass out from the pain. Luckily for me Nick and Brian started to laugh about something and didn’t pay attention to the tear that had escaped from my eye. I wiped it fast and turned around to face them having already think a new joke to say.

The rest of the day went by with the three of us spending it together inside the apartment. Every time Kevin and Howie would leave on a mission Brian would try to get Nick’s to do something fun so the kid wouldn’t worry about them. This time we spent the day playing board games and then we ate dinner.

“AJ... AJ!”

“Huh?”

“Wow you really have been pensive tonight. You are looking at us with a weird face.” Brian was at the other side of the kitchen counter.

“He always has a weird face.” Nick laughed.

I threw him my napkin and laughed too.

“So is anyone up for a game of chess?” Brian said as it that was the most fun thing to do.

“When did you become so boring, Rok?”

“Shut up Bone.”

“Aren’t you going out with Dana tonight?” Nick asked in a more serious tone.

“She left in the same group that Kevin and Howie did. I thought you knew that.”

“No, I didn’t know. So that’s why you are spending the night with us for a change?” Nick’s comment was made tongue in cheek but judging by Brian’s face he didn’t took it that way.

“Oh come on Nick, you said it like I didn’t like to be with you guys, and you now that isn’t true at all.”

“I was just joking Brian. Man, I know you are in love, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Then why you kept acting like you were mad at me?”

“I just miss my Frick,” Nick said pouting but the brightness in his eyes would tell you he was joking once again.

Brian burst out laughing and went directly to the kid giving him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

“Aw I miss my Frack too. Frick and Frack rule. No wait, how about Frick and Prick?”

“Who is a prick, you idiot.” Nick was laughing too and pushing Brian who kept trying to kiss Nick. That was something new, since usually it was Nick the once being over-affectionate, but it was still hilarious. Nevertheless I couldn’t avoid to feel the sadness overcoming me again while watching them. They were such a pair, those two. I knew they would be okay as long as they would stay together.

“So are you going to play chess with me?” Brian asked Nick who made a face.

“Like AJ said, when did you become so Kevin, I mean, so boring?”

I was the one who laughed out loud this time.

“Don’t let Kevin hear that Nick.”

“Oh don’t worry, he knows he is boring. I mean, he can talk himself to sleep.”

Now the three of us where laughing and soon enough we were talking non stop; first about Kevin, then about Howie and then about ourselves. And that way we spent the next two hours talking like we haven’t done it in what seemed years. We joked, remembered old anecdotes and simply had a great time. For an instant I even forgot what was going to happen; it was like old times once again, the three youngest Littrells having fun. But soon enough reality hit me and I thought I needed to step away immediately, otherwise I would end up opening to my brothers, confessing my plans to them.

“I am tired guys I’m going to bed early.” And with that I left the room, not even giving them time to reply and thinking that those would be the last words they would hear from me.

I pretended to be sleeping in case one of them would have a peep at the room. As I imagined Brian did it before going to sleep. He probably wanted to get sure I was feeling alright after my sudden departure. I heard them saying good night to each other in the next room and waited until everything went silent wanting to be sure they were asleep. I had prepared my bag and pulled it from under my bed. Once in the living room I waited some more; after a while I took a deep breath and opened the door to their room pretty quiet. Nick was the first one I approached.

“Take care Nicky. God, you are going to be a great man. I wish I could be here to see you growing up kiddo,” I whispered while pulling his hair from his face. He moved and for a second I thought I had awoken him up and didn’t dare to even breathe, but he kept sleeping. I wanted to hug him but I knew it was impossible, so I just touched his hand very carefully. “Love you Nick.”

I walked to Brian and did the same thing wiping another tear from my eye. “Brian you are my best friend, please don’t hate me for this. Take care of the kid. I love you bro.”

Before leaving the apartment I took the letter I had written out from my pocket and placed it on a table. I had planned to write all the things I had inside but decided otherwise, so it was just a phrase:

‘Don’t look for me. Love You. Alex.’

I walked to the door and gave a look to Nick’s and Brian’s room for a last time which suddenly made me take a final decision. Putting my bag on the floor I brought my hands to my neck, took out my medallion and putted it over the letter. Take care of them mom.

Nobody saw me leaving the base this time. I couldn’t afford anything going wrong so I was extra careful and none of the guards noticed me. I reached town with everything in complete darkness, no natural or artificial light of any kind.

Once inside Jeff’s ship, before lifting off and watching the ship’s gate getting closed, I remembered the day we had left our parents in Earth. This would be the second time I would be saying goodbye to my family and I didn’t foresee then that it would take years for me to be in front of one of my brothers again.


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No part of this story may be copied or reprinted without the author's permission.

Author's note: I'm really, really sorry for the lack of updates guys, please don't think I have forgotten this story, it's just that I couldn't updated it before for several reasons but I'll try to not let you waiting forever again (as soon as my computer starts to collaborate with me since right now it's giving me a hard time). I guess there aren't too many chapters left before this story ends (still a bunch but not THAT much I think lol). Once again: thanks for reading and commenting, it means a lot.

Happy Holidays!