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AN: If you havent or dont think you've read Chapter Six yet, read it before this or it won't make any sense at all! lol. Chapter Six is nothing but events that lead up to this chapters events. Thanks! Please review and let me know how I am doing!

Chapter Seven

“Hey Kev, you okay?”

Kevin looked up to see A.J. standing over him. He had a sincere look of concern in his eyes. Kevin supposed he didn’t blame him, or any of the others for that matter. He’d been lost in thought a lot for the past fourteen days. He’d been told he had a far away, sad look in his eyes that was somewhat glossed over. Everything went past him. Not even Nick had annoyed him, for he’d hardly noticed the young boys existence. Nick was starting to feel unappreciated and like he was no longer important or paid attention to. He’d lost his spunk all because he was not getting a reaction out of Kevin. As for Kevin, he felt lost and like nothing mattered anymore. He blinked a few times, mouth hanging open in a face that just said ‘Huh?”

“You okay?” A.J. repeated

“Oh, yeah. Guess so.” Kevin replied in monotone, convincing nobody including himself. Truth be it, he wasn’t okay. Not at all. He was depressed and felt as though his whole world had come crashing down. The thing was, nobody knew why or what had happened to make him this way. He’d become withdrawn, keeping to himself whenever possible.

A.J. looked at him skeptically. Kevin was usually so together with everything. It was rare that one saw Kevin crack and fall apart. In fact, A.J. could swear he’d only seen it happen once in nearly twelve years. So naturally, everybody was worried and wondering what was causing this.

“You’ve been spazzing out on us for a week, Kev. For you, not even one day is normal,” A.J. countered, “Something is up. We care and want to know so we can help you out if we can.”

Kevin just shrugged, continuing to stare in to space. He looked pained. He looked miserable. He looked exhausted both physically and mentally. Most of all, he looked completely confused and like he had nothing to live for. True, Kevin had always been the most serious, but he’d never really been outright depressed like this.

“Nobody can help,” Kevin muttered

His words came out in a way that said he wanted nobody else to hear him or understand him. A.J. had though, and was determined to get to the bottom of it. Kevin had helped him in his own time of need years ago. Now it was A.J’s turn to return that favor and give him something back. It was the least he felt that he could do.

“Aje is right,” Howie stated, “We want to help you, or at least make you feel better if we can in any way. We can’t though if you’re dead set on being down. This is not healthy for you. Stop being stubborn. You’ll feel better if you talk about it. Trust me.” He tried to keep his tone firm and serious yet gentle to let him know that they genuinely did care but were seriously apprehensive about how he was acting as well.

Kevin sighed again, turning his head and looking away. He didn’t know how to tell them about what had happened. He was having a hard time swallowing it himself. Sure, nothing was for sure yet, but he had a sinking feeling that it was heading that way. Every time the thought came to his mind, he choked up, and quickly shook it away before tears surfaced. That was when denial positioned itself into his mind. He’d rather be numb and in denial, distancing himself from the world than in check with reality and hurting the way he had been off and on. He knew that this wasn’t the way to go about it, but he couldn’t help it. Kevin, for the first time in his life, was weak and vulnerable. For once, he wasn’t the one on top of it all, being strong and collected.

“What is it?” A.J. pressed, “You’re acting suicidal on us. Quite frankly, I am getting scared.”

Kevin stared off in to space making everyone believe he hadn’t heard a word any of them had said. They were about to just give up…for the day anyways. He was just thinking though. He didn’t wait his friends, brothers, to think that he was on the verge of ending his life. That wasn’t it at all. True, the thought had crossed his mind, however he would never actually do anything. Kevin knew that this depression would pass with time. It would take awhile, but eventually he would be okay again as the days went on.

“Kristin left me.” Kevin stated out of nowhere.

His sudden words surprised everyone as well as grabbed their attention. They weren’t sure what to say, but knew they’d heard right. Kristin had been Kevin’s life. One reason for his being. Nobody had honestly seen this coming. Apparently Kevin really hadn’t been expecting it either.

“Like, a break?” Nick asked, scrunching his nose up.

Nick himself had never seen a couple quite as compatible as Kevin and Kristin. If things between them didn’t work out, then what hope did the rest of the world have? Not really a change in hell.

Kevin just shook his head s
orrowfully. He bowed his head down to hid tears that had come again. He didn’t want the guys to see his silent mourning. He never had and it was likely he never would.

“Divorce,” Kevin mumbled, keeping his head low.

“Excuse me?” Brian asked, eyes widening significantly. His voice expressed complete surprise.

“She wants a divorce.” Kevin replied miserably. He sniffled and lifted his head up. His eyes were red rimmed with dark circles underneath. It was obvious that he hadn’t slept in days either.

That was another thing. Kevin had given his wife her space for a week. He’d gone on with touring, confident that everything would be okay. When she’d finally called him on his cell phone while she was in Florida and he in Indiana, he’d been sure that she had decided to give things another try. He’d taken a devastating blow when she’d instead told him that she had, in fact thought things over, and he would be faxed divorce papers in the near future. He hadn’t received them yet, but he hadn’t heard from the woman since, knowing that she had meant it. They would be coming soon. In a few weeks time, he would officially be single once more.

“What happened?” Brian asked his cousin, unable to understand any of it as well as slightly disturbed to see the effect this was having on him. Then again, his divorce had been mutual. There was a difference between both wanting it and one bringing it up without warning when the other still was in love.

“She said she didn’t love me anymore,” Kevin replied without hesitation this time. He was finally ready to talk. The little bit he’d already done had already helped a little. Howie had been right. For that, he was thankful.

“I can’t believe she did that to you,” Brian stated, shaking his head in disgust with the woman who’d hurt Kevin. He’d thought that she was better than that, and certainly would’ve had more taste than to end things just like that without any indications of it. It was cruel, and he believed that nobody, especially someone as sweet, caring and kind as Kevin, deserved that, “It’ll get better,” he stated assuringly, “She isn’t worth worrying about if that is how she is going to be.”

“That doesn’t help me now though,” Kevin took a deep breath to try and keep his feelings in check, “Cuz it still hurts.”

He was surrounded by four hugs of comfort at once from his ‘brothers’. He knew that because his twenty-year relationship ended, it would be a long time until his heart mended, but with the love and support of his best friends, he’d somehow get through it. It would be a slow process, and he’d be sad and miss her for months, and probably even years to come, but he’d somehow be okay.


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Howie snickered as he walked through the checkout line at the grocery store when he spotted the cover of US Weekly magazine. Just as predicted, there was a glossy eight by ten photograph of Nick grinning like a fool, eyes squeezed shut, bra strapped firmly in to place around his head. The others were faded out to a blur, but that was to be expected. Nick was the ‘special’ star of that day. His moment was forever captured on to film for the world to see. He looked down the line of magazines to see if any other reporters or photographers had captured the moment. Little to his surprise, the National Enquirer had a similar image on its cover. The caption read, “Youngest Member of Backstreet Boys Sporting Second Job as Cross Dresser?” Howie shook his head and laughed. Only a tabloid would twist a picture of an innocently goofy kid into something totally ridiculous. He quickly grabbed a copy of each and put them with the rest of his purchases. He couldn’t wait to show the others. They’d all razz Nick like no tomorrow. He had, after all, brought it upon himself in the worst and most obvious way. It would be fun to be the one to create the chaos for once, as evil as it felt. Besides, it might even help to cheer Kevin up. He was a little better, for days later, but still extremely sad.

Grabbing his few bags and thanking the cashier, Howie made his way back out to the bus where everyone was waiting for him. They were on their way out to Missouri for their next show. There were only two and a half weeks left of the tour. It was quickly coming to an end.

“Hey guys,” Howie greeted the others as he walked to the back of the bus to join them, “I got the stuff we needed, plus some other things.” He wiggled his eyebrows, staring in Nick’s direction.

“Whadid I do now?” he asked in confusion, for as far as he knew, he’d done nothing wrong. He was not even close to realizing the attack that was about to be bestowed upon him.

Howie grinned as he pulled the magazines out of the bag. He folded them to hide the pictures as he handed them over to AJ to start off. AJ eyed him warily before unfolding the magazines and gazing down at him. His lips retorted into a smirk as he tried to suppress a laugh. An enormous snort came out instead as he flipped to the larger of the magazines with the caption. He lost it at this. Nick, a cross dresser? It was too funny not to laugh, and they’d picked the perfect opportunity to attack him with the sickly twisted accusation. They’d even altered the picture to make it look like Nick had lipstick on and mascara, making his lashes longer and darker as well as large hoop earrings. The image was too comical and looked surprisingly real despite the alterations. He looked up above the page and glanced at a rather confused Nick before breaking out into loud, thunderous laughter. Nick would not ever in his life live this one down.

“What’s so funny?” Nick whined, “I wanna know. I always get left out of everything.” He stuck out his bottom lip in a definite pout.

AJ continued to laugh as he handed the magazines over to Brian, who also found humor in them. Only he didn’t even try to keep a straight face. It would be no use anyways. He knew because of that one photograph, that he would never be able to look as his best friend, the other half of the Frick and Frack clan, in the same light again.

“Thought you’d appreciate that,” Howie grinned, “I know I did. Just couldn’t resist buying them to frame.”

“Treasure it forever,” Brian chuckled, ignoring Nick’s pleas along with everyone else. He would obviously be the last to see his now humiliating moment, “This second one is quite...unique.” he referred to the one where Nick was made up in makeup.

“Tell me!” Nick exclaimed, becoming antsy.

Kevin raised an eyebrow becoming amused with the situation. He too wondered what was going on, for he had yet to know too. He found out soon enough when his little cousin handed him the magazines. It wasn’t long before a slow, small smile formed on his lips. It was his first real, genuine smile since his encounter with his soon to be ex wife. It felt good to him. It had felt slightly unnatural, but good. Leave it to an incident to Nick to lighten up his mood.

“How about that,” he mused, “Not even a month passed, and already getting publicity.”

“What? Tell me.”

“I know,” Howie mocked horror, “Who would have thought it would happen at all, and so soon yet? It’s just great.”

“Better than Bat Boy,” A.J. snickered, naming off another front cover story from the Enquirer from years ago, “Half boy, half bat…a vampire night and day.”

All laughed but Nick, who was becoming furious that nobody was including him. He felt left out again, and Kevin was still ignoring him for the most part. He’d lost his spark and humor. It was on temporary hiatus until he was recognized as the groups clown and jokester again.

“This would look pretty hanging up front in the bus, or even here, for us to always remember.” Kevin stated simply as if he already had thoughts in mind for it.

Nick grabbed the magazines from Kevin’s hands grumpily; unhappy that he was the last to find what was so funny. When he did look down though, he became horrified. Mortified. He wanted to crawl under the bus and hide. Maybe even have the gears change on it out of nowhere and run him over. The first one wasn’t so bad, but the second one that the tabloid had made up, was beyond anything he’d ever expected. He put to his mind that he would never do anything so bold again when there were cameras nearby. It had put his name to disgrace. That would be hard, because in his life, there were always cameras somewhere.

“We have to burn these.” Nick demanded, “Right now. Nobody can ever see them again.”

“Too late. They’re on store magazine shelves nationwide,” Brian reminded Nick, then became sympathetic in a joking way, “Oh, but don’t worry. It will be all over in a week with new issues. In a couple of months, everybody will have forgotten about the cross-dresser Backstreet Boy.”

Nick let out a low growl, unhappy with the teasing he was encountering. He knew he’d never hear the end of it. Day one of the rest of his life. That was the direction this seemed to be heading in.

“So tell us, Nicky,” AJ asked, “When do you have time to be a woman?” he pretended to think for a minute, “Oh, I got it. You sneak out to night clubs in the middle of the night, don’t you?”

Nick lost his temper at this last comment, flying up from his seat on the bus and tackling AJ to the ground, pinning him down hard. His head hit with a loud thunk. AJ’s eyes widened with slight surprised. He didn’t show it other than that though. All he did was laugh as Kevin hulled Nick up, thrusting him back in to a chair. Nick crossed his arms and glared, his mood becoming worse as Kevin scolded him for being such a poor sport. This was definitely going to be an interesting two and a half weeks, if they all survived it.


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He was distressed. There had not been one moment in almost three weeks that he’d been able to cut. He hated the feeling that was coming over him and he was even becoming moody in front of the others, which was a bad thing. A very bad thing. He’d hid it so well up til now, but that was when he’d been able to take part in his habit whenever he pleased. For the past nineteen days though, they’d all been together as if bound by glue. Being on the bus for longer than anticipated due to some mixups by management had delayed things quite a bit. He couldn’t do it on the bus any longer, for one of the times he had, he’d left a small trace of blood that one of the others had found and inquired about. He’d had to lie and say it was from a bloody nose. He couldn’t risk things again because he knew that others would become suspicious.

This was the first time they were in a hotel again. The first time he could relieve his pain. He needed to do it before he went insane. So he could go back to faking a happy front when in public. With the way things were, that was impossible for him. He needed this. He needed to be able to act as if nothing were wrong.

Making his way into the bathroom in the hotel lobby, he made sure that nobody else was in there before grabbing a large handful of paper towels and locking himself into the handicap stall for extra room. He leaned against the sidewall and slunk down to the floor, peeling his baggy athletic pants down, knowing that if somebody else came in, they’d be easier to pull back up. He examined his skin for a new place to cut, deciding on his upper thigh. Taking a sharp, torn piece of sheet metal he’d found earlier that day out of his pocket, he went down hard on his thigh to start the cut. He winced and let out a muffled gurgle of pain as he forcefully and roughly dug it deeper into his flesh then drug it across the inside before making a clean swipe out of it after a four inch insertion.

This time he cut, he went deeper than usual. It was a new feeling. He was becoming riskier and more experimental with it, wanting to test his limits. He placed the towels firmly upon the wound to stop the bleeding after watching in satisfaction for a while as the thick red liquid poured out. It took longer to stop this time, but eventually it did after what must have been fifteen minutes. He sighed. The more days that passed, the more determined he was to eventually bring up quitting the band. It was becoming too much to handle. Something he one enjoyed was becoming an obligation of torture. After that, he wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be alive. His emotional pain was becoming too suffocating. It was becoming too much of a burden to live with. He no longer wanted to live. Which was why one day, he was determined to bring his habit to suicidal level. He just needed to find the courage and right time and place to carry through. Once he did, he knew that the guys would be upset, but all that mattered to him was that everything would finally be at peace for him for the first time in ages.