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My little boy... I can't believe he's gone. If only I had seen the signs, I could have stopped this! I could have... Denise's thoughts were interrupted as she burst into tears, staring at the coffin in front of her that held her only child. She felt a strong arm wrap around her, looking up through her tears to see it was Kevin.


The oldest of the Backstreet Boys, the one the other boys affectionately called 'Old Man' and 'Pop'. He may have acted like it bothered him, but inside he knew it was just the way they were and didn't mind. He said nothing but held Denise tightly as tears fell from his emerald orbs. Sure, AJ got on his nerves, but Kevin thought the man always knew he could come to him with problems, You didn't have to resort to suicide, AJ. There are better answers than this! Kevin thought, biting his lip to prevent himself from sobbing.


This can't be happening. My best friend, dead? Why? AJ, why?! We could have helped you! We need you here! Howie's mind seemed to jumble between sorrow and anger towards his best friend as he stood next to Brian. Nick was on the other side of Kevin, who was holding Denise as she sobbed for her dead son. Howie could still remember the last time he saw AJ alive. It was three days before everything went down the gutter. Before Kevin walked into AJ's hotel bathroom and found him lying on the floor with his wrists slit.



-------------Flashback---------------

"Hey, J! Want to go to the beach with me? It's a gorgeous day out," Howie asked as he walked into AJ's room. The band was near the end of their "Black & Blue Tour" and had a concert the next night in Pasadena, California.

"Nah, man. I don't feel like getting burnt to a crisp the day before a concert. The girls will be disappointed if I can't do my strip tease because of sunburn," AJ joked, cracking a smile and his brown eyes twinkling impishly. To Howie, he seemed like his old self after rehab, but on the inside AJ was hurting more than ever.

"You sure? There's a great surf out there, and no one's around. We wouldn't need Andre or Joe to come with us."

"Yeah, I'm sure. I got this song stuck in my head that I need to get out before it''s gone. Come and get me later, and we'll do something."

"Alright... call my cell if you change your mind."

"I will. Later, D."

"Later, J."

-------------End flashback---------------



If only I had seen through it! I could have stopped this whole thing from happening! Howie suddenly burst into tears, not being able to hold them back.


AJ... man, why did it have to lead to this? Us standing in front of your coffin-- oh, God. D. Him and Denise have to be taking the brunt of this Brian thought, bringing the Latino into his embrace. Howie covered his face, still sobbing. Brian ran a hand up and down his back, clenching and unclenching his teeth to prevent his own tears from falling. He needed to be strong for his friends, second mother and cousin.

"C'mon, D. Shhh. It's okay, let it all out," Brian whispered, holding Howie close to him.

"It's not right, Brian. He was way too young! He could have come to us for help, why didn't he?"

"I know, it isn't right to lose him this early. I don't think we'll ever know why he didn't come to us. I just pray that God has mercy on him for taking his own life..." Brian felt the tears come to his eyes and he didn't hold them back. We love you, AJ. We're going to miss you so much.


You always told me that suicide was the dumbest thing to do. But why did you end up doing it?! Damnit, AJ, this isn't fair! We need you here! Nick's thoughts seemed more resentful as he listened to his bandmates and Denise cry for AJ, but he let none of his tears fall. He just couldn't understand what was so bad for AJ that he had to take his life. He was loved by the band, his mother, everyone's families, the dancers and most of all, the fans. After AJ had humped the stage during their Homecoming Concert in Orlando, more and more girls converted to being an AJ Fan. He always loved the support and attention he received from them all, but none of that came to mind at the end. Nick just wished he could understand why AJ made the decision to kill himself without thinking of the consequences.


"And now, Alexander's bandmates and brothers, will sing a song dedicated to him," The pastor spoke as the boys went and stood at the head of AJ's coffin.

"This man was not only our bandmate. He was our brother. Our best friend. Even if he was being a little shit, we still loved him," Kevin spoke, smiling a little as everyone else chuckled. "I didn't think something like this would happen until we were old and gray. But, God must have had plans for you, Alex. Just don't drive him and Jesus Christ too crazy that I'll have to come up there and give you a lecture," more chuckles, now from the boys and himself as well. "And now, we sing this song in dedication to you, bro. We love you and will always have you in our thoughts. It's the song we always sang when we first started becoming the Backstreet Boys. 'End Of The Road' by Boyz II Men."


Girl you know we belong together
I have no time for you to be playing
With my heart like this
You'll be mine forever baby, you just see

We belong together
And you that I'm right
Why do you play with my heart,
hy do you play with my mind?

Said we'd be forever
Said it'd never die
How could you love me and leave me
And never say good-bye?

When I can't sleep at night without holding you tight
Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head oh I'd rather be dead
Spinnin' around and around

Although we've come to the End Of The Road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the End of the Road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Girl, I know you really love me,
You just don't realize
You've never been there before
It's only your first time

Maybe I'll forgive you, hmm
Maybe you'll try
We should be happy together
Forever, you and I

Can you love me again like you loved me before
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me, don't let me down

Although we've come to the End Of The Road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the End of the Road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Girl I'm here for you
All those times of night when you just hurt me
And just run out with that other fella
Baby I knew about it, I just didn't care
You just don't understand how much I love you do you?
I'm here for you

I'm not out to go out and cheat on you all night
Just like you did baby but that's all right
Hey, I love you anyway
And I'm still gonna be here for you 'till my dying day baby
Right now, I'm just in so much pain baby
Coz you just won't come back to me
Will you? Just come back to me

(Lonely)
Yes baby my heart is lonely
(Lonely)
My heart hurts baby
(Lonely)
Yes I feel pain too
Baby please

This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me go

Although we've come to the End Of The Road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the End of the Road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you


At the group finsihed, Nick went to wipe his face and realized he had been crying through the entire song. Covering his eyes, he began to sob, not holding back anything.Kevin wrapped his arm around him and reached over for Howie. The men stood huddled in front of AJ's grave, the band of brothers now reduced to four as they prayed their good-byes and love for their lost friend.


"Thanks, guys... I love you, too. And I'll always be here. Besides, Nick can't drive y'all crazy by himself, he needs my help," AJ's raspy voice and laughter floated through the circle, causing each of the guys to shiver as a strong wind blew through the cemetary.

"D-Did you hear that?" Howie whispered.

"Was it really him?" Brian asked, looking at Kevin.

"I think it was him. He was saying good-bye and letting us know he's alright," Kevin replied, hugging the younger ones tightly before letting go.

"Well, if Howie's decorated with cookies and stuff while he's sleeping, we'll definitely know it's AJ's doing and not mine," Nick commented with a crooked smile. They all laughed a little before going back to sit down next to Denise.

"Did you hear Alex's voice, Kevin? Please tell me you did so I know I'm not going crazy," Denise whispered, grasping Kevin's hand.

"We all heard him, Denise. He's going to be fine. We're all going to be just fine," Kevin consoled, squeezing Denise's hand as they watched AJ be carefully lowered down to his resting place.