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Chapter 4

Nick looked into Tylers room where he found his son sleeping peacefully. He smiled. As long as he had his son he was going to be able to make it through this hard time. Tyler was worth the fight that he had to face. Nick walked over and pulled up the blanket to cover Tyler and he smiled yet again and then he bent over to place a soft kiss on Tylers head. Nick sighed and walked out of his sons room.

"How you feeling?" Brian asked as Nick entered the livingroom.

"I'm alright," he said, "but do you think I'm doing the right thing in taking Tyler like this. I wasn't ready for what he was asking in the car. What am I supposed to do if he brings it up again?"

"Just try and talk to him. See what he understands and what he doesn't. Once you've figured that out, then maybe you can think of what to tell him," Brian explained.

"What if he asks why? I haven't even been able to figure that one out. There is no way that I'm going to be able to convince him of something that I have trouble believeing myself."

"Nick, he's still young," Brian reminded.

"Four.." Nick said proudly with a smile on his face. Brian looked at Nick for a moment before making any futher comments.

"When he gets older it will be easier to explain. Also, by that time, I think you'll be one with yourself again. Right now, just give Tyler what he needs. A father. Try and make his life as normal as possible. You'll both feel better," Brian said softly, "you both need each other."

"I never should have let them take Tyler," Nick commented, "it would have been better if he had just stayied with me. We'd both be better off."

"Nick you were so depressed. It wasn't safe for Tyler to be around you at that moment. Though, I must admit that since I brought Tyler up, you've been doing a lot better," Brian commented wondering what it was that Tyler had that made Nick heal so fast.

"He's my son Brian. Our son...." Nick said with his voice traling off.

"She'd be happy that you are so dedicated to Tyler," Brian added hoping to make Nick feel better, "I know she's looking down at you right now and she's smiling. Taking on Tyler was a brave thing to do. She's proud of you Nick."

"Why can't she be proud with me?" he asked with tears starting to fill his eyes as he looked up at Brian who was trying to think of a way to answer his question.

"Because some jerk went out on the road drunk," he told Nick.

"Why did he have to take her away?" Nick asked, "she was so young. We had a family. We were happy."

"I know you were Nick. All of us could see it. Anyone could have easily guessed actually," Brian said getting a small smile from Nicks now tear soaked face, "to tell you the truth, I or no one knows why she died. You just have to be strong and get over this."

"It's hard," Nick whispered.

"I know, but you have all of us. We are all going to be there for you. If you ever need anything, you can all any of us and you know that. If you ever feel that you can't control the pain, give one of us a call and we'll be right over and we'll help you get through it. Alright Bro?" Brian told Nick seriously.

"Thank you," Nick answered looking to the floor.

"You just have to be strong. It's not just for you any more but for Tyler as well. He needs you to be strong," Brian told him.

"I know, but there are going to times where I have to do this," he answered Brian, "I don't want to keep it all inside ya know?"

"Yeah," Brian answered and nodded, "it's better to let it all out instead of keeping it all inside. Just if you feel that it's taking control of you, call me. I'll help you get through it alright? Nothing is too hard when you have friends there to help you."

"I just miss her so much Brian. What am I supposed to do about that?" Nick asked hurtfully.

"There isn't anything that you can do. She's gone and no matter what you do, she's always going to be gone. Missing her is a good thing though. Just think about it, she's never actually gone unless you forget about her. Her memory is something that will always live on."

"Yeah I know," Nick replied through his tears and then looked over at Brian, "I just wish she could be here for Tyler. She would be so proud of him, like I am."

"She's proud of him and you even though she's not here for you to see that she's proud. You just have to believe that alright Nick? Just think, Tyler is the reason that you have to be able to pull yourself through this. I want you to promise me right here, right now, that if you feel that things are getting to hard for you to handle you'll call me," Brian said seriously.

"I promise," Nick answered nodding his head and then wiped his tears away and tried to push aside all of the sadness that he had so that he could pull himself together.

"It's okay to cry though," Brian told him and then Nick looked back up with tears in his eyes but remained silent for a moment.

"I'm just afraid that if I start, then I'm never going to be able to stop. I haven't been able to for six months now," he explained brokenheartedly.

"One day you'll accept it," Brian explained with his voice soft, "until then, you're going to grieve and that's alright. It's alright because it shows how much you cared about the person that you lost. I know how much she meant to you, but you do have to accept that she's gone. I'm not saying that to be mean to you, but, that's what you have to do because you can't sit around here crying all the time especially now that you have Tyler in your life. He needs to see that you can take care of both you and him."

"I know, I know," Nick answered, "thank you Brian for bringing me back to Tyler. He's the only bit of sanity that I have left. Also, thank you for making me go to AJ's, that made me feel a hell of a lot better."

"Hey, you had to do it sometime, I just sped up the process."

"Which helped me a lot, I can't tell you how much just yet because things are still the same but as soon as they get better, I know that I'll have to thank you."

"No you don't cause I was only trying to help you. You would have done the same for me right?"

"Yeah, I would have, at least tried to anyway. I don't know if I would have been very successful because I'm sure that you can tell that I'm not good in these kind of situations."

"And that's alright. Most people can't handle this either. As long as you have someone there for you then things are going to be alright."

"How do you know so much about all of this?" Nick asked, "I've never seen you go through anything like this before."

"I haven't but I know that different people handle death differently than others. That and I knew that you loved her. There was no way in hell that you were going to take this easily. I just did what I thought was the right thing to do at what I felt was the right time and from there, all I could do was pray that whatever it was helped you feel better," he explained.

"Thank you for not giving up on me though man, like the others did."

"They didn't completely give up on you. They just ran out of ideas. Think about it from where we're coming from. Someone is in a lot of pain but doesn't even make the smallest attempt in letting you help them feel better. It gets fustrating. People give up over time because they think that the person is never going to let them in, but I guess, you just have to find that persons weakness. With you, that was Tyler."

"Yeah, I guess so."