“We have to get out of here Brian” He was scared and shivering. I had never seen him as pale and innocent looking before and I thought I had seen just about every side of Nick that there was.
I placed my arms around him and gave him a huge hug, “I know we do kiddo...I know”
“Try the door again” I walked over to the bathroom door and grabbed the handle. It wouldn’t move, but I heard the chair which was helping to jamb it closed rattling as I pushed my body against it.
I turned and searched the bathroom, the place where we were being held prisoner, looking for something, anything that might give me some leverage against the weight of the door. There was nothing.
I turned and ran at full speed hoping my weight would be enough but the door held firm.
Turning towards Nick, holding my shoulder that I had just rammed I felt defeated, “It won’t budge”
“What are we going to do” His eyes grew wide with panic.
“I don’t…I don’t know”
Surely by now the guys must have realized we were in trouble. We must have missed something; some kind of meeting time?
“He’s going to be back any minute” Nick was rubbing his arms trying to keep himself warm. The guy had ripped his shirt right off of him, the remains of the shredded shirt lying on the ground by the toilet.
By instinct I went to take mine off to give to him. “Don’t! Remember what he said he’d do if you gave me your shirt?” That made me stop, we were in trouble.
“HELP!” I screamed at the top of my lungs banging on the door with all my might. “HELP!!! SOMEBODY!!”
Nick just slunk to the floor, probably the same realization dawning on him. We were in trouble.
I took a deep breath as I sat up in bed; it looked to be early morning. These dreams I was having were making no sense. I remember being hit on the head as Nick sat on the bed. Where all this other stuff was coming from was my imagination. It had to be.
I stood up and massaged my neck. It had become a habit to do that whenever I thought back to that day. As if rubbing my neck would make the pain those dreams and memories held go way. Walking over to the curtain I pulled it back slightly to see an overcast sky. The weather in Philadelphia had been dismal ever since we arrived. Maybe it was God’s way of telling us things would be bad here.
I have to say that since Derek Jones entered my life religion exited. It was hard having faith in a God who would let something as horrific as that night happen to two people who loved and lived by his example. Okay maybe I’m speaking more for me than for Nick but he’s just a kid you know?
“How could God let this happen to us?”
“Did you say something Brian?” I turned to face Kevin, my new and most likely permanent roommate. He was lying sprawled out on the couch, trying his best to make his long legs fit onto the love seat.
“Do you ever sleep anymore?” I asked walking back to my bed and sitting down across from him.
He sat up and yawned as if that should be answer enough. Wrapping his blanket around him he turned on the light.
“So what did you say?”
“I said why would God do this to us?” He looked surprised by my question but I didn’t see how he could be. It seemed like a perfectly logical question to ask. I did everything right, went to church every Sunday when able to and when not I took time out of my day to pray.
“Brian…it’s not like that”
“How is it not like that?”
“It just isn’t. You can’t blame God for what happened”
“Oh yeah? Then who should I blame? You? Where the hell were you when we needed you?”
I felt horrible the second that left my mouth. How did I manage to blame my cousin for this? He looked down at the floor, “I’m sorry Bri”
“No don’t be…that was stupid I’m just not thinking nowadays”
“We had no idea…that…”
I stopped him, “I know”
Now he stood up and came and sat next to me on the bed, “You look like you have goosebumps on your arms” He said wrapping the blanket he was using around me. Images of a cold half naked Nick flashed by my eyes. “I’m having these weird memories Kevin. They don’t make sense because...well they just don’t”
He gently rubbed my back, “Tell me about them”
“We were locked in the bathroom and I was banging on the door for help”
“But you said that he just hit you on the head and that was that” I nodded, “I know…it doesn’t make any sense”
“You think that maybe you just blocked it all out?” I shrugged, “But that memory is so vivid though, of him hitting me on the head”
“Did you manage to break down the door?”
“I don’t know, I just was screaming for help. Then I woke up”
“Because the door was broken… the bathroom door when we…“ He stopped he hated remembering this part, “When we found Nick. The door was off its hinges”
“It was?” I really wasn’t surprised this time. Nothing much surprised me anymore. “Yeah it was, so maybe you guys managed to break down the door”
“But that would mean that there was more to it then what I remembered”
“It would also explain how Nick’s blood got all over you” That I knew but maybe I didn’t want to go there. The fact that there could have been more that my brain wouldn’t allow me to remember was a little too much for me to deal with just then.
“I can’t ever close my eyes without going back there in one way or another. I feel like I am living in a nightmare”
He squeezed just a little bit tighter as he held onto me, “I know you do…I do too”
Maybe because I was just overly agitated but that really bothered me what he said, “You have NO idea what this feels like Kevin!”
Again my tone was accusing and he moved his arm away from my shoulders. “You’re right Brian I have no idea what kind of hell you and Nick went through, I’m not even going to pretend I do, but I DO feel like I’m living in a nightmare too”
“I just don’t understand why us?”
“I don’t think there’s an answer out there that would be suitable enough for you to want to hear”
“And he’s still out there Kevin…this monster is still out there”
“I know”
I rubbed at my eyes fighting the tears that wanted to spill out. Since this attack I had become so vulnerable. He once again wrapped his arms around me, “I know you don’t believe me but it’ll get better Brian”
He was right I didn’t believe him, but somehow it still felt comforting to hear. The tears came then and they came hard once again. He only sat next to me quietly letting me cry. What else was there to do?
“Don’t tell my mom okay? I know she calls you every day for updates and I don’t want her to worry” I asked when the last tears had dried and morning was now fully upon us.
“I won’t” He smiled at me surprised by my knowledge of those phone calls. I really didn’t know for sure but I did know my mother.
“Let’s order breakfast I’m starving” He got up and walked out of my room. Another night over thank God.
Even thinking the word God I cringed. I had so many questions, so many internal struggles at this point. I was so angry at God. How could the same entity that I spent hours praising and pledging my love to do something like this to me and someone I loved so much? How could he alter my whole entire life like he had? I was never going to be the same. Nick was definitely not going to be the same, if he even lived. Maybe if he died it would be better for him. I sighed almost bringing a whole new well of tears out. Then I stopped!
It was the mental image of my attacker that made me stop. Him wearing smug smile with his stupid gold teeth. He was the one that wanted me to feel like this. Probably the best thing to happen for him would be if Nick died and I lived wallowing in self pity.
“Stop!” I yelled at myself turning away from the mental image of Derek Jones, feeling the bile rise in my throat, ready to puke from fear.
I stepped out into the main room to see Howie sitting at the table. I had barely seen much of Howie. He spent most of his time keeping vigil at Nick’s bedside. All the guys did but it was Howie who remained there at all times.
“Good morning D, I’m not used to waking up and seeing you here”
He looked so tired; Howie. Huge circles under his eyes, his hair unkempt and a slight beard growing. Very un-Howie like.
“How did you sleep?” He yawned, I really think since this happened no one slept soundly anymore.
“Good as possible I guess”
“Good” He looked back down at the paper he was reading. Drinking a cup of coffee and having some honey dew.
“Is AJ with Nick?” He nodded, “He demanded I come home because I was stinking up the place…in AJ’s so eloquent words”
I laughed and poured myself a cup of orange juice. “I’m glad you did. You look beat; maybe you can just hit the sack for a few hours”
“Maybe” I could tell that I was right, no more sleeping for the Backstreet Boys.
“Howie” He looked over at me, “That day that it happened…”
“Yeah?”
“About how long was it before you guys came up to my room? How much time went by between when you saw us last and when it happened?”
He put his paper down and his eyes told me he was trying to figure out the time in his head. “It’s hard to say because you guys went to play basketball first, but I would say about 4 hours or so maybe a little more…why?”
“Just trying to make sense of it all” In my head four hours was enough time to do unspeakable things. How long did we actually play basketball? Maybe the whole incident took only thirty minutes? But then where was the guy if he DID really lock us in the bathroom? Would he have enough time to lock us in there and then come back?
“Brian there‘s no sense in what happened to you” I had never quite heard Howie take that tone before, it was different. Maybe Kevin was right, it was a nightmare for them as well as me.
“I ordered us some breakfast more than that fruit plate. You need to eat some more Howie, you’re looking a little peaked” Kevin said walking over to the table and sitting beside me.
“I’m really fine” He said pushing away his plate of half eaten melon.
“How have the Carters dealt with all of this?” I decided to ask randomly. I hadn’t allowed my mind to go to them because honestly I wasn’t a huge fan of the way they raised their son. In a lot of ways I felt like my cousin did a better job fathering Nick then his parents did.
“Like any family who have had something devastating happen to one of their kids”
“Have they been at the hospital?” Howie nodded, “They come and go but yes they are there quite a lot actually.
“Not so much nowadays but at the beginning they were all there all the time” Kevin added.
“Good, Nick needs his family now”
“To Nick we’re his family” Kevin grabbed a slice of Melon off the tray and put it in his mouth.
“They have really done a good job at hounding the police about catching this guy”
“Good” We were quiet for a few minutes.
“They blame me don’t they?”
“NO Brian, of course not. No one blames you for anything” Once again Kevin’s arm found it’s way around my shoulders.
“I would…if I were them, I’d blame me”
“No you wouldn’t”
“Will he have scars for the rest of his life?” These were questions that didn’t fit a breakfast conversation, nor were they questions that my friends wanted to answer.
“I’m sure with the best plastic surgeons in the business they will be minimal”
“But they’ll still be there” I said flatly.
“Yeah” Kevin answered in just as flat a tone.
When breakfast came we sat and ate in silence, none of us really that hungry after all.
I'll be back on Sunday with chapter 8! :)
