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Chapter Nineteen

The soft warm bed, the security of the blanket covering my body, the fresh, welcoming air, the silence. The realization that everyone was safe. All that made me want to continue my beautiful sleep. I didn't mind staying like this forever.

But then the constant beeping of a machine somewhere made me stir. The fresh air smelled like different medicines mixed together. My left arm felt numb and as if something was pricking itself inside me.

My body ached all over. I could feel the cramp in my legs even without moving them. Three days of walking in the cold. I can't believe I survived that. I could feel something was plastered on my chest and a wire (if I could call it that, I don't know, I'm not fully awake) coming out from the hospital gown I was wearing. I knew it was to monitor my heart rate; they used the same thing when I was warded for my heart surgery years ago.

And how could you forget the headache? It had stayed with me like a loyal dog to it's master. Only difference is that dogs are cute and cuddly and headaches, they just...ached.

For what seemed like an eternity, I stayed in that position. My eyes staring at the white ceiling above me. Didn't dare to move even an inch. Three days of nightmare recollected in my memory disk and replayed itself without my consent. Then, the longing for my brothers engulfed me. What had happened to them?

I closed my eyes, fighting back the tears from flowing. Not that crying would make me any less of a man; I am very secure about my sexuality. It's just that the crying would only make my head worse.

Then, something made me feel better again. Something that would lift all the unbearable pain away.

"Thank you doctor, I will."

She came into the room like an angel from above. Sent to earth just for me. Her long blonde hair carelessly swayed behind her, her every move elegant and sweet. Her long white dress shines her whole; visible glowing white aura protecting her from the harm of the world. But those who hate romantic moments will blame my sick disillusioned head for the way I described her.

She's not an angel, but she is the love of my life. And one thing is for certain, she wore a sad, stressed out expression on her otherwise lovely face. Things should not be that way. She should be smiling, radiating love everywhere she goes.

"Baby? What's troubling you?" I croaked. Surprised at how funny my voice sounded. I threw all plans of being romantic out the window. Let’s just be sick for a while.

She had shock written all over her face. When it finally faded, it was replaced with a smile. That's what I've been expecting.

"Honey! You're awake!" She rushed over to my side and carefully hugged me. I pulled her down and was rewarded with a peck on my forehead. How much worse should a guy suffer to get a kiss on the lips?

When she pulled away from me, her teary eyes locked into mine. I found myself drowned in my own tears too. I never thought I would ever see her again.

"Please don't cry baby, it hurts me even more." I said. I hope I sounded romantic enough. It was so cheesy and still, I meant every single word.

"I'm just happy honey! You've been lying there for three days; I was beginning to worry that you would never wake up."

Hold a sec. Three days? I slept for three days? That is so great! I didn't even dream! That was peaceful.

"I was just asleep baby, nothing to worry about." I said, trying my best to assure her that I was fine. She had gone through a lot and here I was thinking that sleeping for three days was a blessing.

"Oh my God! I have to inform your doctor that you're awake. Everyone is waiting outside, I'm sure they want to see you too." Leighanne cried. Ahh...I'm so loved.

"You mean, the boys are outside right now?" I asked.

"Oh Hon...not the boys, your family. They're all here." Leighanne replied, a tint of sadness in her voice. Why would she be so sad? Unless...

"The others, what happened to them? Where are they?" I asked. I confess, I panicked.

"Honey, we'll talk about that later, maybe I could let the doctor tell you that. Right now, I want you checked and then meet your family." She planted another kiss on my forehead-I guess it's the only area on my face that remained unscathed-and went out of the room, leaving me alone again.

Why didn't she want to tell me about the fate of my brothers? Is she afraid I might get a heart attack? Is it really that bad? Why didn't she want to tell me?

ררררר

I am not trying to be disrespectful. To have all your family members flown down to the city which I'm still not sure where, is a blessing. It shows that I'm surrounded by people who love me and care for me. Everyone was there, you name it, and I have it. Even Kevin's family came in for a visit. But Kevin wasn't there. And the rest of the Backstreet Boys were MIA too.

We spent about thirty minutes just talking and crying and hugging. But at the back of my mind, my only concern was for the boys. How come none of them had come and visited me? And no one told me anything about Kevin. And he is family!

So I did the one thing that I could do. I asked to be alone, complaining that I'm still tired and needed my beauty rest. The fact of the matter is, I can't stand having too many people around me, it gives me headache. I just needed to be alone and recollect my thoughts.

When everyone started to leave, I held on to Leighanne's hand, wanting her to stay with me.

"Baby, you know what's troubling my mind, so please help me." I begged her. "What are they hiding from me?"

"Honey, we just don't want you to get worried right now, you're still weak." Leighanne said. I know they meant well but I'm getting annoyed about all this protecting me stuff. I've had enough of it already.

"I can rest better if I know where they are." I replied. Leighanne gave her resigned look. I knew I was getting to her. Soon, she couldn't resist my charm and would spill.

"Hon, if you could turn your head to the left, maybe it will help." I didn't know what she meant but I did as suggested. The head still didn't want to co-operate. Rebelling against my action, it pounded its protests. But I ignored it. I had to know what was going on.

For the first time, I realized that I wasn't alone in the room. There was another bed next to mine, but it was hidden behind a curtain, which is only semi see-through. I saw someone on the bed.

I tried to separate the noise in the room and finally could distinguish two different heart monitors beeping. The one that belonged to me although weak sounded normal. But the one belonging to the other patient was not only slow, it was very weak.

"Who's my room mate?" I joked.

"Can't you see him?" Leighanne asked. I know she meant well but she definitely needed to be in my shoes to know the state I was in then. I just shook my head.

"That's AJ."

ררררר

That wasn't the first time that he was awoken by the disturbing voice of someone ranting in his sleep. For a split second, he got very annoyed by it.

But everything would just come back to him and Kevin would realize that he was still in the hospital bed, feeling lousy. And the ranting had come from none other than the man he shared the ward with.

He wondered what day it was and how long he had been in the semi-conscious state that he was in. He remembered being wheeled into the emergency room the day they were rescued. He had been the luckiest of the lot. Just a few cuts and bruises and a second degree burn. They had taken care of that and had left him alone in a ward while his brothers were battling for their lives.

He remembered getting out of his bed and the IV needle still poking his right arm, attempting to venture out to find his brothers. He didn't even reach the door when the fainting spells started. The tiredness showed itself without warning and smacked him right in the face.

The next thing he remembered was waking up in his bed again with a swollen arm. They had however, injected another IV to his left arm. A nurse came in a few minutes later, checking up on him. He asked the nurse about his brothers but all she would say was it was silly of him to try and get out and that he had fainted. Kevin didn't care about that, he already knew that bit. Before he could get anything more out of the nurse, he drifted into another deep sleep.

When he woke up, it was already dark. And what annoyed him most was the fact that he was awoken from his sleep by the sound of someone moaning. It didn't take him long to realize that he had someone else sharing his room. And that someone was having some sort of a nightmare.

"Will you just shut up!" Kevin murmured under his pillow. He wondered why they had put someone who was obviously unstable, in the same room as he was. Shouldn't he be getting a private room? He is a celebrity after all. He snorted at the last remark. Someone's head was swelling and it wasn't Brian.

He didn't wait for the person to respond. He didn't think that he was awake in the first place. The guy just had a bad dream. He willed himself to surrender to another dreamless sleep.

Now, as he lay in his bed fully awake, he saw from the blinded window that the sun had just set. He had slept the whole day through. The other guy was ranting again. He ignored him at first; studying the room and wondering why hadn't any of his family come for a visit. No sooner than he thought, he saw the many bouquets of flowers set on the table next to his bed. On one of them, a card was planted elegantly with pink ribbon. He took it off and tore the envelope away. The card had the greeting 'Wish You Get Well Soon' emblazoned below a picture of a teddy bear with an injured arm. How appropriate. He opened it up and smiled.

Darling,

I am no Genie so I can't heal your pain. Take care of yourself and don't start being smart and walk around the hospital with a needle poking in your body. Not a smart move for someone who is as intelligent as you. I hope you wake up soon cause it's tearing me up inside just to be by your side and you not looking at me and smiling. I will be back again tomorrow, and I hope this time, you'll be waiting for me with open arms.

Love, Kristin

Kevin smiled and placed the card to its original bouquet when another card caught his attention. He took it out and started reading it too. He was beginning to feel that he wasn't alone all that time he was sleeping.

Darling,

Day two and you're still not awake yet. I'm worried about you. They say that you're just sleeping because your body is just too drained to function. I'm lost right now. I can't bear to sit here all day and not see you wake up. They said you stirred this morning but I wasn't here to see that. I know you need your rest but please don't take too long. I need you here with me. I need you to open your eyes and say that you're fine. I'm selfish but that's just because I love you. Wake up soon okay?

Love, Kristin

He had been in the hospital for two days. He knew that now.

He closed the card and placed it with the first one and started to look for another card if there was any. His heart beat with anticipation, hoping that it was from his wife again.

Darling,

They said you woke up today but I missed it again. Now I don't feel like going back home but they said I couldn't sleep here with you. Leighanne is sleeping over at our house just to keep ourselves company. Please wake up baby, I miss you so much. I thought I had lost you in the bus crash but you're here with me now. All I need is for you to wake up and smile and everything will be perfect.

Love, Kristin

Kevin placed the card back and couldn't find any other. He knew then that it had been three days since he was admitted. He vowed never to sleep that night. He wanted her to see his eyes and his smile when she walked into the room tomorrow morning.

The moaning brought Kevin back from cloud nine. He grunted and stood right up on his bed. Making sure that the fainting spells had not resurfaced, he got out of bed carefully and dragging the stand that attached the bag with glucose solution that was fed into him through the IV needle, he approached the bed.

The ranting became clearer to him now.

"No...it's all my fault...should always have a plan...Brian, I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." The man cried in his slumber. Kevin drew the curtain away. Knowing exactly who was in the bed even before he took the first look.

"Howie?"