“Hershey bar or Peanut butter crackers?”
“The kind with the cheddar cheese crackers?”
“Yup, is there any other kind?”
“Eww, then definitely a Hershey bar!”
“Kevin who says eww to those crackers? I LOVE those things. I practically lived off them when I was little.”
Kevin looked over at this friend and rolled his eyes, “That explains so much really.”
“Yeah it does! What a freak show you are that’s what that explains. I mean what kind of a guy hates those crackers but likes Mellow Yellow? That is the weirdest thing ever Kev.”
“There’s nothing wrong with Mellow Yellow.”
“It looks like anti freeze.”
“Well your peanut butter crackers look like…well weird orange things.”
Nick laughed, “Oh great comeback there!”
Kevin smiled, “Anyway, how are you feeling? Any better?”
Nick shrugged, “I guess.”
“Good.” Kevin looked over at his friend once again and wasn’t sure what to say next. When he came back from the car with the pants in his hand, he noticed Nick wiping away a fresh batch of tears only to be quickly masked by a smile before Kevin sat down. It was clear that Nick didn’t want to talk about anything, it was also clear that there was a lot to talk about.
Maybe Kevin had figured that out a long time ago, but seeing the look on his friend’s face made him realize just how troubled Nick really was. So they sat in silence, Kevin still clinging to his extra pair of pants until Nick randomly started with the ‘this or that’ game.
“A Viper or a Lamborghini?”
“Are either of those electric?”
“Kevin, good Lord must you suck the fun out of this game?”
“Seriously the gas is horrible for the environment.”
“Okay then how about…a pogo stick or a bike?” Kevin smirked at the level of sarcasm in his baby brother’s voice.
“Definitely a pogo stick, but only if I could see you try to do it first.”
“I’m sure I could pogo with the best of them.”
“Yeah considering you can’t even walk without randomly falling over Nick, I highly doubt it.”
“I’d kind of like to see Howie try pogo sticking.”
“Just when I thought we’d actually get through a whole day without a single Howie remark. Nick you disappoint me.”
“Sorry you know I love me some Howie dissing.”
Kevin looked over once again, “So you going to try on the pants or what?”
“I’m thinking about it as long as you turn around.”
“Since when did you become shy? Usually you enjoy sticking your ass in people’s faces!”
“Only when I’m ready to fart Kev…”
Kevin handed the pants over to Nick and laid his head against the tree and closed his eyes, “Go ahead and try them, I won’t peek because believe it or not I don’t care to see your ass.”
“Everyone wants to see my ass. Didn’t you get the memo?”
“Must have missed that one.”
While Nick struggled to get the pants on, Kevin thought back to the last conversation he and Howie had about their friend. If Nick only realized how much he meant to all of his band mates. He had no idea how concerned everyone was for him. Many times all their conversations turned to Nick once he left the room.
In Nick’s mind however, he felt that they had all moved on with their lives and in some way felt ashamed to be around him. He never said it outright but Brian actually picked up on it one of the first times they got together after their hiatus.
Nick barely made eye contact with Brian at all and for the longest time, he thought maybe he had done something to piss Nick off. That was an easy task ever since he had been married; Nick found any little thing to get mad at Brian about.
Kevin had noticed it too so it was no big surprise when his cousin approached him about it.
“Is he having a problem with me Kev?” Brian had asked confused glancing back towards Nick who was joking with Howie.
“I don’t think so Brian…but maybe you should ask him.”
“I have a hard time talking to him lately…you know? Do you?”
“Not so much, but I know what you mean. He’s kind of changed.”
“And not for the better; I worry about him.”
“Me too.”
“Think there’s something going on that we don’t know about?” All Kevin could do was shrug in response. What else was there to say?
“Well if there is something wrong he’ll talk to us right?” Seeing that questioning glance in Brian’s eyes made Kevin’s skin crawl, feeling like they were going to have to deal with an AJ situation all over again. Maybe not in the same way as AJ, but with Nick it was almost worse because the kid was prone to depression and erratic behavior.
And that was when the worrying started. Kevin always worried about Nick, ever since he first laid eyes on the kid but the full fledged worry started that day and escalated to that conversation Howie and Kevin had shortly before this fishing trip.
“Kev…can I talk to you?” It was a surprise to see Howie so serious all of the sudden. He was being secretive almost to the point that Kevin thought maybe he had gotten in trouble with the law or something.
“Sure what’s wrong D?”
Howie looked around careful to make sure no one was listening, making Kevin even more suspicious.
“It’s Nick…I know I’m one to kind of let things lie you know? I don’t like to get involved with stuff.”
And that was true, for as long as Kevin knew Howie, he would listen to all the drama but rarely offer his opinion on any of it, Including AJ. He was just brought up that way, nothing wrong with it. So it was surprising to hear him say the words he said.
“What about Nick?”
“I’m worried about him Kevin…the things I’m seeing when he thinks no one is watching him. He’s sad, he’s withdrawn, he’s drinking like a fish and he’s never happy. His moods go from bad to worse and he’s hanging out with a horrible crowd. When people speak to him he only half listens then smiles like he is the happiest kid on earth.”
At that point Kevin found himself looking over at Nick who was sitting at the console tapping his fingers against the padding looking lost and in deep thought. To an untrained eye it would have maybe seemed like he was listening in to a track figuring out when to fade, but Kevin knew he wasn’t listening to anything, except the voices in his head.
“I think I’m going to ask him to go fishing with me this weekend.”
“Fishing? I know he had a big party planned with some of his friends. He’s not going to go for that.”
Once again he looked over at Nick who happened to look up at that precise moment and smile at him.
“Maybe he will D.”
“I hope so because I’m worried about him Kev.”
“Wow they actually fit!” Kevin opened his eyes to see Nick standing there tying a knot into the sweat pants.
“Awesome, I’m glad.”
“I still don’t quite understand why you have an extra pair of pants with you…but ah well. It worked for me this time.”
“Maybe I have them in my car just in case I happen to be with you. Ever think of that?”
“The scary part is Kevin…that you very well might have thought that through.”
Kevin laughed, “Yeah I know you think I’m anal.”
“Everyone thinks that, not just me dude.”
“Okay fine…I’ll be the anal one.”
Nick smirked then turned around and spanked his own butt. “I look like a sexy biotch in these!”
“You are definitely not right in the head Carter.”
“Okay mister… I have everything I need to survive a nuclear war in the car… guy.”
Kevin grew serious for a minute, “Nick…is there something you want to tell me? Something you want to talk about?”
“Huh? Where the hell did that come from?”
“Is there?” Nick’s demeanor changed suddenly as he picked up a rock and threw it out into the water. It barely made it in from where he was standing.
“I’m good Kev, okay? I told you I was just emotional because I almost freaking drowned.”
“Today,” Kevin was quick to add.
“Today… yes.”
“What about all the other days?”
“We all get down sometimes Kevin. You do too don’t you?”
“Sure I do but…we’re not talking about me.”
“Well maybe we should. Why are we out here fishing Kev? Is there something you need to get off your mind? I mean I know you used to do this with your dad.”
“Today was his birthday Nick.”
“It was?” Now Nick walked over and sat next to his friend.
“Yeah…” Kevin said looking up and smiling.
“Why aren’t you with your family?”
“Because…we decided not to do that anymore, being together on his birthday wasn’t going to bring him back. So we all just do our own thing and remember him in our own way.”
“And for you it’s fishing huh?”
“Yeah, for me it’s fishing…and being with people I care about and besides…You are my family Nick, you do realize that right?”
“Are you getting all gushy with me now?”
“No, I’m not getting all gushy with you, I just wanted you to know that despite maybe not spending as much time together as we used to and despite arguing with you all the time …”
“And nagging, you mustn’t forget the nagging.”
“Fine and all the nagging I do…I just want to make sure you know that you can still always come to me if you need me, anytime for any reason. I look at you as my baby brother Nick and I don’t plan on quitting that job anytime soon.”
Nick looked away and nodded, “Thanks man…you mean a lot to me as well.”
The thing is Kevin already knew that. It’s just that sometimes the message wasn’t received the other way around.
They sat silent again, seems like they did that a lot on this trip. Sitting in silence maybe gathering up the courage to say something relevant or confess something that needed to be purged. Kevin was hoping that by the end of this trip that is what would happen.
“Pizza or burgers?” Kevin smiled and closed his eyes, okay so maybe the confessions wouldn’t happen just yet.
“I’d have to go with burgers.”
“Yeah I knew you would…okay what about polar bears or koala bears?”
“Polar bears.”
“Why?”
“Because they look like snow and I like snow.”
“Very first grade answer Kevin.”
“Happy or sad?” Kevin asked looking over at Nick.
“How about medium?”
“Okay.”
“Ring Dings or Twinkies?”
Kevin laughed, “Neither.”
“What is wrong with you Kevin…jeez!” Nick shook his head at the man he looked up to almost as much as a father but would never say it out loud and smiled at him, wanting to open up but still not quite ready.
Thanks for reading! I'll be back soon with a new chapter of this one, but probably not until after Easter! So Happy Easter everyone!
