When they got back to their fishing spot, there was another car occupying the space that Kevin and Nick had vacated.
“Dang! Looks like someone else stole our idea.” Nick said in a slightly whiny voice, reminding Kevin of the child who didn’t like to entertain anything new.
“The more the merrier I guess.” Kevin opened his car door and stopped and looked in the window at Nick, “So are you coming?”
Nick sighed as he opened his door, “I hate sharing.”
“Yes I know this about you.”
“What if it’s those girls from the restaurant? Did you notice if they followed us?”
“No one followed us, just probably someone fishing like us…no big deal.”
When Nick was younger he was always hesitant to let someone into the small circle that had become his Backstreet family. Whenever another person from management came into the picture or a brand new body guard, publicist, even hair stylist, it would take their youngest member forever to warm up to that person.
Believe it or not something that only those closest to him knew was out of all of them, Nick did not like change. At least at the beginning it was a big secret, as the years went on and their lives were gradually spilled out all over the magazines and entertainment shows, the die hard fans also came to realize that same fact.
Kevin sometimes tried to put himself in Nick’s shoes but they never quite fit which was a fact that often frustrated his friend. “No one understands me.” Was usually his typical angsty teenage response and he was right because no one ever did.
It was when Brian and Leighanne’s relationship took off that Kevin first started to understand what exactly was going on. He was afraid of being alone; simple really once the puzzle pieces were put together. Whenever someone came into the inner circle it meant one of the five of them might be taken away.
Nick was jealous, completely jealous of Leigh at first. He used to even go so far as making fun of her. It would piss Brian off, it did piss Leigh off, but Kevin understood. He saw behind all of that. Brian was Nick’s safe place but Leigh came along and threw him out of there. It sounds juvenile but considering Nick’s emotional upbringing and his childhood, it made sense.
Kevin decided that he would try to fill that void left by Leighanne so he would invite Nick along to a movie or ask him to play basketball. Whenever he did, Nick would get this light in his eyes, as if he was the fat kid usually picked last on a team but chosen over the athlete. Kristin helped too, by always welcoming his little brother with open arms, something that Brian’s wife wasn’t ever eager to do, but then again she had overheard Nick more than once making fun of her and her boobs. It was to be expected that the two wouldn’t get along that well.
Unfortunately when Kevin decided to take on this task there was another one soon waiting in the wings and that was AJ’s drug problem. Nick gradually started to take a backseat to everyone, while they tirelessly worried about the rebel of the group, his late night binges, his change in personality, and his suddenly violent demeanor.
So Nick decided to take the same approach he took with Leighanne and made fun of AJ. He really had no clue what was going on with his friend. He knew AJ liked to drink but out of all of them, it was Nick who lived on that river of denial. So when AJ would show up late to a meeting it was Nick who would give him a hard time. He missed all the others eyeing him with concerned faces, trying to cut him off, trying to shut him up until finally AJ would get mad and walk out of the room.
It wasn’t until one murky day when Brian and Kevin approached him while he was playing basketball that Nick finally understood what was going on.
“Nicky we need to talk to you.”
“I’m busy.” He was doing lay ups, being stubborn as usual since Brian and Kevin had both blew him off for the game they were now interrupting.
“This is serious stop playing around.” Kevin had little patience at this point and thinking back on a lot of that Black and Blue time he would place that on his list of re-dos.
“Okay but one more shot.” Nick threw the ball which Kevin caught in mid air.
“No more shots, we need you to come with us.”
“Where?”
“AJ’s”
“Why?”
“Because he’s late and we’re worried.”
Nick rolled his eyes, jealousy once again creeping into the features of his face. “So call him then, you do know how to use a phone right?”
“God Nick, don’t you care about anyone but yourself?” Brian asked disgusted walking away.
That left Kevin and Nick alone both staring at each other. When it looked like the 21 year old wasn’t going to budge Kevin shook his head and started to walk away. Something made him stop, to this day Kevin felt like this was the real turning point for things to come when AJ was concerned.
He turned around and walked back over to Nick, “Do you have any idea what’s going on with AJ? You don’t do you?”
Nick crossed his arms defensively in front of him, “I know he’s been a real jerk off lately, just like all of you have.”
“Nick he has a problem.”
“We all have problems Kevin; you guys just seem to care more about his.”
Kevin walked over and placed his hand on Nick’s shoulder, “No I mean he has a problem, you have to see it right? Something is not right with him and Brian and I want to go confront him. We want you to come.”
Nick stood silently; finally he nodded and followed Kevin.
That night they rang AJ’s doorbell about fifty times until finally having to climb through a window to get inside. Nick stood in the back as he watched Kevin throw water on AJ as he lay in bed, and then watched as Brian who was normally calm and collected; cuss as if he was a truck driver as he picked up dog crap that was lying all over the place. The dogs were yapping tirelessly because their bowls were lacking food and water but instead of helping all Nick could do was stare.
He stared as AJ finally awake but clearly not sober brushed past him almost knocking him down. He stared as Kevin started kicking the empty bed in frustration and he stared as Brian opened windows trying to air out the place that smelled horrible. He never said a word, but he finally got it.
“Well?” Nick looked over at Kevin and smiled, “Wow seems like I’m not the only one that zones out. Maybe it’s catchy.”
“Sorry?”
“I said are we going down or what? It looks like it’s a guy and a kid down there.”
Kevin glanced past Nick to the water where a man was helping a small boy cast a rod into the water. “Yup let’s go.”
“Uh Kevin, aren’t you forgetting something?” Kevin looked back as Nick nodded at the trunk, “our one rod.”
“Right.”
“You okay man?” Nick looked concerned as Kevin went to open his trunk.
“Yeah, sorry I was just thinking about AJ and the well… you know.”
Nick’s face grew serious, “Why are you thinking about that out of the blue?”
“I have no idea.”
“It would have been fun to invite him along too.” Nick said while placing a cap on his head and adjusting his sunglasses.
“Can you imagine AJ fly fishing?”
“No but can you imagine ME fly fishing?”
Kevin laughed, “Good point.”
As they made their way closer to the water the older man turned to look their way. Kevin gave him a friendly nod to which the man returned with a smile before turning his attention back to the child who was clearly young enough to be his grandson.
“You want to walk a little more upstream?”
“I guess, doesn’t matter to me where’s upstream?”
“That way,” Kevin said pointing toward the sun. As they passed by the man and the boy, he heard a little of their conversation.
“Slow and steady Will…slow and steady, you have to be patient.”
“I’m never going to catch a fish.”
“When you least expect it, it’ll happen.”
Kevin’s mind drifted back to that night in Boston, a day before he broke down AJ’s door. He hated even being in the same room with the drug addict, ever since the incident at the house AJ kept his distance from the members of the band doing nothing but further alienating them all. The biggest change he noticed was Nick however who barely said a word to anyone. All the kid ever seemed to want to do was play basketball.
And that was where he found him all alone doing lay ups just like he was when his eyes were abruptly opened to the problem for the first time.
“Hey, what are you doing?”
Nick stopped for a second and looked over at Kevin before running for the hoop, “What does it look like I’m doing?”
“I was wondering if everything is all good with you?”
“Why would you be wondering that?” Once again Kevin found himself stealing the ball away from Nick but this time he went for a basket and missed.
“Because you aren’t acting like yourself.”
“Nobody is acting like themselves.” Nick had a point that Kevin couldn’t refute so once again he bounced the ball and tried to get it in the basket.
About a minute later AJ walked out of the door and glanced at both Kevin and Nick. “You’re late…again!”
“Stuff it Kaos.”
“Were you guys going to play a game or something?”
“Or something.” Nick said grabbing the ball from Kevin and making a shot. Before he could further pursue his line of questioning, the fight had begun. Where it came from is something that even today remains a mystery.
“You know what, I’m getting pretty tired of your tone with me Nick, from the others I can deal with it but I will NOT be treated like crap from you!”
Nick stopped mid bounce and glared at AJ, “Oh and why is that? You respect their opinions but not mine?”
AJ shook his head and started walking away, a move which enraged the younger man. “Maybe I should tell Kevin what you were doing last night then? What I caught you doing.”
“Shut the hell up!”
Kevin stepped into the argument now, “What were you doing?”
“Nothing, he’s a freaking jackass.”
“Oh am I?”
AJ had a look in his eyes, a look that Kevin never had the desire to ever see again. It was a mix of pure hatred and emptiness. “You know why I will take crap from them and not from you Nick? Because you are nothing but a huge pile of white trash! I don’t respect your opinion; you don’t have enough brains in that little head of yours to formulate an opinion.”
“AJ, that’s enough!” Kevin shouted with disbelief in his voice but it was too late, the damage had been done. Nick who had been holding the basketball in front of him now took aim and tossed it right at AJ’s head.
“You’re a son of a bitch.” He said now running at AJ full tilt ready to tackle.
AJ was pushed back by the force of Nick’s weight but he never faltered. He grabbed Nick by the neck and actually started to choke him. “You are the son of a bitch Nick!” He was straddling Nick as he lay on top of him. Kevin ran to help, trying to grab AJ off of the blonde.
“Get the hell off me Kevin!” AJ growled out as Nick bat at his face.
“You’re going to kill him AJ get off of him NOW!” AJ suddenly let go and climbed off Nick, looking confused and angry. All Nick could do was roll on his side and cough.
Kevin for the first time in a long time had no idea what to do as he watched one friend on the ground trying to breath and the other run right off the deep end. He decided to follow AJ leaving Nick on the floor alone.
“That’s right Will, easy does it.”
“But grandpa I feel like I’m going to lose the rod.”
Nick walked closer to Kevin, placed his arm on his shoulder and whispered, “You know it’s not polite to eavesdrop Kev.”
The little boy turned at the sound of Nick’s voice and looked over at the boys. Knowing he was caught blatantly listening to their conversation; Kevin decided to put his two cents in, “You know my dad used to take me fishing all the time and he used to tell me the same thing that your grandfather is telling you so you should listen to him.”
Maybe he was expecting one of those life altering moments of clarity from the little boy, you know when he turns to his grandfather and says, “Yes I understand perfectly now, my life is forever changed because of this man over here telling me to listen to you.” But maybe Kevin had just watched too many sappy movies with Kristin because instead the little boy said, “Oh yeah? How many fish did you catch today?”
That got a chuckle out of Nick and a fun loving brow raise from Kevin, “I haven’t caught anything yet today.”
“Okay then why should I listen to you?”
“William that is not a nice thing to say.” The grandfather said lightly tapping his grandson on the shoulder. The older man gave Kevin an apologetic nod, “I’m very sorry sometimes my grandson doesn’t mind his manners.”
“Um, sorry to bother you both.” Kevin said after a few seconds of awkward silence.
“I am so glad I came with you man…that was the best.” Nick exclaimed while walking away from the duo.
“I thought the Leprechaun story was the best.”
“Okay then that was the second best.”
“Shut up Nick.”
“I know you were trying to help but man, kids today…you should have seen your face.”
Kevin shook his head as he continued to guide his friend upstream but not quite out of ear shot yet.
“How many times do I have to tell you to be polite to your elders William?”
“I’m sorry pop pop.”
“We’ll talk more about it when we get home.”
“You can’t hide from me forever AJ! You have to come out of that damn room sometime and when you do we have to talk about what just happened. About what’s BEEN happening.”
Kevin was met with silence behind a wood door; the same one he would break down the very next day out of mounting frustration. He turned and headed back towards the alley where he had left Nick lying on the ground after almost being strangled to death by one of his best friends.
By the time he got out there Nick was up and shooting hoops again, as if nothing even happened. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll live I guess, how’s AJ?”
“He’ll live too…I hope.”
Kevin was about to grab the ball out of Nick’s hands and this time, sit him down and talk about all of the feelings that he knew were living deep down inside of his little brother, but Nick had other plans, he threw the ball which failed to connect with the basket and in a fit of pure frustration he decided to punch the wall. Immediately he fell to the floor and landed in a fetal position, his hand broken in two places…
In a moment of absolute weakness and sadness a few days later right before going on TRL, Nick in full blown tears looked over at Kevin who wasn’t quite sure how to console his sad friend. They were all sad and feeling detached but once again he understood there were more to the tears. Not only was he crying for AJ and the fact that he was at rock bottom and needed help, but he was also crying because it was the first time truly that their inner circle was broken. He was really never the same after that.
Now Kevin caught himself looking over at Nick who sometimes wore that same mask of loneliness that he wore back in that time and place.
“That was a dark time wasn’t it?”
“What? You getting dissed by that kid?”
“No, I’m talking about AJ, Black and Blue, that whole time.”
“Oh, yeah it was…why do you keep bringing that up?”
“Because it was a dark time but we got through it you know? If we made it through that we can make it through anything.”
“Yeah thanks for the speech coach.”
Kevin shrugged as Nick rolled his eyes. “We can Nick.”
“You know you’re getting very random in your old age Kevin.”
“I don’t think I’m being all that random and neither do you.” Nick turned towards his friend and in Kevin’s eyes the only thing missing was that basketball he kept by his side during that whole crisis.
Maybe he was going to disagree or stick up his middle finger but hearing the little boy suddenly say, “Grandpa why are there pants floating around in here?” Made both boys smile and laugh.
“Come on we better get going, I’ll catch a billion fish and show that little brat whose king of the sea.”
“Yeah Kevin you show him… Bonehead.”
“Come on I’ll race you!” Kevin said taking off on the grass before Nick even knew what was happening.
“Hey no fair!”
He heard faintly as he ran upstream into the sun, trying to leave those horrible memories where they belonged, in the dust.
Sorry about the delay! But now concerts are done and soon school will be too woohoo! lol
