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Numb




He had never felt anything like this before, never in his life. The day his father died he remembered sitting in a hall much like the same one he was sitting in now. The walls white, the smell antiseptic, back then he felt numb to what was going on. Back then it had felt like a dream, probably because he had just fought with his dad so there was no closure at all.



What he remembers most about that day was the reaction of the people around him. The way his mother sat rocking with her hands on her head just saying over and over again “what am I going to do now…?” As Rob sat beside her patting her back, trying to ease her pain.



Brian and AJ were much too young to understand that they no longer had a father but Kevin understood, he understood all to well how from that day on his life was never going to be the same. That night he just kind of stared ahead, not saying much to anyone about anything. It had been Rob who came over to console him, when no one else would. It’s like no one else knew what to say to him. The rest of the guys his father worked with were busy holding Nick, trying to lull him to sleep or playing basketball out back with Brian or watching a movie with AJ. A good amount just wrapped around his mother like a warm winter coat while he went unnoticed.



Rob had walked over to him, placed his hand behind his back and actually rubbed while saying the words Kevin so desperately needed to hear. “It wasn’t your fault son.”



He didn’t believe Rob at the time and maybe even now as a grown man he still didn’t believe him, but as he sat waiting on those same cold hard chairs like before it was Rob who was once again by his side saying those same words.



“It’s not your fault Kevin.”



“How do you figure?”



He felt Rob’s hand find the back of his neck as he grabbed it in a reassuring way, “Because it isn’t.”



The numbness Kevin felt now was almost unbearable, it’s like if he allowed himself to feel he would lose his mind.



“My mom?”



“She’s on her way.”



“Good.”



Kevin placed a hand to his eyes to wipe away the tears that had not yet fallen. How could he let something like this happen? How could he not realize it was going to happen?



“How did he know?”



Rob stood up at that point to stretch his legs and look down at the long hall, probably checking to see if anyone was coming out with news of his brother’s condition.



“Know what?”



“The word? How did he know it? I mean only a few of us knew.”



“String bean?” Kevin nodded, his mouth semi open in shock, it had been this whole time but he had been too numb to notice.



Rob walked back over to Kevin and sat down, “We’ll find him Kevin.”



“Yeah,” was all he could say, not even recognizing the sound of his own voice.



“Where is he?” The frantic cry of his mother woke him from his semi trance as he allowed himself to stand and be seen by her. When she saw her oldest son she came flying down the hall and grabbed him in a hug as she cried.



“How is he?” She asked; her words as shaky as her body was.



“We don’t know… no one has come out and said anything yet.” It was Rob that answered her. Kevin couldn’t find his voice yet.



“How did this happen? I mean why…Kevin? Where is my baby?” She placed her hands to her head and sank to the floor; it was all too reminiscent of memories past.



“We have our best men working on it Jackie, I promise you we’ll find him.”



“What about Brian? Did anyone call the school?”



“We weren’t sure how you wanted us to handle that.”



Jackie took a few deep breaths and grabbed the hand that was extended to her by another worker as she was helped up off the floor and onto a chair next to Kevin.



“I think someone needs to let him know, I’d hate for him to go home to all the yellow tape.” She was barely able to get the last word out as the tears started to flow. She placed her head on Kevin’s shoulder as she cried.



As much as Kevin wanted to console his mother he couldn’t he was still numb. This was all his fault; there was no way around it.



“I should have never asked him to stay home with Nicky…if I was there I could have probably stopped this from happening.”



“It’s not your fault mom.” Kevin said in a whisper.



“If you were there then AJ and I would be out here waiting for news about you.”



“I would have preferred that honey, this is unbearable…and then my sweet little baby…Kevin what if...” Her eyes widened as she once again began to shake. Kevin turned towards her and grabbed her into his arms.



“We’ll find him, Howie’s out there right now on top of things.”



Once Kevin saw that paper with the word string bean written on it, he knew he was going to be too late. Quickly they all had rushed to his mother’s house, Kevin speeding and not even looking where he was going while the entire time he prayed silently that this would be just a false alarm, but upon getting to his mom’s house and seeing the front door slightly ajar, he knew.



Howie brushed past him with a few others on his team as he walked up the front steps. The same ones his baby brother was lured off of when he had Matt teach him about the importance of trust. It was as if everything around him was going normal speed and he was stuck in slow motion. Someone running out the door as Kevin still approached shouting for an ambulance.



Howie met him at the top of the stairs placing his arms on Kevin’s chest to stop him from taking another step. “It’s AJ Kev…”



That’s when he remembered their conversation from the night before. AJ being happy as a clam that he got to stay home to take care of Nick.



“Is he?”



“No, he’s going to be okay Kevin, he was shot though.”



“Shot?” Kevin tried to look past Howie as he spoke, feeling shock start to settle in, and his jaw going slack from disbelief.



“He never did that before. That’s not his thing.”



“I think the rules have changed Kevin.”



“Is he conscious?”



“No.” Howie grabbed Kevin into a hug seeing how badly he needed one, and had Maria walk him to the car. He didn’t even object because everything was too busy hitting him all at once. He hadn’t even thought to ask about Nicky at that moment. Although he knew that Nick was not going to be there, a grim thought did come to his mind though just as the ambulance arrived.



“Rob.” He said directing his gaze at his boss as he was about to run into the house for the tenth time.



“Yeah Kevin?”



“Check the basement.” He decided right then and there that if Nick was lying dead on the basement floor he was going to unholster his own gun and use it to shoot himself in the head.



AJ was wheeled out within a few minutes of the ambulances arrival. Kevin quickly ran towards him, grabbing his hand in his own as he did, “AJ can you hear me baby? Its Kevin…everything is going to be okay. Hang in there Jay.”



He was hoping to see his little brother’s eyes but he was met only with the sound of one of the paramedics squeezing a bag attached to something on his brother’s face. Howie came running towards Kevin and AJ, “Kev…why don’t you go with AJ and I’ll let you know what’s going on okay?”



“Did you check the basement?” Howie frowned; he looked as shocked and sad as Kevin did.



“Yes and he’s not there. Okay?”



“Okay”



“Go and I’ll call you.” With that being said Howie took off back into the house and Kevin jumped into the ambulance and held his brother’s hand as they made their way to the emergency room, the place he was sitting right now.



“How can this happen? I don’t understand...” Jackie said after a few moments of silently crying on Kevin’s shoulder. She looked up at the ceiling as she continued, “You took my husband. Wasn’t that enough? Now you have to try to take my sons?” She lost it full on sobbing almost to the point of hyperventilating.



Kevin had seen that happen so many times before, yet watching someone from his own family displaying the same emotions he had watched all the other parents display, made him feel like he was watching a movie. What if AJ didn’t make it? How could he live every day of his life knowing he was the cause of his brother’s death? And what about Nicky? Was he scared and cold? Did he see AJ get gunned down before being pulled away? Or was he hurt himself?



“He was so sick this morning Kevin…he begged me not to go into work but I told him I had to go help other sick people. He wanted me to stay but I said no, AJ will take care of you baby…” She placed her hands on her face and cried.



Kevin placed an arm around his mother as she further buried her head into his shoulder, “He had a fever…who would do this? Oh my God Kevin…I need my baby back.” He held her tight now, as a doctor made his way out into the waiting area.



Jackie pulled herself away from her son and wiped away her tears as he spoke of AJ’s condition. As much as Kevin was trying to focus on the doctor’s words they seemed so far off in the distance, almost as if he was speaking through a radio. The doctor mentioned the bullet and its entrance and exit which meant that it was not lodged inside of AJ which was also a good sign. He watched as his mother signed the papers, okaying the doctor to go into surgery and save his little brother’s life.



“He’s in good hands.” The doctor said this time directing his words at Kevin who half heartedly nodded in return.



He wasn’t sure how long he sat in those chairs in between the time the doctor came out to get those papers signed and Rob showing up with Brian, same numb look on his face as he sat beside his mother who upon seeing him stopped being the victim and instantly became the protector.



He heard Brian ask his mom an endless amount of questions, the same ones Rob had probably tried to answer to his liking without success. “How did this happen? Why did this happen? Where is Nicky? Is AJ going to be okay?”



The same questions each of them had asked too many times to keep track.



Howie showed up at the hospital just as the doctor came out with news of AJ’s condition after his surgery. All heads turned towards the surgeon as he slowly made his way towards the Richardsons, removing his gloves and mask as he did.



“He made it through the surgery just fine. There were no major complications and luckily no vital organs hit. He lost some blood…but overall your son is very lucky.” Kevin’s mother walked over to the doctor and embraced him as if he was her own.



He ran down the actual state of AJ’s health but Kevin once again had a hard time concentrating on those words. He glanced over at Brian who refused to look him in the eyes.



“Can I see him?”



“He’s in recovery right now, but once we move him to his very own room, you will be free to see him.” The doctor said, extending his hand to Jackie who bypassed it and instead kissed him on the cheek.



“Thank God some good news finally…” She said grabbing her gold crucifix that was dangling around her neck and kissing it before placing it back under her shirt. She then turned towards Howie who was standing there as a silent witness to all that was happening, “Howie you need to go find my baby…please go get him and bring him back to us.”



He made his way over to Jackie, grasping Brian’s shoulder in a loving pat as he did, “I am doing everything I can and I promise you none of us are resting until we have Nicky back with us. We’ll find him momma R.”



She nodded and straightened her shirt as one of the nurses gave her the okay to see her son. Kevin was so impressed with the way his mother was handling all the news. Dealing with just one of these blows was enough to put any mother over the edge but dealing with both…she was one tough lady.



She walked over to Brian and hugged him close, “Are you okay baby?”



He nodded but his face contradicted his actions, “I’ll be okay.”



“Honey, I’m going to be staying at the hospital tonight with AJ, you’re going to have to go home with Kevin tonight okay honey?”



“I can stay alone mom I’m 18 already.”



“Please don’t argue with me Brian not after what has happened today.” Brian glared over Kevin’s way once more, than quickly turned his attention back towards his mother.



“Whatever you want me to do.”



She smiled and kissed his forehead, “Good boy…I love you Brian.”



“Love you too mom.”



“I’m going to go make my way over to see AJ.”



“Mom, tell him I love him okay?”



She winked at Brian and then looked over at Kevin, “Walk me down Kevin.”



Howie gave Kevin a nod and sat beside Brian grabbing him into a hug as he did while the detective walked his mother to the elevator arm in arm.



“Honey, please promise me that you will be careful…I want you to worry about Brian now let Howie and Rob take care of Nicky.” She could barely get her youngest son’s name out of her mouth without crying.



“I will.” He wasn’t about to say anything else whether he meant it or not. Truth was he was unsure of what to do, once again being too numb to fully take charge of anything. Part of him wanted to follow his mother up to AJ’s room and just sit there and hold his hand while the other wanted to go hunting for the maniac who had his baby brother. So many emotions, not sure which one to follow.



“I’ll be back to check on you guys later.”



She smiled at him again as the doors closed. While walking back towards Brian and Howie, he let out a sigh. Images of victims popped into his head, all the little girls that were taken and then later found dead. The one who was shown alive and happy one second, then just as the family was given a ray of hope, turned up dead the next second.



“Nicky please be okay….please.” He said just as he reached his destination.



Kevin took a seat beside Brian on the other side and looked over at Howie. “Any news?” He asked his friend as he went to pat Brian’s back, surprised when he pulled away.



Howie nodded at Kevin but then looked at Brian who had his arms crossed and his head down. That made Kevin’s stomach do flip flops because whatever Howie had to say wasn’t suitable for Brian to hear. That was never a good sign; never.



“I need to talk to Howie a second.” Kevin’s voice was soft as he spoke to his little brother. The words fell on deaf ears as he was ignored.



Kevin stood up and moved away from Brian and over to D, “What is it Howie?”



“When we went upstairs to Nicky’s room we found an envelope on his bed.”



“Do you have it?”



Howie nodded and took it from his pocket, “I took it before Tyler’s men came into the room.”



“Good, so they don’t know about it?”



Howie shook his head as Kevin opened it up.



Hey Kevin,



I have to admit, I’m surprised you are reading this. I honestly thought you’d be better than this. You’re too late this time though…isn’t this fun?



….I’ll be in touch :)



P.S. Your brother says hi! Is he on antibiotics? He seems to be rather sick.








Kevin rubbed his face as he read the note over and over again, hoping that maybe by the fifth or sixth reading, a clue would pop out at him or a location or maybe in invisible ink it would say, fooled you this has all been a joke to get you back! With love AJ! Meet us at Pizza Hut!



No such luck though so after about the 10th reading, Kevin finally gave up and put it in his pocket.



“When I find him I’m going to kill him. He better not lay a hand on…” He couldn’t continue because he felt himself getting all chocked up.



Howie put a reassuring hand on Kevin’s shoulder, “We’ll find Nicky.”



Kevin smiled at his friend, “So, where do we start?”



“Maybe it’s time to let the boyfriend know what he actually helped his girlfriend do.”



“Good idea D.”



“Maybe he can lead us in some kind of direction…you know?”



“I’m coming with you.” Both Kevin’s and Howie’s heads turned towards Brian.



“You can’t do that Bri”



“Well I don’t care, I am.” The hateful sound of his voice had Kevin walk back over his way while Howie chose to walk away to give them some space.



When Kevin sat down, Brian glared at him, “You know you can’t come with me Brian. I was thinking of calling one of your friend’s parents and asking them if you could spend the…”



“Kevin go to hell, I’m not listening to you! I’m going with you and that’s the end of the story.”



Kevin exhaled and tried to be patient, “Brian look I know you’re upset.”



“Yes I’m upset and you know why? Because this could have been avoided, if you had just been honest with everyone. There was a bad man wasn’t there and he did call our friggin house! And because you chose not to say anything our baby brother is missing!”



The words hit Kevin hard, he wasn’t sure how to respond and he wasn’t really given the chance to as his little brother shot out of his seat and towards Howie, “Let’s go we’re wasting time!” He spat at D as he walked ahead.



Howie looked over at Kevin who stood up and followed once again numb and for the first time since he sat in this hall sad and still when his father died, unsure of what to do.

*claps* to the people that figured out the code was string bean! lol and weird that Nick had a phone code on his liner notes! I wonder if he is reading this! LMAO...anyway i'll be back Wednesday with another chapter!