A voice from the past
Kevin held the phone in his hands, trying his best not to panic, “He’ll call me right back…the phone just went dead...he’ll call me right back.” He kept saying to himself over and over again, taking deep breaths as he did. Picking it up to his ear, he hit redial and prayed that Howie still had the phone on vibrate; maybe he had to put it down because someone was there. That thought made him abruptly hang up before it had the chance to ring.
“I’m just being irrational, he’ll call me right back.” He said once again to himself, “Pull it together Kevin…jeez relax.”
But even if he heeded his own advice about Howie’s safety, there was so much his friend had left him to think about, one of them being the fact that his father was alive and walking around inside that house. It was impossible in all the scenarios Kevin had ever conjured up in his mind, that his dad could still be alive. Sure he had not seen the body, not even once, but he did see the casket. He saw his mother so grief stricken at the casket that she almost fainted on top of it just before the pall bearers loaded it into the hearse to take to the church.
He remembered very well, the way he felt as he held his one red rose in one hand and grasped Brian’s small hand in the other; both of them watching as people neither of them recognized, placed the flowers on top of his father’s coffin. Alex was being held by his mother, so tightly that for a few seconds, Kevin was afraid she might accidentally crush him to death.
Nicky was too small to attend, so a baby sitter was called in to wait with him at the house.
The first time Kevin read that tombstone is what stuck in his mind most clearly, it was as if reading that slab of marble made it all a little too real for him. He stood there, when it was his turn to put the rose on the casket, and instead of focusing on the box, he focused on that marble tombstone that said ‘loving husband and father of four’. He picked up Brian and helped him place the flower on top of their father as his mom audibly wept.
“Bye bye daddy.” Brian said, still not understanding that this time he wasn’t coming home.
“Come on D, call me back please.” He said staring at the phone. Kevin knew time was not on his side right now and soon he would have to make another tough decision.
Once again he let his thoughts travel to that time and place where he had just lost his father. The overwhelming guilt he felt about driving him out of the house because of the petty argument they had. He threw up that day, not in the bathroom either but on the side of the house, gripping it as he was bent over. At the time he thought the air would do him some good, but actually it only intensified his self hatred.
How could he be alive and not only alive but one of the bad guys? Just that thought almost had Kevin retch in his own car. “That isn’t possible.” He said out loud once more this time directing his gaze over towards Maria’s house. He knew that if for some reason he couldn’t contact Howie, he’d have to go in and question Maria.
“Okay enough time has gone by Howie, I’m calling you.” He said hitting redial and letting it ring…and ring…and ring…until finally the voice mail picked up, sending an icy chill down Kevin’s back as goose bumps started to form.
“If he was okay, he would have picked up the phone.” By instinct, he started to speed dial the office, to let them know what was happening, but then the horrible realization hit him that he had no idea how big this thing was. For all he knew everyone could be in on it. So it was that sobering thought, which sent Kevin out of his car and up the long walk towards Maria’s place.
Standing outside the front door he took a deep breath before knocking, “Okay Kevin, no turning back after this.” And with that being said, he knocked on the door.
She didn’t come at first; in fact he even saw her look out the window. He was sure at that point that she had made a call, probably in a state of total panic, which could further be putting his baby brother in danger; it was too late though, he needed to do this so he knocked a little more forcefully this time.
“Maria, I know you’re in there! I followed you so open up!”
He knocked once more and finally the outside light went on and she appeared behind the door. She didn’t look surprised to see him, and no smile was evident on her face as she led him inside.
“I know you’re a part of this,” Kevin wasted no time in saying, “And now Howie might be in danger, but you know that already don’t you.”
She closed the door and ushered him into the living room, “Why did you follow me?” She asked a little too calmly.
“Because I knew you were involved, I saw you take that note out of my brother’s room.”
“Maybe I took it out for you, did you ever think of that?”
“Maria now is not the time for games; my brother is missing and so is Howie but like I said you know that already don’t you!”
“Howie’s fine.”
“And my brother?”
Maria sat down on her couch and motioned for Kevin to do the same; this enraged the agent to the point of almost slapping her. “Maria!! Answer me damn it!”
“I don’t know about your brother I’m sorry.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?” He grit his teeth now unable to control his temper any longer.
“Kevin you have no idea what’s going on…”
“You are right so why don’t you tell me?”
“I can’t…I’m sorry.” With that being said he walked over to Maria and pulled her off of the couch.
She winced but never faltered, “What do you mean you can’t? Doesn’t the fact that my 8 year old brother is with a serial killer mean anything to you? Jesus Maria, how can you do this to me?” He flung her back and she fell on her butt.
“Like I said before Kevin, I don’t know where Nicky is, I have been trying to find him just as hard as you have.”
“That’s bull shit!”
“I have…” She stood up now and walked slowly back over to her boss, “Kevin, I’m not lying to you. I want to know where he is too.”
“How come you haven’t taken your gun out and aimed it at me yet?” He asked noticing that Maria’s fire arm was still at her side.
“Why would I do that?”
“Why would you double cross your country and work for a serial killer?” The contempt in his voice was almost unbearable to her.
“Kevin…” She tried to reason with him, but his patience finally snapped and before she knew it, she was the one staring down the barrel of a gun.
“Take me to Howie now!” He said pointing at her head as she stood silently with eyes closed.
“Kevin…put the gun down.” Her tone was calm as if this had happened many times before.
“Not until we get in my car and go back to that house.”
“I’m sure they aren’t there anymore.”
“And that’s because you called them right?”
“Right.”
He approached her and held the gun right to her temple, “Then I suggest you call them again!”
Once again she remained calm and Kevin, in the state of fury he was in, was surprised how Maria refused to struggle. There was no fighting back, no going for her own gun or trying to break free. She just stood there calmly and did everything asked of her.
“Kevin things are not as they seem.”
“That much I have figured out!”
“I’m not the bad one.”
“Make the call!”
“Fine.” She said motioning to the phone that Kevin handed her. Once the phone was in her hand, his hand lowered from her temple but was still aimed at her chest. Maria punched in the numbers and held the phone to her ear and even though he thought about taking the phone away and talking to this bastard himself, he figured he would let her talk.
“Don’t let them know I’m here.”
“They’ll know…” Before he could question her last statement, she began the one sided conversation.
“It’s me….yes….uh huh….I know that is he?” At the last word, Kevin moved in closer.
“Okay yes…he is right here…I know I’m very sorry. I never thought this would happen…”
She gave Kevin a look and quickly looked away, “I understand that…yes.”
Now Kevin was growing impatient and knowing that the person Maria was talking to was aware of his presence he decided not to hide himself any longer, “Ask him where my brother is and if Howie is alright?!”
She hesitated at first but when Kevin raised his gun she nodded, “Is Howie okay?” She asked and after a brief pause, “He is fine.” Was answered.
“My brother, ask him about Nicky!” The desperation in his voice almost sounded pathetic to his own ears but yet, there was nothing he could do about that.
“I told you already Kevin…”
“Ask!”
“He wants to know where his brother is….are you sure?” she questioned.
“Are you sure about what? What!” She ignored his question as she listened intently to what was being said.
“Okay…” She said handing the phone over to Kevin, “You can talk to Howie.”
He grabbed the phone, “Don’t move!” he warned as he pulled it towards his ear.
“Howie!”
“Hey Kevin…” He sounded shaky and scared but at least he was alive. Thank God he was alive.
“Are you hurt? Is Nicky with you?”
“I’m fine and no he isn’t.”
“What’s going on there D? Where are you? Tell me and I’ll come and get you!”
“Kevin…Maria is going to bring you to me.”
Kevin glanced at Maria who was watching while rubbing at her neck, “She won’t tell me where he is Howie.”
“That’s because she doesn’t know…Kevin…” He stopped once again just like he did in the yard, before the phone cut out.
“Howie?”
He heard the muffled sounds of voices and grew worried, “Maria how many people are there?” Their eyes met; did he see pity in those eyes?
“Kevin?” Once again Howie’s voice calmed him down.
“Yes…”
“I’m handing the phone over now; I’ll see you when you get here.”
“Howie don’t let them take the phone from you...” By the time he got the words out, Howie was gone, in his place there was a flurry of activity happening and Kevin braced himself for that all too familiar evil voice on the other end of the line.
It never came though…instead a voice from the past broke the silence…a voice he never thought he’d hear again.
“Hello son…”
His mind was hazy as he made the drive with Maria towards the secret location that awaited them. Maybe this whole entire thing was nothing more than a dream, some crazy thing concocted in his head from eating too much Chinese food. Whenever he ate anything with too much MSG in it, he would have the weirdest dreams and most horrible nightmares. This time it seemed to be a combination of both.
How wonderful would it be to open his eyes and find that he was still a child, carefree and safe in his own bedroom while both of his parents slept just down the hall? In this dream there would be no dark villain lurking in the shadows to snatch his little brother, there would be no trips to the hospital to visit freshly wounded siblings, or treks to a graveyard to put flowers on a father’s grave.
Everything would be great, and perfect.
“Are you okay Kevin?” That question brought him back to reality. No dreaming today, nope, today was all real.
“Seems like a stupid question.”
“I know that a lot is happening to you now Kevin, but everything will work out.”
“How long have you known?” He made eye contact with her but in the dark of night all he could see was the silhouette of her face as the shadows of lamp lights flickered across it.
“For a very long time.” She answered so haphazardly, Kevin almost felt dumb for asking.
“Why? I don’t understand…”
“He’ll explain when we get there okay?”
When he had heard his father’s voice break through the silence he was awe struck, there were so many things he wanted to ask and say to the man but yet he wasn’t given the chance. “I know you have a lot of questions but you have to trust me, go with Maria and I’ll explain later.” Before Kevin could get a word out a dial tone was heard.
“So…if you can’t lead me to my brother who can?” Fate plays nasty tricks on people, on the one hand, the fact that something like this was happening seemed so joyous that Kevin could barely wrap his head around it, but then again on the other hand it meant they were following a false lead and once again were at square one.
“We are working on that Kevin, believe me.”
“Where has he been?”
“Ask him that, not me.”
“And how? Did my mother know?”
“Of course not.”
“How are you involved?”
“I am your father’s handler and have been for years.”
“Even before you started working for me?”
“Yes, why do you think I came to work under you?”
“I’m still so confused…”
“Kevin this is something you were NEVER meant to find out. That’s how witness protection works.”
“But I also know he could have taken us all, I mean entire families go into protection everyday.”
“Not when they are still actively working in the field though. The rules change when that happens.”
“Is this related to the baby killer case? I mean the reason he went into hiding in the first place?”
“We are trying to figure that out, but as of now they look unrelated.”
“Then why is he back? After all this time?” Maria stopped the car and made eye contact, the red of the traffic light turning her eyes into a makeshift superhero mask.
“Because his baby is missing.”
“SO that bag with all those gifts…”
“He sent them to Nicky.”
“Why? I mean why risk being found by sending gifts to a son who wouldn’t even know who he was?”
“Kevin imagine how hard it would be for you to let go of your life, everything you have ever known and loved. Think about it, could you do it?”
“I would never leave my family like he did.” The bitter taste of resentment stayed on his tongue as the car once again started towards its destination.
He found himself lost in his thoughts as the car became quiet. Had he heard the finality in his father’s words as he left that night to go to the store? Was that why he hadn’t allowed himself to turn and face his son? Because if he did he might never have left in the first place? Did he kiss his wife a long goodbye and disguise it as just another random gesture of love, all the while knowing it was the last time he would feel her touch or hear her laugh?
A new feeling emerged suddenly and that was pure hatred mixed with rage. Anger at how a father can turn a house upside down. How he could let his oldest son live with the guilt he had inside.
“We’re here.” He looked over at Maria and nodded as they pulled into a small, curvy driveway.
“Okay,” Was all Kevin said as she turned off the car and escorted him towards the door of the small cabin in the middle of nowhere.
His heart was racing at ten times the normal speed as they approached the small porch. In just a few seconds he was going to see the man he mourned for every day of his life, the man he had gone into this field for, the sole reason he had dropped his own dreams and decided to chase after demons that would keep him screaming late at night.
She knocked three times and said “Afterglow” to which the door popped open.
“Are you ready for this?”
“I don’t know.” He answered feeling his legs suddenly turning to rubber underneath him. Lack of sleep and food, teamed with exhaustion perhaps made his head fuzzy and soon he became dizzy and began to stagger.
“Kevin are you okay?” She asked sounding as if she was moving further away from him.
He wanted to say yes but he couldn’t find the strength, the world before him started spinning and he knew he was going down, he grabbed for the house to stop his fall but instead a hand reached out and held him firm.
He looked almost the same as when he did the night he decided to leave his family, just a little older and a tad bit grayer. “I got you son…” He said before Kevin closed his eyes.
As always thanks for the reviews! I'll be back next Wednesday with another chapter :O)
