Guilt
The next day at work, Kevin felt refreshed. Funny what a little visit to his house would do. “I thought they were supposed to teach kids not to talk to strangers.” Howie said sitting across from his friend as he looked at some neighbor testimonies from yesterday.
“Yeah they do, but at the same time they also encourage kids to be as helpful as possible it’s a double standard really.”
“You think he’d actually walk away with a stranger?”
“I don’t know, I would hope he had more common sense then that but, if the offer was appealing enough for him I think he might.”
“That’s a little disturbing.”
“Yeah tell me about it.”
“I know I have kidded with Nick and told him I was taking him home with me, my mom would love that. She thinks Nicky is the cutest thing ever.”
“I know,” Kevin said smiling, “well I told him that no matter what he should run away if that ever happened.”
“Which it won’t Kev…don’t worry.”
“I know.” He said once again looking down at the before picture of Mandy Collins. Her parents and brother were on their way to the office and he was not looking forward to speaking to them. They had to ID the body among other things. Looked like another hard day for him.
“Did the neighbors have anything insightful to say?”
“Just that they never thought he would do something like that but at the same time they complained to him about the way he kept his house. They said it brought down the value of their block.”
“So they couldn’t offer any eye witness accounts or anything?”
“No, but one old lady said that she has seen him come and go with a lot of women.”
“He doesn’t look like a ladies man.”
“Maybe he offered them something more.” Kevin nodded at his friend as he saw a distraught family enter the office and ask the receptionist something.
“I think that’s the Collins family.” Kevin said getting up and taking a deep breath. This was the third time he had to do this. He was lucky and didn’t have to deal with the first victim because at that point someone else was in charge of the case. All the others though, he had been through this many times.
He watched as the receptionist walked them over towards his desk, where both he and Howie were quick to close the pictures that were lying around.
“This is detective Richardson; he is in charge of your daughter’s case.” Ariana said smiling and handing the family over to him.
“Nice to meet you.” Kevin said softly and shook each of their hands, “I wish it was under better circumstances.”
“Can we just please get this over with?” The mom said her voice monotone and soft. The son was staring at the ground.
“Certainly…follow me.” He said starting the slow walk towards the morgue.
People all looked at the family, and then quickly looked away as they passed by the agents. Kevin hated when they did it, but it’s not like he could say anything. More than once, especially working on a case or reading about a case, he found himself doing the same thing as the people walked by going to the morgue. Putting faces with names.
When they reached the door, Kevin stopped and looked at the son, “This is agent Dorough, and he’s going to stay out here and keep you company for a little while.” The kid didn’t even act like he heard the words, but Howie still pat his shoulder and led him to the chairs.
Once seated, Kevin opened the big metal doors and led the mother and father inside. There was a medical examiner in there doing paperwork and when he saw Kevin he stood up and walked over to one of the many file cabinets that housed the bodies.
He opened it up and Kevin led the mother and father closer. She was already crying, holding her hand to her face and holding her husband tight. It felt like he let a small eternity go by before nodding at the coroner and allowing him to unzip the body bag.
The little girl’s battered face exposed, made the woman fall to her knees and the man openly start to sob.
He hated the fact that even though it was obvious, he still had to ask. He looked over at the coroner who gave him a sympathetic glance in reply. “Is that her?”
The mom couldn’t find her words so she nodded.
“My baby.” She said walking over and taking the little girl’s hand in hers. “My baby.” The dad was now close to hysterics himself so Kevin decided to give them some alone time. “I’ll be waiting out in the hall, come out when you’re ready. I still have a few questions for you.”
He thought he had temporarily gotten away from grief until he saw the brother sitting there with Howie. Both quiet and staring at the walls. Howie glanced over at Kevin in anticipation so Kevin nodded his head, which had Howie get a look of disappointment on his face.
“It’s her isn’t it?” the boy said after a few moments of Kevin just standing there not knowing what to do or say.
“If it wasn’t her they would have come right back out. It’s my sister isn’t it?” Now he looked up face to face with Kevin.
“Yes it’s her…I’m sorry.” The boy looked away and wiped a tear from his eye.
“It’s my fault; I yelled at her and made her run away. It’s my fault.”
Kevin moved next to the boy and placed his arm around the kid. “What’s your name?”
“Jeff.”
“Jeff, it’s not your fault.”
“Sure it is. She would have never left if I hadn’t made her mad.”
“She might not have run away. She might have been kidnapped. You don’t know that for sure.”
“The last thing I said to her was I hate you.” He took a deep breath and sighed, more tears falling down his cheek now.
“She knew you loved her Jeff.”
“How could she? She was just a kid.”
“You know…” Kevin looked over at the wall, “The last thing I said to my father was I wish you would leave and never come back.”
“And?”
“And that’s what happened. He left and never came back. He was killed that day.”
“He was?”
“Yes…I felt so guilty for years because of that. I thought for the longest time that it was my fault you know? That just because I told him that, that’s what he did.”
“Yeah, that’s how I feel too.”
“But you know what? That’s not the truth. It was horrible timing, and I loved him and he knew I loved him. He didn’t die because of me; he died because of some random guy who decided to shoot at a cop trying to help him. Just like your sister Jeff, she didn’t die because of you. She died because of the monster who took her life away from her.”
“I wish I could believe you.”
Kevin wrapped his arm around the boy, treating him like one of his brothers. “I know, but you will someday. Just don’t blame yourself; Mandy wouldn’t want you to do that.”
“Actually she probably would.” The boy said smiling through his tears, “She loved doing the whole crying to mom thing just to get me in trouble.”
“Well I guess that made her a great little sister then huh?”
“Yeah.” He said as his parents walked out into the hall. Jeff stood up and ran over to them all hugging and crying.
“Would you guys mind following me back up to my office? I just need a few more moments of your time.”
They followed Kevin once again past the gawkers and into his office. They sat down across from him as Howie offered them each some coffee which they refused.
“So are you close to catching this…monster?” The father said spitting out the words as if they were poison.
“We have some leads but I need to know if you have ever seen this man before?” Kevin passed the picture of the monster over to the Collins family as they looked it over carefully.
“Is this him?”
“Quite possibly, but he also could have changed his appearance.”
“I’ve never seen him before.”
“We are doing everything we can to catch him.”
“Make sure you do! I want him to pay for what he did to my angel.” The father once again began to get choked up.
“I will.”
They answered a few more questions and finished up some paperwork before finally leaving. Kevin sat at his desk with his hands over his eyes, rubbing them. Another stress induced headache on its way.
“We have to find this guy Howie, before my head explodes.”
“We’ll get him Kev.”
“We have to. I owe it to that boy if no one else.”
“What you said to him was great; you never told me that story.”
“It’s not something I enjoy talking about actually.”
“I know, but still…”
“I’ll be back; I need to go to the bathroom.” Kevin said standing up and making his way into the bathroom, locking the door and splashing water on his face as thoughts of his father came pouring back to him. How hurtful he had been, how resentful he always felt.
It was no secret that he and his father didn’t get along that well. They never saw eye to eye on anything. In fact, they spent most of their time arguing with each other. Kevin was very much the way AJ was now. He rebelled against every little rule Kevin senior instated. He was a hard man to please, not the nicest man in the world either but it wasn’t until he was dead and gone that Kevin began to appreciate how good he had it.
He looked in the mirror and saw that scene from his childhood play out in front of him as if he was watching a movie screen. There stood a defiant 21 year old college senior, unsure of his career path after graduation, arguing with his father about of all things the field that would end up killing him. Kevin senior was all for Kevin jr. following in the footsteps of his father. Going to the academy becoming an FBI agent, working side by side. A great pair, a dynamic duo is what he always said. The idea used to make Kevin claustrophobic. He complained about it to his mom while she handed off a newborn Nick to him.
“Honey you’re father is stubborn but whatever you choose he will be happy with.”
Kevin placing Nick on his shoulder, patting his bottom gently as he cried for his mother’s touch just rolled his eyes, “I don’t know mom, I think he won’t be happy unless I do what he does.”
“Then let him be unhappy. You need to do what your heart tells you to do honey.”
Just then Nick gurgled and laughed, “See? Your little brother agrees don’t you honey bunny?” She said tickling Nick until he smiled exposing his gums; he looked up at his big brother who kissed the top of his head as he gently passed the baby back to his mother.
“I just want to do something that will make me happy? I mean it’s my life right?”
“Right.”
That night he was ready to confront his dad, tell him about the decision he made, he was going to become a lawyer, it would take a lot of schooling but it was something he had always been interested in. He had the brains and the grades to get into any law school he wanted, and it wasn’t totally out of the field.
Unfortunately that night his dad came home in a bad mood and would hear none of it so they screamed at each other, so loud in fact that the baby cried and the younger boys ran to their mother. The end of the fight had Kevin saying those words, the last ones he would ever say to his father alive. Not exactly what he had told the Jeff earlier in the day. No, the words he chose were more raw and harsh.
“Drop dead!”
His father turned towards him, disbelief on his face, “What did you just say to me?”
“Nothing.”
“Oh no, I heard you. How ungrateful can one child be! After all I have done for you? You tell me to drop dead?”
His mother had come down the stairs at that point to break up the argument, before the police were called. Her arms were crossed; she looked uncomfortable by the sudden silence.
Kevin senior turned towards his wife, “I’m going out to the store, I can’t be near him right now or I may say something I’ll regret.” He never looked Kevin in the face again. The last view he had of his father was watching him walk out the door.
“That was uncalled for Kevin.” She said sternly, probably the most stern she had ever been with him his whole life.
What was worse is he realized that. He didn’t need to be told and he planned on waiting for his father to come home so he could apologize. Unfortunately that never happened. While at the store he witnessed a robbery, a man had been mugged. Kevin’s father went to go help the victim but in his outrage, not realizing the mugger had left, the victim pulled a gun out and when he turned around to make a 911 call, Kevin Richardson senior was shot in the back.
It was a senseless killing, something that never should have happened. But it changed Kevin’s life forever. The day after the funeral he signed up for the academy. His heart was never in it, but he felt obliged to do what his father had always dreamed.
He went through the ranks rather quickly, his grades were always given the credit but deep down inside he figured it had something to do with the last name. In the process he dragged his best friend Howie along for the ride.
He splashed more water on his face before heading back out the door to finish out his day, guilt still settling in his bones. Just like swallowed gum, there to stay forever.
Just so you know I made a tiny change since the first chapter of this story and that is now Nick is 8 instead of 10. So don't let that confuse you although I doubt it would. I'll be back on Sunday with chapter 4. Enjoy!
