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**Chapter Eleven**

“I don’t think I can do this,” Nick stated, looking to Anita for help, and help was what he needed.

Ever since Kevin’s infection had worsened again, Nick knew what he would have to do. He had been procrastinating since Kevin had temporarily gotten a little bit better, but since his temperature had risen, setting him back yet again, Nick knew that it was time to finally call their friends and let them know what had been happening. It wasn’t fair to any of them to be left in the dark. Yet something was stopping him. Fear. He couldn’t bring himself to tell everyone that Kevin’s treatments were on hold and he might not ever get better. That in fact his body could very well just deteriorate until he was no longer among the living.

“Yes, you can,” Anita assured him, placing a comforting hand on his arm, “Besides, they need to know. You’ve all been so close for what, eleven years?” Nick nodded, “Just think how they’d feel if you left them out.”

Nick took a deep breath and opened his cell phone again, starting to dial a number. He quickly closed the flip phone though, tears coming to his eyes that he didn’t even try to stop and hide from her. He pursed his lips together, squeezing his eyes shut to muffle out a loud sob he could feel trying to come.

“I....no, I...I can’t do this.” Nick choked out, causing tears to form in Anita’s own eyes, “It’ll..ma...make it...too...real.”

“But it is real, Nick.” Anita reminded him, knowing that she wasn’t helping the case much, but it was better than being in a state of denial.

“Not if I pretend it isn’t,” Nick argued, not making any sense now, “If I pretend it isn’t happening, then nothing will. He’ll be fine and things will be normal.”

Anita looked at him with one eyebrow cocked up, trying to analyze what he’d just said, but wasn’t making anything useful from it. His talk was nonsense. Weather he believed it or not, Kevin was still in this same situation and their friends still deserved to know what was going on with his health.

“You need to tell them,” Anita told the suffering kid, “I know it isn’t easy, and I would do it if I could, but beings they don’t know me, it would be awkward. They’d want you to be the one to tell them. Someone who is close to them as well as Kevin.”

Nick nodded, mustering up a little bit of courage. It wasn’t much, but enough to give him the strength he needed to follow all the way through with the phone call. It rang three times before it was picked up by the intended person; Brian. When he answered though, Nick froze, unable to speak. Anita could hear the man on the other end repeatedly saying “Hello?”, his tone becoming impatient.

“Nick,” she hissed, wincing at how her voice had come out unintentionally harsh.
Nick snapped out of us daze and looked at Anita nervously. He felt physically sick to his stomach at the thought of revealing the latest news. He’d never been the strongest or most serious, normally being the one to goof around. This wasn’t a job intended for him. This was why, Nick knew, he wasn’t a doctor. He wouldn’t be able to handle delivering bad news on a daily basis.

“Hey Bri,” Nick finally said, trying to keep his voice at least neutral rather than really down or really upbeat.

“That you, Nick?” Brian asked, as he hadn’t heard from the youngest Boy in over a week. He as well as everybody else thought that Nick had gone to visit for a day or two only.

“Yep, it’s me.” Nick replied sullenly, saying no more, for he didn’t have the chance to before his best bud jumped in.

“Where the hell are you?” Brian asked, fury in his voice, “We’ve all been worried sick. You don’t answer your phone...the hospital won’t give us a damned word on Kevin, he never answers the phone in his room...”

Nick’s eyes widened in surprise. Brian was usually the most even tempered and hardly ever said a curse word in his life. With two in one sentence, Nick knew that he’d waited way too long to call and felt guilty immediately. He bowed his head in shame, knowing that they’d all react badly when they heard the reason Nick had finally called after so long.

“Calm down,” Nick stated, forcing himself to go on. He looked at Anita who gave him an encouraging half smile.

There were a few seconds of silence as Nick lost the courage to speak again. Every time he tried to, he couldn’t bring himself to say the devastating words aloud, for he didn’t want the rest of the group to be hurting as much as he was.

“How’s Kevin, anyways?” Brian asked casually. The question was logical enough, beings Kevin was there in the hospital, however it was as if Brian had sensed something being wrong, reading Nick’s mind.

“Umm...uhh...” Nick sputtered. The time had come where he would have to tell the truth. It was the only way, with no way out this time, “He...he got an...infection.” Nick squeezed his eyes shut, “He’s in isolation.”

There were a few more uncomfortable seconds of silence. Nick didn’t know if he’d have to explain to Brian what this meant like he’d had to be explained to, or if the older man already knew and was trying to comprehend it despite his shock. Nick got the answer to his internal questions soon enough.

“We’re on our way. We’ll be there by sometime tonight.” Brian rushed, his voice full of urgency.

“No,” Nick came quick, “It’ll draw too much attention if all five of us are here, “It’s safer if it is just one of us if we want to keep it all secret.”

“It’s my cousin,” Brian argued, “I don’t give a damn. We’ll be in disguise. It’ll be fine. We all care and want to be there for him. We won’t ruin Kevin’s secret. See you in a little bit.”

Nick didn’t have the chance to protest, for he’d
already been hung up on. He hoped that everything was okay, for Kevin’s sake. Kevin absolutely did not want word on his cancer leaking out to any outside source. He hoped that if they were all there, his wish would still be granted. All Nick wanted was what was in the best interest for Kevin. He knew that everybody cared, but wasn’t so sure having five people hounding over him would exactly help. Besides that, he wasn’t even sure that the doctors would let everybody in, as they’d had a hard enough time convincing him to let Anita and himself go in to see Kevin. He’d later found out that the only reason he had finally given in was because Kevin had been asking for them.

“So?” Anita questioned as Nick flipped shut his cell phone, “What did they say?”

“They’re coming,” Nick informed her, “They insisted to come and see Kevin…all at once.”

Anita’s eyes widened in mock horror as she clasped her hands over her mouth in shock. Nick could tell that she was just thinking up something sarcastic to say. It was a matter of seconds before she did. Nick was right.

“No way. He’s only in serious condition. Why on earth would they want to come and see him?”
Nick chuckled, seeing her point. Sometimes even he himself knew that he was clueless and didn’t think things through fully. Anita was laughing slightly as well, almost forgetting being sad and scared.

“Just promise me one thing?” Anita asked, a half smile on her face, realizing she’d likely get to meet the rest of the Backstreet Boys within a couple of days. Nick looked at her to continue, “Promise me they have more common sense than you to comment on my looks.”

Nick laughed not even taking offense to it, “I promise.”

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Just as they’d said, the other three members of the Backstreet Boys arrived that very night just past eight. They’d called upon arriving at the airport, asking Nick where they could find him in the small hospital. Nick gave them directions as best he could from the airport all the way to where Kevin’s room had been, hoping that they wouldn’t run in to any problems. He was so beside himself with fear that he wasn’t so sure about what he’d even told them.

When they did get there, they were all immediately asking where Kevin could be found without saying anything else first, worried sick beyond belief. Nick didn’t blame them one bit and could see the apprehension in their eyes, wondering if his own held the same look.

When they had arrived, the only news that Nick could deliver was that Kevin’s temperature had risen a little bit more and was now at one-hundred and seven degrees. His condition was becoming more serious, and if the temperature rose much more, it was likely that Kevin would not survive the infection. Cancer would have won before he even got the chance to get better and fight it again with all he had in him. Nick and Anita both prayed every second that they got that it wouldn’t come to that. Things were definitely tense, and they now had three more people to add to their party.

Since Kevin was so bad off, the doctor would only let Brian in to see him since he was blood related. Not even Nick or Anita could go in any longer because his risk of Kevin getting even sicker despite the special outfits. Visitors were limited strictly to family. The rest of them would have to wait until his temperature fell a little bit before being allowed in. While they were waiting on Brian though, the other four sat outside in silence, staring off in to space. Nobody was really sure of what to say, for nothing really seemed to be appropriate. Howie was the first to make an attempt to finally break the uncomfortable quietness.

“So, um, you’re Anita, huh?” he asked lamely.

Anita nodded as she continued to hug her knees. She hadn’t really been formally introduced to them due to all of the excitement earlier. She’d just tagged along behind everybody knowing that she belonged near Kevin just as much as they did. She was, after all, his girlfriend. What she didn’t understand was how they knew who she was without anybody saying her name or speaking of her.

“Thought so,” Howie smiled warmly, or gave the best smile he could despite the circumstances, “Kevin’s talked a lot about you. He just adores you. He was right too, you are beautiful.”

Anita blushed and smiled faintly. She wasn’t sure what to say and sure as hell didn’t know how he’d think that she was beautiful, or Kevin either for that matter. She knew though that he wouldn’t have said anything if he didn’t mean it though and was glad that he somehow saw through her outside image, just like Kevin had. God, she hoped that she would have the chance to be with Kevin again. .

“Glad to see you finally came around and gave him a chance,” AJ added, “He told us that you didn’t get off to a good start and was dying to get to know you better and that he’d been a real dick head towards you at first. I swear, the boy was love sick for you and still is. When you finally started speaking to him, I could tell just by talking on the phone with him that he was happier than he’d been in weeks. Since his diagnosis.”

Anita’s eyes widened significantly, “Did he tell you everything?” she asked softly in question, slightly surprised that she’d obviously had some sort of powerful effect on the older man.

“Pretty much,” Howie commented, but there was something in his eyes that made Anita get the feeling that there was something he wasn’t saying. She shook the feeling away though, figuring that all the drama was just making her paranoid and seeing things. Either that, she was sleep deprived and having hallucinations.

Nobody said anything more for a long while. Anita personally felt guilty for speaking and actually smiling a little when Kevin was in another room just feet from them suffering. She could tell that the others felt the same just by reading the looks on their faces. Anita wondered how he was doing. If he was worse or better. If he was sleeping or awake and speaking to Brian.

“I can’t believe they won’t let the rest of us in to see him,” A.J. grumbled out of nowhere, catching everybody’s attention, “We’ve all been pretty much like family for twelve years. Who cares if it isn’t blood-related? We’ve all been together through it all for a large portion of our lives. It’s bull shit.”

“Agreed,” Howie stated with a long sigh, “But I guess just being here is going to have to be good enough for now.”

“You don’t wanna see him,” Nick told them shaking his head, “Trust me…you don’t want to see him like this.”

He got several odd stares. None of them knew quite what Nick meant, for they didn’t care how Kevin looked. They were there for him no matter what. What they didn’t know was how much Nick looked up to the man he loved to irritate and Kevin looking so helpless and pathetic had scared him. He knew he’d have the brutal images in his mind for life.

Not too long after, Brian came out of the room. He looked tired and as if he’d aged five years in the past half hour. He ran a hand through his sandy curls, shaking his head sadly. His face said it all. Things were a lot worse than what they’d all imagined and brought themselves to believe. Neither Brian, Howie nor AJ had prepared themselves nearly enough and the remaining two had a feeling that they were in for a shock. Brian didn’t say anything of what Kevin and him had talked about. All he’d said was that their friend hadn’t said much and was flushed and pale.

Brian, Howie, AJ an Nick all got a hotel room nearby that night. Anita was left alone again for the night for the first time in weeks. She had a hard time falling asleep that night, afraid that if she did, bad things would happen. She longed to be near Kevin and for him to be well and on his way to recovery again, but didn’t know when or if that would ever happen. A silent tear slid down her check because with the way things were lately, it definitely looked like an ‘if’.

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Taking a deep, nervous breath, Anita made sure her special outfit was on correctly before entering isolation. It was only two days later and Kevin, she’d been told by his doctor, had been asking for her constantly and calling her name out in his sleep. The doctor had finally given in, getting her to come down while all of the others were still in the hotel. She didn’t have much time before everyone returned to the hospital, which she needed to be out by then to avoid a lot of confrontation and anger towards the doctor by the others, doctors order.

The door closed behind her as she walked in. The room smelled more strongly of medicine than usual and seemed more eerie, although it may have been just her imagination. The hissing and beeping of machines still persisted, but other than that, there was no other noise in the room. Anita neared Kevin’s bedside, looking down at him a she took his hand in hers gently, rubbing her fingers lightly across his hand.

“Was….hoping you’d…come.” His voice came out of nowhere.

“Fought my hardest to,” Anita stated, then tried to make a joke by saying, “Although that stubborn old doctor wouldn’t let me in until you started asking for me. Ya should’ve asked sooner.”

She didn’t get the laugh she’d hoped for, but figured it was probably because it took too much effort and hurt him too much to laugh. His eyes remained closed making it impossible for Anita to know if he fell asleep or was just resting. She observed him then, seeing that his looks were in deed worsening along with his health. His eyes were sunken in, his whole face screaming out in pain. His body was withering away, for he’d already lost significant weight. He was as white as a sheet and as Brian ha said, flushed and glistening with sweat from his risen temperature despite the cool temperature of the room.

“I want you… to promise me… something, Anita,” Kevin’s voice came out weak and barely audible, breaking her thought. Anita looked at his face. His eyes were now open, although they were a dull grey color rather than the beautiful green she’d once known them to be, “Promise me when… I die, you… won’t… forget me.”

Anita’s breath caught in her throat as he said these earth-shattering words. She shook her head violently, refusing to take in what he was saying. She didn’t believe that this was the end for him.

“I…already told…Brian to…keep in touch with…you.” He coughed, telling Anita he was using too much energy by talking.

“Stop talking like that,” Anita sobbed, “You’re not going to die. You’re going to be better.”

Kevin ignored her pleas, going on to say what he’d intended, “I wanted to…see you…one last time.” he coughed pathetically some more, “Have…no more…strength to…go on. I’ve lost the…fight in me. It won...cancer beat me.”

“No,” Anita refused to believe what he was saying, “It didn’t. Not yet. Don’t give up yet. Please. I love you.”

Nothing was said for a moment as Anita clung to Kevin tightly not realizing the pain she was causing by her grasp. He was too weak to say anything though and too weak to fight any longer for his life. Breathing took so much effort. A task that came naturally to most wore him out and caused his body to ache in extreme pain. He could feel a drastic change in himself the past few days and had a feeling it was just his time.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I love…you.”

Seconds later Kevin’s eyes shut as he fell limp. Anita would have sworn he’d lost his battle right then if it hadn’t been for the ever so slow rise and fall of his chest. He’d just worn himself into a deep sleep. His fight wasn’t over yet, but his talking had scared her and made her wonder if there really was any fight left in him after all. Only time would tell.