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**Chapter Sixteen**

Anita gulped back tears, telling herself she wouldn’t cry. She didn’t want to have her tear streaked face be the first thing Kevin saw when he came in to her room. At the moment, he was checking out of the hospital. He’d done it. He was completely better and could leave. He’d gotten the news two days before, and for those forty-eight hours, Anita had been dreading what was coming. It was something that couldn’t be changed, no matter how much she wished that Kevin could stay there with her. She was happy that he’d gotten though everything and was getting to leave. She would never wish for him to stay sick just for her to have company and her boyfriend right there with her, but after this, she knew that their relationship would change. He’d get back to his life, and keeping things going would take more work until she too was released. Anita just hoped that Kevin would be willing to have a long-distance relationship for a little while until things were going calmly again for the both of them.

The thought of Kevin leaving struck Anita all at once then. At this time tomorrow, he wouldn’t be there. She would be all alone, without a single person there for her to talk to other than the occasional nurse. She hadn’t exactly made a point to get to know anybody else, therefore as soon as Kevin left...

Anita shook her head roughly, not wanting to think about that. She wanted to believe that he’d always be there with her and for her. But even as she tried to convince herself of this, tears started to fall because she knew that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t hide from the reality of it all. The sadness never ended in this place. If her and Kevin weren’t fighting, he was in isolation, if he wasn’t in isolation, he was leaving for good. None of it was fair to her. For a good portion of their stay together, conditions hadn’t been at their best.

“I guess this is it.”

Anita looked up to see Kevin standing in the doorway. He was free of all IV’s, dressed in normal clothing. He had a backpack in his hand, which he dropped to the floor lightly. Anita had never seen him looking more handsome, with a baseball cap hiding his bald head. She knew that within two months, he’d have his hair back to its normal length and nobody would ever know he’d faced this nightmare. It would be easy for him to hide, wearing the same baseball cap everywhere until his hair started to grow back. It wouldn’t be long at all...

Anita realized that her thoughts had sidetracked when she suddenly felt Kevin’s strong arms wrapping around her. She looked up in to his green eyes and saw sadness. The same sorrow she felt. It was as if dooms day had come. Before she knew it, Anita was sobbing openly on Kevin’s welcoming shoulder.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” she wept, “I...I...” she couldn’t find the words to say anything. Nothing seemed appropriate.

“I’ll um..I’ll miss you too, Anita.” he replied, still holding her in his arms, but his grip loosened. Anita figured it was because this was just as hard on him as it was on her. They were such a close pair...why wouldn’t he be upset.

“So are you excited about leaving?” Anita mustered up the courage to ask without her voice quavering in emotion.

Kevin paused, not sure if it was a trick question or not. On the other hand though, he truly didn’t know how he felt. He couldn’t remember what life was like outside of the hospital. Every memory he could recall had been spent in this place.

“I suppose so,” he finally answered, “It’s a miracle I am walking out of here in the condition I am.”

“Why’s that?” Anita asked him.

“Because I waited so long to get checked out that the cancer had spread...”he paused, “When I came in, I was told that I had a fifteen percent chance of survival...and then a five percent chance of survival...after I refused to have the surgery for...amputation.” he shook his head, “I...somehow, everything turned out okay though. I just hope it stays that way.” he got a far away look in his eyes, Anita figuring he was likely thinking about the possibilities of it all coming back to haunt him. And then what? He’d have to probably go through with the unthinkable amputations if he even had a chance of surviving. Although he hadn’t told her exactly what he had, Anita figured as much as his condition was a little more complex than her own.

Anita sighed, not really knowing what to say next. She was trying to say as little as possible in hopes that the water works wouldn’t turn on. She looked up in to Kevin’s eyes, seeing a troubled, far away look. She didn’t quite understand it. Maybe he was wishing he could stay there now...for a little bit longer with her.

“So are you going to start touring again right away?” Anita asked.

Kevin shrugged, “Start out slow, work our way back up. That’s what the doctor told me, anyways. I suppose that is for the best, so I don’t overwork myself too quickly...stress myself out too soon. That would not be good.”

Anita laughed forcefully, not really feeling light giving it any true feeling. This wasn’t a happy moment, or anything close. Both of them knew it. It was obvious that they were both trying to forget it.

“I should probably be going now.” Kevin stated

Or not.

“Do you have to?” Anita asked, tears welling up in her eyes on instinct.

Kevin nodded, cupping her chin in his hand as he kissed her on the lips. It wasn’t anything passionate, but it was a soft, sweet kiss. The kind that he’d given her in the beginning days of their relationship. Anita took this as odd, but figured it was easiest on both of them. If they got in to something too steamy, she knew that it would make his departure all the harder on her. That went without saying. So all in all, what she got was just perfect.

“We’ll talk right? Keep in touch and visit?” Anita asked, just to make sure, panic mode setting in that their bond and connection would disappear completely.

Kevin said nothing as he continued to hold her. He seemed to have blanked out, staring in to space, still not answering her questions.

“Kevin!” she stated sharply, causing him to look right at her, “We’ll keep in touch and then visit each other once I’m out of here, right?”

“Huh, oh yeah...of course.” he smiled faintly, hugging her tightly and kissing her on the forehead before pulling away, “I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

Anita nodded, watching as he walked towards the door, picking up the backpack and hoisting it on to his shoulders.

“Kev?”

Kevin turned around, looking at Anita, whose face was tear streaked, pools of salty water in her eyes, ready to escape at any second.

“I love you.” she said softly.

“Love ya too.” he replied quickly, turning around and starting again. And just like that, he was gone.

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Walking in to the chemotherapy session that week was like a death sentence to Anita. She walked in solemnly, head high, gaze straight ahead of her, walking mechanically, as if she were going to the electric chair for a crime she didn’t commit. When she reached her destination, she sat, waiting for a nurse to come and IV her, inserting the powerful drugs in to her body once again. Drugs that were lethal in a dosage too large.

It was her first round without Kevin, and Anita didn’t know what to expect. He’d always been there to soothe her worries and fears and take away her pain with his soft voice and comforting hand holding on to hers, sometimes even singing softly to her, making her forget that any of this was even happening temporarily. She didn’t know how she was going to get through this all alone.

Kevin had left six days ago already. The time seemed to fly by, but at the same time, drag. This made the days confusing, as if she fell asleep, Anita lost track of everything when she woke up, most of the time having to ask what day it was. More times than not, only a couple of hours had passed. The only thing that made any sense was how much she longed for and missed Kevin. Nothing was the same anymore. There was no more watching TV or reading, to be interrupted by Kevin coming in to her room to check up on her, or just to say HI. Every time she went down to the activity room, he wouldn’t be there, and she would find herself over by the door where they first had met. It all seemed so long ago, and in a sense, it had been.

She found one thing odd though. Kevin still hadn’t called her. In six days, she had yet to hear from him. If the situation were reversed, she would be calling him every other day at he absolute least to see how he was doing, and making a point to come and visit several times a week. She knew that the visiting part was impossible on his part, for he had told her that the second he got back, he’d be back to work. He did have the phone number to the hospital though and the extension to her room, so he could call her easily. He had the address and room number, so he could send her a letter or postcard easily. And he had her cell phone number and home address, so when she was released, he could contact her easily. As much as she wanted to think that just possibly, Kevin’s calls weren’t connecting and his letters were getting lost in the mail, Anita was getting worried. Had she even crossed his mind for a portion of a second once? Did he ever plan on communicating with her again? Anita didn’t know. She was unsure of it. Very, very unsure. Nothing seemed written in stone these days.

But then the occasional thought crossed Anita’s mind that maybe something was wrong. Maybe he’d gotten sick again, because he really wasn’t out of the woods yet. The doctors had made an error and he’d gone without any medical attention. This thought caused Anita to feel sick to the stomach, but then realized that she would have heard something by now from somebody if there had been malpractice going on in that very hospital. She figured that for now, Kevin was safe. It was her who was still sick, and hurting on the inside. Her negativity would probably have an effect on her healing, but at that point, she didn’t care. She really had nothing to live for. Her friends had disowned and betrayed her and Kevin...she didn’t know what was going on with him.

So as a nurse came up to her, Anita just continued to stare straight ahead as she inserted the IV in to Anita’s arm, opening it up so the treatment could begin. The pain and burning hit almost immediately, as always, and for the first time in months, Anita cried openly, not really caring who heard her.

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“So you finally decide to visit again, huh?” Anita asked as her once best friends entered the room. She wasn’t mad. She didn’t have it in her heart to be mad. She missed Kevin, and it had been three and a half weeks since he left. There was still no word from him though.

“Just checking up to see how you’re doing.” Kimberly was the first to speak, “It’s been awhile, and we were talking...” her voice trailed off, it being very obvious that she was uncomfortable. They all were.

Anita just sighed, shaking her head. She wondered where they thought they got off visiting every other month. That wasn’t a friend. She’d learned a long time ago that the three superficial girls probably never were her friends. Just shallow partners in crime against others. Anita was glad to know that she’d strayed herself away from that kind of life. She was learning more and more each day that you experienced so many more great things when you weren’t constantly wrapped around yourself.

“How kind of you,” Anita stated simply, deciding against being rude. Last time they’d all visited, it had ended in shouting pretty nasty things at one another. If she wasn’t mistaken, Kevin had still been in isolation back then. It was funny how things worked. He’d escaped the vicious grasps of the isolation and now was officially in remission, out of the hospital while she was still stuck.

“So how are you feeling?” Madison asked, sincerely interested in how the girl who she still considered to be a best friend.

Anita shrugged, unsure of how she was feeling. She honestly didn’t know when the last time she felt good or normal was. She didn’t even remember the last time she felt decent. So asking how she was feeling was a complicated question. How she felt compared to what? Yesterday, A month ago, two years ago?

“I’m getting by,” Anita finally said, “I guess things are okay...I mean, I still feel gross half the time, but I guess to be expected, right?” she cringed at what she’d said. How would they know? Of course, now they would act like they understood oh so well, but they didn’t. This was more than just the flu. This was more serious and unless you were facing it yourself, you couldn’t possibly understand just how awful it was.

There were a few moments of silence that caused an uncomfortable barrier between them. Kimberly was glancing around the room at all of the gifts around the room. Most of the flowers had been removed due to them dying slowly plus the extreme amount of flowers causing her allergies to act up.

“So, are you still dating that one guy..Kevin or something?” Madison asked

Anita cringed. She didn’t want to give the three girls the satisfaction of knowing that her boyfriend had left without a trace. But she knew that if she lied, it wouldn’t be very convincing at all. Anita sighed, knowing that weather she liked it or not, she’d have to see the smirks of happiness on their faces. From the very beginning, they’d been bitter and jealous of her relationship with Kevin, not knowing how she managed to get such a gorgeous guy. If only they knew just who he was, they they’d really shit in their pants. But since he was gone, their wishes would now be granted.

“I honestly don’t know,” Anita finally replied, “He hit remission almost a month ago, but I haven’t heard from him since. I’m not suer what’s going on.”

“Oh, well..um....we’re sorry.” Juanita apologized, and Anita would have almost bought it as sincere if she didn’t already know how vindictive they all were.

“Oh well...it was great while it lasted, but...maybe he’ll call,” Anita stated, then turned to Madison, “Are you and Taylor still together?”

She saw Madison squirm, that itself giving away the answer. Anita would have felt bad had Taylor not been her own ex boyfriend. One of the unwritten rules of true friendship stated that you never, ever, under any circumstances dated an ex boyfriend of a friend. Madison had broken that rule and betrayed Anita while doing so.

“We broke up too...” she muttered under her breath, it obviously taking all she had in her to admit to this, “He told me I was too bossy and stuck up. Can you believe that load of bull shit?” she huffed in enraged disbelief of this fact herself.

“No, I wonder what on earth gave him that idea.” Anita mused, her voice dripping with the slightest bit of sarcasm, which the three plastic girls failed to pick up. They never had been good at picking up on hints.

Anita was saved by a nurse coming in to the room, there to take Anita’s blood pressure, temperature and all of the other good stuff, requiring the three to leave. They said their goodbyes, making it obvious that they were dismissed for the day, or in their case, another few months. Anita sighed, wondering if she’d done something to be punished by the wrath of Kimberly, Juanita and Madison.