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Chapter Nineteen

Anita bit her lip nervously as she made her way across campus, her backpack hiked up onto her shoulder. Her eyes darted around, watching everyone else cautiously also scurrying around, trying to get to their classes on time. She found herself wondering what each of their pasts were. Their history. Their story. She knew that she had her own to tell, but planned on keeping it a hidden secret from everyone else. The last thing she wanted was to be singled out on her first day of classes because everybody deemed her a freak. True, she knew, College was different than petty High School, however some people were still capable of judging cruelly, influencing others to follow their lead.

Seeing a guy who looked like a young version of Kevin...Kevin in the beginning of the Backstreet Boys. Anita gave him a shy smile. He didn’t seem to notice though, too involved in his own attempt to find his class, or ignoring her, finding her to be ugly due to her extremely short hair...complements to losing it all to the chemo. It was growing back though finally. Slowly.. She sighed, hoping that in the year she’d been gone, everybody hadn’t turned cruel. If so, she had a long road ahead of her.

She’d met her roommate earlier that morning in the female dorms. The girls name was Lisa, a small girl with long, wavy dirty-blonde hair and big, blue eyes. She had high cheekbones and pouty, rosebud lips. She was very attractive, the type that all the guys on campus would long for and the girls envy and be jealous of. She was sweet though, however Anita had already gotten the impression that she lived to party hard. When asked about her hair, Anita quickly lied that she’d had to shave her head on a lost bet. The girl hadn’t asked further questions. Anita felt that within a couple of weeks, her and Lisa would become good friends. That was what she needed...a good friend who wouldn’t judge. Before they’d gotten to really talk though, it was time to head out to classes.

Which lead her to that moment, coming up on Lincoln Hall, where her first class would take place. Anita gulped, staring up at the large, seven-story, square building. She made her way up the steps, pushing open the door, telling herself that attitude was everything. She walked through the halls, putting on the same front as everybody else, nervous but confident, as she looked for room three-oh-eight, finding it easily on the third floor.


Anita was surprised to find the room over half full already, with a half an hour before classes were to start. She made her way in, taking a seat towards the back of the room, a couple of chairs away from everyone else in either direction, hoping to make her presence unknown and unnoticed. Whoever came in after her would have their choice on weather or not they wanted to be near her, in all her near bald-headed glory. She was taken off guard when nobody seemed to care, filing in and the select few saying a friendly ‘hello’ as they sat next to her. She smiled back, happy that class number one wasn’t going to give her any problems. She had three more to go. Soon enough, she’d find how they’d go.

After an agonizing half hour of silence, the instructor finally walked in to the room carrying a small leather briefcase. She set it down on the front podium, flipped it open and pulled out a stack of papers, passing it around the room. Anita found that it was the syllabus, taking a look over it, flipping through the six pages, as the instructor began.

“Welcome to Introduction to Fashion,” her voice came out loud and clear, “My name is Instructor Karen Bangles. To sum this class up, you will get to know the history behind fashion, the trends of the past, present and future as well as big fashion mistakes, and what does work. You will also be assigned and expected to create your own outfit, making it. Part of your fees were to cover the material that will be used to make these. Anything extra, you will be responsible for on your own.”

Anita continued to listen intently, jotting down notes around the outer border of the syllabus. She rolled her eyes at a couple of things the woman said. Her tone was blunt and superior, Anita already able to tell that she was going to be a real bitch. The class was going to be difficult, about five credit hours stuffed in to three. Anita hoped that she could handle it all and wasn’t taking up too much at once too soon. If it was, she decided she could always drop a class to make her load more bearable.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Anita focused back on her instructor. It was too soon to be thinking about being too stressed and dropping classes. She hadn’t even completed ten minutes of her first one yet, day one. When prompted, she pulled the designated book from her backpack, turning to page three. She wondered if it was too soon to be back in college, only a month after her release from the hospital. She supposed that there was only one way to find out. All she could really do was try.

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Anita yawned as she sluggishly made her way to the courtyard, where all the students hung out during their breaks. There were scads of groups of girls, guys and co-ed groups scattered across the lawn, lounging out, for it was a gorgeous, clear, sunny day. She looked around, seeing that everybody was already engrossed in their own conversations or with their groups of friends, so her search continued to find an open, empty spot.

She’d found in her first two classes that nobody wanted to talk to the ‘bald girl’ They’d been friendly enough, but didn’t make an effort to speak to her any more than they had to, no obligations being felt.

Seeing an opening a few dozen yards away, Anita quickly made a bee line towards it to claim the area as her own before anybody else had the chance to. The campus was large, that went without saying. She’d forgotten just how large, although before, she’d conquered the college life with a group of close-knit friends, making it seem tolerable and even fun. Now, all alone, it seemed intimidating.


Sitting down under a large tree, Anita pulled out a sandwich she’d made from her backpack, unwrapping the foil. She tore off a small piece, popping it in to her mouth as she pulled a textbook from the bag, opening it up to where her homework was, reading the pages with half interest. The other half of her attention was on everything going on around her. She was jealous of everybody. Including the three students, two girls and a guy, who were making their way towards her, laughing over something the guy had said. She scowled, angry at the taunting way they were going about. Then the unexpected happened. They stopped right before her.

“Mind of we sit here with you?” one of the girls asked. She was around five seven and petite with long red hair and blue eyes.

“No, um..go ahead.” Anita told them, eyeing the boy. He was very nice looking, obviously the other girl, a blonde’s, boyfriend.

The three sat down right next to her. Anita continued to read, figuring they just needed a place to sit. She’d go on with her business as if they weren’t even there while they talked amongst themselves.

“So, what’s your name?”

Anita looked up over the top of her book, startled when she saw them all staring at her. She wondered if they were making sure she wasn’t listening or if they were actually speaking directly at her.

“Me?” the three nodded, “Anita.” she told them, putting the book face- down beside her.

“I’m Zach,” the boy said, “This is Courtney,” he squeezed the blonde, his girlfriend, “And the redhead is Elizabeth.”

“Nice to meet you,” Courtney stated with a warm smile.

“Likewise.” Anita replied, feeling as if she were in an alternate universe. Nobody had make a point to talk to her in so long, “This your first year?”

“Yeah,” Elizabeth said, “We’re lowly freshman.” Anita laughed, remembering those days, “You?”

“The start of my second year...I just came back from a long, um....vacation, I guess you could say.”

The three looked at her strangely. Anita’s heart hammered in her chest, wondering why she’d so stupidly volunteered the opportunity for them to ask questions. Then again, if she was going to be friends with people, she might as well tell them right off, right? Or should she let people get to know her before scaring them off with her history?

“What’s with your hair being so short?” Courtney asked.

Anita cringed. She should have known people would eventually ask about it. Especially if people were talking to her, period. Anita wondered if that was the only reason the trio had joined her. They’d seen the bald girl, and decided to make a freak show out of her. It didn’t seem fair to her at all. As she looked at them though, she could tell they were genuinely interested and weren’t there to judge. Anita felt that telling these three the truth was safe.

“I um...was in the hospital with cancer for almost a year.” Anita told them, “I just got out a month ago.”

Their eyes all widened with surprise, but none of them moved. Anita figured if they were going to spook, they would be darting across the campus lawn by now. They stayed though, and Anita honestly didn’t know how she felt about that.

“Wow, was that scary?” Elizabeth asked finally.

“Of course it was, you ditz,” Courtney scolded.

Anita laughed, “It was...but I got through. The trick is keeping a positive attitude, and then everything is more likely to turn out good.”


After that came a serious of questions. Most were about her stay in the hospital, and she told them about Kevin, leaving out the part about who Kevin was. Some questions though, were general interest. Anita got to know each of them some too. They all talked for nearly an hour, and before she knew it, Anita felt as if they’d been friends for years. It was weird, but felt so good at the same time. She was regretful when she looked at her cell phone,
realizing she was going to be late for her next class.

“So, meet here tomorrow, same time?” Zach asked, looking at the two girls. They nodded, “You too, Anita? Meet us here?” Anita smiled, nodding.

The four got up and parted their separate ways, Courtney and Zach going together hand in hand. As Anita walked to her class, she couldn’t stop smiling. Only a week in and things were already improving for her. Suddenly, she felt like getting out of her condo had been the best thing in her interest. If not, she wouldn’t have known what she could have been missing.

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Flopping herself on to one of the couches placed randomly around the mall, Anita took in a deep breath and let it out noisily. Her first week of classes had been overwhelming. That went without saying. She honestly wondered if she should drop out now when she could still get a seventy-five percent refund of her money and re-enroll when she was feeling more up to it. Only six weeks ago, she’d been in the hospital. Now, she was already back in college, taking things full swing. Anita didn’t know if that was wise or not, but in her head, she already knew what she’d be doing. She would end up finishing the quarter, and by that time, she knew she’d be feeling a lot better, and from there on out would carry on like she would have any other year. It was the getting back in to sync with everything that drove her crazy.

“Class sucks, life sucks.” Anita said aloud, repositioning the cap she was wearing, hoping it was doing the job of hiding her. She wasn’t getting too many stares, so she was satisfied that the hat was doing its job.

Anita wished that the people she’d met and been meeting with for lunch every day were with her. They already had weekend plans of their own though, not including her in them. Not that she could blame them. Why should they have her be the tag-along until they knew each other better? Then it would be more of a group thing than a “lets feel sorry for Antia” thing, dragging her along like a third wheel. It didn’t stop her from wanting to be included though. Was that really so much to ask? Anita honestly didn’t think so, but apparently, it was. Making friends was hard. Harder than she ever remembered.

“Nita?” a voice called out, “Is that you?”

Anita looked to see Taylor coming towards her. She immediately sat up straight, her heart racing in her chest hoping that she appeared to be calmer than she felt. Since she got home, she hadn’t seen or talked to anybody from her past life. It felt awkward and unnatural, as if he was a friend she’d had in middle school, and hadn’t seen in five years.

“Hey, Taylor.” Anita replied, cringing when she saw Madison, Juanita and Kimberly all coming up behind him. Apparently, Taylor hadn’t gotten rid of the superficialness of them...or had crawled back to it for some unknown reason. She forced a smile, “Hey girls.”

“Oh my god, Anita?” Juanita cried out, running past the others, plopping herself down on the couch next to her, “Wow...you...how long have you been out of the hospital for?”

“Month and a half.” she answered as all of the others stopped right in front of her.

“Wow, we like, had no idea!” Madison replied.

Anita eyed her, deeming her the ringleader of the three stooges. She always had been more of the boss of the group. Anita didn’t know how she’d put up with it for so long. It still baffled her. After all of this time, she still wondered if she’d been dropped on her head as an infant and getting leukemia had made her come to grips with how things were in reality.

“Gee, ya know what....maybe you would have known if you’d called and visited more often than once every two months.” Anita quipped.

All four grew silent telling Anita that they felt guilty because she was right, and they knew it. They had known that they were being bitches all along, but it hadn’t stopped them from hurting her. She was over the hurt though, and even the anger. She honestly just didn’t care anymore. She was lonely, but knew that she cold find much better friends that these three...and even Taylor, who’d been sweet at first, but followed in the footsteps of evil.

“We’re sorry about that,” Kimberly guiltily stated, “We really are sorry.”

“We wanted to come see you,” Madison told her, “We talked about it all of the time.”

“Then why didn’t you?” Anita asked them, wanting a good exclamation. She deserved that much at least.

Nobody said anything for a long moment. Anita couldn’t tell if they honestly didn’t know what to say, or was waiting for somebody to speak, coming up with some bull shit, asinine excuse to cover for them all. She waited a few more seconds, crossing her arms over her chest. She was waiting very patiently.

“We got scared,” Taylor finally answered, “You were so sick...and...you were so wrapped up in your boyfriend. We just were afraid if we got too close, and you died, it would hurt all the more...ya know?”

Anita looked at them all, bowing their heads in shame. She could tell that what Taylor said was true by the way all four were acting. One thing she’d gotten good at was reading postures. She could tell when somebody was lying, when someone was uncomfortable, and even when sorry. They were definitely sincere and sorry. In a way, that made things all the worse in Anita’s mind, because it was a lame excuse.

“I still needed somebody,” Anita told them, “And I got left with nobody.”

“We’re sorry...” Kimberly said, “We missed you a lot...and were afraid of losing our best friend.”

“Well, I’m in remission...so no worries about that, unless it all comes back.” Anita told them.

She swore that she saw them all breath sighs of relief. Anita was utterly confused now because it seemed that they obviously cared. What was all of this about? Were they her friends or were they more of acquaintances? Where did things stand then, and especially now.

“We want things to go back to how they used to be,” Juanita stated, “When we were all best of friends.”

Anita sighed. She knew that she should be furious with all of them, telling them to get the hell out of her life forever. She couldn’t though. For some reason, Anita couldn’t bring herself to scream the words she told herself that she would all along. Instead, she felt like being rational and forgiving.

“We can’t go back to how things were right off,” she started, “But I’d be willing to start over and rebuild things.”

She saw all of them smile, and Anita knew that things were going to be okay. Making amends with the three was like a huge weight being lifted off of her shoulders. Anita stood up, and together, the five walked and talked, catching up on everything they had missed. Although this wasn’t nearly how Anita had planned things to go, it felt great to be part of a group again.