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**Chapter Twenty**

Anita was restless. Summer break was just around the corner, her last final exam being that Wednesday...in two days from that point. The quarter had gone fast she hadn’t heard from Kevin still, in six long, agonizing months of total sadness. It was evident to her now, more than ever, that he just wasn’t going to contact her. He had never intended to, even from the very beginning. These thoughts had consumed most of Anita’s time, her attention span in classes not at its greatest. She was, however, managing to keep her grades up despite her constant mind-wondering.

The Backstreet Boys world tour had started a month before and they were touring clear over on the east coast for their remaining two weeks in the USA. After that, they were off to Europe. Anita grumbled at this. It figured she’d be in classes while they were near her, on the western half of the Country.
Anita wondered if Kevin had even thought of her once while they had their show in New Mexico. She highly doubted it, or else he’d have called. That was why she’d been developing a plan to put in to action. She needed to put her mind at ease and know what was going on and what had happened once and for all. She was determined, and nothing anybody could do or say could or would change her mind.
She knew it would take her a good three days to drive out there, which was what she intended on doing. She was going to find Kevin and confront him face to face, demanding an explanation. And that was entirely possible with the backstage pass she’d been fortunate enough to purchase on E-bay for a whopping $595.00 to their Philadelphia show. She’d had to fight for it, watching the auction for the last day to up her own bid whenever somebody outbid her. She’d won though, making the victory all the more special. If she was going to see Kevin again, she knew this pass was her only chance, anything else impossible. She needed the pass more than anybody else. She had business to take care of, and this was her only hope in fulfilling it.
The Philadelphia show was exactly four days after her exam. Time would be cut close, she knew, and she wanted to be there by noon of the day of the show. It would give plenty of time to calm her nerves, relax her body from the long drive and collect her thoughts, figuring out what she was going to say once she did see him so she didn’t sputter or shout out things that didn’t make sense. Anita knew she’d be angrier than ever once she was within conversing distance from the man, but she had to try not to scream or do anything rash.

Getting up, Anita went to the small closet, pulling out her suitcase. She flopped it on to her bed, starting to pull clothes out of the dressers, tossing them carelessly in to her suitcase without much thought. There would be days in-between Philly where she’d have to stay in hotels overnight. This was going to be almost like a vacation, packing a must.

“Whatcha doing?” Lisa asked, her eyes peeking over the top of her Anatomy b
ook, “Cutting out on exams?”

Anita shook her head, “Nope...road trip right after.” she grinned, “And I’ll be back on time for summer courses...lovely, beautiful summer classes. Joy!.” she faked enthusiasm. Lisa laughed, “But yeah, I’ve got some stuff I have to take care of next week, sooo...”

“Ah,” Lisa replied, “Have fun with that.” she returned to her book, and Anita knew the party girl was probably cramming for her final, which was likely that following day, “Stupid piece of shit...how am I supposed to know this.” she cried out from nowhere.


‘You know, if you’d actually show up to classes and not be hung over every morning, you might actually know something out of there.” Anita joked, causing her to get the finger. She laughed, “Just a thought.”

“Ha ha ha,” Lisa retorted, “Has anybody ever told you that you take life way too seriously.” she eyed Anita, waiting for a response as her roommates face fell. Anita had yet to tell her about her cancer bout only months before, “What? Did I offend you?”

“Nah...just, some crap happened to me last summer is all...kind of have to take things seriously and do what you can.” Anita shrugged.

“Whatever.” Lisa replied, “My motto is just that you have your whole life to act old, so have fun through the college years...the four years you are free from all obligation.”

Anita rolled her eyes as she closed her suitcase, snapping it shut. Lisa was a great person, and a cool friend, but her views weren’t always up to par. Then again, anybody who’d gone through cancer, every day you lived, you feared would be your last, would be the only ones to fully understand the seriousness of life. Anita didn’t want to mess around and risk her education and future. She wanted to do well, pass, succeed. Not only with college, but with life in general.

“You doing anything for your full two weeks off?” Anita asked Lisa.

“Sticking around...probably find some kick ass frat houses to hit up...ya know?” she smiled, “Find me a potential boyfriend.” Lisa sighed, “No more one-night stands for me.”

Anita laughed, “Good luck with that.” she said, “Maybe by the time classes start back up, we’ll both have boyfriends...or at least I’ll have mine back.” Anita seriously hoped that by the end of her likely nine day trip, Kevin would be hers again and everything would be okay. She had a feeling that it would be, suddenly unable to wait for the long drive she had ahead of her. Anita was ready to take it on.

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At 5:14 that Tuesday afternoon, Anita pulled in to the parking lot of the large arena in which the Boys were playing at. She was surprised to see that the lot was already well over half full. The show wasn’t to start until 7:30. As she turned off the ignition, Anita found that her hands were shaking. There was no doubt about it...she was a nervous wreck about seeing Kevin. She wondered if he would be happy to see her. That was the one thing that scared her...anticipating what his reaction would be. And she still had to wait about five hours to find out beings her pass wasn’t for until after the show.

Anita got out of her car, locking it, somehow finding the strength to make her legs move. At first she was shaky, walking as if it was her first time in years, just coming out of a paralysis. Eventually she moved more smoothly though, just like everybody else. She hugged her purse close to her as she made her way through the crowd, anxious to find her seat and sit, relax, until the show started. The warm up band was one called Click Five. It was a band she hadn’t yet heard of, but figured if they were opening for the Boys, they must be pretty special.

As she made her way through security and to her seat, Anita was disappointed to find that she was a little more than half way back in the venue. She knew her seat wasn’t up front, however she’d at least thought that she’d be closer. Either way, Anita figured she couldn’t complain too much. Out of the ninety-two thousand people who could be crammed in to the venue, only about twenty-four got to go backstage. She figured that in that aspect, she was very fortunate.


While sitting, waiting for the Click Five group to take stage, Anita went through the events of her journey there in her head. While in Texas, she’d gotten a flat tire, which had set her back two hours. In Kansas, where she’d stopped at a motel for her second night, the place had been a total dive. The sheets hadn’t been washed and the bathroom uncleaned. It was obvious that the room had gone untouched before her arrival. Other than those two events, nothing more really happened. She’d hit heavy traffic in a few major cities and had nearly fallen asleep at the wheel a couple of times, telling her it was time to pull over for a break. All in all, the trip had gone smoothly, and she’d made it to Pennsylvania, clear on the other side of the country, safely. She hoped that her trip home would be in happiness and her mission completed.

Before she knew it, Click Five was taking stage, their energy already high. The entire arena stood, Anita feeling obligated to do the same. After three songs though, she started to feel a little bit dizzy, feeling it best if she sat until the Boys came on. Anita found their music to be rather good. She enjoyed their sound, it being much like the Boys Never Gone material...a little pop, a little rock. They announced that their album would be coming out that summer, and Anita knew that she’d be buying it.

Twenty minutes later, the newly formed group left the stage, cheers loud coming from everywhere. Anita joined in, showing her appreciation as the darkened theater became dimly lit again from the lights around and above everyone. Anita leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes. She was beginning to wonder if maybe she should have waited to show up until right before the Boys performance. She felt tired and like she could use a couple of hours more sleep after the long drive. It was too late to turn back time now though. She had to stick it out until the end of the night.

Anita tried to envision her reunion with the Boys, mainly Kevin. She could see him being surprised to see her, then happy. They’d reunite with a large hug and kiss, her going back to his hotel room with him so they could catch up on everything that had happened in the past half of a year. They’d talk half the night, slowly becoming more affectionate, the night possibly ending in her losing her virginity to him. That was only if she gave in, deciding that weakness was a good thing in this instance. If she wanted to make him suffer, she’d make him get down on his hands and knees, begging for her to forgive him for leaving her alone and acting as if she’d never existed. Only then would she give in to the sexual temptations and pleasures.

Anita had gotten so caught up in her thoughts that before she knew it, the lights were dimming again, music starting. Shrieks came from every direction, Anita jumping to her feet to join in the chorus of screams. The became louder as one by one, the Boys ran out on to stage, taking their places behind their microphones. There was Nick, followed by Brian, AJ, Howie. Anita smiled as she saw each of the Boys again, kind and caring as they’d been when she’d met them, spending almost three months with them. Lastly, Kevin came out, taking his place behind Howie. Anita felt her throat tighten upon seeing him, tears clogging her throat that she wouldn’t allow to come. She couldn’t cry. She just couldn’t. As they began to sing, the screams became louder before dying down so that the Boys could be heard. Their voices came out amazingly, their energy a level higher than it had been in a long time. She noticed that Kevin’s was up full force, his cancer almost as if it had never existed. He moved so beautifully, keeping up with the others in the fast paced choreographed dances without a problem. Anita forced herself to smile, her eyes on him for the entire show, wondering if he sensed her presence. She knew that he couldn’t see her, but wondered if by some miracle, he could, standing there, fifty rows back.

Once the show ended, an hour and a half later, Anita waited for nearly everyone to file out before making her way to the front to where the backstage area would be. She pulled the pass out from beneath her shirt, clutching it in her hand as it dangled from the lanyard. Her breathing became heavy, her nerves a large jumble. She neared the ramp leading up to backstage, a large security guard blocking the way.

“May I help you?” he asked her.


Anita flashed him the pass, the man inspecting it for a second before stepping aside, letting her back, giving her quick instructions on where to go. Anita felt as if she were going to throw up as she walked, each step bringing her closer to Kevin. It was almost too much for her to handle, and she wondered if she’d made a huge mistake. It was too late to turn back time now though, and she knew that if she left, she would always wonder what would have happened.

By the time she reached the Boys, Anita saw that their was still a small group of girls around her age, give or take a few years, still having their meet-and-greet session. She stepped aside, out of view, letting them all finish up. What seemed to be an eternity later, the last of the girls left. It was only then that Anita stepped in to view. Kevin was facing the other way, but the other four were mingling together, immediately seeing her coming their way.

“Hey!” Nick greeted, bounding towards her to give her a huge hug, ‘What are you doing here.”

“Just came to say hi,” Anita whispered, hugging him back, “The only show I could get in to and actually see you guys.”

The others came over, each giving her a hug as well, equally glad to see her as she was to see them. Kevin still hadn’t noticed that she was there, and she was beginning to feel her bravery falter. Her body started to shake, wondering what she was doing. Did Kevin want to see her? If he did, wouldn’t he have spoken to her in the long time that had passed?

“Long time, no see,” Brian stated, his Southern drawl showing genuine happiness, “Where ya been, girl?”

Anita shrugged, unable to stop grinning, “Ask Kevin.” she mentioned, “He’d know the answer.”

She got several strange looks, each wondering what she had meant. It wasn’t her place to explain something in which she didn’t have the answers to though. Kevin was the only one who could tell them, as well as her, why he had failed to contact her. He was still oblivious to her presence, now on his cell phone with somebody, his back turned towards them all. Again, she found herself asking if he even wanted to see her. She wondered why he hadn’t called for the millionth time since his disappearance. She didn’t have time to answer her own questions before someone called for Kevin’s attention, and she looked, seeing that he was just now flipping his cell phone shut.

“Kev!” Brian called out, still smiling, “Look who’s here.”

Kevin turned around, and when he spotted her, he looked as if he saw a ghost. Anita couldn’t tell if he was happy to see her, disappointed, angry, as she stepped slowly towards him, stopping right in front of him a few mere inches away. She looked up, finding herself looking in to the same bright pair of green eyes she had looked in to during their first meeting so many months ago, that time seeming like an eternity had passed.