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**Chapter Twenty-One**

Anita continued to stare up in to his eyes, feeling herself weakening, but she forced herself to stand her ground. Kevin’s expression was unreadable, and Anita didn’t see that as being a very good sign. She refused to show weakness though. She refused to cry. It was too soon for tears, as they’d only just met back up again. The tears would only come from disappointment if Kevin told her to pack back up and leave, returning home

“What are you doing here?”

Anita felt as if she’d been slapped with the first words that came from his lips. He didn’t look angry to see her, but not happy either. He looked shocked, almost as if he was seeing something he didn’t want to be. His first words though...they weren’t even a greeting. They were more of a demand. Him wanting an explanation, as if she were intruding, invading privacy by being there. It definitely wasn’t a reaction she’d been prepared for.

“To see you.” Anita replied despite her faltering posture, “I managed to get a backstage pass...because I had to see you, and with summer break here...” Kevin’s expression still didn’t change, “I just wanted to see if there was anything left between us.”

Kevin didn’t answer. By now the others were watching them, seeing what was going on between the reunited couple. They were confused when neither was speaking. Kevin looked utterly dumbfounded and Anita just looked angry.

“I don’t think you should...be here.” Kevin chose his words carefully.

“Aren’t you happy to see me?” Anita questioned.

Kevin nodded, his eyes darting around nervously. Anita wondered what was going on. He was acting weird and as if he were hiding something. The question was, what? Anita soon found out when a woman stepped out of a back room, gliding over to them all. She was around five foot nine with long, curly strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes. She was slender, and even Anita had to admit that she was very attractive. But as she came closer, then wrapped her arms around Kevin, giving him a kiss on the side of the mouth, Anita felt that she was more than just part of stage crew or management or even a venue employee.

“Great show, sweetheart.” she cooed, then looked at Anita, then back to him, “Who’s this?” she questioned.

“And who is that?” Anita asked, now glaring at the woman. She hoped that her gaze was as evil as she envisioned it to be.


“Anita...” Kevin started, shooting her a warning look, “I’d like you to meet my girlfriend, Kelly.” Anita’s eyes bugged out of her head, not wanting to believe what she was hearing, however she knew that she was hearing it by the way that they were holding on to one another, “Kelly, this is a friend of mine...Anita. We were in the hospital together way back. She just came to say ‘hey’ and see what was going on since she was in the area.” he smiled, hiding his lie well. Anita wondered now though if all she ever was to him was a friend.

“Oh, nice to meet you.” Kelly smiled, then turned back to Kevin, “I’m going to go wait on the bus, okay?” Kevin nodded, and she turned to walk away.

Anita watched, jealousy boiling within her veins. What was going on here? Had she driven all this way for nothing, when Kevin had obviously not even thought of her once since he’d left. It was almost as if he’d been brainwashed in to forgetting his entire past by the strange way he was acting. She waited until the woman, Kelly, was out of earshot before deciding to speak.

“You have a girlfriend?”

“Well, yeah...” Kevin replied guiltily, “I told you it was a bad idea for you to be here...I...” he stopped there, deciding not to tell her Kelly was the reason he hadn’t contacted her after his leave. A week before he was released, Kelly had called wanting to try to make things work again, and Kevin had agreed. He’d been so happy to have his long-time girlfriend back, that nothing else really mattered to him.

“You had a girlfriend back in New Mexico...ME!” she shouted, “What gives?”

“Anita...could we talk about this somewhere else...later...?”Kevin asked nervously, afraid someone else would hear.


“I want to talk about it here, and now. I drove two-thousand miles to see you. I think you owe it to me to at least talk.”

Kevin shut his eyes, hoping that nobody could hear her shouts. He didn’t want to be found out. He didn’t want to have to explain to everyone everything that had happened. He wasn’t willing to do so.

“Please, Anita...please, lets talk about this somewhere else. Let me meet you at your hotel room or something.”

Anita looked up in to Kevin’s eyes, seeing how desperate he was. She didn’t feel the least bit sorry for him, yet knew that if she didn’t want him to walk out on her, then she’d have to cooperate somewhat.

‘Fine.” Anita sighed, giving him directions to her hotel room, “When should I expect you?”

“Give me an hour and a half so I can clean up, go back to our hotel and let the guys and Kelly know I am going out. I’ll be there after that.”

Anita nodded, spinning around and walking away quickly. Kevin sighed, running a hand through his grown back hair. He knew that their encounter was not going to be pretty. In fact, he could almost guarantee that with Anita’s fiery attitude, and as angry as he’d made her, things could get rather ugly.

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“So you leave me cold, then the second you get back, find a new girlfriend without so much as a second thought about my feelings?” Anita screamed the second Kevin stepped in to her hotel room and the door was shut.

Just as promised, Kevin had shown up. Anita was furious, her anger building by the second. And when she saw him, she let her anger out, wondering what she’d done so long to make him do such a thing to her. What had she done to deserve it? Was it because she’d still been fighting cancer when Kevin had left, and he didn’t want to be a part of it, beings he was past his own? She wanted answers. She wanted the truth, no matter how much it were to hurt her.


Kevin just stared at her, unable to come up with something to say. Anita wondered what was going through his head, unable to look at him. He was hideous to her. Repulsive. Anita would have rather been looking at an animals ass in the local Zoo at that point. He just continued to stand there and stare, making Anita wonder why he’d even bothered to show in the first place. She then wondered why he didn’t just stand her up, again. It would have been easy...easier than his first escape from the hospital.

“So?” Anita demanded, “What gives? Why did you do that to me Kevin? I thought we had something special.”

“We did.” Kevin murmured defensively.

‘What was that?” Anita asked, hands on her hips. She glared at him, expecting a repeat of his answer She deserved an honest answer. She deserved to be able to hear his answer clearly. It was all she wanted now at this point.

“We did have something special.” Kevin stated more firmly, standing his ground, “We had something very special.”

Anita stared at the man, truly confused now. He was admitting that they’d had a connection, which was what she wanted to hear all along, yet she wasn’t as happy as she’d have liked to be. The trip wasn’t going nearly as she’d planned. Anita already knew she’d be returning to New Mexico disappointed and crushed.


“They why did you just leave...” Anita’s voice trailed off, no longer able to scream. She was angry, but just couldn’t yell, “Why did you disappear and me never hear from you again? Did you ever plan on contacting me, or was it your plan all along to...vanish?”

Anita didn’t get an answer for a long while. Kevin just stood there, looking downward. She wondered the meaning behind it, and could read on his face that he was regretful and sorry. It still didn’t change things though. What was done was done. She’d been bruised, and was now waiting for Kevin to respond to her questions. She waited another few moments before he finally found the words to speak, saying them as gently as he could.

“I...we had something great back in New Mexico...but...I knew that it wouldn’t last past that. It couldn’t. I didn’t think about it...when I was there, but the closer it came time for me to leave...I knew they would be my last days with you.”

Anita blanked, not able to believe what he was admitting to her. So it had been his devise all along. He’d never once had in mind that he was going do anything about their relationship. He hadn’t even been man enough to end things before he left. He hadn’t even been thoughtful enough to send a telegram to her saying “It’s over” His answer pained her more than she’d have liked to admit, but she hid it as best she could, having a new array of questions she wanted to have answered.

“That doesn’t explain why though.” Anita stated, “That’s all I am asking is why.” she sighed, “Was I not good enough? Is that why you returned to take care of business and then found a new girlfriend?”

Kevin sighed, not wanting to hurt the girl any more than he had. This answer she wouldn’t like at all, however she was wanting the stone-cold truth. He owed her that at least. She’d driven all that way to see him and ask what happened so she deserved to at least get what she had come for, if nothing else.

“First of all, you were good enough, and um, she isn’t a new girlfriend,” Kevin muttered, catching Anita’s attention. She looked at him, urging him to go on with her mind, “She was my girlfriend before I went in to the hospital.” Kevin cringed, knowing that her reaction was going to be a total blowup, not that he blamed her.

“You had a girlfriend the entire time we were together...you were two-timing her...me...you?” Anita sputtered angrily in disbelief, “I can’t believe you! You are...that...UGH!”

Kevin had nothing he could say. He knew he’d been wrong. He knew the entire time it was wrong of him, yet it didn’t stop him. He’d got so caught up in his feelings for Anita that he didn’t bother to stop it before something happened.

“Why?” Anita asked, “I thought you said that she couldn’t deal with your cancer?” she looked at him, “Was that a fucking lie too?”

Kevin shook his head, “No...she...the entire time I was in the hospital, she didn’t call but once..the first day I was in. She called once after that, but just to say it was all too much for her to handle.” he paused, “I suppose when you and I were together, I was kind of single, but kind of involved too. We never ended things...not really.” he sighed, “It’s complicated. I am so sorry for everything though. I’m sorry for hurting you.”

Kevin gulped, looking up at Anita for the first real time since he’d entered her hotel room. He remembered just how beautiful she was. Her hair was grown out to just past the tops of her ears now, styled cute and feminine like until it became longer. He swallowed hard, beginning to see why he’d fallen for her in the first place.

“Did you ever love me?” Anita asked, fire still in her eyes, “Or was that just a ploy to pull me in and then stomp all over my heart in the end? Do more damage that way, right.?

“Yes.” Kevin replied without hesitation, for he knew in his heart that he had loved the girl very much, “I did love you.”.

“Do you still love me?” Kevin hesitated for a moment before nodding in all honesty, “Do you love her?”

“Yes...” Kevin’s voice trailed off, feeling the need to explain himself, “We’ve been together for a long time...five years.”

Anita closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. She had so much she wanted to say to him, but not the right words to say it. She knew she’d get her point across, but afraid of what she left out being crucial information.

“You left me...someone who was there for you...never left your side, even through the worst of your condition for someone who left you when the going got tough.”

“It was just hard on her to...”

Anita cut Kevin off, “And you don’t think it was hard on me?” she shouted, “Every day, I cried. Every day, it killed me to see you suffering. Every day, I loved you and stayed by you, in and out of isolation. It is me who loved you. Do you truly think that she loves you?” Anita ranted, “Because let me tell you something, Kevin. Love does not run when things get rough. Love doesn’t run no matter what. Love sticks by your side.”

Kevin couldn’t reply to this, knowing that what Anita said was likely true. She had been there for him. He couldn’t say the same for his long-time girlfriend. Kevin was truly confused now, caught up in feelings he had thought he had left behind months ago, never to return again. True, he thought about Anita most days, wondering how she was doing, what she was doing, where she was. But for the most part, he lived his days as if she’d never come in to his life, deeming it better that way. Things were getting complicated again though.

“Kevin...she is only after your money. She was true to you until you got sick, then dumped you like a sack of piping hot coals because if you had died, hey, no more rich, famous boyfriend. Now you’re better, and she wants you again?” Anita shook her head in disgust, “Open your eyes, Kev. Think about it.”

Kevin winced, hearing her arsh words hurt his ears and stung his heart. He didn’t want to admit it, but knew what she said was probably true. This strung him more than anything though. Now he was honestly confused. He didn’t want to believe what Anita said, but if it was true, he didn’t want to carry on things with Kelly either.

“I don’t know...” he paused for a moment, “I...I’m caught in between feelings for both of you. I love both of you...and...it’s just...” he bowed his head in shame again.

“You can’t have both of us.” Anita informed him.

“Obviously.” Kevin replied, his voice dripping in a slight sarcasm.

Anita sighed, “When is your next show?”

“Day after tomorrow.” Kevin replied, “Tomorrow is kind of a relaxer day...we’ve been touring every day for ten.”

“Okay, then,” Anita thought, “Maybe I should just pack up and leave now. Maybe I am being too kind, but I will give you until the afternoon of your next show to decide...make a choice of who you want to be with. Think about it...truly weigh it out on both sides.” she paused, “I am beyond pissed, but I still love you, so...just think about it.”


Kevin sighed, not arguing. Her rationalization was kind and mature. He had a feeling that her screaming was done with, but he himself had a lot to work out in his mind and heart. He felt for each woman equally, honestly not knowing who he would chose. As Anita let him out of her room, he was already starting to think of who he felt he’d have the better relationship with. As of that point, both were neutral.