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~*~Chapter Twenty-Two~*~

Burying his head in his hands, Kevin shook it, wondering what he was going to do. He was in such a tough position here, stuck between two women, both of whom he loved a lot. He was honestly was loss for the choice he was going to make, therefore had pushed it to the back of his mind. He knew he had to make a choice though, and had spent a good portion of the time Anita had given him forgetting all about it. He was down to sixteen hours now, and eight of those sixteen hours would be spent sleeping. He was running out of time to come up with probable cause to chose the woman he would. The debate in his head would now begin.

He replayed in his mind back to when he first met Kelly. A slight smile formed on his lips. He and the Boys bus had broken down. They’d had to get a cab to the airport in order to get to their destination on time. She’d been in the seat next to him. For the entire plane ride out, they had talked and by the time they had arrived, their numbers had been exchanged. Within two months, they’d been an official couple and three after that, she was touring with them most of the time. The relationship had evolved quickly, but there was something special about Kelly that had made it all seem so right.

He thought about her personality. Kelly was very independent in most aspects and had a positive way about her. She was confident in herself and didn’t take anything from anybody. She stood up for herself and if somebody put her down, she never let it get to her. She was sweet, nice, not a mean bone in her body. One drawback was that she had no sense of humor. He wasn’t asking for a practical joker. Nick had enough of that quality in him. But a little humor was good. Kelly was the type that took offense to somebody teasing her if she by small chance did something ditzy. Everybody had their ditzy moments, but Kelly didn’t know how to laugh at herself. Good hearted teasing was out of the question when directed towards the woman.

Kevin took this in to deep consideration before going on to the next set of facts. She was more his age. She was thirty-two...he was thirty-four. She was tall, standing a mere five four inches shorter than he was, slender. All in all, she was a great match for him for he was mature and had a similar personality type. Plus there was the fact that she was healthy, at least for the time being. He didn’t have to worry about her cancer re-evolving and losing her to such a nasty thing left to fate and the plans of mother nature.

But then there was Anita. The moment he’d seen her, he’d fallen for her. Even though they’d gotten off on the wrong foot, he knew he had to get to know her and they could have some great, close relationship and connection. The toughest part of that had been getting Anita to speak to him, which had taken some time. Once she’d caved though, letting her guard down, sparks had started flying on both parts instead of just on his.


Anita was definitely different than most girls he knew. She was sarcastic and to the point, speaking her mind. Once you cracked the hard shell though, you saw the sweet, kind and gentle girl beneath the surface. He could tell though that she held some kind of barrier though, reserved for the chance of getting hurt so she wouldn’t be too hurt. He could tell in her eyes though that he had in fact caused her a great deal of pain. It had been the last thing he wanted to do, which had been why he’d left and carried things on in the manner that he had. He never thought that he would see Anita again. There she was though, in the flesh, and he had all of these feelings coming back that he thought had been tucked away in the furthest corner of his heart. It was her personality that had drawn him to her though. Her fiery, witty, quick with the comebacks personality.

And then there was that smile. Her soft smile, not too big but not so small as to it looking forced. It was perfect, genuine. Even with her head shiny and bald, skin pale and body swollen and puffy from the treatments and steroids, she had been beautiful to him. Now, her hair was mid-way to her ears, styled cutely as it continued to grow. She was slender and lean, firm again. She looked normal and, well, gorgeous. She was five feet, two inches tall...an entire foot shorter than him, but that didn’t bother him at all. He felt his heart flutter at the thought of her.

There was her age though. She was nineteen, almost twenty. There was an almost fifteen year age difference. He was old enough to be her very young father...or even very old brother. The age gap was significant, but her charm hadn’t made him think of that, and in the even that it had crossed his mind, it hadn’t bothered him. Age was just a number, after all. As long as their was a connection there, age shouldn’t matter in the least.

Anita had battled cancer though, but was in remission. She was young and healthy, having a good chance of making it. But it could always come back. The thought of it coming back scared him, because falling in love with somebody who could die at any moment due to health issues was complicated. Who was he to talk though? He’d battled his own cancer. He’d almost died and Anita had stayed close by him. His cancer could come back at any moment two. They were both in the same predicament and both had the same risks against them. Kelly had run when he first found out about his cancer. Anita was right about that. Kelly had disappeared for months until he was well again and being released. Anita understood him completely, every aspect of his life, and had taken the time to get to know him inside and out, good and bad. She had never judged other than in their shaky beginning.

Kevin gulped. He replayed all of this information in his mind, which was going on overdrive. Each was special in their own way and held a large chunk of his heart. He was running out of time though to decide. One woman was going to get hurt, this he knew, but after a few more moments thought, he had made up his mind.


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Anita’s heart was pounding as she waited for Kevin, the destination day rolling around quickly than she would have liked. He’d called her cell phone, telling her to meet her in a local park that was in the middle of their two hotels. She wondered who he was going to pick, confident that it was going to be her. They’d shared so much together and had bonded greatly. Their connection had been strong. Anita couldn’t imagine Kevin not choosing her. They were perfect for one another. They were meant to be together. Anita truly believed that God had brought them together for a reason. He had introduced them because they were supposed to be a couple. Anita just had to make an appearance and reminded him of that. After all, God wouldn’t be evil enough to make a cancer patient meet her idol and have them fall in love with one another only to tear them apart now, would he? Anita seriously doubted it.


So as she waited, Anita’s spirits were high, her attitude confident. She suddenly felt she had nothing to worry about, unable to tear the newfound smile off of her face. Kevin was about to become her boyfriend again. Her serious, steady boyfriend. There would be no strings attached, no more other girl in the back of his mind. He would be all hers. She’d be all he ever needed and give him everything any man would ever dream of. After all, he wouldn’t really have met her at her hotel room if he didn’t still have some sort of intense feelings for her, would he? It would be cruel and unusual. She didn’t think he’d dangle himself in front of her like that, make her long for him more than she already was, only to shoot her down. Or would he, only out of politeness?

Anita started to get confused all over again. She didn’t know what to think of the whole thing, and she’d started to get nervous, realizing that Kevin was already five minutes late. Was he going to stand her up? She’d just talked to him a couple of hours before, but was getting apprehensive about it all. Up until she saw a large, black limousine pulling up to the curb, stopping directly in front of her.

“Here we go,” Anita whispered to herself, her stomach in turmoil. She was about to get her answer.

As Kevin stepped out of the limo and strode over to Anita, she couldn’t help but smile at him. He was dressed casually in a pair of baggy cargo style blue jeans and a green shirt that matched the shade of his eyes. The green eyes that she could easily get used to drowning it by staring in to them. By the way he smiled back at her as he neared, Anita got a mere amount of confidence back that she’d be able to get used to staring in to them.

“Hey there,” Kevin greeted as Anita stood from the park bench. They hugged one another before sitting again, “How are you? How’ve you been?”

“Good,” Anita answered, “How about you?”

Kevin shrugged. She could tell by the look in his eyes and the expression on his face that he hadn’t slept and was exhausted. He seemed drained of energy and Anita suddenly realized just what he’d been through. It was kind of what she had put him through by putting him in the position of making him choose. She felt no regrets though. This was just a couple of days. She deserved to know. If she hadn’t tried, she’d always wonder.

“It’s good to see you again,” Kevin smiled softly at her, “You look good.”

“You too,” Anita breathed, not believing that Kevin Richardson just told her she looked good. She knew that this shouldn’t come as any surprise to her. She had, after all, been in a relationship with him. He’d told her she was beautiful on a regular basis. His compliments and telling her he was glad to see her though, that told her that she was the one, ‘Really good.”

She could see a small blush creeping up on the older mans cheeks but it soon faded back down to his natural color. He shifted his gaze away from her for a second, repositioning himself on the bench. He seemed nervous to her, uncomfortable almost.

“So um,” he finally said, looking back up at her, “I’m guessing you’re wondering who I’ve chosen, aren’t you?”

“Um, yes...” Anita’s voice trailed off, “That kind of is why we’re meeting here now, right? So I can hear if you want to pursue things with me or that other wo...I mean, Kelly.” she corrected herself, deciding that being civil was in her best interest.

Kevin chuckled lightly. There it was, her sarcasm and wit that had drawn him to her in the first place. God, how he loved her personality, and boy had he fallen in love with her. Her spunk made her fun and she had such a great sense of humor. She knew how to laugh at jokes and at herself, not taking life so seriously.

“Well, first of all...I thought really hard about it. I truly weighed out the decision and thought it out thoroughly,” Kevin looked up at Anita, “It was a tough decision to make. You’re both wonderful people.”


Anita just stared at him with a blank look in her eyes, and expression telling him to move on. She was dying to know, hear him say out loud that he was going to, or already had broken up with Kelly and they could carry on with their relationship as if no time had passed, or start over again. Either way, they were going to be together. She could just feel it.

“In the end though...”Kevin paused, “In the end...I think it would be best if I...stayed with...Kelly.” he stopped, waiting for her reaction. So far, there was nothing. Her eyes were blank, staring at him with such an unreadable look. She was frozen in place and in time, “Anita...”

Anita flinched, inhaling deeply and exhaling just the same. He wondered if she’d heard a word he had spoken, knowing that she had when she shook her head, fire blazing in her eye suddenly. It was an intense anger he’d never seen before.

“What?” she asked, her voice rising as she flew from her seat, “You chose Kelly? After all we shared...after leading me on...after all I did for you, you are choosing her?”

“I’m sorry Anita,” Kevin apologized, standing up slowly, and she could tell by his tone that he truly meant it. That didn’t change anything though. Her feelings for him were still strong, but she felt as if she’d been punched in the gut, “I just feel it would be...she’s a better match for me. We have more in common...something...” he stopped, knowing that no exclamation would make sense to her. It really didn’t make sense to him as he ran a hand through his dark hair.

“You’ll regret this,” Anita stated coldly, “You’ll regret it. You’re nothing but a fucking ass hole who doesn’t care about anybody’s feelings...”

“You know that isn’t true, Anita...” Kevin cut her of, placing his hands gently on her shoulders calmly in attempt to comfort her.

“Yes, it is...I hate you Kevin Richardson,” she cried, tears finally freeing themselves from her eyes, “You toyed with me for your own sick pleasure and I HATE YOU for it...I HATE YOU!”

Anita had to get away from him. She couldn’t look at him or be near him. She was so upset. She just had to get away. She roughly pulled herself away from him as she ran, ran as fast as she could to her car, crying hard, shaking violently the entire way there on legs so wobbly that it was a miracle that they could carry her without looking back. She didn’t even notice Kevin running after her, calling her name.

~*~

Tears fell furiously from Anita’s eyes as she drove her car away, far away, as fast as she could, from Kevin. He’d hurt her more than he would ever know. Him making the choice to be with Kelly had been a low blow. Had nothing she did for him mean a thing? Was it all just temporary happiness until he could have what he wanted? Anita felt as if she’d just been a time passer...somebody to be there until something better came alone. It just so happens that the something better had left Kevin when he needed her most. Kevin had left Anita though for that woman, completely dismissing all of that from his mind.

Cranking up her radio, she blasted the song of Get Another Boyfriend on a CD she’d burned months ago. The CD was full of anti-boyfriend songs. She’d been so sure that she’d be able to tuck it away, replacing it with an album full of love songs. She’d been wrong, and the windows shaking with the same intense anger that she felt was proof of that.

“I FUCKING HATE HIM.” Anita screamed at the top of her lungs, furious with him.

She continued to drive, unable to wait until she got home. All she wanted was to be back in her dorm room, curled up in her own bed. She was thankful that she’d thought to pack up her things at the hotel earlier that day. Then again, she’d been so sure that she’d be following the Boys to their next destination.


Her tears started to fall harder as everything became all the more real. None of that was going to happen now. She’d return home and miss him for months, unable to bring herself to date because of what he’d done to her. She’d move throughout her life like a robot, going through the motions, not really noticing what she was doing or remembering anything. Soon enough, she would find some strength within her and start her life over. Kevin would be just a distant memory, popping up every now and then in the back of her mind. She knew that the recovery period would be long. That went without saying, and it seemed impossible that she’d ever truly be okay after this intense, in person breakup. Her violent, blinding tears were proof of this as she continued to drive at speeds fast enough to get her license suspended and thrown in jail
overnight.

“ I can’t believe him...” she sobbed out loud, everything in front of her blurred in to a big multi-colored blob.

Nothing seemed real anymore to her. Love seemed completely fake and made up. If love was real, Kevin wouldn’t have shoved her through the dirt, treating her like something he’d stepped in along the way. She felt so insignificant and meaningless. He was from the world of fame and fortune. She was from a world of middle class and the average person. She’d been foolish to believe that he would actually like her. That didn’t help her overflowing emotions though. Nothing in her life had ever made her so upset. She felt that nothing was fair as she looked down at her milage. She’d only driven a full five miles, knowing that she had a journey that would seem like an entire lifetime ahead of her. None of that mattered though. In three days, she’d be home, this part of her life far behind her. There was no way she was looking back this time. After all, look where it had gotten her.

~*~
“Damnit, Anita, pull over,” Kevin muttered as he drove closely behind her.

After Anita had gotten in to her car, flying out of the park, he’d quickly made his limo driver take position in the passenger seat as he drove the extra large vehicle at a matching speed to Anita’s car. He had to catch her. She’d been going for seventeen miles now, and still had yet to slow down. She was driving so fast, determined to get away from him. He had to catch her though. The second she’d stepped away from him, Kevin realized that he’d made a mistake. Or had he? He was definitely having second thoughts. It was as if all of his good times with Anita were coming back to him in a photo album of memories. Snapshots kept flashing through his mind, her smile. In a few months, he had more memorable times with Anita than he could remember in all of his time with Kelly. He just had to catch her and tell her. Kevin knew that he had to make things right between them before he lost his chance. If Anita got away, he knew the odds of him seeing her again were slim to none. He didn’t know where she lived exactly or where to find her. It was definitely now or never.

Kevin was so close behind her that he could see her tear streaked face in the mirrors. She was completely distraught, that much was obvious. He honked the horn twice, but she was completely oblivious to everything. Kevin was unaware of everything around him as well, ignoring the true driver of the limo’s pleas for him to slow down. The words swirled around Kevin’s head in mid-air though, him completely not listening nor comprehending them. He was in a panicked state of mine. He had to get her to pull her car over.

Traffic was picking up, cars from all over appearing from nowhere. It was right around that time that people got off of work. He was worried that if he lost her in the crowd of people, it would be too late. Kevin’s mind was so wrapped up in getting to her that returning on time for the show that night had completely been dismissed from his mind. He refused to go back unless Anita was with him. He wanted her in his life no matter what the sacrifices or consequences.


Everything he’d thought of while trying to decide which girl was best suited for him had pointed to Anita. Anita was all around a better match. Even when he told himself he was going to be with Kelly, he felt he was making a mistake, but forced the thought out of his mind. How could he have ignored such obvious signs? It had been stupid on his part. His intuition had pointed to Anita all along. She was perfect for him in every way but age. Age was the only advantage that Kelly had on her, and Kevin had even told himself that age didn’t matter. He had meant it. So why had he let that small, insignificant fact persuade his mind away from her?

Kevin was completely wrapped up in his thought as he drove at over ninety miles an hour following her that the next series of events passed by in a blur. A loud honk brought his attention back to reality and then it happened. He saw Anita jerk her car to the left, then the right to miss hitting a car in front of her but she never slowed down. She hit gravel on the side of the road, losing control of the car as it spun out of control. Kevin’s breath caught in his throat as he slammed on the breaks of the limo to avoid making further damage, but he couldn’t tear his eyes off of Anita’s car as others behind the came to a deafening, screeching halt. He felt as if he were going to vomit as he watched, his breath coming out in shaky, short breaths as he watched. Her car flipped, rolling several times as it rolled down an embankment, finally stopping as the car ran in to a tree head first. As Kevin flew out of the limo, he saw that the car was crunched beyond recognition.

“ANITA.” he screamed as he found his voice, running down the hill to get to her as a spectator called for 911.

Kevin didn’t know if he ever made it to Anita’s smashed car, for he blacked out before he got there.