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Chapter Five

Anita slept for almost the rest of the day. The chemo session had drained her completely of all the energy she’d had. After throwing up, emptying the contents of her stomach, a nurse had helped her back up to her room in a wheelchair and in to bed. She’d felt like a drugged zombie, barely able to think straight or keep her eyes open, and she hadn’t even tried to. There was no use and sleeping would at least put her out of her pain and misery for a short time.

The side effects of the treatment Anita had not been expecting. She’d been warned of what they were, but when she’d actually started to experience them, they had come as a blow to her. It had surprised her that it had all hit at once on her first day. Anita had assumed that they would gradually come on over time. She’d never been so wrong in her life.

When she awakened, her eyes felt puffy and sore from all the crying she’d done. Her throat felt raw from the vomiting. It was then that Anita knew the worst was yet to come. If one day was this horrible, then she knew things would not be getting better any time soon. She laid on her side, gazing blankly out the window. It was no longer light out, however the way that the sun was setting in the horizon told her that it was about eight-thirty without even looking at the clock on the wall. Within ten minutes, it would be completely black.

Keeping her back turned, Anita could sense the presence of someone sitting by her bedside. She wasn’t really up to having visitors, but was curious to see who’d come to see her. The only people she could think of would be Madison, Juanita, Kimberly or Kevin. As far as she knew, nobody else knew that she was there. Anita stirred, moaning lightly as she turned over to face the visitor. To say she was shocked to see who it was would be an understatement, however she was still way too weak to show it.

“Taylor?” she whispered, not because of the silence of the hospital, but because she could not find her voice to speak any louder.

She hadn’t a clue as to why her ex boyfriend, who she’d broken up with weeks before would be visiting her. They’d been together for just over three years and she’d told him that she wanted to be single to explore her options. He’d become teary, begging her not to leave him, proclaiming his love for her, but she refused to cave. They hadn’t spoken since and she wondered if Taylor was just an illusion caused by the drugs because of that fact.

Anita got no response. Just a stare with sympathy filled eyes. She reached out to touch the person to see he was real or if her hand would go right through him. She was stopped short though due to the restraints of her IV’s. She didn’t force herself or try again, tucking her arm back under the blanket to keep herself warm.

“Taylor?” Anita said again, her voice louder this time, but not by much, “Is that you?”

Again, Anita didn’t get a response from whoever it was right away, but she could see the person shift in the dimness of the room. She blinked a couple of times and he as still sitting there no more than a foot from her bedside.

“Yes, it’s me Nita,” he finally replied softly, reaching over and placing a reassuring hand on top of hers that was peeking out from under the covers.

Her breath caught, and she didn’t know what to
say suddenly. What could she say after how she’d hurt him? And a better question was why would he even come to see her after what she’d done so cruelly and heartlessly.

“Wha...what are you dong here?” she stammered as she struggled to sit up, then asked another question, “Why are the lights off?”

Taylor stood up and walked towards the door. For a moment, Anita thought that he was leaving. He didn’t though. He flipped on the light, brightness filling the room as he returned to his seat.

“I didn’t want to wake you,” he replied simply.

Anita smiled. He’d always been so thoughtful and considerate like that. Nothing had changed in that sense. Neither had her feelings about them being together though. She couldn’t force herself to love him again and get that flame back to burning in their relationship. It would be unfair to him to be with him and lead him on.

“Thanks,” Anita said, “That was nice of you,” she paused for a moment before saying, “Why are you here?”

“I wanted to see how you were,” was Taylor’s response, “I was concerned when I’d heard that you were here.”

Anita snorted. She hadn’t meant to come off as short and rude, but his exclamation was lame. She wondered who’d told him about her hospitalization and if he even was informed as to why she was there. It didn’t appear that he knew. Otherwise, there would be more tension in the room. Enough to suffocate a person.

“I’m in a hospital, Taylor. How do you think I’m doing?” she asked crossly. She was beginning to feel a little better the longer that she was up, but still was not feeling even remotely close to back to normal. It had not even been a day, but she already forgot what normal felt like.

He winced at her tone, realizing the stupidity of the words he had spoken. He tried to search her eyes and read what she was thinking. When they were together, he could always figure out what was on her mind without her saying a thing.

“Madison told me,” he finally stated, knowing he hadn’t lost his touch by the look of surprise that crossed her eyes, “She said that it was up to you to tell me why though,” he gave her a questioning look and she knew right off that he was waiting for an exclamation.

“Why do you care anyways?” Anita asked, “I mean, I broke up with you six weeks ago and we haven’t said one word to each other since. So why do you care about what happens to me now?” she have him a look of skeptism.

A hurt expression came over Taylor’s face. Her words had stung him and he realized that she didn’t know him all that well, and maybe never had. Anita bit her lip and looked down, feeling bad for how she was acting towards him. Neither said anything for a long moment. The tension was stronger and Anita knew that it was because of her.

“I’ve never stopped caring, Anita,” Taylor finally spoke softly. His words broke the silence un- expectantly, causing Anita to jump, “I’ll always care about you no matter what happens.”

Anita considered his words. Deep down, she knew this was true. At the moment though, she was mad at the world. She was capable to saying anything to anyone, even if she did not mean it. The thing was, she was not up for apologies either, so she didn’t.

“Leukemia,” was all she said, turning her head away so she wouldn’t have to see his reaction, “I have leukemia.”

It was as if time stood still at that moment. She swore that she heard Taylor’s breath catch in his throat. Anita was waiting for him to stand up and walk out the door. She wouldn’t blame him if he did. She couldn’t think of anyone who’d want to associate with someone like herself, especially since she’d broken the tie between them. They were no longer attached, so he had no obligations to stay by her side any longer than he wanted to. Yet he didn’t leave.

“You have ca...cancer?” Taylor repeated, his voice trembling slightly. Anita turned to face him again. He looked as if he’d seen a ghost and she could tell that he was fighting tears, which made her realize that he really did care. Maybe more than she’d like him to care.

Anita nodded, feeling ashamed of this fact. She knew that she couldn’t help it, yet it made her feel like some filthy person who’d brought it upon herself. The feeling was not good. It made her feel worthless and unworthy of anybody’s time.

Taylor leaned in, taking Anita in to his arms in a warm, comforting hug, which surprised her greatly. She hadn’t expected it and from his actions, she felt that maybe they could move past their breakup and stay good friends.

“Are they sure?” Taylor asked softly, “I mean, one hundred percent sure? Have you looked in to getting a second opinion?” his voice told her that he was in panic mode...and she felt bad about it. She hated to see what he’d be like if they were still a serious couple.

Anita shook her head sadly. She trusted the hospitals judgement. They may be small, but they were also employed by only the best doctors. Besides that, she had all of the signs of leukemia. She didn’t need to hear the cruel, harsh words from yet another professional.

Taylor said nothing. He was having a hard time grasping the fact that the girl that had been in his life in one way or another since the third grade was suffering like this. He felt she didn’t deserve it and the punishment was unjust for the type of person she was. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he knew he’d have to accept the fact.

“What’s going to happen to you?” he asked quietly, “I mean...um, how...are...” he stumbled over his words, not sure of the right things to say and ask. The last thing he wanted to do was say the wrong thing.

“As long as I keep going to chemo and doing what they say, then there is a good chance that I’ll go in to remission. If I don’t, then I’ll die,” she shrugged, “The option is up to me, although right now, I’m planning on fighting to get my life back.”

She could swear that she saw Taylor breath a sigh of relief. She still didn’t get why he cared so much about her well being, or perhaps it was that she didn’t want him to care. After all, he’d been the one who’d wanted to keep their relationship together.

“You better not give up,” he warned, “I know you can beat this. You’ve always been a fighter, making an effort to get what you want.”

Anita stuck out her tongue at Taylor playfully, “You make me sound like a selfish bitch.” she stated, “Gee, thanks.”

Taylor just laughed, not responding to her comment. Anita wondered if that was a sign that he agreed, but didn’t have time to put much thought in to it. Before she knew it, Taylor was leaning over, giving her a warm hug.

“I should get going,” he told her, “I have to be at work early tomorrow morning. I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

“Thanks,” Anita replied, returning the hug, “Come back and see me again.”

Taylor nodded, promising that he would and then he was gone. Anita sighed, lying back down. She was becoming tired again. Closing her eyes, Anita fell back in to another deep sleep. She didn’t notice Kevin standing outside her doorway, watching as Taylor walked down the hall, wondering who he had been, unable to wait until she woke up to get some answers out of her and get to know the girl who
intrigued him a little better.

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The next time Anita awoke, it was light out again. She was happy that the chemotherapy only took place four days a week. This was her day off, however she wouldn’t be going through the day completely left alone. She’d still have nurses and doctors hounding her for the majority of the day, unfortunately.

Sitting up, although feeling a little woozy, Anita felt a lot better than she had all of the day before. Her mind wondered and she thought of Taylor. Had he really come to visit her, or had it all been some dream she’d had as a result of the drugs? She didn’t know, looking around for a sign that would tell her if he really had been there or not. At first, nothing out of the ordinary caught her eye, but then she saw it. In between the vases of flowers on the stand by her bed, one she didn’t think she’d seen before made her do a double take. She reached over, plucking the small card out from between the white roses with red tips. She read the card slowly, the writing telling her the bit of information she’d been wanting to know.

Anita-
I don’t know why you’re here yet, but I hope it’s nothing serious and you get better soon.
Love
Taylor

A small smile had formed on her lips. Sure, the love part made her feel a bit uncomfortable, because she felt no love or romance towards him any longer, but she figured after the night before, they could be good friends and she could confide in him in times of need. Just as she was placing the card back with their flowers, somebody walked in to the room.

“Hey, whatcha doing?”

Anita looked up an saw Kevin standing there. The smile started to turn in to a scowl. Anita didn’t know exactly what she had against the man. All she knew was that he’d been an ass to her during their first encounter. He’d been nothing but nice since, but she didn’t want him to think that just because he was famous and she was a fan, that she’d give him special treatment.

“Doing the tango,” Anita replied dryly as she sat in her bed, “What does it look like I’m doing? Not much else to do but sit.”

Kevin ignored her remark as he advanced further in to the room. Anita wondered why he was so bad at taking hints. She thought that he’d know by now that she wanted nothing to do with him. She obviously wasn’t doing enough.

“Why are you here?” she asked him.

Kevin shrugged, taking a seat. He said nothing for a moment and neither did Anita. She just turned her head, looking out the window.

“I guess I’m just lonely here,” he finally admitted, his masculine voice startling her as it ripped through the quiet room, “Nobody else here is interested in talking to me, so I hoped maybe you would be different.”

Anita almost felt sorry for him, her heart starting to get a feeling of pity and softness. Before it got out of hand though, she hardened up again as she turned back to Kevin.

“Then why were you such an ass when we first met?” Anita asked him, putting the man on the spot, “If you wanted to befriend me so badly, why were you so rude?”

“Not sure,” Kevin answered, “Anger, I guess. I’d just gotten off of the phone with a friend and it had me depressed because their life is normal and mine isn’t any longer.”


Anita sat stunned, not sure how to respond. Kevin had just opened up a little bit to her. She felt herself letting her guard down, the hate she’d developed for him diminishing before her. She didn’t know why, but she felt his need, realizing they were in the same boat. She still had her friends, but they were part of the normal world. They wouldn’t understand what she was going through. Kevin, on the other hand, would.

“We actually do have something in common then,” Anita spoke, her voice kinder than it had been since she’d met him a couple days before, “I feel I’ve lost a part of my life that I’ll never be able to get back.”

Neither said anything for a moment. Kevin’s mind was on what he’d seen the night before. He wanted to know more about that, but was afraid to bring it up. He’d finally gotten the girl to be civil to him. He’d hate to ruin it already, less than a minute later. He bit his lip, taking in a deep breath, deciding that he had nothing to lose.

“I saw your boyfriend came to visit you last night,” he hinted, hoping that it would be a conversation starter and give him more information of what he wanted to hear.

“Spying now, are we?” Anita asked, and he couldn’t tell if she was joking or serious.

“No, I um...was...I was just walking by,” he sputtered, “And...I um, I happened to see you with him.”

Anita giggled, the feeling making her feel better than she had in a long time. It felt like days since she’d last smiled.

“Joking,” she informed him finally, “Don’t freak on me now. Actually, he’s kind of a friend. We dated a while back, but it didn’t work out.

Anita could swear that she saw a smile form on his face, but it faded too quickly for her to tell. She looked at him strangely, knowing that he was about to say something.

“Sorry to hear that,” he told her, and she felt that he was almost sincere about it, but knew there was something that was making him not the least bit sorry, or if anything at all, the pity was minimal.

Anita shrugged, “I didn’t feel the way I did in the beginning. Didn’t want to hold on and lead him on, ya know.” he nodded, understanding where she was coming from, “How about you, do you have a girlfriend?”

“Not sure,” he told her openly, “I did when I left, but haven’t heard from her since I arrived here, so I don’t know what’s going on with that. I suppose you could say I am single.”

“I’m sorry,” she told him, honestly meaning it, “I wonder why some people can’t handle cancer. It is not contagious and we can’t help it. So why do they act like we’re lepers?”

Kevin shrugged, “I don’t know,” he told her, “Something I’ll never figure out.”

Anita sighed, not knowing what to say. She’d gone from angry, to okay, to happy for just a moment to confused in a matter of thirty minutes. Her emotions were on a roller coaster and she knew then that if she was going to make it, she’d have to let Kevin in and befriend him. She was finding that he wasn’t so bad after all, and they would both need each other when it all came down to it in the end. The question was, how much longer did they have before the worst finally took effect? She wished she knew, therefore she could prepare. She had nothing though. What her future held was a scary, blank slate waiting to be filled in.