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**Chapter Six**

Weeks passed, and although the Anita got used to the chemo sessions, it didn’t make them any easier. Her and Kevin were pretty much going through the same things at the same time, despite him starting weeks before her. She wondered if it was because his drug dosage was lower than hers or because he was a man, and able to keep his strength up for a longer period of time than her. Either way, the major side effects were starting to take affect on them at the same time. They were going through it together.

Along with half of the time of not being able to keep their food down, Anita and Kevin were both bloating out, result of the drugs, as well as losing their hair. That aspect depressed Anita more than she could ever express. It wasn’t as if she was completely bald, which would have been an improvement to how she looked. Instead, her hair was coming out in patchy clumps. Whenever she looked in to the mirror, her reflection reminded her of an overused rag doll. She had clumps of long black hair coming out with big bald patches in the middle of it all. Baldness consumed most of her head though. She felt that she looked hideous.

Kevin wasn’t looking much better. His head looked the same, his face round and puffed. His skin, as well as hers was splotchy with various shades of pink, red and peach. His eyes always showed tiredness as well as being bloodshot and puffed. He looked at least ten years older than he had when she’d first met him. The emerald greens of his eyes looked dull and lifeless. The sparkle had faded. She still found him attractive though, despite how cancer was taking its toll on his looks, making him take a turn for the definite worse.

Madison, Kimberly and Juanita visited Anita every other day. Whether they all be together, come in twos or separately, she always had at least someone there every other day. It made her feel good that her three best friends were sticking by her through the rough rut she’d hit in her life. Even though their conversations sometimes came off as strained and even uncomfortable, they still kept their visits steady. She felt that said something in itself that they hadn’t quit coming. Taylor had even come to see her three times after his first visit, making them pretty much weekly. That she appreciated greatly. He’d tried to get her back, but after her telling her it wasn’t going to happen, he gave up, accepting the fact that they’d only be friends. Anita felt bad for Kevin though. Not once had she seen anybody visiting him. They were together, spending their lonely days being bored in one another company, almost all of the time. She would have seen if someone had come to see him. She wondered if it was because of his attitude, or had to do with him not wanting it to get out that he was there. If friends and family visited, it was more likely to get out. That, she knew could, or maybe even would ruin his career and have the presses business where it was not wanted nor belonged. She still felt sorry for him though, knowing how hard it must be on him to have nobody from his ‘normal’ life there to support him and be behind him.

As Anita walked slowly and weakly past the bathroom of her small room, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. She stopped, looking more closely at herself, sticking out her tongue in distaste, scrunching her nose up. She wished more than anything that she could rip the mirror off of the wall and throw it out of the window, watching it shatter into a million splintering shards of sharp glass all over the parking lot below her. That in itself would be good therapy for her. Then again, it might cause her to wind up in anger management classes as well as chemotherapy and the counseling sessions that her and Kevin were signed up to start in a week to talk about their feelings on what was happening to them. Anita rolled her eyes at that. What did the morons expect them to say? That they wanted to jump up and down on their bed in absolute joy at the thought of being sick and possibly dying? She didn’t think so. She was sure she could speak for everyone if she were to say that they were all angry and felt whatever happened to them unjust and unfair.

Tearing her eyes away from the monster in the reflection, Anita walked towards her bed, ready to get some rest. Just as she was crawling in to bed, getting under the covers of the thin, knit bedspread, Kevin walked by her room. He stopped, looking in at her. She smiled weakly at him with sad eyes, noticing a blue bandana he had wrapped around his head. Anita decided that he’d just bought it, for she’d never noticed him wearing it before. She figured that it was to hide the baldness that had consumed him, not helping but noticed how handsome he looked wearing it. If only she could be so lucky. Bandana or not, it would still be obvious that she’d lost her hair. Kevin noticed that she was depressed from the short distance, making his way in to her room.

“Hey,” he greeted with a small wave.

“Hi,” Anita replied in monotone.

Kevin stood still, examining Anita’s face. Her eyes were dark and appeared sunken in with stress, strain and exhaustion. He was worried for her. Her attitude had gone from angry to just plain depressed and drained of all hope. Although her cancer wasn’t worsening, he had a feeling that her health was not improving either due to her negative attitude. Then again, neither was his as of yet, and he was trying to stay as positive as a person could get in a situation like theirs. Looking at her for another moment, Kevin put a comforting arm on her shoulder, concern in his eyes.

“Are you doing alright?” he asked her

Anita shook her head slowly. It was time she stop denying that everything was okay and she was coping. She needed someone to talk to about everything. Her friends didn’t understand what she was going through, so they were out. Taylor also was out of the question. The counseling sessions helped, but she didn’t feel as comfortable as some of the others did about being completely open. She said as much as she felt was necessary, keeping the majority of her feelings bottled up tightly and closed off to everyone. Now though, she wanted to express herself more openly, and Kevin seemed the best candidate

Kevin stepped closer to Anita sitting down next to her. He wrapped his strong arms around her in a comforting hug, holding her close. He felt Anita burry her head in to his shoulder and heard a soft sniffle knowing that she was crying.

“It’ll be okay,” he soothed, reading her mind on what was troubling her, “Everything will be okay. We’ll get through this together. We’ll beat cancer together.”

This caused Anita’s sobs to grow harder and louder as her body shook in Kevin’s embrace. She wondered why he was being so good to her when she’d been a cold hearted bitch towards him for so long. Even after he’d tried to apologize for how he’d been on their first encounter, she’d been un-accepting of it. Still though, even though she had some good days with him and they got along great, at other times, her tempter still flared and she was less than pleasant to him. Anita didn’t know why he continued to be there for her and befriend her, but she appreciated it, knowing that without him there, she could never have gotten this far alone.

“I’m so scared though, Kev,” Anita wept, her voice nearly a whisper, “I...I don’t know what I’m doing. My...my body is so...weak and sore all the time. My looks are changing. I’m bald...puffy...bloated...I’m just plain ugly and unattractive. I’m not getting any better. All this is for nothing.”

Kevin pulled away from the hug, keeping his hands on Anita’s shoulders firmly holding her at arms distance. He looked at her sternly, his green eyes telling her that he did not approve of her negative thoughts and feelings. Anita blushed and looked down, hating the feeling of guilt he was putting upon her.

“Listen to me, Anita,” Kevin said, his voice kind, gentle, yet serious and firm. Anita continued to look down to avoid his gaze, knowing that she was about to get a lecture. Kevin gently took her chin in his cupped hand and brought her face up so she had to look at him, “All this hasn’t been for nothing. Think of how much worse off you’d be if you hadn’t checked in or didn’t know about this. It’s a slow process. It could take weeks to see results, it could take months. All you can do is take each day as its own, one step at a time.” he paused seeing tears trickling down Anita’s cheeks, “And you are not unattractive. You’re quite beautiful, hair or not. You look amazing, despite whatever side effect you have to hurdle over as a result of the drugs.”

Anita squeezed her eyes shut, knowing that she was going to start crying harder. She felt hideous while Kevin was speaking words of encouragement to her. She didn’t know how he could feel that way about her when all she saw was a thing staring back at her in the mirror.

“How could you say that,” Anita asked, forcing words to come out, “When I look like this? How is it you see something I don’t?”


“Because I’m looking past everything and seeing your true beauty shining through the temporary scars cancer has left you.”

Anita looked into the emerald eyes looking at her so softly and kindly. She stared at him in question, curiosity in her eyes as she wiped her tears away with the sleeve of her paper gown. Kevin helped by brushing away a falling tear with his index finger.

“Why are you being so good to me?”

Kevin stared at her and smiled. She looked so innocent and delicate sitting there. Through the weeks, he’d grown to know her for the woman she was, and it was everything he wanted. He felt an attraction he knew he shouldn’t, but wasn’t going to try to push it away.

“Because of this,” Kevin murmured before taking her chin in a cupped hand and bringing her face so close to his that she felt his breath right before his lips pressed against hers ever so gently in a sweet kiss.
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“He kissed you?” Kimberly asked, astonished by the news that Anita had just told her and her friends.

It was later that night and Anita had been surprised to see her friends walk through the doorway. It was a rare occasion, as all three of them were there this time. She couldn’t remember the last time they’d all been there together.

In response to their question, Anita nodded her head excitedly and vigorously. Her smile was wide and she was glowing for the first time since she’d entered the torture chamber that they referred to as a hospital.

“Are you sure?” Madison asked, “I mean....Kev is gorgeous and older. I know you’re friends and all, but are you sure you weren’t dreaming this?”

Anita shook her head. She’d thought so too at first, but decided quickly after that what she’d experienced was for real and not just a dream.

“You don’t dream the feelings I felt while it was happening,” Anita informed them, “It was like butterflies in my stomach, sparks shooting throughout my body. Fireworks were going off, guys. It was definitely for real.”

“You lucky bitch,” Kimberly teased, “I can’t even get a boy, let alone man, who looks like him. Maybe I should check myself in to here for something to meet people.”

All four girls laughed at this. Anita’s was slightly forced though. She could read behind her friends hidden yet unintentional message. She thought that Anita wasn’t looking her best and thought it unfair that someone looking like her could meet someone while she on the other hand could not.

“Anyways,” Juanita said, wanting to change the subject, “We won’t be around next week at all. We’re going to Tampa on that road trip we all planned awhile back.”

Anita noticed Madison elbow the girl in the ribs and give her an annoyed glare. Juanita blushed and looked down while Madison looked back at her sweetly and smiled.

“I know we were all planning on going together, but you can’t now since you’re here,” she paused and bit her lip in the way she did when she wanted to get her way and make people feel bad for her to give it to her, “If you don’t want us to go, then just say something. We don’t want to have fun without you if you don’t want us to go.”

Anita forced a smile hoping that it was not too obvious, “No, go,” she told them, “I want you girls to
have a good time.”

“Are you sure?” Kimberly asked

“Positive.”

“You won’t hold any grudges or have hard feelings?” Madison asked, “Cuz I know you were looking forward to it so much.”

“No hard feelings.” Anita assured them, although she was boiling in jealousy.

She saw all three of them breath a sigh of relief, although trying not to show too much enthusiasm in front of the lone girl. She smiled, figuring she might as well not bring them down and ruin their summer just because of her own misery. Anita sighed though. She could feel the strong bond the four of them had held slipping further apart...the three of them on one side, her alone. She’d felt this way for a couple of weeks, but had tried to dismiss it as nothing other than her imagination. She no longer could though. She felt as if her friends were slowly betraying her and straying away. Anita wondered when or if they’d stop coming to visit all together. And if they did, who would she have? Anita knew that she couldn’t fall back on Kevin forever. She needed her friends there for her too. The question was, did they want to be or were they staying merely out of obligation? It was something that Anita didn’t want to figure out due to fear but knew that with time, she would eventually know for sure.