“Lost Souls”
‘This one’s for the dreamers, who’ve locked their faith inside. And this is for the widows, who think there’s only one, for the dying fathers who never told their sons…No one is glamorously lonely, follow your heart. This is a song for the unloved; this is the music for one last cry. This is a prayer that tomorrow will help me leave the past behind. It’s a song for the unloved.’ - “Song For The Unloved” -- Backstreet Boys
Chapter 12: Hope and Faith
Alex walked along the halls in search of Kevin. Alex had slipped out of the rehearsals early to look for him. It was the dance extras dance they were going over anyway. No need for him to be there, him and Ray would have a different set of moves to go along with it. His brother is more important anyway. He knew his work shift should have ended hours ago. Where was he? The teen needed rest and he wanted to look out for him the way Kevin had always done, far too often in his opinion. It was their former shell of a mother who needed to be doing this, but the one who was once her is buried beneath drugs alcoholism and debt. Long gone from the two sons who deserve a good mother and far more? Not dead in mind, but in spirit where it counted. He sighed and tried to think like Kevin for a moment and groaned at the thought that came to mind. He’d be working more. Perfect. What was he going to do if he over exhausted himself? Shit. This could not in any way be a good thought or idea. Soon a feeling of extreme fatigue overwhelmed him, fatigue he could not account for. Sure he had slipped out of rehearsals earlier to find Kevin but he wasn’t THAT tired…He looked down at his necklace and blinked when he saw Kevin’s around his neck. He blinked again and stared at the charm now in his hand. Kevin’s necklace was still around his neck when just moments ago it wasn’t.
“What is going on?” he thought to himself in confusion.
He rubbed his eyes for a moment tiredly. AJ looked around to see he wasn’t in the hallway anymore, he was in a bathroom. His eyes shift to the mirror in front of him and screamed when he saw Kevin’s face reflecting back at him instead of his own. Panic rushes through him, his thoughts only on how this had to be a daydream for no other explanation was possible. He rubbed his eyes again, wondering how this could be possible, but when he opened them, there he was in the hallway. Nothing had changed. The halls were still empty.
‘Alright, I know I’m not insane.’ He thought, ‘so what was that about?’ he shook his head with a slight chuckle. ‘Daydream, has to be…shows how I’m getting too stressed.’ He never noticed the fading glow coming from the amber gem in the charm on his necklace as he goes to check his room before heading back to the auditorium. His hope disappearing in his brother making it through the year happy, normal and healthy.
~*~
Ray Anne did the steps again and again for rehearsal. She wasn’t sure where Alex was now, or Kevin but everyone else was there. She saw her brother sitting off to the side taking pictures for the school newspaper. He had told her he’d be writing an article on it, but he made it clear it wasn’t a review. Since he was part of the play, he didn’t have an unbiased perspective he said. Earlier Alex was doing scenes with her before he left, saying he had to check something and would be back. Ray Anne had a feeling it was Kevin he was checking after. She sighed, he wanted help but she couldn‘t even keep her own life straight. She forced herself to concentrate because it seemed she was the one Stephanie wanted to pick on today. She was very much beginning to hate that dance coach. She glared at her defiantly as she did the steps once more. Ray wiped her brow as she continued doing the same routine over and over and over. She should have these moves nailed. She could do this. She could. Ray knew she was doing them right. She had this down pat. She stopped to take a breath and her eyes met her coach’s jade ones.
“Again!”
“What am I doing wrong?”
Ms. Serena rolled her eyes. “You are much too sloppy.”
“How am I too sloppy? You should talk to some of the backups who keep missing a step.” she smarted back with annoyance, forgetting she was just a student, and for once letting a bit of confidence show.
Alex rolled his chocolate eyes and ran a hand over his brown spiky hair while he strolled back in. Making him forget what he imagined to happen earlier. He couldn‘t believe Ms. Serena was still making Ray go over the routine again and again. Before he left she had been harping on it, and then gotten frustrated and started working with the advanced dance class who were the dancing extras.
“Come on, are you kidding me, if she gets any more perfect she’d be on Broadway!” He smirked, wiggling his brows to get humor into the tiring routine, “What you gonna broadcast this all to the world and beat out sex tapes of Paris Hilton even?” Laughter filled the room. He grinned at Ray Anne. “You can be my partner to beat that out.” he jokes.
The curly haired blonde couldn’t help but chuckle and she shook her head. “I wouldn’t be right for the part.”
Ms. Serena rolled her emerald eyes. “Alex I do not know where you disappeared to but I want it done again. Ray Anne, I said again and I meant it, this is lacking any sort of talent I had been told you had. Now you do it or leave, there‘s plenty I‘m sure waiting to replace you.”
“Seriously, listen to AJ.” she muttered, not loud enough for the teacher to hear.
Alex gave her a wild grin. “No one can replace me. Once you get a McLean, forcing someone else to live up to one is just plain mean.”
Ray glared at the teacher, she was plain exhausted. “Fine, I’ll nail it again and then can we please get our break?”
“Only if you nail it, you seem to be forgetting it…” She focused her eyes on the young teen and for a moment the two remained silent. Ray blinked and nodded.
“Fine…I‘ll get the routine done again, even though I have it right now.”
“I do not want your backtalk Ray Anne. Prove to me you have them down then. Alex you go up there with her and do the main routine you two have together.”
“Fine”
Ray Anne smirked, after grabbing her water bottle and drinking the rest inside eagerly she prepared to show her that dance teacher something. She waited for the music. This would be simple. Easy. The steps were cake. She had them down; she practiced them enough at least. The music started and she and Alex started doing the moves in synch with each other like before. Yet, as she did them with him, a voice suddenly entered her head. One she did not recognize whatsoever.
You have forgotten your skills; you shall now blank the next few steps and fall with confusion at what just happened. Ray Anne, you are losing your confidence in your ability to do this. You know now you are wrong. The coach is right. You are very sloppy…
Anastay sat back and watched the main rehearsals for grease go down. It wasn’t currently her scene; it was just the two leads. She saw Ray Anne trying to nail her dance moves. AJ had his down. Ray did have hers down at first, but now she seemed to be slipping. It was odd. Anastay narrowed her eyes. There was a distant look in the one of nature’s eyes. Something was trying to bring the girl down. No, it cannot be someone in the actual school could it? Anastay frowned; she did not expect an attack this early. Still, it could just be coincidence…she sighed. She would have to look into this more. Perhaps there was more than she thought to her mission. Maybe the leaders back home knew there would be an attack and that was why she was sent. This needed looking into definitely. She watched Ray Anne a bit closer and could have sworn she saw a faint shadow swirl around her, but by the time she blinked it was gone. Anastay couldn’t tell if she had really seen it or not. Anastay watched Ray Anne and the coach with confusion. She sees the light of achievement vanish from the girl of nature’s eyes and be replaced with confusion and self-pity. She frowned at the girl, this was one of those few places where she seemed like a normal happy teenager and now that was slowly leaving her sapphire eyes that were dulling to a murky lake color.
Ray continued dancing and once again she heard the voice she was trying hard to ignore. Her blonde hair matted to her face, and getting in her eyes as she did her moves. She blew them away distractively but this time she could not ignore the voice.
You are clumsy, worth nothing. You do not know what you’re doing. Your confidence fades; you need to practice more because you have no idea what you are doing. You are horrible in what you are doing. You cannot do this. You are wrong…all you are...is a failure. You always have been. Your parents knew it, Brian only stays with you out of pity for your patheticness…you are a failure now in this just like always….and you need a drink…
She frowned at the voice. Why is she thinking that? And no not drinks, she had been trying hard to cut down, and slowly she was but this was the first real craving since she had. And why now? Then as she turned to execute another move, the voice was gone from her thoughts. Ray blanked on what to do next, forgetting the voice completely, she attempted to do what she was supposed to but nothing came. Her mind scrambled for a clue. As she attempted to do it anyway moments later her foot slipped and the blonde ended up on the floor, after an embarrassingly clumsy fall. She almost brought Alex down with her onto the hard stage floor. Why did she challenge Ms. Serena? She was wrong. She was sloppy; she couldn’t do this without the extra criticisms.
“Are you alright?” She heard both AJ and Brian ask when they saw her fall.
She nodded quietly as she takes the hand Aj holds out for her to help her up. “Yeah, I’m fine thanks.” Ray then stood, looked at Ms. Serena with sullen and spiritless resignation in her eyes as she said, “you were right. I’m sorry.” She then headed for the door without a word. Brian stood and grabbed her arm to stop her as she passed him.
“Hey-” he started but she rolled her eyes.
“I’m cool, don’t worry bout me.”
“Anne-”
“I said I was fine, I just need some air.” Ray Anne spat and left in search of the drink she suddenly felt she needed
Anastay stood. That was uncharacteristic of the unconfident nature girl. She had no faith in herself sure, but she did have talent that suddenly vanished. That had been one of the few talents that girl had faith that she had; now that was gone in an instant with no real apparent reason. Faith is something they all needed if this was going to work, that, and hope, along with a type of inner strength, without those three things, her-their, true world would be lost. Her eyes narrowed at the coach as she looks around and only saw Ms. Serena watching with a satisfied look that the girl suspected wasn’t from being right. She had a bad feeling about this. Anastay knew she was right. Something was up and that something was in this school with them.
~*~
Jamelet smirked from the stands as she had watched the entire scene go down. Score for the teacher. She looked around the room and couldn’t help a small frown when she couldn’t find Kevin. She wondered where he was. Probably out with some girl. There really was no reason for him to be here that day, he had a small roll with no dancing and that was the main purpose of today. She spotted Nick in the corner of the room, drawing in some book. She stood and strolled over confidently, one try wasn’t enough obviously so she’d work harder is all. Let her have the angel face of the school, the one everyone wanted but he didn’t seem to know it. She deserved it. After everything she’d dealt with to survive and is still dealing with? She should have someone like him to love her. She craved love, needed it…so she’d snatch it and not let that stupid spoiled Ray Anne ruin it for her. She approached him and looked over his shoulder and he glanced up, startled and quickly shut the sketch book before she could get a glimpse of it.
“Hey Nick, What is someone like you….doing off by himself?” She purred with a smile.
He shrugged, his ocean eyes so mysterious and unclear to read the emotions within them. “Hi Jamelet.”
“You want company?” She moved to cozy up beside him. “They won’t pull me up to the stage till the extras get the dance down I don’t think.”
He shook his head and stood. “No thanks, I gotta….go….get something…” He replied staring at the floor and rushed out the door. Jamelet’s eyes narrowed, time to play dirty and destroy the weak competition against her.
Nick headed down the hall, not paying attention, only to trip over a shaking bundle. Nick got up, brushing the golden strands from his eyes and looked over to see what tripped him, and there sat Ray, shaking and crying and holding something small and shiny in her hands. Nick bent down, concerned, forgetting himself and what had occurred between them when he had tried to kiss her days before.
“Ray?”
She froze and looked up, quickly wearing a look of indifference and wiped her eyes discreetly. The small flask Nick had only glimpsed but not recognized, quickly was hidden. “Yeah?”
He sat down beside her. “Are you okay?”
Ray stood, not wanting to take the risk of being hurt by him, which meant chasing him away. “Yeah.”
He stood as well, not understanding her in the least. “You didn’t look okay…” he said quietly.
“Well I am?”
“Why are you being so cold to me?” He asked, with a sad expression upon his young and innocent looking face.
“God Nick I’m not being cold to you…get a grip…I just don’t need you comforting-pawing me aight?”
“I wanted to be your friend…”
“Before or after you tried to make a move on me? Fuck, I don’t want that.” Her eyes grew stormy and the alcohol was giving her the slight buzz she needed, and the anger at what was happening grew. An unseen mist began to hover her. Outside the wind grew fierce and howled strongly as her necklace charm grew warm underneath her shirt, unknowingly glowing.
Nick grabbed her hand boldly, his mind wondering what he was doing. His mind telling him he wasn’t worth anything….his nerves grew and as when he was nervous, he had a hard time getting words out.
“F-fine…but I do want to be friends; I’m friends with your brother…wh-wh-…why wouldn’t I want to be friends with you?”
The mist vanished at that motion and Ray’s eyes softened. “Alright, I’ll give you that chance. I have to get a paper done for creative wring now…I‘m not a good writer so it‘ll take awhile. ” She said hoarsely and truthfully. For that class had been giving her trouble, despite her creative self. Writing obviously would not be her thing. She left to go to her dorm, her one sanctuary now that Jamelet would not be there. She needed a break from all of this, and the drink craving was gone. Nick stood behind her, watching her walk away with the slightest brightening in his dark sapphire eyes.
**************
Brian sat his camera down with a sigh and put aside the notepad. Obviously nothing would be useful to the story about the production he had to write. Far from a review. He didn’t have a scene to rehearse till later, and it was only Summer Nights, and We Go Together, since those were his only real dance scenes. What could he write though? That the dance couch seemed to be far too harsh on two students in particular. His azure eyes watched as Ms. Serena gave the extra dancers a break and started talking to Jamelet about assumingly her role as Cha-Cha… Maybe see if Ray was even going to come back. She worried Brian, but how could he save her when he cannot save himself? His thoughts were interrupted by the friendly southern girl who came over. He grinned at Julia as she blew a stray copper brown strand away from her face, her sky blue eyes showing her need to rest a moment.
“I miss Mrs. Jackson. She was lot nica than this new one.” She plopped down in a seat beside him.
He nodded, “I know Ray and AJ agree with you. At least they were a little more willing for Mrs. Jackson.”
“Ray ain’t inta dancing is she?”
He smiled a little, “Not since we were kids, me her, Justin, and another friend of ours used to take classes.”
“She alright?” she asked, referring to what happened earlier on the stage.
“She will, she wants to be alone right now.”
Julia nodded and then glanced at the stage. An instant smirk at the student and teacher appeared. “Jamelet‘s gotta happy ya know, she’s da fave of Serena.”
“What about you?”
“Y’all ‘ll see tha happen when pigs wear tutus. Whatcha doin’ afta this?”
“Not sure.”
“Lets grab Howie, Alyssa, Ray Anne, Nick, Jay, and his bro Kev and see what’s cookin’ ‘round ‘ere. By tha way, have ya heard from Kevvy?”
“Sounds good…Ray prolly won‘t go though.” He would check on Ray but he knew when he shouldn’t. “And as for Kevin, I’ve seen him in class and that’s it, he’s always busy with schoolwork he says.”
Julia grinned and grabbed Brian’s hand, pulling him up. “Lets go a checkin’ on him then and ditch this pop stand.” she ran to the door that lead straight outside to the parking lot, ignoring the fact rehearsals technically hadn’t ended, dragging Brian behind her.
**************
Howie headed down the hall with his best friend other than his step sister. Alyssa. She hugged him with a grin as they headed out of the school.
“Long time no see.” She joked.
He laughed, his curly dark flowing hair flowing in the harsh wind that had started suddenly. Rehearsals had been ended once Ms. Serena saw her lead girl wasn’t returning, Alex wouldn’t work without her, and that then her Kenickie and Rizzo had walked out as well. Howie was glad it ended because it was turning into a disaster and he was just the stage manager.
“Between the play and school, I’m busy enough. How you been keeping busy?”
She grinned. “Julia and I have been hanging since she’s just a dance extra. She’s insane. I can see why AJ hangs with her.”
He laughs, “Is it true she went skinny dipping with AJ and Ray Anne?”
“Yeah.”
Howie cracked up laughing. “The people here are loons.”
“How’s Jam? I haven’t seen her lately.”
“Busy chasing Nick.”
Alyssa rolled her dark soulful coffee eyes. “Good luck to her. Hey, lets grab AJ, and Kev and do something.”
He was about to say yes when he saw a tall figure in the distance leaning against a pole and covered in shadows. The wind began to die down around them. His stomach churned in recognition. No it couldn’t be. This school was supposed to be saving him and Jam! No dammit, it couldn’t be. He hid the look of disgust and shook his head. He had to stop Jamelet from being violated, and take the beating. He had to protect her. He was being rash, yes. But he couldn’t take the chance that he could get to her; very oblivious to the fact the man had gotten to her without his knowing before, and that he could have this time…
“You go on ahead,” the young Latino teen said quietly, looking away but not at where Randall stood.
“You sure?” She asked with a frown.
“Lyssy Lee, go, have fun, I gotta go do something while I have the time, and I’ll make it up to you okay?” He forced a smile.
She nodded slowly. “Promise.”
“I swear.”
He watched her leave with a sigh and went over to the man before he could reach Jamelet’s room. He knew what was coming and prepared himself for the pain coming from the rougher, taller, and muscular man. Howie knew he had to do this. He had to be the sacrifice so Jamelet could have that flicker of hope of escaping this life. It was up to him to give it to her.
*********
Nick sat out there in the halls, mostly thinking. About his parents, all they’ve told him. About things at the school. He was confused on what to believe. His parents had to be right, right? They’ve always known he wasn’t worth anything, still here, they keep saying he’s gifted. That he’s worth so much, that he’s talented. What’s real and what’s not. He didn’t really know. Sadly people at the school have been telling him his gifts fro some time, but this year is the first time he’s really heard them, he just doesn’t realize it. He shook his head, not wanting to muddle his mind anymore. He turned to go back inside the theater, knowing sooner or later he’d be missed. Before he could however, he turned around to run into Justin. He sighed. Great, just what he needed to complete this weird day right?
“Carter-”
“Justin I don’t need this.” He muttered. “Irritate me later.”
“Carter, you need to learn to leave that girl alone. I don’t want you messing with her. I ALWAYS keep trash from hurting my friends.”
Nick’s eyes blazed, he didn’t want this. He didn’t need this, but he just got back a little ground with the confusingly sensitive girl. Couldn’t the world give him a break that didn’t come from his mother in the painful way? “Timber-fucking-flake, b-ba-ack off, she’s my friend too, get used to it and l-leave me the hell alone. I said I don’t need this shit.” He stated coldly in a bolder way that was a bit out of character for him. He pushed his way past the curly haired boy and Anastay, having glanced outside to see where he Nick had gone smiled a bit. Well, there was hope for at least one of the ones down here on this accursed planet.
Lost Souls by Rose
