Chapter 13: The Silent Cry


Howie staggers into his dorm room. His entire body screamed with pain. He felt like a giant bruise. His right eye swollen and hard to see through, cuts along his face and arms. Dark black and purple bruises covered ninety percent of body. He looked like he was hit by a car, and was incredibly lucky there were no bones broken. Still, Randal beat him and that would save Jamelet from being taken advantage of by him. Justin was sitting on his bed, trying to study as one of his rap cds played. Eminem, from the sound of it. Howie wants to roll his eyes. He was getting very sick of Rap, being played day in and out by the roommate from hell. Justin always seemed a bit cocky in his eyes. That might because he was friends with Nick though.

Justin was the other main popular kid at Bright sky. The consensus generally was you were friends with one or the other. Never both. Before the year started AJ was the only exception to that. That was expected though, he was friendly with everyone, just picky with his own friends. Now Ray and Brian added to that, but it was understandable since they knew him long before now. Justin was friends with Alyssa actually, but she didn’t try hanging out with both Howie and him at the same time. Julia too, but she was also new. He starts towards his own bed, hoping Justin is too distracted to notice him. Bad luck yet again. For he looks up with startled dark blue eyes just as he tries to.

“Howie, what the hell happened to you?” He frowns with concern. Sure the two weren’t close, but he looked like he got in a fight with Mike Tyson.

Howie shrugs, pushing a dark curl away from a stinging cut along his forehead. “Just got in a fight at a club.”

“Was the guy a former boxing champion?! Jesus, you’re a mess man.”

He sits on the bed slowly, glancing at the young curly haired blond. “Worse than it looks. It’s fine.”

Justin stares at him oddly. Looks are deceiving then, he knows he’d be in serious pain if that was him. “Maybe we should take you to the nurse, or a doctor…”

“No, I’m cool.” he fake coughs violently, wincing just a little at the pain it causes. “Just catching a cold I think.” He sighs and turns on the TV. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

Justin sighs and goes back to studying. Surely he was overreacting to Howie’s injuries. If he said he didn’t, he didn’t right? As he continued to study for his US History test, he didn’t see the tears well up in the Latin teen’s eyes as he looked away to hide them, wanting to cry at the helplessness of it all.

Soon Howie went into a restless sleep. As he sleeps, in his dream he sees in the corner a young blonde boy crying only the age of 10. At first he thinks it’s Nick but then gets a glance at the face. Brian? Howie stares at the kid version of his friend.

“You’re not supposed to be here” the child said, tears streaming from the innocent baby blues.

“Where am I?”

“My hiding place. No one knows about my place.”

Howie kneels down to face the shorter child. “Not even your sister?”

He shakes his head rapidly. “ Annie Janie can’t know.”

“Who’s Annie Janie?”

“My sister! Ray Anne Jane Littrell. You’re silly Howie.”

“You know me?”

He nods, the strawberry curls giving his young face more childlike innocence. “You ask silly questions…”

He sits up in his bed, fully awake and wincing at all the pain it caused. He shakes his head. Mumbling about strange dreams and no more listening to Twilight Zone reruns before bed, he goes back to sleep, the tears still in his eyes, but never falling before the escape sleep brings, returns to him.


***************


Sam Lorden strolls down the hall, looking for someone she knew in the crowded mess. Because of her youth it was increasingly harder to befriend someone. She did meet Ray Anne, Jamelet, and Nick, but all seem too wrapped up in their own worlds. She didn’t want to tag along behind her sister Anastay, all the time. Other thoughts swirled up within her mind, thoughts no one could even tell were there, or predict. Too wrapped up in those thoughts, she trips over something, spilling her things onto the floor. Many of the students laugh at her misfortune and she makes a face of frustration, biting her tongue to keep her from saying something she’d regret.

A hand reaches for her as an offer to help her up. She takes it with an embarrassed smile, looking up to see a kind looking young man with strawberry blonde hair and cerulean eyes, without any false pretenses resting within them. A rare thing for this school. Another teen was helping her gather her stuff. He had curly golden locks and deep indigo eyes, more mysterious and hypnotic. She smiles wider, well this is a start.

“Sorry about that, I didn’t see you. I’m Sam Lorden.” She says as she gets her books.

“Brian.” The one who helped her up replies, “And aren’t you Ana’s little sister? I work with her for the play.”

“Yeah that’s her.” Sam laughs, “I got skipped up a grade and transferred here so I’m still trying to get used to this place.”

“I’m Justin.” The curly haired one says with a charming smile. “Don’t worry, not everyone here is an annoying snob. I swear.” He holds his hand up playfully.

She laughs with a grin. “Boy scouts honor?”

Brian laughs along with Justin. “he can’t go that far, neither of us are boy scouts but we promise not all of us are.”

As they head down the hall, Samantha smirks, maybe that spill was more than worth it after all. Far more.


**************


Ray Anne sits in her small concert piano class, taking a breath to try and steady herself. Time to actually help her friend instead of watching it continue. Alex told her for a reason right? Because he needs this. It’s the only class she has with him and she swore not to tell anyone. Including Brian. She sighs, things have been a bit more distant between her and her brother than she’d like. She’s not trying to push him away, it’s just happening. She’d have to talk to him later. She watches as the few students came in. Most were seniors, very few juniors were in this class so she did always feel a bit honored. The piano she had taken up in middle school, when her world had come crashing down. Loss of parents, family, and her best friends. It became her sanctuary and escape from the world, and it still is. The one thing not connected to any of the things ruining her past.

She looks up and waves Kevin over as he strolls in. He smiles, but the look in his emerald orbs worried her. He looked so worn out, tired, like what she had seen when she first met him wasn’t there anymore. The confidence, the charm, and caring. It all was vanished from his eyes.

“Hey, what’s up?” she says casually as she tucks a bouncing honeysuckle curl behind her ear.

“Hi, nothing really. Just tired.” he replies in the deep voice that so fit his personality, suave, charming, fun. When he wasn’t working far too much anyway, in Ray Anne’s opinion.

“Up late last night?”

He nods as waits for the bell to ring. A few of his raven colored strands, falling and framing his expressive eyes. “Studying, after I got home from work.”

She watches him, her sapphire eyes taking him in. Unsure of how to go about this still. How do you tell someone he needs to ease off work while not sounding bossy or like you’re butting in too far? Was it even possible?

“Alex is worried about you.” She says softly, carefully. “saying you’re overdoing it and-”

“I need to talk to Ms. Keys.” He replies, referring to their teacher, Miss Alicia Keys, a renowned pianist who had retired the concert halls and chose to instruct future talents at Bright Sky two years ago. She came from New York, had dark mocha skin, braided locks, and soft chocolate eyes that showed the artist within, behind her ethnic looks. Kevin stands, heading over to her and ending the conversation. Booms of thunder resound outside and Ray frowns, was there supposed to be a storm today?

Ray sighs, she knew it would end up that way. But what was she to do? She had to start somewhere right? Minutes later the bell rings and Ms. Keys heads to the front, about to explain the piece they were to explore for the next few weeks. Before she can however, a young man enters the room with a questioning look. He is lean with a slight feminine air about him, but far from gay. His dark brown locks are spiked, and his eyes a clear shining blue the color of the sky on a bright sunny day. He looks unsure of where he is. “Excuse me?”

Miss Keys looks over with a slight annoyed glance at the disturbance. Ray Anne keeps her eyes upon the young man. He looks so familiar. It couldn’t be. No it was impossible. “Yes?” the young teacher asks.

“I just got transferred here.” He smiles and Ray’s eyes widens. It was who she thinks it is. No one else possessed a smile so bright and dazzling. “Is this concert piano? I missed first and was sent here.”

“Yes,” She took a look at his schedule. “Joshua Chasez.”

“I go by Josh.” He informed her with a smile.

Even the teacher couldn not help but smile back. Yep that was her Josh. Why was he here? “Please find a seat and I will have one of the students fill you in.” She looks around and spots an empty seat by the young blonde. “How about over there by Ray Anne. Ray Anne please-”

He looks around and his own eyes widen when he spots her. Both are truly surprised at the coincidence. “I know her.” He says softly and sits by her. Miss Keys continues with her lecture and instruction but both Ray and Josh are far too distracted to pay attention and talk in whispers.

There was a long history between Josh and Ray Anne. They had been best friends growing up, her, Josh, Justin, and Brian. Always them four. Then her parents died, sending them to her uncle, and Justin’s mom made it big, keeping him away from them because of her. Josh had kept in touch with Ray and Brian. They started high school together and Ray and him had even dated for almost a year, from when she was a month past thirteen to when she almost turned fourteen. They broke up because his father had died in a car accident. His mother had been long gone in childbirth so Josh went to his rich aunt. She had been happy to have him, and loved him like her own son. She lived too far from Ray and Brian and sadly they lost touch. It happened when his Aunt moved them to a bigger house and during the move (much to Josh’s despair) the Littrell number was lost. Then their uncle, being the person he is, hadn’t paid bills and the number was disconnected and changed by the time he found it. So the communication was gone. And all four went on with their lives. Josh just got transferred to Bright Sky, this being his junior year at seventeen, because his aunt discovered his amazing skills at the piano. Ones that surpassed Ray by far, and in fact he was the one who had gotten her started playing. He also had the voice of an angel. So his Aunt Donna got him into the best art school she knew of, Bright Sky.

“Joshy…” She says softly, trying to make sure to himself that he was there. The odds of this were surreal, like this experience. She hugs him tight while Miss Keys was letting them “soak in the piece.” Which was basically watching her play as an example.

“Anne…” He hugs her back just as tight, some of the lingering feelings still there even after two years. Their relationship had had a forced ending, far from a natural one. Still Ray had moved on and dated someone new, and the incident happened. He remembered that vividly, Ray calling him sobbing. She only repeated over and over she’d never trust anything related to love again. All he did was comfort her. That was two weeks before the move. Now it was a little past two years after that. Nothing had changed with his Anne, the same curly blond hair, same innocent looking face and ocean eyes, only looking thirteen. The only difference being her height, then she was 5’3”, now she’s five inches taller. He had changed more in height as well, though his face had matured a bit as well, still he never lost the smile she once loved.

“What are you doing here?” They both whisper simultaneously.

“Scholarship. You?”

“Aunt Donna heard me play one night and declared it her duty to send me. Wait, is Rok here too?”

She nods with a small smile. “Yeah Bri and I both won scholarships in a talent contest thing. You’ll never believe this but Juju’s here too.”

“How is Justin here?!”

“Only the best from his mother. I miss the pre snobby days she used to have.”

“Ditto. So how are you? Is everything better now that you‘re away? It‘s been too long…Is Brian ok?” He smiles happily and Ray then remembers why she used to love it. It was infectious.

To be honest she hated her life. Her parents were dead and never coming back. Love is something she yearns for but knows is a fantasy. Jamelet is out to ruin her. Brian is hiding something, she knows it. Nick? She didn’t even know how to sort that mess out. Alex is worried sick about Kevin, Kevin is overworking himself. She can’t even handle high school stress without a drink and she knows she should be able to. She started drinking after the incident. Nothing was fine. Far from it. But instead she smiles and says, “Better, great. Much better than it used to be” But despite saying that she wishes for someone to see beyond the shallow lies she always tells. Beyond the happy smiling perfect girl, and hear the silent cries. To see the broken girl within. But even him, once her closest friend and first love, is sadly blind as they compare class schedules.


*********


Jamelet stalks down the hall, not caring about how she’s ditching her Home Ec class. It was an easy one to make up, why should she care? A comment Justin had told her earlier was what was driving her now. One that said Is your brother alright? He came back from a club fight and then got sick… One that told her perhaps there was a reason Randall did not set a date for his new use of her. He couldn’t have could he? No, she was trying desperately to stop this! She stormed into Howie’s dorm room and gasped as she saw him on the bed, his face swollen and bruised.

“What happened?!”

“Got in a fight at a club-”

She narrows her fierce tan eyes. “Don’t give me that shit. I know better.”

He stares right at her determinedly. “It’s true.”

“Did HE do this?”

“Did who?”

“You know who I mean. Randall, did he do this!?”

“I had to-”

“You had to nothing!? Why did you let him do this?!”

“You don’t understand Jammy! I was PROTECTING you!”

Jamelet turns away and just walks out silently, her eyes filling with confused, tormented tears as she stalks off to her own room, not up to class anymore. “No you don’t understand…” she whispers to herself. “I was the one protecting YOU.”


***************


Justin stands in the gym before Brian with a grin, bouncing the basketball idly. The two had decided to let off some stress after classes with a simple game of basket ball. Justin’s eyes dance with light, a bandana covering his mop of curls. “It’s been awhile since you and I played. You up for it shorty?” he teases.

Brian smirks, wearing another of his collections of baseball shirts with long sleeves which covered the scars he had from cutting too deep a few times. His sweater he had on was sitting with his backpack in the bleachers. Usually they were shallow enough to have no scar so after a week or so, he’d be alright if he cut along the shoulder where no one saw. “Dynamite comes in small packages.” he goes for Justin as he dribbles by, able to sneak the ball away from him. Justin laughs as he runs back after him, as Brian makes a lay-up shot into the basket.

“You ain’t rusty, but that’s luck.”

“It ain’t luck, it’s the B-Rok skill, you just forgot in those three years you were gone.” Brian says as he used to when they were kids, Brian twelve and Justin eleven.

Justin grins as he gets the ball and shoots a three pointer easily. “Do you remember the last time we did this?” he tosses the ball over to Brian, neither of them really playing, more messing around.

“The day before you moved.” Brian sighs, “Annie didn’t know yet, and she was with Josh at his piano lessons his dad had him take.”

Justin nods, “That was the game I told you. I knew for a week but was scared of telling you, because you had been with your uncle’s for a month, BB was always crying, and Mom had said I wasn’t allowed to talk to you anymore once we moved.”

“I missed you then. Worst year of my life.”

“You know every game,” He goes and sits on one of the bleachers and Brian joins him. “We never play long, we end up talking.”

He nods, “I know, but we haven’t talked in awhile. This is good. How is life, now that you’re rich, I know Annie will never ask you about it.”

“Not perfect, lonely, never sure if my friends liked me for my last name, or for me. Before when we weren’t rich, man things I wanted then I have now, I’d give up for before. I knew then who I could trust. My mom, I love her, she loves me, but she‘s not the same once fame came into her business.”

Brian smiles a little. “You can trust me.”

Justin smiles back. “I know, and although you have y’alls own flaws, like being friends with Carter, it’s nice not to have to ask myself that with some people. I’m just worried bout ya, three years with your Uncle Johnny, he was a prick man….” He left the rest unsaid but Brian knew what he meant. Justin was worried about the damage it had on him and Ray.

“You know what’s funny? I’m worried about the same thing.” Brian says with a sigh, grabbing his stuff and heading out of the gym. He was worried about them all, never thinking once about the cry for help his own habit of cutting truly is. Always thinking of others, never himself.


***************


Nick stands before a canvas in his and Brian’s room, contemplating just what to create. He felt pensive and when he feels that way he paints. The one way he knows of getting his feelings out. Even if he isn’t any good like his parents say, it’s supposedly good therapy right? He grabs a pen brush, dipping it into the pain. His hand runs along the paper, and soon the picture within becomes more and more visible. As it does, it is more and more distinctly eight pairs of hands, each with a glowing pair within, shooting a ray into the center to form a glimmering ball of light. He smiles as he continues, for hours on end, making the painting look more and more real. It was more optimistic than he usually does, and he wasn’t even feeling this way, but it was what had come to mind when he started. Why did he paint that? He wonders idly. Before anymore thought to it arrives, Brian walks in the door, in a blue sweater due to the colder weather coming. He scratched his arm a bit as he does, looking a little distracted. He spots Nick and grins, stopping the scratching immediately.

“Hey Frack,” He greets as he notices the painting. “That’s good…”

Nick smiles a bit embarrassedly. “It’s not but thanks.”

“Different from your style man, happier.”

“What came to mind when I started.” he replies with a shrug, as he puts his art supplies away. “Where you been? Haven’t seen you lately.”

“Talking to my creative writing teacher, she thinks I have potential.” He lied, not wanting to say where he really was. His teacher did say that to him today so Brian did feel better that it wasn’t COMPLETELY a lie. Just partially. Lord knows Nick had a low self image and hated Justin. He still doesn’t get why.

“Hey, Bri look who I have!” Ray cheers, running into the room and bringing in someone Nick doesn’t recognize at all. But clearly Brian did because his eyes brightened and soon he was hugging him. Nick stood there awkwardly with a sigh, letting the blonde tresses cover his eyes and therefore his emotions. Once again he was getting replaced. Of course he didn’t have friends. He should have known. When did he ever? Why did he think he was getting some now?

Brian was too amazed by the fact Josh was there. There was someone Ray needed, the two used to be close, even when they were little, five and six. At one point they were closer than Brian was with his own sister. Though the four had always been close friends they had paired off then, Justin and Brian, who usually played basketball, and Josh and Ray, who as they got older was Ray watching Josh play the piano. Then they’d all take their dance class together. Justin still took the same classes, Ray quit the dance class when they were sent to their uncle and only went there for gymnastics to keep her body in shape. Brian quit same time Ray Anne did, and Josh didn’t quit till he went to his aunt. The one class he’d have with Josh now was Choir, in which he had ditched today saying he was going to the counselors, to cover what he was truly doing. Something his itching arms are reminding him of. As the two talk, catch up and reminisce, Nick feels more and more an outsider in his own room. Finally Ray Anne sees Nick and feels a bit bad for how everything has been between them, and how she accidentally ignored him now, knowing how low his self esteem is.

“Nick, this is Josh, Josh this is Nick. Josh is my old bestest friend Nick. Josh, Nick is a good friend now.” She says quickly not sure how to explain something she doesn’t even understand. Before Josh could even try to get to know Nick however, Nick brushed by them.

“I’m going over to find Jay.” He mutters and leaves without another word, once in the hall, he sighs sadly. He’s not going to try to find AJ, Kevin, Howie, Julia, Alyssa, or even Jamelet, who he thought to be a bit too forward and clingy. None of them really want him around, just like how Ray Anne and Brian don’t. Things never change. He was always alone, and he’ll always will be. He heads into the school building on the campus and into an empty classroom, always feeling forever alone. And within his troubled soul, all he felt was his silent cry.






**AN- “Shallow Lie” was a poem written by me so do not steal or use without my permission. Thanks.