So A Wizard, two Hobbits, a gremlin, and Justin Timberlake walk into a bar…
The Crossover chapter
“Uh…hello there, I am sorry to give you such a terrible fright…you look a little peeked is there something I can do to help?” The boy asked with his crisp English accent, not knowing why he was being stared at the way he was.
“Seems like you have had a little bit of a problem with the lights? I can fix that, if you would be so kind as to let me out of the closet.”
Brian still stared at the boy in the black robe with matching black rimmed glasses, noticeable zigzagged scar on his forehead. “Okay….let me think of a perfect spell to cast, obviously I’m not as good at this as Hermione.”
Harry closed his eyes and took his wand out of his robe, “Sufficus….luminous…maximus,” He said twirling about the wand in small circular motions. When he was done with the chant the lights went on and Brian looked at Harry and smiled a half smile.
“Oh I apologize how silly of me to not introduce myself…Harry Potter.”
“Riiight, I knew that and I’m Brian…um…Harry so you live in my friend’s closet?”
Harry laughed, “No…Ron told me this would lead me to the bank, he’s such a dreadful kidder that Ron.”
“Okay…well, this makes no sense.” Brian said rolling his eyes.
Writer: I don’t think you have time to worry about that right now, can’t you hear Howie screaming?
“Excuse me chap…but do you hear the ceiling talking to you as well or did my head not adjust to the new environment yet?”
“Never mind Harry…” Howie’s screeching from up above made the two guys look towards the ceiling, “We have to go help D.”
Brian grabbed Harry's arm and pulled him along as they ran through the never ending long corridor and up the stairs to the attic.
“AHHHHHH” Howie screamed once again for no apparent reason since nothing at all scary was happening to him at that moment.
“Well excuse me for being scared, you locked me in a dark attic in a creepy chapter with things thumping and bumping all around me, what the heck else am I supposed to do?”
Writer: Okay well whatever you do, don’t look behind you.
“Okay now you’re trying to freak me out aren’t you?” Howie said biting on his bottom lip and trying to control his shaking. He felt a presence behind him, he knew something was there. He heard it slowly scratching at the wood as it got closer and closer to him.
He turned slightly off to the side just as a flash of lightning illuminated the attic; the shadow the thing behind him cast was enough to give him fifteen heart attacks on the spot as its huge wings spread behind him, looking as if it was ready to consume his entire head.
“Howie are you okay?” Brian asked from the other side of the door, banging furiously to try to be heard over Howie’s desperate cry for help.
“Brian help it’s going to eat me!!!”
Brian glanced down at Harry, “You think you can get us in there?”
“Of course…open dooricus!”
“Open dooricus?” Brian said rolling his eyes at the writer.
Writer: So sue me!
The door suddenly swung open and there was Howie batting at a huge white owl. “Get away from me….Ack!! Help me out Brian.”
“Hedwig stop it this instant!” The second the owl heard Harry’s voice she calmed down and flew to her master, landing on his shoulder like a pro.
With another chant, the lights magically went on leaving a very baffled Howie shaking his head. “Is that who I think it is?” He asked Brian who nodded and shrugged.
“Harry this is Howie, Howie this is Harry.”
“And that was some tongue twister, Harry, Howie, Howie, Harry; pffft try saying that ten times fast.”
Writer: Brian, you’re going off on a tangent again.
“I see you gents are in a bit of trouble. Is there anything else I can do for you? If not my owl and I will be on our way.”
Howie and Brian looked at each other, “No, you should go because…well frankly this is weird.”
“Yup I agree with Brian but thanks for helping us.”
Harry nodded and once again waved his wand as the window in the attic suddenly flew open, “Not a problem men…good luck to you!” His Nimbus 2000 magically appeared and all at once he jumped on it and flew out the window as the orchestra blared in the background.
Writer: Yes I love the Harry Potter score, John Williams is a genius…lovely just lovely.
“What the heck was he doing here anyway?”
Writer: You haven’t figured it out?”
“Figured what out?” Brian said walking over and closing the window just as Harry was doubling back to make an entrance again. He crashed into the window with a giant thud and slid down the side of the house before Brian even had a chance to turn around to see what the noise was.
Writer: This is the crossover chapter.
“What does that mean exactly? Are we going to start talking to the dead or something?”
Writer: No Brian…that’s the show, this is a chapter that means that we can use other characters from other stories and genres at our own free will.
“Like Harry Potter?” Howie asked rubbing his neck.
Writer: Yes like Harry Potter, but we should really stop chit chatting, remember why you were up here to begin with Howie.
“Yes that’s right; I was in my attic that doesn’t really exist because I thought I heard Kevin screaming.”
As if on cue, they heard Kevin’s voice booming down from below.
“So let me guess, now we have to run down the steps to help him?”
Writer: Wow Howie you are a very smart guy, I think I shall give you a gold star…NOT!
“You know you could try to be nice every once in a while.”
“AHHHHHH!” They heard once again ring out from below.
“Come on let’s go Brian, it sounds like he’s in my nursery…wait my nursery?”
Writer: Just GO!
Brian grabbed Howie’s arm and pulled him out the door and together they ran down the steps to help their oldest band mate.
Kevin backed himself up against the wall as the ghostly apparition floated towards him, her socket less eyes wide as she held her hands out to him. “Okay there’s no such thing as ghosts….no such things as ghosts…this is just my freaking imagination.” He said, willing himself to open his eyes and when he did…the ghostly figure was gone.
“Well thank the lord God!” He took in a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down and as he was just about to turn the knob that led out into the main hallway he saw the silhouette of two men standing in the corner. From their size he breathed a sigh of relief, “Brian and Howie thank God…you will never believe what I just went through in here.”
The two figures didn’t say anything but were whispering to themselves, “Do you think he is good or evil?” one asked.
“No idea, he seems nice enough…perhaps he will help?” The other answered.
Now Kevin, realizing the two short men were not his friends at all he allowed himself to slowly and cautiously walk towards them. “Who are you and why are you in my friend’s house? Are you robbers?”
“He thinks we’re robbers Sam…he has no idea.”
“I think he is okay than mister Frodo.”
“You know I can hear you right? You’re not doing a very good job at whispering.”
The electricity in the house suddenly went back on and Kevin had a chance to see who he was conversing with. Sam and Frodo sat arms wrapped around each other in the corner of the room; their tiny little bodies not even coming halfway up the dresser they were cowering by.
“Excuse me…I’m having a problem here.”
Writer: Oh now THERE’S a huge surprise.
“Aren’t there all sorts of copyright issues going on right about now?”
Writer: Kevin this is fan fiction…I doubt I am going to be sued by JRR Tolkien’s people.
“Please sir…” Now the red head said making his way slowly towards Kevin, waving an itty bitty white flag.
“Red head? Was he red headed in the book?”
Writer: I have no idea, I never read the book. I only saw the movie.
“Okay then, yes?” Kevin said dropping down to the floor to be about the same height as the little troll.
“I’m a Hobbit…”
Writer: Hobbit, troll, it’s all the same.
“Well actually there is quite a difference see a Hobbit has big hairy feet like this and…”
“I wouldn’t argue with her if I were you…”
Sam nodded and continued to walk closer to Kevin. “We were wondering if you have seen our ring. We seem to have misplaced it when we ended up in this very strange place.”
“No, I’m sorry I haven’t. Wow I guess that’s not a good thing to lose huh?”
Both of the Hobbits nodded, “I’d say we aren’t going to fair very well in the rest of our tale if we can’t locate that ring Mister Frodo.”
Kevin stood up, “I’m sure it’s here some place…let’s see,” he looked all around the room, including the crib that once housed the scary baby, but yet he saw nothing.
“Gandalf will not be happy…I have let all of our people down…the Ring was our last hope.” Frodo said now running over to Sam and embracing him in an everlasting hug.
“Seems like this is where you should have put the slash in,” Kevin said chuckling as he watched the two mini people hugging.
The tender moment was broken abruptly when Howie and Brian came crashing through the door, “Kevin!! Are you okay?” His cousin frantically yelled.
“Shhh! Keep your voice down and yes I’m fine.”
“Hey guys look what I found outside the door, it’s a tiny little ring, I wonder if it belonged to that owl from hell.”
“Owl from hell?” Kevin asked Howie with a raised brow.
“Yes, stupid Harry Potter’s stupid owl gave me a heart atta…wow… hello.” Howie said stopping mid sentence when he saw the two Hobbits staring up at him.
“Our ring…you’ve found our ring…thank you SO much!” Sam said running over to Howie and putting his hands out to catch it.
“Are those the Lord of the Rings guys?” Brian asked now joining Kevin and Howie as they stared at the two mini men doing a happy jig to celebrate getting their ring back.
“Their dancing is just….hypnotic…” Brian said after watching them dance for what felt like an eternity.
“We don’t know how to repay you kind sir…” Frodo said placing the ring back around his neck, tucking it safely under his shirt.
Howie bent down to shake the Hobbits’s hand, “No problem…my name’s Howie.”
“Ooh and you must be Brian than.” Sam said making his way next to Frodo and once again wrapping him in a hug.
“Yup, that’s me.”
“This nice fellow thought we were you when we first met.”
Both Howie and Brian looked over at Kevin a little annoyed.
“What?” The oldest band member asked not knowing why he was receiving such nasty looks.
“You mistook two gnomes for us?”
“We’re Hobbits…See trolls are just a little shorter than humans and are usually fat…well I mean I’m kind of a fattish Hobbit but that’s besides the point…They have long hair and long beards and…”
“I don’t think they care Sam…let’s just keep doing a jig.”
“Okay.” The two little Hobbits continued to dance as the two bigger Hobbits argued with their friend.
Writer: Well you guys are kind of tiny.
“Sorry guys it was dark and I thought it was the two of you, I mean from a certain angle you kind of could pass for…”
“AHHHHHHH!!!!” Another scream sliced through the air stopping Kevin mid sentence.
“AJ!” All three said at the same time and went running out of the room leaving the two happy little gnomes dancing away.
“We’re Hobbits! See gnomes are…”
Writer: Shut up and dance.
AJ screamed once more, closing his eyes and hoping the clown wouldn’t break him into 3 and juggle him to death, although if he was broken into three technically he’d already be dead…
“Now’s not the time to start babbling!”
Writer: Sorry I tend to think out loud sometimes.
“Just do something that doesn’t involve IT eating ME!”
AJ said, now allowing himself to open one eye. The scary clown with the razor sharp teeth had now transformed into a more familiar character.
“What the heck? Dude you cannot be in this story.” The masked man holding the machete looked at him confused and grunted.
AJ took a few steps back, “Man I am a super huge fan of your movies dude. I can’t stand the way the chicks always scream and fall to the floor, no wonder you hack them to bits.”
Jason stood there grunting and nodding at the same time.
“It must get old for you dude…running after people as they scream, I mean people scream in our faces all the time but at least ours is AHHHH we love you AHHHH come have our babies AHHHH you are so cute. You get the whole AHHH please don’t kill me thing.”
Once again Jason nodded and put his head down as he lowered his machete. “It’s so stereotypical you know? They should judge you for YOU not because you’re some machete wielding psycho…” He said placing his arm around Jason trying to console him.
“Help me!!!” AJ took his arm away from Jason when he heard the faint cry for help.
“Nicky is that you man? You will never believe who is in here with me bro!”
“No it’s not Nick…help me.”
AJ stood up, “I’ll be right back Jason…try not to kill anyone while I’m gone okay?”
Jason nodded and gave a thumbs up as AJ ventured out into the hallway only to find Justin Timberlake on the floor, wooden beam on his ankle preventing him from moving.
“What the heck?” AJ looked up at the ceiling, “Why is HE here?”
Writer: I can’t believe you were all but rubbing Jason’s back with not so much as one question as to why he was there but now you see Justin and you are appalled?
“Well it’s just that whenever we do any little thing he seems to pop up…no offense dude.” AJ said peering down at Justin as he struggled to break free.
“AJ, I’d appreciate some help please?” AJ bent down and removed the beam from Justin as he wriggled his way free.
“How did you get here?”
The brillo headed man bit at his bottom lip, “I was in the studio with Snoop Dogg when all of the sudden I fell through the floor and ended up…here.”
“Oh, do you think you can stand on that thing” AJ asked helping the man up.
“Yeah I don’t think it’s broken.”
“Where is everyone else? Or are you alone? You know I tend to do everything alone now since I was such an incredibly successful solo artist. In fact I need to get out of here soon because I’m scheduled to meet with Coldplay so I can get something set up, they are going to work on my next solo album.”
“Nice dude…” AJ said only half listening, looking around for the rest of his band mates.
They walked through the huge living room and dining room areas as Justin prattled on and on about himself, “And I can’t even tell you how cool it was to win a Grammy, it’s just the most awesome feeling to know that your fellow musicians love what you do.”
“Guys?” AJ yelled in a near state of panic when he thought he could no longer take hearing Justin talk about himself any longer.
“Cameron is SO fine…we’re probably going to get married and then I’m going to ask her to collaborate with me on my next album, you know I think I have asked just about everyone except you guys.”
“Anyone?” He yelled again as he made his way back towards the kitchen.
“The Black eyed peas are going to work on another song of mine as well as Janet and Michael Jackson, and the Osmond’s we mustn’t forget them oh and Eminem…”
“I don’t know where everyone is Justin.”
“And I am making ten movies…did I tell you about my movies?”
They stopped short when they saw Britney standing in the doorway leading into the kitchen. “Hey ya’ll what is HE doing here?” She asked pointing at Justin who rolled his eyes at her.
AJ pushed past Britney and back into the kitchen where Jason sat tapping his hands on the kitchen table trying to keep himself entertained. The two blonde, self absorbed bimbos followed.
“Wow judging by that description I’d say you’re not much of a fan?”
Writer: That is correct AJ…anyway…
When Jason saw them he grunted and stood machete in hand.
“AHHHHH!” They both screamed.
Jason remembering what his new friend had asked him looked over at AJ for permission to chase, “Eh, do what you gotta do bro!”
Jason nodded and grunted holding his machete in the air and running at full speed towards both pop stars as he did.
“Please don’t kill us, I’ll let you work on my upcoming album…it’s highly anticipated.” He heard Justin plead.
One more grunt was heard as the trio ran out of the kitchen.
Kevin, Brian and Howie were running down the stairs when they heard the two blondes screaming as Jason ran after them and out the front door.
“Hrmm that was interesting…” Kevin said, now directing his eyes at AJ who came walking out of the kitchen smoking a cigarette.
“You okay AJ?” Howie asked looking his friend up and down.
“I’m okay, you guys okay?”
“Yeah…have you seen Nick?” Brian asked as AJ stamped on his cigarette.
“God AJ use an ash tray this IS my house remember?”
“Sorry bro…and no I haven’t, why is it always Carter that stays missing?”
“He probably walked into a closet and can’t find his way out.” Kevin said which caused the rest of the boys to laugh.
“Okay I guess we should go look for him…let’s go.” Brian said leading the pack.
Nick lay on the cold, hard floor trying to will himself awake. Giggling as he felt the fur on his neck. “Quit it!” He said batting at what he thought was one of his cats.
“What?” Nick said slowly opening his eyes as he felt small hands petting his hair.
At first his vision was blurry, the thing standing before him a big brown blob. It wasn’t until he blinked for the fifteenth time that the creature came into his view. He sat up and rubbed at his eyes as if doing that would make the thing go away.
“What in the holy hell!”
“Doooo doooo dooooo” It sang and smiled, wiggling its ears and crawling into Nick’s lap.
“What happened to the little girl ghost thingie?” He asked the cute little gremlin.
Gizmo shrugged at him and opened his tiny arms to hug the blonde.
“Whoa this is SO cool! I have ALWAYS wanted one of these things!!”
Writer: Nick don’t get excited you won’t be keeping him.
“Bright light.” Gizmo exclaimed shielding his eyes from the harsh fluorescent light above.
“Cool, I guess the lights came back on at least. Come on Gizmo we need to go find the others.
“Doooo doooo doooo” The cute furry creature sang as Nick scooped him up and placed him in his jacket to shield his eyes from the bright light.
In front of Nick there stood a multitude of doors, none marked but all leading to somewhere. “Seems like we have to pick one of these if we are ever going to find our way out of here little guy.”
He walked closer and carefully examined each door, “Why do I have a feeling that if I open the wrong door something is going to eat me?”
Writer: You’re just paranoid.
“Gee, wonder why,” Nick said under his breath which caused Gizmo to let out the cutest little giggle.
Writer: See? Be happy I gave you the best scenario; all you have to do is try the doors.
“Okay fine, here goes nothing…” He said walking over to the first door and turning the knob.
“Luke…I am your father….” Darth Vader said in his menacing James Earl Jones voice.
“Okay not Luke….sorry.”
“My mistake.” Darth said as Nick closed the door.
“Okay it wasn’t that one…let’s try this one shall we?” He said to Gizmo as he poked his head out to see what was going on, now wearing a pair of mini sunglasses to help keep his eyes from hurting.
“And where did the mini sunglasses come from?”
Writer: His pocket
“He’s not wearing clothes,” Nick said looking down at the Gremlin surprised to see that he was wearing a little jumpsuit complete with pockets.
“Hey you cheated he wasn’t wearing that before.”
Writer: this chapter’s getting a little long blondie…just open another door.
“Okay but I’m watching you!”
Nick approached yet another door and pulled it open, “Eeee Teeee phooone hooome.” The alien said extending his finger towards Nick.
“AHHHH!” One of Nick’s biggest fears was ET ever since he was a child, so he slammed the door, not realizing poor ET’s finger was in the way.
“Oooouch.” The alien said as he quickly pulled his finger away.
“Sorry…okay trying this one now.” He said moving to the door next to it only to be faced with a chorus of “We’re off to see the Wizard.”
“Okay Toto I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.” He said making Gizmo giggle as he slapped him a high five.
“Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone…”
“Okay that was weird…what about this one?”
“I vant to suck you’re blooood…”
“Sorry I gave at the office,” he said slamming the door on Dracula.
He tried door after door….
“Can you tell me how to get…how to get to Sesame Street.”
“Help us we were in a plane crash and now we’re…Lost.”
“The tribe has spoken…”
Nick’s head was spinning from opening door after door only to keep finding more useless characters behind each one. Just when he was about to give up, he opened a door but this time Howie, AJ, Brian and Kevin were behind it.
“Nicky, thanks goodness we have been calling you for a while now…are you okay?” Kevin asked tousling Nick’s hair.
“Now, I am…you wouldn’t believe all the weird things that just happened.”
“Pffft kid you don’t know the meaning of the word weird…” AJ said rolling his eyes and lighting up another cigarette.
“Yeah we still have little Hobbits doing a jig upstairs.
“Look what I have here…” Nick said carefully opening his jacket to show them Gizmo.
“What do you have there?”
“Giz…AWW now where did he go?”
Writer: I told you, he wasn’t yours to keep.
“You are SO cruel; first you take away my girlfriend now you take away my gremlin!
“Guys I think we should get out of here before anything else happens.” Howie said giving each of the boys a warning look.
“Or worse yet if Timberlake comes back.”
They all nodded in agreement and went for the last door, the only one that Nick hadn’t opened.
“You guys realize this is probably the end of the chapter right? And when the door opens something else is going to happen.”
“Probably D, but we need to go.”
“But what if we just decide not to open the door? Wouldn’t the story just have to end?”
Before anyone had a chance to answer that they heard a huge growl come from the end of the room where something was batting at the door it was trapped behind, desperately trying to break through.
“Guys, I suggest we go NOW! That was the Jurassic Park door!” Nick said growing antsy.
“But Nick didn’t you just hear what I said?” Howie asked just as a huge Raptor came charging through the door.
“AHHHH!” They all screamed as they opened the door and flung themselves through.
Hope you enjoyed! Maria will be back next week with the Alternate Universe chapter! :O)