The Evil Twin chapter
~By Mersey~
The moment Howie opened his eyes again, he realized that AJ had teleported them out of the fantasy chapter. He figured the other guys were not there yet so he decided to look around and hopefully figure out what the next genre would be. It was just a tiny room with nothing else but another door to go through.
Howie sighed. “I guess I’ll just have to wait for the guys to show up. I hope we’re not staying in this tiny room for this chapter, I’ll die being cramped in this tiny place with those four.”
“But that’s where you’re wrong Howie!” Bob the Roadie said.
“Holy cow! Where did you come from?”
“I have no idea but does that really matter?”
Howie shook his head. “I guess not?”
“You guessed right!” Bob the Roadie cheered and a buzz went off, signaling that Howie was correct. “Now listen carefully Howie, this is what you’ve won!”
Howie scratched his head. “I won something?”
“Yes you did!”
“Wow, this must be a really good chapter.”
“Now pay attention to this box right here.” Howie turned and found a mailbox that was decorated with purple fluorescent bulbs that blinked every two seconds. “In this box, you’ll find 2 envelopes, the first one is the magic words to send you back home and escape the wrath of the writers.”
“I’ll take that one!” Howie cried.
“But you don’t know what’s in envelope number two!”
“I don’t care! I want to go home!” Howie said excitedly. Free from the writer’s wrath, who wouldn’t want that?
“But I have to-”
“You don’t have to do anything, I chose this!”
Writer: Will you please just let him read that out loud? Obviously Bob is excited to be part of this great adventure unlike you guys.
Howie grinned. “You know what, since I’m in a good mood, why the heck not. Go ahead Bob, read the second envelope.”
Bob excitedly tore the second envelope, adjusted his hat and then read, “Your second choice is going through that door and having control over what happens in this chapter.”
That got Howie’s attention. “You mean you don’t have any control over anything?”
“I don’t know, I’m just here to read these to you.” Bob the Roadie said.
“I wasn’t talking to you Bob; I’m talking to the writer.” Howie explained and then looked up at the roof. “Well?”
Writer : Well, yeah, I guess.
“This is a tough decision.” Howie said. “I really am tired over searching for plots that fit us. I don’t think we’ll ever find one anyway. I think we should just go home.”
“But what about revenge Howie? What about getting back at them for making your life miserable?”
Bob scratched his head and started to back away slowly. Howie was being weird.
“I don’t know, I guess it doesn’t really matter since we’re going home.” Howie said. “But think about it! If you chose that door, you’ll get to boss them around and make Nick yodel!”
“Okay you’re scaring me.” Bob said. “Stop talking to yourself.”
“Who’s talking to himself?” Howie asked. “Yeah, who’s talking to whom?”
“Alrighty then, I’m out!” And with a click of the fingers, Bob was gone and Howie found himself holding hands with Brian to his left and AJ to his right in a circle.
“Woah, that’s some teleporting going on!” Nick said as he shook the dizziness away. “That was fun!”
“I’m sure it is for you Nick.” Kevin grumbled.
“Why does Kevin always have to grumble?” Nick asked.
“Why does Nick always have to whine?” Kevin asked.
“Why don’t the both of you just shut up?” Howie asked.
“Okay.” Both Kevin and Nick replied.
“Wow, that’s weird.” Brian said as he scratched his head.
“So where are we going?” AJ asked, absolutely bored now that he no longer possessed those powers of a nomad warrior.
“Through that door.” Howie pointed.
“Are you sure?” Brian asked. “Maybe we should just stay here for a bit, I’m still tired.”
“We’re going through that door now.” Howie said.
“Okay Howie, lets go.” Brian said as he approached the door. “Can I open it now?”
“Yes you may.” Howie replied. He waited for everyone to walk through the door before entering it himself. “This is not good. They’re my friends! But they made our hair purple Howie! And they laughed when we yodeled! Hmm…you’re right; I guess a little bit of payback wouldn’t be bad.”
Writer: Can we just move along now? God, you’re worse than me.
“Shush Writer! We’re controlling this chapter!”
Writer: So you said. Now move!
The moment they entered the door, the boys were greeted with the woods.
Kevin gasped. “Wow, how original.”
Writer: What? I –
“Kevin we’re on to chapter what now?”
“Do I look like I’m keeping count?” Kevin rebutted.
“Well, you are the anal one.” Nick pointed out as he tried to chase after a butterfly.
“We’re on to chapter eighteen now, should it really amuse you that woods seems to be the place of interest of these writers?”
Writer: Hey!
“Well, not if the woods have a freaking SPA in it!” AJ said excitedly as he found an area for manicure and pedicure.
“Woah!” Brian cried excitedly. "There's a freaking SWING and a JACUZZI!"
“What? Where?” Nick asked as he stopped chasing the butterfly that was now trying to land on Kevin’s nose.
“There, look!” Brian pointed out excitedly to the swing. “Hurry, we can swing off that thing and hit the jacuzzi!”
“Great,” Kevin grumbled. “I guess I should just go over to that massage lady and get myself a good massage.”
When everyone was deep in their own leisure, Howie had dilemmas of his own…
“I don’t think I can go through this, what do you mean you can’t? Don’t you want your little payback? Well, but they’re our friends…yes, and they also made fun of us! We want this Howie, trust me!”
Writer: Um, okay, can I have time out?
Good Howie and Evil Howie stopped talking and sighed at the sky. “Why don’t you take a break and go drink some coconut juice?”
Writer: Is this the good Howie or the bad Howie talking?
“Does it matter?”
Writer: *shrug* I just thought I’d ask.
“Bad Howie here, sup bitch?”
Writer: Nothing Satan just thought I’d point out that you’re supposed to be vengeful; why in the world did you create a spa in the middle of the woods?
“Why not? They’re our friends, they deserve some rest after all the poop you threw us into!”
Writer: Okay, I know this is ‘I’m such a wuss I’m not putting my head in that bucket of ice for Nick’s Corner’ Howie talking. But being an experienced writer, I just want to say that you’re not doing all that great in your vengeful task. I can still take over you know.
“I don’t give a doo doo if you think I’m a wuss, I’m smart!” Howie said. “Look, we know what we’re doing okay? Now go scram witch.”
The writer, seeing that the evil Howie was taking too much control, decided to just shut up and drink her coconut juice and put on some Hawaiian music.
“Woohoo! Brian look! I’m COOOMMMIIINNGGG!!” And whoosh! Nick was hanging by a rope and swinging back and forth until he let go and dropped into the huge Jacuzzi, where Brian was shampooing his hair.
“Scrub a dub Nicky!” Brian said in his sing-a-long voice.
“I don’t know about you Brian, but I think the writer is finally out of plots to write and she’s giving us a break!” Nick said as he scrubbed his body clean.
Writer: Woah, there’re topless Backstreet Boys in this chapter? Damn, I want to look! I promise I won’t get in your way Howies.
“Oh my God you’re such a slut.” Evil Howie said. “As long as you stay quiet writer, I’m okay with it.” Good Howie said.
“Wishy washy wash her clothes and squish squash she goes!” Nick sang as Brian whistled along.
Meanwhile, the goth looking nail painter was attending to AJ. “Goth Chick, why are you painting my fingernails with clear polish? I said black!”
“This is natural polish. It’ll go black once it's dried up.”
“Really? What brand is this? It’s so cool!”
“D Meister.” The Goth Chick replied.
“Eh? That’s odd.”
Not far from AJ, lies a half asleep Kevin, having a facial. A beautiful woman was massaging his face, promising him free of wrinkles and thinning eyebrows.
To say the least, everyone was enjoying themselves.
“Great, we can have our little own party Howie…yes I agree, lets do something special for us! Great, how about…hair moisturizer! Yes, that’s what we need! Going through 17 chapters of torture and stupid cheesy plots made our hair curl up much!”
Writer: Assholes.
“We heard that!” The Howies hissed.
Writer: Like I care.
And so it went on that way for a few hours. Everyone was truly happy, especially Howie. The last thing Howie remembered doing was caressing his silky newly trimmed hair and having a great conversation with his evil twin that no one else seemed to be able to see, when they heard AJ's blood curdling screams.
"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!" AJ screamed. "I'm BLEEDING!"
"I don't think that is what we want Howie," Howie said to his evil twin. "What? That's EXACTLY what we want! AJ looks good in red anyway."
Howie shook his head. "No no no, I just meant that as a way of speech, blood curdling screams, it doesn't really have to have blood, it's just gross!...it's NOT gross Howie, it's very, artistic, we like this!...No Howie, we have to cut that back from this scene, plus, blood means gory, kids under 16 aren't allowed to read our chapter that way, it's not good for publicity!...Ugh, okay fine, you win this one my good self!"
AJ stopped screaming long enough to notice the blood that he was bathing in magically disappeared. "Thank God, I thought I was pulling a Carrie there!" AJ said and then continued on screaming.
"What? What?" Kevin came rushing towards him. "Why are you screaming?"
"Look! Look at THIS!" AJ said as he pretty much shoved his fingers at Kevin's face. "It's PINK! My fingernails are PINK!"
"Man, just have them repainted!" Kevin winked. "Wait what?"
"I'm NOT letting that demented Goth chick come anywhere near my nails again!"
"Stop being over dramatic AJ." Kevin said and then winked again.
"Dude, what's up with all the winking? You're making MY eyes twitch!" AJ groaned.
"I don't know but it's NOT funny!" Kevin yelled at the sky.
Writer: 'SORRY, WRITER ON VACATION'
"What the hell! How can you be on vacation! What did you do to us?"
Writer: I did nothing
"I'm WINKING for Christ's sakes!" Kevin cussed.
"And my NAILS...ARE...PINK!" AJ interjected as he waved his newly dried nails to the sky.
Writer : Aww, I LOVE pink! Looks good on you AJ.
"Aaaaahhhhhhhh!!" Brian screamed as he jumped out of the jacuzzi and ran towards the guys.
Writer: Is he naked?
"No he's not witch."
Writer: Stop talking to me evil one.
"Brian! What happened to your-"
"HAIR!" AJ cried. "It's PURPLE!"
"I KNOW!" Brian yelled. "Whatever is in that shampoo turned my hair into...into...THIS!"
"Okay that's IT! I've had enough of this! You've gone too far now!" Kevin yelled.
Writer: *sigh* I told you boys, it wasn't me!
"And my hair's not purple!" Brian retorted.
"Um guys?" Nick said as he reached where the guys were standing. "Am I...purple?"
AJ started to laugh uncontrollably until he was heaving. "We have Barney!"
"Shut up AJ!" Nick yelled.
"Ok what chapter is this supposed to be?" Brian asked.
"I don't know but I bet Howie will come running soon enough with something purple on him."
"Well, he won't be complaining." AJ said. "He freaking loves purple."
"And he...winks." Kevin said. "Is this an ode to Howie chapter?"
"Dude there is NO such thing. Howie's the forgotten one in fanfics remember?" Nick said as he studied his new purple hands.
"Hey Nick!" AJ said.
"What?"
"I love you! You love me! We're one happy family...."
"AJ, run." Nick said, as he started to go after him. "I'm going to KEEEELLLL you!"
Kevin shook his head. "He's sounding like Howie too."
"Something's not right cousin. I'm not going anywhere until I find out what it is." Brian declared.
"Hey guys, nice hair Bri." Howie laughed.
"Shut up Howard." Brian snapped.
"Oh come on, you've been suffering for one chapter and you're complaining already? We've been ignored and bullied throughout, did you see us complaining?" Howies said.
"Actually, you have." Kevin pointed out. "And why are you referring to yourself as us?"
"What do you mean?" Howie asked. "Yeah, what the fuck are you trying to say?"
"Woah." Brian blinked. "Something's wrong with Howie."
"Nothing's wrong with US!"
"Who's US?" Brian frowned.
"Brian just leave it." Howie said. "Yeah, leave us the fuck alone."
"Okay Howie you're not making sense." Kevin said. It was during this time that Nick and AJ came back, with Bob the Roadie in between them.
"Bob the Roadie?" Brian asked.
"Who the heck is Bob the Roadie?" Kevin asked.
Writer: He's the guy who is always on the road with you guys.
"Really? How come we never knew about this?" Nick asked. "I just found him walking around in the woods."
Writer: Well, he only exist in fan fiction, he was once only a smiley with a cowboy hat though.
"You lost me." AJ said.
"Let me explain." Bob the Roadie said as he tipped his cowboy hat.
"Please." Kevin said.
"Well, this is the evil twin chapter, and Howie had an evil twin with him."
"So you mean, this is all Howie's doing?" AJ asked.
"Yes."
"Okay that's IT. Writer, you HAVE to make a door here so we can go to the next chapter. I am NOT going to wink anymore!" Kevin ordered.
"I don't want to leave!" Howie said.
"Evil Howie, shut up!" Brian yelled.
"Hey, don't talk to me like that!" Howie scolded.
"Sorry D, but your evil twin is getting on my nerves."
Howie moved to give Bob the Roadie a slap on the back of his head. "You just HAD to spill everything, didn't you?"
"Somebody ought to," Bob the roadie said. "Or we'll never see the next chapter."
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a door appeared, much to the joy of the four guys. Howie was still pouting. "I'm NOT going into that...AHHH!!"
Nick cracked his knuckles as a sign of victory after kicking Howie's butt through the door. "That feels good!"
"And with that, we have come to the end of the Evil Twin chapter. Till the next update, we say good bye and goodnight!"
Writer: Bob seriously, now you're just showing off.
I'll be back next Saturday with the Sequel/recap chapter lol ;O)
