And Then There Was Pepe… Say What?
The Foreign Language chapter
~ By (Just) Marina ~
Nuevamente Kevin no tenía idea donde estaba. Cuando abrió los ojos se encontró en el medio de lo que parecía una habitación de hotel pero no recordaba cómo había llegado ahí. Por supuesto ya nada le sorprendía en esta historia. Miró a su alrededor y se dio cuenta de que sus ‘hermanos’ no estaban con él. “Genial,” dijo en voz alta. “Otra vez nos ha separado”. No había terminado de hablar cuando la puerta se abrió y los otros cuatro entraron apurados.
“No entiendo nada de lo que está pasando,” le dijo Brian mostrando gran preocupación. “Okay wait.” Brian said to the ceiling. “Since when do I speak Spanish?”
“Spanish? So that’s it” Nick brought a hand to his chest. “Man, I thought I was going crazy since I couldn’t understand a single word,” he added after releasing a deep breath.
Writer: Sorry, English isn’t allowed now. This is the foreign language chapter so if you want to say something say it in Spanish.
“Pero yo no hablo español” Nick whined, then looked in astonishment to the other guys and gave them a big grin “Cool!”
“Okay muchachos esto no me gusta nada.” Howie comentó sintiéndose más nervioso que de costumbre en esta historia.
“Sí, entiendo lo que estás diciendo D. Es horrible no saber que es lo que uno está diciendo. Qué pasa si la escritora decide hacernos pasar por otra de sus locuras ahora que estamos medio mareados con este nuevo idioma?”
“Te refieres a alguna nueva tragedia. Ni lo digas Brian, ya sabemos que siempre soy yo la víctima. Ahora si que estoy asustado.” Nick comenzó a temblar. “Y por si fuera poco creo que estoy enfermo.”
“Cálmate Nick” Kevin le dijo acercándose a él y colocando un brazo sobre sus hombros. “No te preocupes, todo va a salir bien.” Hizo una pausa antes de continuar. “Hold on. Time out.”
Writer: You are obnoxious.
“Why am I hugging him? I don’t understand anything. For all I know this could be another slash chapter”
Writer: Jeez don’t be paranoid. You are hugging Nick because he is nervous and not feeling okay, nothing else. But if you want….
“No! Don’t you dare.”
Writer: Okay then let me go on.
“Why am I not feeling okay? I was feeling great. What’s with you girls wanting to get me sick all the time?”
Writer: Shut up Nick.
“With fans like these…” Nick rolled his eyes and took a seat on a couch deciding to ignore the writer who was already ignoring him.
Writer: Very mature Nick. Mimicking me while I’m talking.
“¿Alguien sabe dónde estamos?” AJ preguntó acercándose a una de las ventanas.
“Creo que estamos en Latinoamérica.” Brian contestó luego de acercarse a la misma ventana y tratando de reconocer exactamente en qué lugar estaban.
“Reconoces algo?” Kevin preguntó.
“No en la calle pero creo reconocer el hotel de alguna de nuestras giras,” respondió su primo alejándose de la ventana y tomando asiento en el sillón junto a Nick quien estaba jugando con un cenicero.
“Sí, creo que es muy probable que estemos en Latinoamérica.” Kevin seguía tratando de encontrar algo que les permitiera saber dónde estaban exactamente y daba vueltas por la habitación revisando todo mientras hablaba. “Porque si es un fanfic en otro idioma lo más probable es que quiera acercarnos a otra cultura. Quizá ella es argentina y quiere un fanfic en el que uno de nosotros conoce a una chicha argentina y se enamora o algo así.”
“Pero ya pasamos por el capítulo romántico.” Brian le recordó.
“Claro, pero también pasamos por el médico y ahora resulta que me quieren enfermar de nuevo.” Nick susurró mostrando en su rostro su desagrado con el capítulo y sin levantar la mirada del cenicero.
“Exacto.” Kevin le dio la razón. “Nunca se sabe con estas escritoras. Lo único que me atrevería a asegurar es que estamos en un país donde se habla español.”
“Brasil?” Nick trató de adivinar dejando el cenicero nuevamente en la mesa que estaba frente a él.
“Nick, en Brasil no hablan español.” AJ lo corrigió sonriendo.
“Estás seguro?” Nick preguntó mirando uno a uno a los otros cuatro quienes al notar la confusión en su rostro empezaron a reír.
“Why are they laughing at me?” he pouted.
Writer: Because you said something dumb.”
“How could I say something dumb when I DON’T SPEAK SPANISH!”
Writer: There’s no need for yelling Mr. ‘people in Spain speak Spanish’.
“See, that proves what I’ve been saying all the time. That you are the one making me say stupid things.”
Writer: Whatever. Can I go on?
“No! At least let D translate it for us.”
Writer: You might end up more confused if I do that. No offense Howie, but sometimes it looks like Brian understands more Spanish than you.
“I’m just half Latin.” Howie defended himself.
Writer: Either way. And stop interrupting me. Where we were?
“We were just coming to the conclusion that this chapter sucks. But then there’s nothing strange there, considering your previous chapters.” Kevin was standing in the middle of the room, arms crossed in front of him, looking at the ceiling. “They all suck, it’s just that this one is the worst” he had time to growl just before he started to unbutton his shirt.
“Muchachos hace mucho calor acá creo que me voy a la piscina,” dijo desvistiéndose súbitamente frente a la mirada atónita del resto del grupo. “Time out. What the hell am I doing?” he yelled picking up his shirt from the floor where he had throw all his clothes and covering himself.
“Jeez, have some decency Kevin, what’s with the sudden striptease?” AJ was laughing as much as the rest of the guys.
“I think she mentioned something about a pool” Howie said not really convinced of what he had heard and still confused by Kevin’s strange behavior.
“Nude?! I usually use a swimsuit when I go swimming, thank you very much. Or this is a nudist hotel?” Kevin’s face was red but more from anger than from having taken off his clothes in front of everybody.
“See, maybe we are in Rio. There are a lot of nudist beaches there” Nick grinned.
“And that of course you know.” AJ said taking a seat next to Nick and playfully smacking him upside the head. “You don’t know the capital from any country but of course you have to know which places have nudist beaches.”
“It’s a gift.” Nick grinned, eyebrows waggling.
“So are you going to tell me what that was?” Kevin kept yelling to the ceiling now fully dressed. “Why did you make me take off my clothes?”
Writer: That was for saying that my chapter sucks.
“But it does,” he said and her hand went immediately to the buttons of his shirt. “Wait! Wait! Okay sorry. It doesn’t suck…”
Writer: Much better.
Writer: I’ll ignore that last remark but just because I want to finish my story fast.
“So how about writing the rest of this thing in a language we know?” AJ interrupted them.
Writer: You all? That’s impossible. Not even if I make it in English considering Nick’s vocabulary. ‘I resign in Florida’ anyone?
“Haha. Very funny…NOT!”
“Come on. Drop the Spanish please.” Kevin tried to convince the writer with a smile.
Writer: Okay, I’ll do it. Sprichst du Deutsh Kevin?”
“Ein bisschen,” he quickly replied but regretted it the minute the words left his mouth. “Please not German.”
Writer: Oh come on, nur ein bisschen? Well, it doesn’t matter either way because now I really think I should write this chapter in German. It’s not only that I like the language but we have to consider that you have lots of German fans, which could bring new readers to this story.
Alle nickten zustimmend.
“Du hast recht,” sagte Brian.
“Das ist mir egal. Ich bin eigentlich besorgt, Brian. Was sollen wir jetzt machen?” fragte AJ.
“Villeicht sollen wir raus gehen” Brian antwortete.
“Hey, Ich finde die Idee nicht schlecht.” Kevin näherte sich der Tür. “Halt, I mean, stop!” He shouted realizing what he was doing. “Where are we going? I’m not leaving this place without knowing what’s going on.”
Writer: Well I changed it to German for you to understand.
“The only thing I understood was the word Tür and just because I was walking to the door. I’m not German!”
Writer: Stop yelling at me. And how come you don’t speak German after all those years in Germany?
“I told you I speak some, not enough.” Kevin was completely exasperated now.
Writer: So that’s it. Am I supposed to forget about my foreign language chapter because you don’t know languages? You have an idea how much this chapter meant to me? No, of course not. All you care about is you. You don’t care that for once I was happy thinking that I could finish my chapter on time since it would be easier for me to write it in Spanish or German. I could put the things I really wanted without getting a headache.
“I’m the one having a headache” Brian complained.
Writer: See, you keep interrupting me. You don’t care that I’m having the hardest time trying to keep on with this story *cries*
“Sorry. Go on,” Brian blushed hearing the writer cry.
Writer: No, it’s too late now. The moment is gone. I lost the flow and now I’m probably getting another writer’s block.
“Como on, you can do it,” Howie tried to cheer her up feeling sorry for her.
Writer: No, forget it. And it’s your fault. Because of you guys this chapter once again won’t be finished on time.
The boys looked at each other not knowing what was happening since it seemed someone else that they couldn’t see was laughing. Nick and AJ exchanged a look fearing that the writer was pulling a Howie and showing her evil twin personality or something.
Another Writer (still laughing): Come on. You won’t have a chapter on time no matter the language.
Writer (or Writer Number 1 if you are confused): What are you doing in my chapter?
Another Writer (Writer Number 2 for the confused peeps out there): Just pointing out the obvious.
“I think is the crazy duck writer. You know, the girl that loves poultry.” Nick whispered to AJ.
Writer: Yes, I know, I’m taking too much time to write my chapters but…
Another Writer (interrupting her): Yes, and that’s not good for the story. And I’m not sure if I get this chapter, considering that I didn’t understand half of it.
“You too,” Nick exclaimed. “Great at least one of you is not completely crazy.”
Writer: Excuse me. She is the poultry lover.
“Oh right” Nick bite his bottom lip.
Another Writer: Hey, leave my poultry alone.
“Are they fighting?” Brian asked Kevin in a whisper.
“I don’t know. It certainly looks like it. Hey maybe they’ll fight and leave us alone.”
Another writer: And you know my poultry makes people laugh. You are making them speak Spanish when they don’t understand that language.
“Well, I have to confess that I do know some Spanish.” Nick interrupted her. “See I have this friend Pepe and we always…”
“Oh oh. I think that’s the third one.” Brian said looking at the ceiling.
“Why is she laughing?”
And Yet Another Writer (yes...you got it...that would be Writer Number 3): He said Pepe. *laughs even more*
The boys looked at each other extremely confused.
“I think this is the craziest one.” AJ said lighting a cigarette.
And Yet Another Writer: Hey!
Writer: Okay, what the heck are you both doing here?
Another Writer: Well, you didn’t seem to be finishing this chapter in this life time so I had to come here to make sure you are working on it.
Writer: How about you?
And Yet Another Writer: Me? Well he said Pepe. *giggling*
Writer: Is not like it’s the first time. He had said Pepe before.
And Yet Another Writer: Not in front of me.
Writer: He didn’t say it in front of you BECAUSE YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSE TO BE HERE!
“All this just because I said Pepe?” Nick asked to the ceiling.
“Somebody called me?” A funny extremely short guy with a green, yellow and red Mexican mariachi hat and a trumpet in one hand asked entering the room. “Oh wait. I should speak in another language, right? Alguinski calli mio?”
“Who are you?” Nick asked him taking a couple of steps back till he was standing behind Kevin. This little guy was making him nervous.
“No, you are not.”
And Yet Another Writer: Pepe! Okay, it's bad enough you keep us waiting with your chapter, you HAVE to steal Pepe away from me! You KNOW he's my source of inspiration! My funny muse! My THING to make sure I'm NEVER late, just *almost* in time from my deadline. My damn MOJO! How can you even play with the idea that it's OKAY to take Pepe away from me?"
And Yet Another Writer: That's right, you're lost for words now! I'm taking back your 1 month supply of cookies and your life size pin up Kevin poster!
"Excuse me?" Kevin interrupted.
And Yet Another Writer: Not now Kevin, you're NOT getting a time out!
Another Writer: And that battery operated chicken, take that away too!
Another Writer: What?
Writer: You know you are the only one that has one of those, right?
Another Writer: Oh right. I got carried away by the moment.
“Am I the only one who doesn’t understand a thing of what’s going on?” AJ asked to the other boys.
“Man I think I understood more when this thing was in Spanish.” Kevin replied.
And Yet Another Writer. How dare you to take Pepe.
Writer: May I speak now?
And Yet Another Writer: What do you have to say? Are you giving us another excuse?
Writer: But I didn’t bring Pepe here.
And Yet Another Writer: You didn’t? Then who..?
*Sound of foot tapping*
Another Writer: Okay, I’ll admit it. It was me. I thought your chapter was lacking some emotion. Especially because… I can’t understand half of it! So it was Pepe or a chicken in a mariachi hat.
Writer: I should have suspected it the minute Pepe spoke up. What language is that?
Another Writer: The language you should have used in this chapter so you could have finished it 7 weeks ago like you should have.
And Yet Another Writer: I’m taking Pepe with me.
Writer: Wait mers…
“Wait! Did you just call her mers?” Howie asked to the ceiling practically pointing a finger to it. “Is that her name?”
Writer: Mers? No,…of course…of course not. I said… I said merci. Yes! Merci, that’s what I said, as in thank you for coming *whistles* It’s French you know, which takes me back to foreign languages…. which takes me back to my chapter that you are interrupting. And… you know what… *whispering* stop looking at me girls. It’s your fault for coming here* *whistles even more* Look a door!
Silence and confused faces
Writer: Didn’t you hear me? There's your saving door right behind you. Go on guys! I give up.
The boys looked at each other, looked at the door and ran to it trying to escape from the crazier than ever writers.
Thanks for reading! Mersey will be back on Saturday with a new chapter!