Disappearing Teenies, an Angry Nick and One Tree Falling Axe Man
(AKA The suspense Chapter)
Ever since we left the boys with a group of Spice Girls wannabes, a lot had changed. For one, Kevin had finally let his guard down and was now locked in a very healthy conversation about trees with Kelly. It made him feel bad for flicking off the tree back there.
“I so did not!” Kevin protested, talking to the roof.
“Were you talking to the roof Kevin?” Kelly asked, weirded out. Kevin, realizing he couldn’t win and was at the whim of the writer, brushed it off and continued his conversation with Kelly.
“I hate staying here, the air is so dry, and it’s giving me split ends! So where were you guys going anyway?” Heidi asked Howie flirtatiously.
“I’m not sure really, before we met Nicole, I almost died! I think my hair is curling up again, I hate it here too.” Howie replied, running his fingers through his hair.
“What? You almost died? Poor thing! What happened? I think I have a straightening cream somewhere in my bag.”
Heidi went through her bag and found the straightening cream. Everything else seemed to fade away in Howie’s eye.
“I think I’m in love with you.”
Meanwhile, somewhere in a corner, Brian was preaching about finding oneself to Brianna while constantly trying to stop her legs from moving too much and showing him more than he should be seeing.
“I’m thinking of getting another tattoo, maybe a star.” Alex said, showing her ankle. “Maybe have it here.”
“Cool! I got a star myself. Least painful of the lot.” AJ replied. “What do you think of skulls?”
“I think they rock.” Alex said as she touched the one on AJ’s neck. “That is one scary neck vein.”
“Girls find that sexy.” AJ pointed out in his husky voice.
“Well…I’m not just any other girl AJ.”
AJ, ever the serial engager, felt that the timing was right to pop the question. “Will you marry me?”
Brianna was bored with Brian’s preaching and felt the change of subject necessary. If only she could convince Brian that she’s the one for him, she’d do anything to marry this Backstreet Boy, the prospect of being in the limelight and having his credit cards was just the thing she needed right now. And she knew that the best way to approach this was to be subtle and win his heart.
“I wonder what Nick and Nicole are doing in there.” Brianna said, eyeing the closed door. The creaking of the bed led to a lot of pictures in Brian’s head.
“Oh great. I worry about him you know? He just met her!”
“I know. I feel the same way about Nicole. I always remind her that as a young woman, we should have some self-respect. I may dress this way but I don’t believe in sexual intimacy when I barely know a guy.”
Brian smiled widely. “You know what, let’s go in there and talk to them. It’s still not too late to save their souls.”
Realizing this is an opportunity to get into his good books, Brianna agreed.
The door was unlocked to Brian’s surprise.
So there they were, Nicole and Nick, doing star jumps on the bed. Fully clothed too [get your mind out of the gutter!]. They were giggling and trying to touch the ceiling.
“Nick, what are you doing?”
“Playing star jumps. Wanna join?” Nick asked, still jumping.
“No I don’t want to join. You should stop; it’s not nice jumping on people’s beds.” Brian pointed out.
“She’s not just some random people Brian, she’s my girlfriend!” Nick grinned.
“You’re what?” Brian almost yelled. “Nick bro, you just met her TODAY.”
“And it’s love at first sight. Right Ni-” Nick stopped jumping, for some reason; Nicole wasn’t on the bed with him. “Where did she go?”
He jumped down from the bed and started looking underneath it. “Nicole?”
“Nick come on, she’s not under there.” Brian said.
Nick looked up, thinking Nicole had jumped too high and shot out of the roof, but the roof was still intact. Meanwhile, AJ, Howie and Kevin came rushing into the room.
“Something’s wrong guys, the girls just disappeared into thin air!” AJ exclaimed.
Brian looked around and couldn’t find Brianna. That’s weird; he swore she was standing right next to him.
“Heidi left with the hair cream!” Howie cried hysterically.
“Man, Kelly was about to sign the save the trees petition.” Kevin sighed.
“Yadayadayada…lets focus on the important thing here, NICOLE is missing! My GIRLFRIEND is missing!”
Kevin, ever the sensible one, realized something was amiss. People don’t just disappear into thin air. After raising about a quarter of an eyebrow, he figured it out.
“I know it! This is the stupid tree’s doing!”
Brian thought his first cousin was crazy. AJ thought all the tree talk was too much. Howie was still missing the hair cream to care much about Kevin’s outburst. Nick cared A LOT.
Nick was about to burst but felt uncomfortable unless he had a tree to yell at, so he surprised everyone when he jolted out of the room, passed the living room and into the woods. It also made Nick a little confused because now, there were too many trees to yell at.
“I’m NOT confused and you know what? I LOVE it! I’m going to yell at every single one of you!” Nick said, waving his finger to all the trees within his vision.
“You want to ruin my life? Sure, go ahead, I’m used to it! But how DARE you take away my girlfriend! How dare you! And…and…in the middle of a freaking star jump!”
The rest of the guys had reached where Nick was by now and everyone was worried by Nick’s irrational behavior. Well okay, everyone except Howie, who was still mourning over the hair cream.
“Nick, come back inside buddy, and don’t talk to the trees!” AJ yelled. “That’s…insane!”
“You KNOW these trees talk AJ, you’ve heard it earlier! I’m not scared of some stupid trees. Now look, bring back my girlfriend or I will not participate in this stupid fiction plot of yours!”
Writer: Okay look, I’m NOT a tree!
If AJ was drinking, he would have spit it out. “Afraid of something that’s not even there? Crap!”
Writer: Right. You can’t see air but damn well need it to live. Same difference.
AJ was too slow to understand.
Brian scratched his head. “Um guys, I’m totally lost. Weren’t we supposed to be somewhere before we even met those girls?”
“I don’t know, I can’t think straight.” Howie grumbled.
“Look, we can’t just let these invisible writers rule us! I want my girlfriend back!”
“Nick, what is it with you and that chick? You’ve only known her for not even a day!” Kevin asked.
“Kevin, it’s called LOVE. I promised her I’d get her group a recording contract so they can open for our shows. And then we’ll get married, have babies and be the most popular celebrity couple EVER.” Nick pointed out the obvious.
Brian frowned. “But Nick, you’ve tried that TWICE, it didn’t work out well, remember?”
“This time it’s different, I knew it! And it’s all the trees’ fault!”
Writer: Okay you know what, you guys just asked for it!
Howie scratched his head but before he could say anything, something, or rather, someone, fell from one of the trees and landed gracefully on the ground. But he was anything but graceful. The axe in his hand was real enough to send fear through all of them.
“Hey, you the axe man? How about chopping down all these stupid trees for us?”
“Do I look like someone who chops trees?” The man growled.
Nick looked at the other guys. They all shrugged in unison. “Well, yeah.”
“Well I’m not.” The man smiled, his yellow teeth alone could blind Nick forever. “But I am your worst fear.”
Kevin held his right hand up and stepped in front of Nick. “Actually, my biggest fear is balding.”
“Yeah, mine is relapsing on my sobriety thing, because I’m 2 years and 7 months sober now.” AJ grinned.
“Good for you AJ.” Brian pat him on the back.
Howie stepped in, momentarily forgetting about the hair cream. “And mine is a-”
“That’s enough! I don’t care what your stupid fears are!” The man roared. “I’m the bad guy in all adventure/suspense fictions. I’m here to kill all of you!” He raised the axe above his head, aiming at Nick.
Brian immediately stepped in front of him and yelled at the man to stop. “Wait! You’re not doing it right! You have to at least chase us around the woods before you kill us! Play fair now!”
The bad guy rolled his eyes and put his axe down. “Ten seconds is all you got.”
“Okay thanks!” Brian said, ever so polite.
The guys backed away slowly, counted to three, and ran into the wilderness, never once looking back.
Howie was leading the pack, something he wasn’t sure he could do. He wished Kevin was in front of him, as always. While running aimlessly in the woods, he recalled what the writer said about them asking for it. He still couldn’t figure out which one of the guys had asked for an axe murderer.
“Guys, I found a cave!” AJ yelled at the back. It got Howie to stop long enough to turn back and find AJ.
“Cave in the woods?” Brian asked, puzzled.
“Who cares, it’s a place to hide!” Howie exclaimed, already making a run for it.
“Wait, what if there are bears?” Brian yelled. No one heard him so he made a run for it too.
Meanwhile, Nick was lagging behind and Kevin was trying to get the young man to fasten his pace.
“Quick Nick, AJ found a cave; we can rest when we get there!”
“I’m running! Go ahead, I’ll catch up!” Nick panted. Truth be told, Nick could outrun any of the guys on his good days, but he had spent his energy on star jumps earlier and his legs were beginning to cramp on him. But if given the chance to turn back time, Nick wouldn’t change anything. Doing star jumps with the love of his life Nicole was one of those precious moments in his life.
Nicole…Nick wondered where that bubbly, sexy girl disappeared to. He missed her so much that it hurt his heart to even think about it. Never mind if running for your life could have done that to his heart.
This slight distraction about his missing girlfriend caused him to miss the huge root of a gigantic tree that snaked underneath overgrown weeds and dried leaves. His left foot caught under it and caused him to fall and kiss the earth. Kevin would have been proud at his loving Mother Nature act.
His head hit a rock, which wasn’t a good thing since he already bumped it when the tire went flat back there when Nicole lost control of the truck. Speaking of Nicole, Nick missed her, SO much.
“I do believe everyone gets that by now, thanks.” Nick said.
Writer: Your attitude needs to be checked.
Everything was blurry to him. He couldn’t hear Kevin or any of the guys and the trees looked like they were falling on him, one by one. Nick also knew his head was bleeding by now and wanted nothing more than to lose consciousness, but he knew he had to get up and run.
“No, I really just want to pass out.” Nick mumbled.
Writer: No, you’re getting up and running.
“I hope you never get any nominations for this story because you’re a very mean writer!”
Nick got up but realized he couldn’t do just that. His foot was still stuck under the huge root!
“Guys! A little help!” Nick yelled. Soon after he did that, he realized he shouldn’t be yelling, the axe man could hear him.
“Damn straight.” The axe man said, jumping down from a tree in front of him.
Nick groaned. “What is it with you and trees?”
“That’s the least of your concerns Nicky. I’m going to hack you to death and there’s nothing you can do about it now! Buahahahahaha!”
“Oh yeah?” Nick yelled defiantly.
“Yeah!” The axe man yelled.
“Well, you can’t kill me!”
Now the axe man was amused. “And why not?”
“Yes?” The axe man snickered, now sharpening his axe.
“Because…um…” Nick tried to find something smart to say but he found nothing. What was stopping the axe man from hacking him into millions of pieces and feeding him off to the birds?
“Because I said so!”
Nick looked up and found Kevin now standing next to him with a gun in his hand. Nick wished Kevin had used it to break the root into pieces and free him. Another minute lying on the ground and he could die from red ants eating his butt.
The axe man stopped sharpening his axe and now looked utterly mad. “What the hell? You can’t have a gun!”
Writer: That’s right; you can’t have a gun Kevin!
The axe man was furious now. “You didn’t even know Kevin had a gun? What kind of a writer are you!”
Writer: Shut up axe man
“Yeah well, I have a gun now, and I’m not afraid to use it!”
Nick looked at the gun in Kevin’s hand. It was green in color, which in itself, was weird. There was a logo at the corner, which for now; Nick couldn’t make out what it was. He blamed this on his blurry vision still.
“I’m not afraid to use this axe too!” And with that, the axe man raised his arm and brought down the axe on Nick.
“Gaahhh!!” Nick screamed.
But the blow never come. Instead, he heard a gun laser shot. The sound reminding him so much of those PSP games. The axe man dropped his axe and fell to the ground next to Nick.
“He’s dead?” Nick asked.
“I guess so.” Kevin said. Now he aimed the gun to the root and took aim before shooting. Nick’s leg was free in matter of seconds. Kevin pulled him up and Nick almost jumped on him, giving him a hug in gratitude.
“Kevin, is that a laser gun you got there?” Nick asked.
“Yeah, I guess so.” Kevin replied. “Cool huh?”
“It is! Where did you get it?”
“I’m not sure. I mean, I just kept searching for something in my pocket and found this.”
“Well, I guess the writer has big plans for us, who knows?” Nick said.
“Maybe she didn’t want you killed…yet.”
“Maybe. But it’s still a little stupid though. I mean, what kind of story is this? All of a sudden, you had a laser gun on you? I bet they faced a block and had no other choice.”
There was lightning in the sky and then claps of thunder, signaling that a storm was about to gather. They could hear AJ, Brian and Howie yelling to them to take cover in the cave.
“Nick please, next time you feel like talking crap about the writers, don’t.”
Hope you enjoyed lol i'll be back next week with a slash chapter...yes that's right I said slash and yes I sais ME as in Mare, hehehe