Is it a rocket? Is it a star? It’s my hand dumbass!
~The Sci fi Chapter by (Just)Marina~
Kevin bravely took control of the situation.
“Brian, go to the window, check what’s going on out there.”
“Okay!” Brian replied following the command but stopped abruptly and looked to Kevin, noticing that they weren’t in the dark anymore.
“The window?” he asked. “This is a cave. Caves don’t have windows.”
“Well, this one apparently has a lot.” AJ pointed over Brian’s shoulder.
Brian looked around realizing the place they were in didn’t look like a cave anymore. This place was full of colorful, almost blinding, lights.
“Brian, I gave you an order.” Kevin’s strong voice echoed like thunder around the room.
“Yes sir,” Brian saluted his cousin and turned around to walk to the window but stopped once again. “Yes sir? Yes sir? What the heck!”
“We are losing power, captain,” Howie said from his place in front of the control panel. “Since when do caves have control panels?” Howie asked the ceiling of the ship.
“The ship? We are in a ship?” Brian was mesmerized.
“Cool!” Nick yelled.
“And who the hell is this captain I’m talking to?” Howie stood up not even remembering having taken a seat there.
“Probably me,” AJ replied noticing he wasn’t wearing the same clothes anymore but something that looked like a military uniform.
“Oh my god!” Brian yelled at the same time trying to hug the wall “We are in outer space. I think I’m getting sick.” At his side, Nick found a helmet and was playing with it.
“Brian calm down,” Kevin said. “You are an expert pilot, you don’t get sick flying.”
“I’m not an expert pilot.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Kevin, I think I would remember something like that…oh wait….Cool!” He said smiling releasing the wall and walking to the center of the room. “Wow, I think I’m pretty good, and some kind of hero.”
“We all are.” Howie added doubting it for a second.
“Isn’t it weird that we have all these memories of aliens and spaceships now?”
“Tell me about it,” Kevin replied. “But at the same time I’m so relieved that the last chapter didn’t come with the memories.”
“Why?” Brian asked.
“You wouldn’t get it.” He looked at Nick who dropped the helmet to the floor nervously.
“Be careful Nick” AJ scolded him. “That’s a flight-control helmet, those are expensive….aren’t they?” He stopped for a minute “What the hell is a flight-control helmet?” he whispered just to give a shrug of indifference a second later as he kept checking his uniform. “Hey guys have you noticed all the cool things these uniforms have? Look, I have a gun.”
“Hey, it looks like the one you used on that axe man Kevin.”
“Yes it does.” Kevin was checking his own gun. “Mine looks bigger now but is still nice.”
“And look at this belt” AJ continued. “It’s full of pockets with really interesting things, some of them I really have no idea what they are for, but they all look cool,” he said taking out a small silver sphere from one of the pockets.
“What’s that silver ball?” Nick came close to him.
“No idea.” AJ put it back in the pocket while Nick decided to check his own uniform.
“Hey I got one too,” he said showing his little sphere to AJ, but AJ wasn’t paying attention to him, having just pulled out a long object from the front pocket of his jacket.
“What the heck?” Everyone looked at AJ and noticed the familiar shape of the object in his hands “Why the hell do I have a dildo in my pocket? Okay this isn’t mine.” AJ threw it to Nick who caught it in the air.
“Why the hell are you giving it to me?”
“Whatever it is, that’s probably yours Kaos.”
Everyone was staring now at Nick and Kevin who happened to just be standing next to each other.
“Why are you looking at me?” Kevin asked.
AJ just shrugged and smiled while Brian and Howie shook their heads.
“Idiots” Kevin murmured taking a couple of steps back to get away from Nick.
“Hey!” Nick said when a light came out from the dildo-shaped object. “Dumbass it is a sword, a light sword.”
“You mean like a Jedi one?”
“Well, it still has the strangest handle ever, so I don’t want it,” the tattooed man replied putting on some shades that he had also found in one of his pockets.
“I’ll keep it. I like it.”
“Figures.” AJ laughed.
“Would you stop with the insinuations, it’s not funny anymore.”
“Sorry bro. You know I’m kidding. Okay give me the sword.”
“No, it’s mine now.”
“Nick, there’s a reason why you didn’t have one to begin with.”
“Yes, the reason is that there’s a crazy jackass writing this story.”
“Nick, don’t say jackass to a lady.” Kevin reprimanded him.
“A lady? Why are you defending her? You gave ‘the lady’ the finger, remember?”
“Well that’s when I thought she was a tree.”
“Either way, are we sure it’s a girl?” Brian asked looking at the ceiling “I have noticed she changes her voice a lot, maybe it’s a guy trying to sound like a girl.”
“Do you know many guys write Backstreet fan fiction Brian?” Nick asked.
“I don’t know anyone who writes Backstreet fan fiction.”
“Well I thought we have already agreed they were different writers.” Nick continued.
“You mean like a collaboration?” AJ jumped into the conversation. “That explains all the stupid ideas and changes of genre. They can’t even reach an agreement.”
“Yes they suck. Especially whoever is writing this part. Jackass!” Nick yelled to the ceiling.
Writer: That’s it! No reason to insult me blondie, you better watch your words or I’ll make you meet the Howl crawlers sooner that I have planned it.”
“Great Nick. I don’t want to meet any Howl crawlers.” Howie elbowed him.
“I don’t even want to know what a Howl crawler is.” Brian added when suddenly the ship got hit by something and the explosion that followed the crash made them fall to the floor.
“Too late” AJ replied trying to get up but another hard shake from the ship stopped him. “Shit!”
“Okay everyone to their positions,” Kevin managed to reach the captain’s seat and take control of the ship.
AJ took the seat at his side. “We were hit cap… cap… okay there’s no way in hell I’ll call Kevin captain so stop trying!” AJ shouted to the ceiling. The rest of the guys were already in their seats.
“We need to make an emergency landing.” Kevin continued, ignoring AJ. “Nick put the RP3 system in full rotation and clear the range path for the stabilizers.”
“Done… I think.”
“Howie, full emergency speed, and don’t forget to check the attitude inertial reference unit.”
“Brian…Brian?” Kevin said noticing Brian’s seat was empty and turning around just to find Brian hugging the table in the middle of the room. “What the hell are you doing there?”
“I don’t care what kind of memories or experiences they put in my mind. I’m not flying this thing.” Kevin sighed and shook his head and went back to concentrate on the controls of the ship.
“AJ they are still behind us. You have to launch the missiles.”
“I just did it and I missed.”
“Damn! Then little planet in the middle of nowhere, here we go.”
“Did you say something Howie?”
“Gesundheit?” AJ replied.
“I didn’t sneeze. I said that the planet’s name is Alfpron, according to my navigation maps.”
“Okay, then Alfpron here we come. Everybody fasten your seatbelts.”
“Hey I don’t have a seatbelt here” Brian panicked.
“Then hug your table Rok”
The landing was extremely dangerous. They hit land so hard that some apparatus and systems stopped working and for a moment it looked like they weren’t going to survive the impact, but thanks to Kevin and Howie’s amazing pilot skills the ship was finally stabilized.
“Are we alive?” Brian asked opening his eyes.
“Yes we are Brian and we need to leave the ship. We are a clear target here.”
“Everybody take their emergency backpacks.” AJ said already adjusting one to his back and walking to the gate of the ship. “You know, this could be the chapter were our bus breaks down and we get lost in the woods, except instead of a bus we have a spaceship and instead of the woods….” The gate opened revealing nothing more than sand surrounding them “the fuckin’ alien Sahara desert.” He took a deep breath. “Shit and I didn’t bring my sunscreen.”
“Lets go” Kevin passed him by taking the lead of the group.
“Man this place is hot. I want to go back to Earth.” Brian complained taking off his jacket and running to catch the others guys when he noticed they had left him behind.
Our heroes hadn’t walked more than 10 minutes when a bright light illuminated the horizon.
“Nick would you stop giggling every time she call us heroes.”
“Sorry but it’s funny. And what did she say about a bright light? Everything is already lit.”
“I think she is referring to that line over there.” Brian took Nick’s face in his hands and made him look to the right pointing to a silver line in the sky.
“Oh, okay I get it, but you have to accept it wasn’t the best description, considering this place is so damn bright. Does this place have two suns or something like that?”
“Yes.” AJ replied pointing to his left where Nick saw a second sun.
“Okay that was done before. Tatooine has two suns.”
“Yes I noticed that.” AJ smiled.
“What is Tatooine?” Howie asked.
“Anakin and Luke Skywalker’s planet, Howie.”
“Everybody knows that. Another planet with two suns is lame. This writer has no imagination; she is stealing George Lucas ideas.”
“Shh Nick. Don’t make her mad again, I don’t’ want to see those… What did she call them? Brian asked nobody in particular. “Night crawlers?”
“Would you stop chatting and walk faster?!” Kevin ordered them from his place in front of the group. “In case you didn’t notice that silver line in the sky was made by a Howl crawler ship landing. They are following us now and they have land vehicles so we need to reach the mountains before they track us.”
“Why don’t we have a land vehicle, aren’t we rich?” Nick rolled his eyes at his own comment. “Okay I’m really not that dumb this writer hates me and is giving me the most stupid lines.”
“Yeah right Nick.” Brian patted him on the back.
They kept walking faster and once they were about to get into the rocky side of the planet, just on the base of the mountains, they noticed a vehicle approaching them.
“That vehicle is tiny. I don’t think there are many Howl crawlers inside.” AJ pointed out shielding his eyes from the suns with his left hand.
“Maybe the Howl crawlers are all Howie-size.”
“Ha ha Nick” Howie rolled his eyes.
“You think we should fight?” Kevin asked AJ, giving Nick a threatening look at the same time, a look that would tell Nick to stop joking around.
“Well, we are five and we are armed.” AJ replied.
“Yes, I guess you are right, but better climb a little, those rocks will give us an advantageous position.”
They had just begun to climb the mountain when the shots started.
They all jumped behind the big rocks trying to protect themselves from the lasers.
“Nick, are you okay?” Kevin yelled since he had lost sight of his little brother.
“I am.” Came Nick’s reply. “And I think I could hit them from here. I have their vehicle right in my sight. We won’t have a better opportunity.”
“Great, then do it.”
Nick only needed one shot and the land vehicle blew up in the air.
“Wow! That was great bro.”
“Great shot Nick.” AJ said taking off his glasses to take a better look at the destroyed vehicle. Brian stood up shaking off the dirt from his clothes, he and Howie had literally dived in the sand behind some rocks when the shots first started and they were now covered in the yellowish soil. They put off their guns and were on their way to Nick when they heard the distinctive sound of guns getting ready to shoot.
“Drop your weapons!” someone yelled.
They all turned around to find 20 Howl crawler soldiers behind them. A creepy laugh emerged from the group sending shivers down the boys’ spines. A couple of soldiers took a step to their sides and in front of them appeared the dark figure of Lord Nohajevian
“Darth Vader!” Nick exclaimed.
Writer: That’s not Darth Vader, that’s Lord Nohajevian.
Nick: That’s Darth Vader. The black suit, the helmet. You are not very original, are you?
Writer: That’s Lord Nohajevian. Are you accusing me of ripping off someone else’s story? I’m not even a Star Wars fan.
“Well, that’s Darth Vader.”
Writer: That’s not Darth Vader!!!
“Okay he isn’t Darth Vader; he is his long lost twin brother Varth Daver”
Writer: You….you….ugh! Now you will see.
Lord Nohajevian took a step closer and looking at Nick raising his hand.
“Let me guess? He is choking me to death with his telepathic powers?”
“Nick, shut up!” Kevin hit him on the head.
“You are coming with me kid” Lord Nohajevian told Nick. “You will come with me or your friends will die.”
“He isn’t going anywhere.” Brian said defiantly putting a hand in front of Nick in a defensive gesture. Kevin’s hand was over his gun holster.
“Don’t even try it boy. I’m faster than you. And didn’t I tell you to drop all your weapons?”
“Yes, Kevin don’t try anything stupid.” Nick released himself from Brian and stood beside Kevin. “He was faster than Han Solo and Han Solo is like the fastest shot ever. You won’t have a chance.”
Writer: He is not Darth Vader!
Nick rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”
“You are not taking him with you.” Kevin ignored Nick’s words. “You will have to kill us first.”
“Kevin, don’t play hero, okay? Kaos got himself into this situation.”
“Thanks AJ, I love you too bro.”
“Who made you fight with the writer? Didn’t you learn anything from the previous chapters? She can make us go through hell here, bro.”
“Sorry, but I hate to see her stealing ideas from one of my favorite movies ever. You love Star Wars too, doesn’t it annoy you too?”
“Sometimes I worry about you Nick” AJ shook his head
“Okay kid come with me.” Lord Nohajevian kept insisting after taking Kevin’s gun away from him.
“You are not taking him.” Brian’s voice sounded stronger than ever. “Why do you want him anyway, are you some kind of pervert?
“Eeeeekkk!” Nick tried to hide himself behind Howie. “Why is that all the maniacs and perverts are always after me?”
“I’m not a pervert. You know what I want. I want the key to Lunia’s treasure and the kid has it.”
“Nick?” Kevin raised his eyebrows at the kid.
“Why are you all looking at me? I don’t have any key.”
“Are you sure?”
“What do you think I am? A kleptomaniac? I would remember if I had some key.”
“When did you learn what kleptomaniac means?”
“Okay, you are making me lose my patience.” Lord Nohajevian pointed his gun at Brian “So either he comes with me or you all die.”
“Okay I’m going.” Nick walked to Lord Nohajevian. “Even if I have no idea what key you are talking about.”
“Good. Tie him up” Lord Nohajevian ordered to a soldier and once they had tied Nick’s hands he added. “Now kill them all!”
“What? No!” Nick yelled “You promised.”
“Yes, and I’m the bad guy. Don’t you know anything about bad guys? We don’t keep our promises.”
“Nick. Down!” Kevin suddenly shouted and Nick, without hesitation, threw himself immediately on the ground.
In a matter of seconds Brian, Howie, AJ and Kevin managed to shoot all the bad guys including Lord Nohajevian.
“Wow! That was great!” Nick stood up. “But where did you get the laser guns? I thought they had taken all our weapons away.”
“We all had guns hidden in the sleeves of ours jackets, they have some kind of mechanism attached to our arms that makes the laser jump right into your hand like in action movies.” AJ explained showing Nick his.
“Cool! Hey look, I have one too!” Nick said playing with his hidden laser. “But how did you find it at the same time?”
“AJ told us.” Kevin replied.
“He did it? How?”
“Yes he did, it looks like we all have telepathic powers.” Kevin said to Nick without opening his mouth.
“Wow. You just…? Wow! Hey, wait a minute, so you can read my thoughts, that isn’t right, isn’t that like ….” He stopped talking for a second and started to laugh. “Okay who is thinking about porn?”
“AJ!” Brian yelled.
“I needed something to relax myself guys, that was a pretty scary situation right there.” AJ laughed too.
“Yes, it was, poor Darth Vader is dead.” Nick gave a last glance to Lord Nohajevian’s body.
Writer: He is not Darth Vader!
“Nick, why don’t you just keep your mouth shut?” Brian scolded him. “And AJ stop with the porn!”
“Wow” Nick said closing his eyes and tilting his head to one side. “I have never tried that."
Hope you enjoyed! Mersey will be back next week with the visual chapter hehehe