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Chapter Eight

Stacie sighed as she looked out of the window of the hotel conference room. She checked her watch again, seeing that Howie was now forty minutes late for his session that day. She knew now that he wasn’t going to show up, and this worried her. Especially since she hadn’t seen the man around in four days, since he’d kissed her and run off. If she got a glimpse of him, he would disappear to avoid her at all costs. Stacie was worried, for if him acting weird wasn’t bad enough, now he seemed paranoid on top of it all. Skipping out on sessions was serious too. She honestly wondered what was going on with the man, figuring that it wasn’t anything good.

Stacie turned her body away from the window, walking over to the table. She took one final look around before picking up her things, leaving the room. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Howie wasn’t going to show up. She was depressed though, honestly starting to second guess her therapist abilities. She had her patient skipping out of her, getting more awkward by the day and now she couldn’t even put a finger on what was causing his unusual behavior. Maybe she was losing her touch, as she used to be considered one of the best. That was how she’d landed such an incredible job opportunity in the first place. Now though, she was doubting herself.

Walking to the elevator, Stacie had many thoughts running through her head, only wanting to help Howie. Did he even want help though? She didn’t know. It was definitely hard to tell. Whether he wanted it or not though, Stacie knew that if she didn’t do her job and try, then there was no point in her holding a job as a counselor. That’s when she got an idea though, not knowing why she hadn’t thought of it sooner. So stepping on to the elevator, she tucked a strand of her honey hair behind her hear as she pressed the button for the floor of the Boys rather than her own two stories below them.

The elevator dinged telling her that her floor had been reached and she stepped off once the doors opened. Taking long strides to the room she was looking for, Stacie shook her head, still not believing she hadn’t thought of this, thinking it was probably just about the most obvious thing in the world. Who other than Howie’s best friend would know better than what was going on with him? The man was around Howie almost all of the time and Howie probably told him things that he didn’t even share with her in their sessions. Stacie couldn’t express the relief that she felt when the man answered the door when she knocked.

“Stacie, hi...what can I do for you?” AJ asked, giving her a friendly yet confused smile.

“Hey AJ,” Stacie replied, “Have you seen Howie?” AJ shook his head, shooting her a confused look as he opened his door wider, gesturing her inside. He closed the door as Stacie explained things simply, “He never showed up for his meeting with me today.”

AJ let out a low whistle, “He never showed up?” Stacie nodded and AJ could see concern in her eyes, maybe even worry, “Are you sure you had a clear definition of where you were meeting?” Again, Stacie nodded and she saw AJ gulp, sorry for getting him in the middle of things. She was probably causing him to worry and panic too now, “That isn’t like D...” AJ muttered.

“I know. He’s been acting really weird lately,” Stacie mentioned, “I’m afraid that he’s done something to hurt himself. Has anything happened recently that might have stressed him out or caused him to have a breakdown?”

“No,” AJ replied quickly, “He’s been fine. He’s been happier and getting along really well with the schedule. He hasn’t complained once. I assumed everything was great...” his voice trailed off and he winced at images of finding Howie potentially bleeding to death many months before swam around in his mind. The scarring images were something that AJ still hadn’t gotten rid of. He didn’t think he ever would. What if Howie was somewhere purposely hurting himself again, alone, where nobody could find him? This caused AJ’s heart to swell in his chest, “Do you think he’s okay?”

Stacie shrugged, “I honestly don’t know. I was hoping that you would know something. That maybe Howie would have told you something.”

AJ shook his head, as Howie hadn’t told him anything. He hadn’t told anybody anything in fact. Ever since the incident, Howie hadn’t really opened up and talked to anyone. He kept everything inside. This caused AJ to worry a little bit more. Come to think of it, since Stacie had brought it to his attention, Howie had been a little more withdrawn in the most recent weeks. He sighed, feeling absolutely horrible. They’d all ignored the signs before and Howie had almost died as a result of it. Here they were, looking past minor signs again.

“Did anything happen at your last session?” AJ asked Stacie, choosing his words carefully so he wouldn’t offend the woman.

“No...he seemed like he was hiding something, but other than that...and then the next day he kissed me out of nowhere, but he ran off quickly. I haven’t seen him since...” her voice trailed off as suddenly a thought dawned on her, “You don’t think he...he likes me, do you?” she asked lamely. She’d always been bad at picking up on signs or hints from the opposite sex because she had taken her schooling and career so seriously, not really wanting to make time for a relationship. Getting her bachelors degree had always come first to her. Now, she may have looked right past the most obvious thing ever.

“Oh wow....that could be it...” AJ replied, “Now that I think about it. Why else would he kiss you and then run and avoid you?”

“And he’s been stuttering and avoiding looking at me for weeks now.” Stacie added. She covered her mouth in shock, “Oh God, what am I going to do? I don’t want to hurt him because he’s an amazing man.”

AJ sighed, biting his lip. Stacie rejecting Howie might not exactly have the best effect on him. As it was, the man had hardly shown himself at all outside of dance rehearsals. He wondered if there was any chance that Stacie liked Howie back in that way, getting up the nerve to ask her out loud as he hoped that he wasn’t making an idiot of himself.

“Honestly,” Stacie took in a deep breath, “He’s very attractive. He’s an amazing person and has so much potential in so many different ways. We have a lot in common and is easy to talk to, so yes, I do like him. He’s a great guy, someone any woman would be lucky to get a chance at dating.”

“That’s great...” AJ began, but was cut off by Stacie holding up her hand to stop him, her eyes troubled

“But, I am his counselor. It would be morally wrong for me to see one of my clients. It’s a tough position for me.”

AJ sighed. He had to see that coming. Her liking Howie and them dating and having a happily ever after relationship would have been way too easy. Howie deserved something easy though. He deserved to be happy and be in a good relationship. Especially since it was obvious that he’d fallen head over heels for this woman, whom AJ did admit was stunning. It wasn’t every day that Howie got tongue tied around a woman, so this was huge.

“Maybe you could find him a new therapist...so you could date?” AJ suggested, wanting his friend to be okay and not see the hurt in his eyes because he liked someone that he couldn’t do a thing about.

“I don’t know...” Stacie’s voice trailed off.

“Stace, think about it this way...” Aj began, “Would you rather have something with an incredible man whom you know would give you the world and make him just as happy just by giving him a chance or would you rather devastate him and send him back in to a complete depression, making him think that he is not worthy of being cared for? He’s still going through a tough time. His self esteem is low. Just think about it.”

Stacie stopped to think, as AJ had proved a good point. She wanted what was best for Howie and she really did like him. Quite a lot actually. So many things told her that going out with Howie would be wrong. There were so many things that went against a relationship between them, including her job being on the line. Despite all of that though, Stacie made a final decision, opening her mouth to speak.

“Do you think you could help me with the hook up?” she asked.

AJ smiled, “Of course. You won’t regret this. In fact, you’ll probably make Howie the happiest man alive.”

Stacie smiled, already wondering if she was making a mistake. It was too late to turn back time though and besides, she honestly thought that they could have a great relationship. She was just nervous, hoping that she lived up to what Howie thought that she was.

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“Can you believe this,” Brian exclaimed, looking around as he and the Boys walked past a music store, “I mean all of this.”

He was looking at a large promotional poster hanging in the window telling that their album would be out in exactly one week. There was a countdown timer in the window counting down the days. Brian was wondering how many had pre-ordered the album, figuring it was probably quite a handful. It was just incredible to him that after two years, it seemed that they still had it going on for them. It was just what they’d hoped for and hoped that things would continue to be this way.

“It certainly gives me confidence that this comeback will be pretty big,” AJ admitted, “It erases a lot of the doubt that I had in my mind. That’s for sure.”

“And Incomplete is getting really great rankings on all of the radio countdowns and everything all over the world.” Nick interjected, “I really think that it will be like no time has passed at all...even though it has.”

Nobody spoke as they continued to walk down the sidewalk, all in some sort of disguise. It was noticed that Kevin hadn’t really said anything on the matter, which was odd. In fact, Kevin had been fairly silent for the past week or so, acting slightly off and just dazed. This struck all of them as odd, especially Brian, whom had known Kevin for years upon years before the others. He decided that once alone, he would ask Kevin what was bothering him, just to make sure that everything was okay.

Then there was Howie, whom AJ had his eye on. He still had to ask him about Stacie and try to convince him to ask the woman out. Stacie had already agreed, therefore, the rest was left up to Howie. Knowing the self-conscious, down Latino would need a lot of convincing, AJ decided that he would try to pep-talk him and boost his sureness in himself, feeling that if the man had a girlfriend, it just might help him heal a little bit faster.

For once, Nick wasn’t the one whom was being worried over. Normally, if there was a problem with one in the group, it was either Nick or AJ, both for complete opposite reasons. It was definitely a change for it to be Howie and Kevin, the two oldest and normally most looked up to. It was different, and would be taken on with different precautions, however it didn’t change that they all wanted to help.

“I’m going to go to the video game store,” Nick announced, catching sight of a large game shop a few stores down, “Anybody with me?” Nobody volunteered themselves and Nick just shrugged, “Alright...so I guess I’ll meet ya’ll around here sometime?”

“Sounds good, Nick.” Brian grinned, “Just don’t blow all of your money in there...you don’t even use half of the games you’ve got...and half of them aren’t even opened.”

Nick rolled his eyes, entering the store. A minute later, Howie headed off in to the Gap and AJ found it the perfect opportunity to follow even though he preferred less preppy stores. Leaving Kevin and Brian alone, Brian took this as a great time to confront Kevin on his own odd behavior, beings bringing it up around everybody was out of the question. Knowing Kevin, he wouldn’t want to be questioned about his personal dilemas around a huge group. Especially since he was trying to hide it all together.

“So, um, what do you think about all of this being promoted?” Brian asked, trying to make small talk before cutting to the chase.

Kevin shrugged, “I don’t know...it’s pretty awesome. I’m glad that everything is working out.” he said this flatly without much enthusiasm, which struck his cousin as odd.

“You don’t seem to mean that.” Brian observed, letting his sentence trail off for Kevin to fill in the blanks.

“I do,” Kevin piped up, “It’s great. I can’t wait to get out on stage again.”

Brian sighed, wondering what was up with Kevin more than ever. He wasn’t embellishing on anything, which he’d never been one to do. But his lack of words and seeming distant was even out of the norm for Kevin, especially since the man always had some sort of say in absolutely everything. Deciding not to waste any more time, Brian spoke, realizing that small talk wasn’t going to do any good.

“Kev, what’s wrong?”

‘What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been depressed all week. I mean, you’re always somewhat serious, but never this somber and acting like you just don’t care.”

Kevin didn’t say anything, but Brian could see his body tense up somewhat. This proved his suspicion true that something had happened awhile ago that had upset his cousin significantly. The question was now, what was it? It normally took a lot to get Kevin worked up. That meant that this was somewhat serious. Brian took a few seconds before trying again, trying to keep his tone calm and concerned rather than somewhat frustrated.

“Kevin, what happened. Is everything okay?”

Again, Kevin didn’t speak, but tears glittered his eyes at the memory of everything coming back fresh. Why did his ex have to cheat on him and then have a child. She’d always refused to get pregnant in all the years that they were together saying that I wasn’t the right time. Then to go out and get knocked up by somebody she’d only been seeing for a couple of insignificant years. It hadn’t made sense and his heart was still broken over it. He’d honestly thought that he was doing okay and over everything after those two years, but her calling with her confessions and demands had only hurt him worse than the original divorce in the first place. He sighed though, not knowing if he should let anybody know what had happened.

“It’s nothing,” he finally mumbled, “It’s probably stupid anyways.”

“Kev, if you’re this upset and crying, then it is not stupid. It wouldn’t be anyways,” Brian paused, “What happened?”

There were another few minutes of silence. Another collection of memories filled Kevin’s head, only this time, they were of the happy memories of the failed relationship and how in love they had been,. Things had definitely taken a wrong turn somewhere. Kevin didn’t think that they would ever break up. Now, he was torturing himself with questions in his mind that he knew would never be answered.

“Kristin called me,” Kevin finally murmured, and Brian’s features darkened significantly at the news which Kevin held. He pretty much loathed the woman who’d caused his cousin so much hurt, and that said a lot for Brian wasn’t one to dislike so intensely.

“What did she want?” Brian asked in monotone, his eyes narrowing.

“She um...she has a kid. Just over a year old,” Kevin confessed, surprised and how he felt better just by confessing this, “She needs child support money this month...I thought she was calling wanting to try again, but she just needs money since she’s been out of a job since her fucking third month of pregnancy and her new husband has just had extras positions in a few movies and they are low on money.”

Brian’s eyes widened at what Kevin was saying, not even able to believe that an already evil woman was capable of causing even more satanic chaos. He hated her more than ever now for putting Kevin in this position, as Kevin was still vulnerable when it came to the ex. Brian had a feeling that there was more, and he was almost afraid to hear it

“You aren’t going to send her the money, are you?”

Kevin hesitated a little too long for Brian’s comfort, “I already did...a few days ago,” Kevin sighed, hating the look that Brian was giving him, “I didn’t really have a choice!” Kevin exclaimed, finding the need to defend himself, “She told me she would blackmail me, saying she’d take me to court to say I haven’t been paying child support for my child.”

“That is what paternity tests are for.”

Kevin shrugged, embarrassed to admit he hadn’t even thought of that due to him being so messed up in the head over the woman. There were a lot of things he would change about the past if given the opportunity. Opening up though took a weight off of his chest and told him that once and for all, it was time for him to start moving on before he drove himself insane. Hopefully, he could start that day and stop moping around. They had a lot to get done in the next week before the album was released and he needed a clear mind and positive attitude so that he didn’t hold the others back.

~*~

Meanwhile, AJ followed Howie around the Gap, completely bored with the clothes there as Howie took a few items to try on. He attempted to go off on his own, but felt like a moron looking at the preppy styled clothing when he himself dressed in a more daring, rebellious fashion. He definitely preferred Hot Topic any day over this.

“You look bored.” Howie observed, not even looking at AJ as he said it.

AJ shrugged, looking Howie over. He could see a darkness in his facial expression and his tone was blank and lifeless. AJ eyed his friend cautiously, wondering if his somber attitude really was just over Stacie or if there was more hidden under the deeper layers within him. Howie looked worn out and thinner to him. Not much, but his appearance wasn’t as well kept as it once had been. His hair was slightly disheveled and his face was full of stubble making him look unshaved and unkept. AJ suddenly started to worry a little, wondering if he’d guessed Howie’s strange behavior all along.

“I’m okay,” AJ replied after Howie glanced over at him for a second. He stuck his hands in his pockets, shuffling around slightly uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure how he was going to bring up the subject of Stacie, but knew he needed to figure out a way, starting with, “So um, how are your sessions going?”

“Alright.”

AJ sighed at Howie’s one word reply, getting nothing more. His friend continued to sort through racks of jeans, and Aj had a feeling then that this was going to be a little more difficult than he’d thought. It seemed Howie really didn’t want to talk. In fact, come to think of it, he never did anymore.

“Do you think they’re helping?”

Howie just shrugged, “I suppose.”

Trying as hard as he could not to lose his patients, AJ took in a deep breath to cleanse his nerves. He didn’t want to pry in to Howie’s life, but knew that if Howie were going to gain some sort of confidence in himself, that he’d have to do just that as discretely as he could.

‘That therapist is pretty cute,” AJ hinted, trying to get a reaction out of Howie. It worked, because Howie’s cheeks turned a slight shade of pink and he ducked away to hide it, acting as if he didn’t care or was uninterested. AJ knew better than that though. He had, after all, been best friends with Howie for twelve years, “She’s interested in you, ya know.”

This caused Howie to turn around, his eyes showing just the slightest glimmer of life and sparkle at the mention of that, “She is?” he asked hopefully, then eyed AJ suspiciously, “How do you know?”

“She told me so, but doesn’t know if you’re interested.” Howie didn’t respond, but AJ could see a small smile forming in the corners of Howie’s lips, whatever he was thinking making him happy, “You should ask her out.”

I don’t know...” Howie replied, unsure of why he was so shy about this. After all, why would Stacie be interested in somebody with problems like his. Someone whom he’d spilled everything out to. She knew him and his most inner thoughts. He was normally flirtatious with women, but Stacie...she took his breath away in ways that had never happened before. She made him nervous and made him feel different. She was different. Stacie was special.

“You’re obviously in to her and she is in to you...so why not?” AJ hinted, “You’d be a great couple...I can see it.”

Howie saw in his mind the kind of relationship that he could have with her. He could see them cuddling up at night together to watch a movie. He could vision them holding hands and having her there smiling to greet him after a show. It all looked so natural in his mind. It was something he wanted more than anything. Another smile formed on his lips, picturing how perfect it all could be.

“I’ll think about it...”

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He sighed as he fell to the floor in exhaustion. He’d just completed another dance practice on his own. One song and he was completely winded and out of breath. He didn’t like what was happening to him. He didn’t like how weak and tired he always was, but there were only two and a half months left. Roughly seventy-five days to finish his goal. If he didn’t do it, he didn’t know what he would do. It really wasn’t a matter of if any longer but rather when. His when was getting shorter and shorter, meaning he’d have to work harder. June 12th, 2006. That was when the new tour would take off. He had until June 12th.

If his energy level faltering wasn’t enough, he couldn’t concentrate like he used to either. He found his mind wandering often or he’d be lost in a sea of not having any thoughts at all. His mind would be blank as he’d space in to a world of nothingness. During meetings, he hardly said anything due to him missing most everything that was said. Out of meetings, he concentrated on others problems to forget about his own. Even then, he found that he couldn’t concentrate for more than a few mere minutes on any particular subject.

Reaching over beside him, he weakly took a water bottle, unscrewing the cap and taking a large drink of the liquid before pouring some over his hot, over heated, exhausted body. He felt his muscles scream out, his joints aching in protest for a break. He couldn’t give that though. He just couldn’t. He was just now starting to see very minor results in his appearance. It was nothing drastic, nothing worth bragging over, but it was showing finally. He’d lost twenty-three pounds so far. He’d thought that twenty-three pounds would show a lot more than it was, but he’d been wrong, making his goal even more strastic.

Dangerous even.

What he was doing was wrong and dangerous. He couldn’t see that though. He found it healthy and although he had a pounding headache, his stomach hurt in intense pain and his body felt as if it were going to just buckle out from under him, he knew that in a few months, it would be over. He would have his confidence back. If only it were so easy...

“Break’s over.” he sighed, standing up.

His body wavered slightly and he had to press his hand against a wall to keep him up. He forced himself to catch his balance, waiting a few seconds before stretching out again and trying the strenuous dance moves that took more energy than he was forcing himself in to believing that he had.