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“Don’t you think we should visit him again?” Brian asked nervously, collapsing into a final resting place on Nick’s couch. The boys had arranged yet another meeting without Howie’s presence. They were struggling to find peace within themselves. They still couldn’t come to terms with the accident that deprived Howie from so many gifts. They had met many times since Howie’s fate was sealed in the waves, but all the meetings came to a dead end. No one knew what to do about Howie. Each boy feared visiting him, so they regretfully stayed away from the horror. No one had the nerve to admit their feelings to the others, so they sat around Nick’s living room with blank stares.

“The last time we visited, he threw books at us until we escaped from the room!” AJ exclaimed loudly, flinging his arms out to his sides in defeat. AJ still felt personally responsible for Howie’s accident. Everyone continued to tell him that it was just a freak accident of fate, but AJ never seemed to listen to the reasoning. While AJ tried to compromise the guilt in his heart he was dealing with Howie’s anger in the worst way. He had always been Howie’s best friend and closet link inside the group. Not being able to communicate with Howie was killing AJ’s heart.

“He doesn’t want any visitors either,” Nick agreed. He actually feared visiting Howie. Every time Nick gazed at Howie, he was overcome with a deep sense of grief. It was as if Nick were facing a death in the family. The same emotions of guilt, blame, helplessness, and anger melted against his wild personality and he hated those feelings.

“That’s not the point, Nick! He’s our friend and band-mate. He didn’t leave me when my father died. And Nick, when you broke your hand he was the one that took you to the hospital for treatment. Brian, he stayed all night in your hospital room after your heart surgery. Finally, AJ, he helped you get into rehab for treatment and visited every week until you felt fit enough to come home. Now, when Howie needs us most, you all won’t come to his rescue?” Kevin asked with disappointment, weighing all the boys’ opinions in his heart.

All the boys glared at him with pessimism. No one wanted to speak out against his thoughts. Kevin had hit a tender nerve amongst the boys’ thoughts. Kevin leaned back in his chair, watching AJ slip forward on the couch. Finally, AJ snorted, “Kev, don’t sit here and be Mister Tall and Mighty. This conversation cuts both ways! You haven’t exactly been nursing Howie’s needs either, right?”

Kevin hesitated, knowing he was caught. Nick and Brian glared at Kevin, sharing AJ’s same observations. Kevin glanced down in defeat. “It’s hard and you know it. Howie was there for us when there wasn’t any permanent damage! It was easier for him that it will be for us,” Nick decided.

“What the Hell are you talking about?” Brian protested in confusion.

“Brian, in case you hadn’t noticed, Howie’s a damned cripple!” AJ snapped, unable to handle the pressure of the conversation. The end of the line was coming and everyone could see it clearly as AJ tapped his hand on the coffee table. Every conversation tended to end with AJ stomping off into a dangerous rage.

“That doesn’t mean that he’s not our friend,” Kevin growled.

“But does it mean that he’s not our band-mate?” Nick asked quietly. All the boys grew deathly quiet over Nick’s question. Someone had finally interjected the subject that everyone was fighting to ignore. The press had been hounding them about that very question. Everyone glanced at Nick hesitantly, offering disgusted growls. Nick immediately glared back, not allowing them to blame him for the dreaded feelings. “Don’t even pin this shit on me! I’m not the only one who was thinking about that, alright?”

“He has a point,” AJ declared.

“Excuse me?” Kevin snarled, not liking what AJ’s voice was suggesting. AJ was just way too desperate to figure out all the unsolved mysteries of Howie’s accident.

“Face it. Howie can’t possibly continue to be a Backstreet Boy in his condition. Seriously, guys, what is he going to do on tour? Roll down the ramp screaming our names? Be serious, Kevin. He’d just park his wheelchair in the middle, milk up all the attention, and make us do all the damn work to carry his ass!” AJ exploded selfishly.

“I can’t believe you just said that,” Brian wheezed, glancing at AJ with horror. “You’re going to strand Howie just because he had a bad break in life?”

“AJ, that was seriously below–”

“SHUT THE HELL UP!” AJ hollered, immediately jump out of his seat. He would not be the scapegoat for the group’s turmoil. He had been the one to say what everyone else had been thinking. He hastily fished into his pocket, retrieving his keys. He glared furiously at the group while hissing, “I’m not going to stay here and let you all fling your shit on me! Every Goddamn one of you was thinking the same thing! I just had the balls to say it! Now, if you’ll excuse me, Jamila is waiting for me!”

“Howie doesn’t even know about AJ’s new relationship,” Brian whispered sadly after AJ slammed the door. No one blamed AJ for escaping into the darkness. AJ needed a break more than the rest of them. Hopefully, Jamila would provide comfort for his churning soul. “Usually, Howie was the first to know about a new girl in AJ’s sight.”

“A lot of things have changed, Bri,” Kevin concluded softly.

“Did I mention that the media is hungry for the story? Howie’s parents told them he was still at the hospital so they wouldn’t swarm around his place. They didn’t want Howie to see them and get more depressed about the situation. So, as of now, those sharks are storming the damn hospital,” Nick announced, deciding to avoid the previous topic of conversation.

“We’re going to have to face them at some point,” Brian sighed, wishing for once that the public wasn’t involved with their lives. It made him sick to relive the nightmares of his Backstreet Family across the world to each diehard fan. Brian had begun to loathe the limelight that had been thrust upon him so many years ago.

“I’ll schedule a press conference immediately. Brian, make sure to verify it with AJ,” Kevin announced quickly.

“What the Hell? Kevin! What are we going to tell them?” Nick blurted.

“We’re going to act as if we’re on the stage again. We will mention nothing about Howie’s possible withdrawal from the band. We’ll just explain – with adoring smiles – that we’re always there for Howie. And we’ve been with Howie every day in order to nurse him back to health so he can jump on the stage with the rest of us.”

“Wait, we’re going to lie to the press?” Brian asked with worry.

“We don’t want them to know about the chaos, do we?” Kevin retorted shortly.

“But, Kev—“

“A little white lie isn’t going to kill the press.”

“Some things never change,” Nick mumbled, listening to Kevin dial the local TV Station.