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chapter 14: Realizations




AJ finally found a gift shop in the hospital, and he bought Anna flowers. Flowers always helped to cheer her up. After buying the flowers, he made his way up to her room. He became more and more nervous as he neared the door. He didn’t want to admit that he’d been listening in on a conversation that he shouldn’t have been listening to.


When he reached the door, he took a deep breath, and knocked. After hearing a faint ‘ come in’ he walked in.


AJ said, “ Hey, What’s up?”


“ Nothing much. Kevin and I were just talking.” Said Anna.


“ Would you like me to leave?” AJ asked.


“ No, I was just leaving.” Kevin said as he got up.


“ No, really. I’ll leave. I didn’t know you guys were talking.”


“ It’s okay. You need to spend time with her, anyway. Ann, I’ll be back later.” Kevin said before leaving the room closing the door behind him.


AJ walked over to her bed and held out the flowers. “ These are for you. Red roses were always your favorite. I thought they would help cheer you up.”


“ Thank You, Alex.”


He blinked and said, “ What did you say?”


“ I said thank you. For the flowers?” she said questionably.


“ You… You called me Alex.” He whispered.


“ I have always called you Alex. Why should I stop now?” she said.


“ You remembered?” he said coming closer to the bed.


She just nodded because no words would form. She hated lying to him, but she didn’t want to break his heart. She wanted to provide him with some hope, and if she could do that by lying to him, then so be it.


“ I never thought you would call me that again.” He said.


“ Why?”


“ The way that you looked at me the first time. It was as if you’d never seen me before. It scared me to think that my best friend didn’t remember me.”


“ I’m sorry.” She said looking down at her hands.


AJ lifted her chin up so that she was looking at him and said, “ You don’t have to be sorry. It wasn’t your fault. I’m just glad that you’re okay now.”


“ Me too.” She said all the while thinking that she would never remember the man in front of her. She would never remember the things they did together. She feared that she would never remember the man she had fallen in love with.


She suddenly felt AJ’s arms encircle her shoulders. She sagged against his protective arms and cried. She cried for everything that she had lost. She cried for everything that could have been, and everything that should have been.




AJ’s POV




She grew silent and she started crying. I asked her several times what was wrong, and she didn’t answer. It was almost as if she was lost in her thoughts. It scared me to think that she was going through this alone, so I did the only thing I could think of to comfort her. I sat down on the side of her bed and hugged her. Once she felt my arms around her she started crying harder. She cried until there was nothing left. Whatever she was crying about must have really shaken her up. I held her until she stopped shaking and her breathing returned to normal.


She looked up at me and said, “ I’m sorry.”


There it was again. She kept apologizing for something she didn’t do. I’m supposed to be comforting her and she’s apologizing for crying.


I looked down at her and my heart went out to her. She looked so lost and scared. I said, “ That’s what I’m here for. I’ll always be here for you.”


She was silent in my arms for a while and then she said, “ What did we fight about? What did I say that made you never want to come back?”


I tensed up and said, “ Do you really want to know?”


“ Yeah.”


“ Okay. I just want you to know that I regret everything that I said that day. I know that you regret saying the things that you said also. So, don’t blame yourself for what happened. It was my fault anyways. I started the whole fight.”


“ Don’t say that.”


I looked down at her and said, “ Are you going to say that after you here what happened? That’s what Nick and I were fighting about.”


“ Oh.”


“ Do you still want to know?”


“ Yeah.”


“ Okay. We were playing in the pool and all of a sudden you said you had had enough, and you left to go get changed. Soon after you left, Nick excused himself. He didn’t tell us where he was going, he just left. I wanted to go check on you, because I was worried about you. You didn’t seem yourself lately, and I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. When I went up to your room, I saw something that I never expected to see. You and nick were making out by the window. You two looked really comfortable, and he looked like he was about to take your shirt off. Anyway, I freaked out on you and I ran away. I had to get out of there. I couldn’t stand to see you make that mistake. Well, you ran after me and we ended up in the middle of the road screaming at each other. I told you that he was bad news, and you basically told me to fuck off. You also told me that I used to be the same way that Nick is and I didn’t like that too much. I told you to never bring that subject up again with me. Then, Kevin and the rest of the guys came out and broke us up. I walked away from you and you called me a coward for leaving. You asked me what my problem was and I told you. I told you that I didn’t need you yelling at me and I couldn’t take it anymore. You told me that I would lose you if I didn’t straighten up and come to my senses. I told you to fuck off and I left. End of story.”


“ End of story?”


“ Yeah. I talked to Kevin, and I told him that I no longer considered you my friend. I punched my car because of you.”


“ Do you consider me your friend now?”


“ I don’t know. When Howie called me and told me about the accident, I was scared. I was scared that I would never see you again. That’s when I realized that I…” I caught myself before I could finish my sentence. I didn’t want to tell her that I loved her yet. It wasn’t the right time.


She picked up on something and said, “ You realized what?”


“ Nothing. I just realized that I might not ever see you again. I realized that I couldn’t live my life without you.” I said.


She put her arms around me and said, “ I remember. I remember everything. I remember everything that we fought about. I remember kissing nick and… and I liked it. I remember thinking ‘ fuck, Alex.’ I remember wanting to go farther with Nick. Then, when we fought, and I saw how much it would have really affected you, I went and told Nick that I didn’t think of him in that way. Then, he told me to shove it. He left after that, I think.”


I sat there frozen. I couldn’t move. Not after what she just told me. She really doesn’t love me does she? She wanted Nick the whole time.


“ Alex?” she asked.


I looked at her and I suddenly couldn’t be there anymore. I had to leave. I got up and left. I ran out of the building as fast as I could. I had to get away. I had to get away from the person that I loved. The person who didn’t love me in return.