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Chapter 20




Katie woke up and after a nice long shower she went downstairs to face aj’s wrath. She knew something like this wouldn’t just go unnoticed; he would talk to her about it again. She walked into the kitchen just as AJ poured his cereal. He didn’t even look up.


“ We gotta talk.” She said.


“ I don’t wanna hear anything you have to say.” He said as he put the milk away and slammed the door shut.


“ Well, I don’t give a shit if you do or not, you are going to listen to me.”


“ Like hell I am. You fucked me over, Katie. What makes you think I wanna talk to you?” he said finally looking at her.


“ Because you care, AJ.”


“ No I don’t. I thought I did, but I don’t anymore.” He started to eat his cereal.


“ Yes you do, or else you wouldn’t be as mad as you are right now. I care about you, AJ, I really do. It’s just…I can’t really explain it.” She sat down across from him.


“ You don’t have to. I don’t want an explanation. What you did, you hurt me, Katie. When you called him and asked him on a date, that hurt. You broke my heart back there. I don’t want an explanation. I just want to know if I will ever be good enough for you.” He said looking at her and then back to his cereal.


“ AJ, you already are good enough. You are perfect.”


“ Well, then why did you do it, huh? This isn’t making any sense.”


“ I’m afraid, Alex.” She said barely above a whisper.


His expression softened. “ Afraid of what?”


“ I don’t know. I just know that I am really afraid.”


“ Don’t be afraid of me. I won’t do anything to hurt you. I swear it to you.” He said reaching over and stroking her hand.


“ I know you won’t. It’s just, I don’t know if I’m ready for this. I don’t want us to screw everything up and then fight for the rest of our lives. Everything in my life is changing, and I don’t want it to change too fast. I want to be able to have at least a little control of my life. Maybe someday, Alex, someday. Just not right now.”


“ Are you afraid because for once something in your life felt so right? You afraid that it might be too good to be true?” he said trying to look in her eyes.


“ Maybe. All I know is, I need this, AJ. I just need a friend right now. Please. I’m begging you. Don’t be mad at me, I need you to be here for me.” She pleaded.


“ I will always be here, Kate. Always. Even if I’m not with you, I am here. Never forget that.”


“ Thank you.” She got up and hugged him.


“ No problem. I guess I couldn’t hate you forever. After all, you did steal my heart.” He looked down at her and smiled.


“ I what?” she pulled back a little and looked up at him.


“ Yeah. You heard me. But, it’s ok. I’ll deal with it. I will be here waiting. I promise that.” He never stopped smiling.


She didn’t say anything. She just leaned up and kissed him. She put her arms around his neck and just kissed him with everything she was. It was one of those kisses where it left them both breathless after they parted.


He just stared in her eyes. He finally said, “ Ya know, that’s not fair.”


“ I know, but it felt so right. I figured it couldn’t hurt.”


“ Yeah, well, don’t do it unless your whole heart is in it. Don’t hurt me, please.”


“ I will never hurt you. I promise.” And to prove her point, she kissed him again.


“ We have to stop doing this. Or else, it’s going to end up, well, you know where it’s going to end up. So, just stop.” He said, almost pushing her away.


“ Ok. You don’t have to just push me away.”


“ Wait, isn’t that what you did to me? You’re the one who doesn’t want to get involved. You have to make up your fricking mind, Katie. I can’t keep going back and forth. I don’t want to end up getting used, ok?”


“ Aren’t you the one who uses and abuses girls all the time for your own pleasure?”


“ Holy fucking shit. You did not just say that. Don’t ever say that kind of crap about me again, you hear me?” he said backing away from her.


“ It’s true.”


“ That was before, Katie. Don’t bring this up now, ok? I try to forget my past, ok?”


“ Well, I believe someone told me that it didn’t do you any good to forget your past. Take your own god damn fucking advice.” She turned around and started to walk away. She stopped and said, “ This is why I don’t want to get involved. Because of who you really are. An asshole.”


He just watched her walk away from him. He whispered, “ Don’t say things you will regret. And don’t shut the people out who you need.”