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Chapter 21




It was true. She did need him; she just didn’t want to admit it. She didn’t want to open her eyes and look at what she had in front of her. It scared her too much. She didn’t want to lose another person in her life. She didn’t know why she kept pushing him away. He was right. It all felt so right, but she was scared that it was too good to be true. She had never been given anything in her life and she wasn’t used to that. She had to work for everything she got. She wasn’t used to having someone like AJ around who loved her for who she really was. He reminded her of her brother, and that scared her. He was sweet, and kind, and caring, everything that her brother was and more. Plus, she found herself attracted to him in the worst way. She knew she shouldn’t be shutting him out, or any of the other guys out. It just happened. She feared that if she got too close to people, she would lose them. Because every time she found herself really happy with her life, something happened to change that. She didn’t want that this time. She wanted to live the fairy tale life. But, for someone like her, it really was too good to be true.


AJ sat down right next to her breaking her thoughts. He ducked his head to look into her eyes and said, “ You okay?”


She only shook her head and continued to stare at the floor. He moved closer to her and said, “ What’s wrong?”


She didn’t say anything. She just stared at the floor. She was torn. Half of her wanted him to go away, and the other half wanted him to hold her. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “ Sorry.”


“ Oh, Kate, it’s ok. Come here.” He took her into his arms and she just embraced his comfort. They lay on the couch like that for a while. He finally pulled away so he could look at her.


“ You going to tell me what’s wrong?” he rubbed her back as he looked into her eyes.


“ I don’t want to lose you. But, it’s my destiny. It’s my destiny to be alone all my life.”


“ Don’t you ever say that. It is nobody’s destiny to be alone.”


“ Then why do I feel so alone right now?”


“ Because you’re too afraid to open your eyes and see that you aren’t alone. I’m here, Katie. I have always been here, and I always will.”


“ No, you won’t. nothing ever lasts. This whole thing, my job, you, our relationship, it’s all too good to be true. It’s a fairy tale life, AJ, and for girls like me, there is no such thing as a fairy tale life.”


“ Oh, Katie, don’t say that. For everything you have gone through, you deserve all this and more.”


“ No, I don’t, Alex. I deserve to be alone in a gutter someplace. Not here, not now. Don’t get me wrong. I love my new life, I really do. it’s just, everything that has been good for me, it ends somehow. It all stops as soon as it began.”


“ It doesn’t always happen like that. You look at life like someone is out to get you, when in actuality there isn’t anyone out to hurt you besides you.”


“ No, see that’s where you are wrong. There are people in this world out to hurt you. I have experienced some of those people, Alex.”


“ But, there are also people in this world who are here to help you, and who want to help you.”


“ I don’t want your help, or pity Alex.” She started to get up, but he held her back.


“ Look at me, and listen good. You can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep letting people get close, and then shut them out. It doesn’t help anything. It just hurts people, Katie. Now, I want to help you, not because I pity you. I would never pity you. I don’t pity anyone. I want to help you because I care about you. Now don’t go saying I don’t care, because I do. I wouldn’t have come to New York with you, or done any of the things I did in New York if I did not care about you. You hear me? So, don’t’ go shutting me out, dammit. Don’t’ shut people out who care about you. Because, in the end all you do is hurt yourself. And you bring other people down with you. Let me help, Katie, please.” He pleaded with his eyes. She sighed and said, “ I want to, I really do, I just don’t’ want to lose you, that’s all.”


He got up so he was at eye level with her. “ You will never lose me in a million years. You can’t get rid of me as easily as you think you can. I promise you that. Now, I think it’s about time we get to practice, don’t you?”


“ Yeah, let’s go kick some major ass.”