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On the other side of town, Nick was now on some deserted playground that was in need of a few buckets of paint and a handyman to fix the broken climbing rack and the stairs of the slide. At first he had felt safe in the sacred building, but later that safety had turned into anger towards the man above. So he had to get out of the church and fled to the place that once was his second home, the place he always spent all of his time when school was over. he stared up at the sky, looking for answers that never came. He simply couldn’t understand why all of this was happening. Was He trying to tell them that the group should just give up and each of the man should go their seperate ways? Were Brian’s heart disease and Alexs’addictions not just a test, but a sign that they should let it go, quit the group? Was He trying to tell them that making music, performing, wasn’t their destiny? Nick shook his head, his fists clenched in anger. The five of them becoming who they were today, becoming close friends, or brothers as they called it. That WAS meant to be, wasn’t it?

“Of course it was.” Nick whispered fiercely, trying desperately to convince himself of the words he was speaking. He gazed out into the sky, a light breeze blowing across his face as he sighed. He felt torn in so many directions, he was amazed he hadn’t broken yet. “Or maybe I have.” He mumbled, running a hand across his face. In many ways, he was furious with himself, livid, that he had been so foolish. Most of his anger stemmed from the idea that he was now putting his brothers through more heartache and more pain; things that could have been avoided if he had just gotten over his fears. But his fears ran deep and the idea of facing them was what had made him hide in the first place. Kevin, Howie, Brian and AJ had always been his protection, his shelter. Whenever anything was going wrong in his life, they were the ones that could make everything better. But this, this wasn’t something they could fix, wasn’t something they could protect him from. And that thought made him feel even more alone than he ever had felt. A vibrating coming from the side pocket of his jeans caused him to release a huge sigh and he closed his eyes for a moment, grabbing the phone out of his pocket. “Hello?”

“Nick? Dude, where ARE you?” AJ was demanding as he navigated the car down the highway. Brian sat silently in the passenger side, his eyes locked on the window as he lost himself in his thoughts. “I’m,” Nick trailed off for a moment and glanced at his surroundings. “Do you know that old church off of Jasper street?”
“You’re at a church?” The rebel’s eyes widened slightly in surprise and Brian actually tore his gaze from the window, turning to look at his younger friend with a dubious expression. “Yeah. I’m at the playground behind the church. I’ll head back to the hospital though.”
“Well, we’re not there.” AJ sighed, taking an exit and making the first U-turn he could before jumping back on the freeway.
“You’re not?”
“No you dumbass. We’re out looking for you.”
“All of you?”
“Yesssss. Brian is with me and Kev & D are together.”
“Let me talk to him.” Brian was tugging at AJ’s sleeve and the younger man shook him off, sending him a glare. “AJ! I want to talk to him!”
“What? Jeeze, hang on.” AJ passed the phone to Brian with a roll of his eyes. “We should call Kevin and Howie, you know.”
“Later. Frack?”
“Hey Bri.” Nick sighed, raking a hand through his hair. “You and Jay on your way here?”
“Yeah. Nicky, listen to me. About what the doctor said,”
“Let’s just talk about it when you get here, okay Frick? I don’t wanna do this over the phone.” Nick’s voice was soft and defeated and Brian couldn’t do anything but agree, telling his younger friend they’d be there in a few minutes before disconnecting the phone.

He called his cousin a second later, relaying the new details and hanging up with the promise that Kevin and Howie would meet them there in about 15 minutes. Pulling up into the driveway of the church, AJ shut the car off and hopped out of the car, frowning when Brian didn’t follow suit. Suppressing a groan and trying to remind himself that they were all dealing with the news in their own ways, AJ walked over to the passenger side, yanking the door open.

“You coming Rok?” He asked softly, leaning on the door as he peered down at his older friend. Brian nodded slowly, then shook his head. “So that would be what….?”
“I need a minute AJ.” The Kentuckian replied, looking at the church.
“Want me to wait?”
“No. Go be with Nick.”
“Alright Brian. Don’t be too long.” AJ shrugged, walking away from the car and shoving his hands deep into his pocket. Glancing around, he found the blonde almost immediately, sitting a top an old jungle gym and looking like he didn’t have a friend in the world. Approaching the structure, he looked at it for a moment before climbing onto it.

“It’s weird, you know?” AJ jumped at Nick’s sudden question, cussing as he slipped slightly. He didn’t think Nick had seen him.
“What?” He breathed, regaining his footing and perching himself next to Nick.
“Knowing that you might die.” Nick’s eyes stayed on the light blue sky as he spoke, his voice surprisingly calm. “I mean, everyone knows that they’re gonna die eventually but this is different.” A small smile drifted across his features. “I always figured my future was going to be us. You know? The Backstreet Boys. Records, tours, fans…all that shit. And then eventually, I’d get married, have kids and tell them all sorts of stories about the good ‘ole days.” Nick let out a dry laugh and he shook his head. “It’s weird knowing that all that isn’t going to happen now.”

“You can’t look at it like that Nick.” The older man began, wishing Brian had come with him.
Heart to hearts with Nick were not his thing, especially when the subject matter was this serious. “You’ve got to stay positive. None of this depressed bullshit. I mean, it sucks but you can’t just give up. Then you’re just showing everyone you weren’t strong enough.”
“Maybe I’m not AJ.”
“Fuck that.” AJ snapped. “You are and you know it.” Nick shrugged and AJ slapped him lightly on the back. “Look, I can say all the shit I want about this. So can Kevin, Brian and Howie but it’s completely pointless if you’re just gonna keep running. So either you stay and fight with us or you walk away, wallowing in self pity and die.” It was AJ’s turn to shrug as he gestured out before him. “You choose man. We’re not gonna do it for you.”
“I think Kevin and Brian would see it differently.”
“They always do. But it’s not their life buddy. It’s yours.”
“You sound like you’re trying to scare me into running away.”
“No,” The rebel laughed. “I’m trying to get you to make your own choice. You know damn well how much we all care about you Carter and it would fuckin suck to loose you without a fight-”
“That’s so heartfelt Jay.” Nick muttered, rolling his eyes. He let out a small chuckle as AJ flipped him off with a slight smile before continuing.
“You want heartfelt then go to Kev and Rok.” A small yell caused both men to turn around to see Kevin, Howie and Brian all heading in their direction. “Look Nick, what I’m trying to say, is that the outcome of this depends on you.”
“You can’t change fate AJ.”
“Fuck yes you can. And we’re living proof.” Nick looked down as he saw Kevin approach the jungle gym, gesturing for him to get down. “So what’s it gonna be Nick?” The blonde was silent for a moment before he finally turned to AJ, his blue eyes narrowed but full of gratitude.

“I fight.”