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“Nick-”
“It’s no use, Kevin.”
“You don’t know that Nicky.You have to go see her. You HAVE to try.”
Nick glanced at the other three men before he looked Kevin straight in the eyes again, feeling a lump was making it harder to express the devastation he was feeling, now that he realised Kevin was no longer speaking of ‘us’ or ‘we’. It made him feel as if he was now fighting this battle against cancer all by himself. “What happened to ‘we’, Kev?” he whispered as tears filled his eyes. Hearing those words coming from the one that had been through so much lately broke Kevin’s heart. He pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back as he was thinking of something encouraging to tell Nick who was now softly crying with his head buried in Kevin’s shoulder. His mind was blank and before he knew it, he said the words none of them had expected him to say. “I don’t know, Nicky.. I don’t know.” In the process he shot his cousin a look that could be explained as one filled with anger, hurt or maybe a mixture of those emotions.

Brian felt his cousin’s gaze, but the shame was so overwhelming that he didn’t dare to look at anyone right now. Instead he kept his gaze on the carpet while fiddling with one of the coasters A.J. bought, but never ever used. He let his best friend down, just like he had when Nick just confided in them. And this time, his behavior couldn’t be explained as caused by shock, this time it was purely his ego, his selfishness. He fucked up, again. A.J. was right, Nick was family too, but instead he acted as if he wasn’t his best friend. Those things he said made it seem Nick was nothing more than an acquaintance.
It wouldn’t kill him if he didn’t see his wife and son for a week. Seven days without them wasn’t something he’d enjoy, but if Nick decided to go through with the treatment, he could always have them fly over if Leighanne was okay with that. For Nick on the other hand, that trip over to the Netherlands could be his last chance to regain control over his life, to beat this disease that was slowly dragging him towards the end.
Those seven days could make the difference between the two of them pulling pranks on the others for another fifty years, or him paying visits to Nick’s grave. And here he was, fighting over bringing his family along to Europe and yelling and screaming over who cared about Nick more. Brian carefully glanced at Nick whose crying was muffled by Kevin’s sweater. He knew now that A.J. was right, it wasn’t him who had seen Nick during the weakest of times and he sure as hell wasn’t the one who cared the most. How could he be when he was acting like this, like a first-class asshole??

Howie snapped him out of his thoughts by harsly hitting him on his back. “Brian, studio, NOW!” the Latino snapped. Brian winced in pain, but knew better than to start arguing all over again, so he slowly got to his feet and followed his friend over to A.J.’s studio. Howie waited for him to enter and then closed the door behind the Kentuckian. When he turned around to look at Brian, his eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms in front of his chest. “What the HELL were you thinking out there, Brian?!”
Brian didn’t answer. He just stood there, hands shoved in his pockets, gaze directed at the floor, fighting with everything in his might to stay calm. Since he was in deep thought, he didn’t notice Howie walking up to him and never saw the shove he gave him coming. As he stumbled backwards while trying to prevent himself from falling, his eyes met Howie’s, that were blazing with fury. The thought that his friend wasn’t acting like his patient, kind self crossed Brian’s mind and he was just about to tell him to back off, when Howie repeated his question, followed by: “So?! What the FUCK is wrong with you Brian?!”

Brian shook his head as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Too bad, you’re gonna have to.” Howie again crossed his arms before his chest and started tapping his right foot in an impatient manner. Brian didn’t like the way he was being spoken to and felt anger flaring up again as he looked at Howie who was no longer the calm, quiet man he knew him to be. “And you’re gonna make me?!” he sarcastically replied.
“Yes, I am.” The Latino now calmly stated. “Cause if you don’t get yourself together right now and start realising that you’re destroying Nicky’s will to fight.. I swear to God, I’ll make sure he’ll never have to put up with your behavior again.”
Brian’s eyes went wide at the comment as he tried to figure out what exactly Howie was talking about. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he yelled as he walked up to him, his arms also crossed in front of his chest and his eyes spatting fire.
“I’ll make sure he never has to put up with YOU again!!” Howie replied, while planting his right index finger on Brian’s chest. “Get a grip or face the fact that you won’t see Nick anymore. I won’t let you..”

Brian was gaping at Howie, his blue eyes searching Howie's brown, desperately trying to gauge the validity in the older man's words. "Y-you couldn't." The Kentuckian finally concluded, shaking his head as he took a small step back. "You couldn't."
"Keep up your bullshit attitude and just watch me." Howie challenged, his arms still crossed defiantly against his chest. "God Brian, I don't understand you!" He broke his stance as he threw his arms up in the air in exasperation, gesturing to Brian as he spoke. "This is already SO damn hard on everyone, why are you being such an ass about it?! Who CARES if AJ spends more time with Nicky? It shouldn't matter!"

"It does matter! It matters to me!" Brian cried in defense, raking a hand through his hair.
"WHY? Why is it so important to you?"
"I don't...I don't know."
Howie rolled his eyes at the answer, stepping back a bit and leaning against the wall behind him. "You have to know Brian. That's crap."
"I-I just-"
"Just what Brian? What?"
"I don't want Nick to die thinking AJ was his best friend!" The younger man finally shouted, his chest heaving as he clenched his fists at his side. "AJ is NOT Nick's best friend! I AM! He never gave a DAMN about Nick and suddenly he's his best buddy?! I've been there for EVERYTHING! I REFUSE to have AJ suddenly take my place! He's not good enough for Nick! He's NOT!"
Howie's eyes had gone wide at the confession, his mouth dropping open as he simply stared. "You-"

"You're unbelievable." Brian jumped at the voice, his gaze whipping to around the room to find Kevin leaning against the door-frame, his face painted with anger. The eldest was in front of Brian in two steps, his emerald gaze blazing. "You have a LOT of nerve saying that Brian." He growled.
"I can say-" The younger man's sentence was cut off as Kevin gave him a hard shove, causing Brian to stumble back into the bookshelf behind him, a few items falling to the floor with a crash as the fixture shook. "What the h-"
"I'm only going to say this one time Littrell, so you better get it through your thick mind." Kevin was almost on top of Brian, standing so close that Brian could smell the coffee on his breath as he spoke. "This. Is. NOT. About. YOU." With every word, Kevin jabbed his finger into the younger man's chest, "GROW the FUCK up. Your behavior tonight was unacceptable and I WILL NOT tolerate it again."

"Kev, calm down." Howie was sighing as he watched the exchange between the two cousins. "Just take it easy."
"What you just said about AJ was completely out of line Brian and if I EVER hear it slip out of you again, I will kick your ass. Do you not understand how difficult this is on ALL of us? Goddammit, do you WANT Nick to die? DO YOU?! Because you may get your wish awfully soon if you keep up this selfish, BULLSHIT behavior you got going on! I have NEVER been so disgusted by you!"
"I-"
"Brian don't." The Latino interjected, moving closer to his two bandmates with another sigh. "I think you should just go home for now."
"But Nick...I wanted to-"
"But nothing." Kevin snapped. "You've done enough damage to Nick tonight Littrell. Just get the hell out of here." Brian looked quickly at Howie who simply nodded, then to his cousin who still stood before him, anger rolling off of him in waves.

"Okay." He finally relented, side stepping the older man, "Okay." Walking across the room, he stopped in front of the door, pulling it open slowly with a sigh. "I just..." Brian trailed off with another sigh, shaking his head. "I-I'm sorry."
"I don't care." The older cousin muttered. "Sorry isn't going to fix the damage you've caused. I don't think you should even bother coming on this trip to see the doctor."
"Nick agreed to go?" Howie asked suddenly, his voice laced with surprise.
Kevin nodded, "AJ talked him into it."
Shooting a glare at Brian he rolled his eyes, "Seems to me, the only one not good enough for Nick right now is you." Tears welled up in Brian's eyes at the accusation and he blinked harshly trying to keep them back. Opening and closing his mouth, he tried to get a reply out, only ending up shaking his head again as he left the room, practically running through the house and out the front door.
Rain hit him immediately as he stood before his car, his hands shaking as he unlocked the vehicle, shoving the key into the ignition and peeing out of AJ's driveway. He was halfway down the street before he broke, pulling the car over as he laid his head on the steering wheel.
"Oh god, what have I done?" He whispered, his voice cracking as he began to sob.

~~~~

"That was harsh Kev." Howie was sighing as the two men walked from the studio to the main room.
Kevin shrugged, his hands deep in his pockets. "It was the truth."
"Yeah but Bri-"
"Howie, I really don't give a damn about Brian right now, okay? I don't. All I want to do is figure things out with Nicky, just drop the shit with Brian."
"Alright. Consider it dropped." The Latino plopped down on the couch after Kevin, rubbing a hand over his face. "So what went on with Nicky?"
"He cried for a bit. He's getting tired of all this, you know? I mean, we all are but he thinks it's all his fault."
"Poor kid."
"Yeah. Thing is, he isn't even mad at Brian. He said he understood everything Brian was saying, at least, the part about Leigh and what not. I don't know how much he heard about AJ versus Brian but it doesn't matter, that's all crap anyways."
"I dunno Kev. I can kind of see where Brian's coming from. I mean, some of the things he said about Jay were totally out of line but, I guess I can see his point."
"He needs to grow up D." Kevin said with a shake of his head. "Like AJ said, this isn't a contest. I realize how close Brian feels to Nick but it shouldn't matter if AJ spends more time with him or not. That's such a trivial thing."
"I-"

"Nick's finally asleep." AJ announced as he came sauntering into the room, cutting off Howie. "Where's the asshole?"
"Brian went home."
"Good. I was gonna kick him out anyways." The rebel huffed as he fell into the arm chair across from the couch. "He fucked the kid up, you know. Now Nick wants to move back into his house."
"This is ridiculous." The eldest mumbled, shutting his eyes for a moment with a large sigh. "You know, sometimes I think it would have just been easier to have Nick stay at a hospital."
"We couldn't have just left him there." Howie pointed out. "You know that."
"Of course I know that. I mean, yeah, that's why he's here." Kevin gestured. "But still."
"Naw, I know how you feel." AJ nodded, yawning for a moment. "It's tough. But at least he agreed to go see this doctor."
"Yeah, maybe an end to all this is near."
"I wouldn't start getting that excited D." The youngest man warned, "I still think this could be just another dead end."
"Or maybe this is our needle in a hay stack." Howie shot back. "It never hurts to try."
"Hell yes it does. Look at us, we're falling apart! And we fall apart more and more every time we try!"
"AJ-"
"Forget it Kev." AJ sighed, waving his hand in Kevin's direction. "It's late. Are you guys staying here?"
The two men glanced at one another before shaking their heads. "We should head home to pack." Kevin stated, rising to his feet and watching Howie do the same. Aj got to his feet as well, walking both men to the door. "I'll call you tomorrow with all the flight info."
"Is the prick coming?"
"I told him not to." The eldest frowned. "I don't know if he'll actually show up."
"If he knows what's best for him, he won't." AJ muttered. "I'll catch you all later."
He received hugs from both men as they left, shutting the door and letting out a large breath. "God we're fucked."