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It took the Kentuckian all of five minutes to get himself situated in the room, simply tossing his bags down onto the floor before falling onto the bed with a small groan. Lying face down on the matress, he let out a large sigh, before slowly pushing himself over, his eyes focused on the celing as he rolled to his back.
"I'm in such deep shit." Brian muttered, closing his eyes roughly, his hands crossed across his stomach. He knew chosing to come on the trip was the right thing to do in the end and he figured his friends would still be upset with him but what he failed to consider was exactly HOW angry they'd still be. In many ways, Brian had expected his bandmates to forgive his outburst, chalking it simply up to stress and worry. But they hadn't. The ride over had been torture. No matter how he tried, none of them seemed to want to converse with him. Nick was the only one who seemed to actually ackowledged his presence, smiling here and there at him and asking about Baylee but even that seemed forced.

A an air of polite chit-chat coloring every conversation the Southerner had tried to conjure up. It had gotten to the point that Brian had relented less than midway into the flight, retreating into a book he had brought along, simply staring blankly at the words as he tried to figure out how to erase the damage he had caused. Occasionally he would glance up to see A.J. and Nick sitting together, laughing about something as they chatted away the flight's long hours. And every time he would see this, a wave of jealousy would surge over him, followed immediately by guilt. A.J. was like the rest of them; just wanting to spend as much time with Nick as possible. Could he really fault the rebel for that? As much as Brian wanted to, he knew he couldn't. The fact of the matter was that he had simply been completely out of line. Yet he still couldn't justify his actions. All he was able to give his friends was a heartfelt apology but even that they didn't seem to want to hear.

Sighing again, Brian shoved himself up into a sitting position, rubbing a hand over his face. He still had the rest of the night to try and make things up with the other men; he desperately wanted things to be all right between them when they went to see the doctor tomorrow. Rising to his feet, he walked to the door, his hand falling on the doorknob as he paused. Who was he going to talk to first? "Shit."

~~~~~

Howie quickly dropped the bags he was carrying in the middle of the room, a wince pulling on his features as he rubbed his shoulders. "Jeeze Nicky, what the hell did you bring?"
"Essentials." Nick supplied, sitting down on the couch with a small smile. His smile quickly fell away as Kevin yanked a blanket out of one of the bags, covering him with it. "Um, I was fine Kev." The older man paid no attention, kneeling down and beginning to tug Nick's shoes off before gently propping the youth's feet up on the table. "Kev-"
"Do you want anything to drink baby?" The blonde slowly shook his head, shooting a look to Howie who was grinning.
"I'm fine but Kevin I-"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah but-" Nick tired again, struggling not to roll his eyes.
"Anything to eat?" Kevin asked, reaching forward to feel Nick's forehead. "You feel clammy....you cold? It's cold in here. I think I'll turn on the heat for you."
"No! Kevin I'm fine!"
"Don't shout Nick." Kevin reprimanded as he walked over to the heater, a frown pulling at his features as he looked at the device. "All the instructions are in Dutch...how the hell do you turn this thing on?" He fiddled with it for a moment before letting out an annoyed growl. "Fuck...this is a hotel, shouldn't stuff like this be in English?"

"Kevin-"
"Howie, would you call downstairs and ask them how to turn the heat on?" The Latino nodded silently, too afraid that if he opened his mouth his laughter would escape. To see Kevin fussing so much over Nick, combined with the pure exasperation from the youngest was almost too much for him to handle. "You should try and eat something to Nicky. You didn't eat on the plane. Maybe some warm chicken noodle soup?"
"I don't really want any soup Kev." The youngest tried, slowly counting to ten silently. Kevin was only trying to help. Kevin was only trying to help. He chanted in his mind. Stay cool.

"D, can you ask them to bring up some soup for Nick?" Kevin instructed, completely ignoring the dispute. "Maybe some bread too. Also some kind of juice would be nice...like cranberry or something to-"
"I. DO. NOT. WANT. SOUP!!!" Nick finally yelled, his patience breaking as he rolled his eyes. "Or bread, or juice! I don't need the heat on, I don't need anything to drink and I don't need a blanket!" Almost to prove his point, the youth threw the blanket off of him, standing up in a huff. Walking over to Kevin, he grabbed the older man's shoulder, shaking him gently. "Kev, I'm FINE. Okay? FINE. I had something to eat on the plane, the room is the perfect temperature and you need to stop worrying." A grin worked it's way onto Nick's face and he took in a deep breath, playfully rolling his eyes. "Chill old man."

Kevin stared at his youngest brother for a moment before sighing, a small smile darting onto his face. "I'm not old." Kevin muttered, giving Nick a gentle shove. "Brat." He sighed again, nodding slowly. "Was I smothering you?"
"Just a bit." Nick shrugged. "Don't let me catch you doing it again though." He winked, turning and sitting back down onto the couch. Howie finally let out a few chuckles, rolling his eyes as he sat down next to Nick. "Don't you need to unpack Kev?" Howie suggested, raisning an eyebrow. "Suppose I do." The older man nodded. "Alright, I'm heading out. Did you want to meet up for some dinner a bit later?"
"Why don't we see about that in a bit." The Latino sighed, shaking his head slowly. "You know, depending on...things." Nick didn't miss the look the two men shared and he fought once more to roll his eyes. "Sure thing." Kevin quickly walked to the door, yanking it open. He gave Nick one last look before nodding again, heading out the room, the door clicking shut behind him.

"God, I HATE that." Nick moaned, falling back against the pillows.
"He only treats you that way because he's worried about you Nicky."
"I'm talking about that LOOK." Nick gestured to the door. "The one I've seen you all do. The one that's like, like....shit, how do I explain this?" Howie said nothing, waiting for the younger man to continue. "Like you're trying to memorize every detail of me cuz I might drop dead before you see me again." The older man actually winced at the words, biting on his lower lip.
"Nick," He sighed. "I know we're not giving you alot of breathing room but you have to understand how-"
"Everyone is changing because of me Howie! EVERYONE. And I hate it! I hate the way I'm making you guys!"
"Buddy, it's not your fault you-"
"Yes it is! Don't you get that? This is ALL my goddamn fault! If i had just GONE to the doctor when this shit started, I might have been able to prevent all this fucking bullshit! I just wish I hadn't been so damn stupid! I wish I would have-"

"Did I ever explain to you how I felt about Caroline?" Howie suddenly interrupted, causing a confused look to fall over Nick's features. "I mean, I know you know I was upset but did I ever really explain to you how I felt about her death?"
"No," The youth began, shaking his head slowly. "I don't think you ever did."
"When Caroline died was so angry at myself Nick because I had to fly there and back so quickly. I should have put my foot down with management, I should have told them that nothing was more important that my family." Howie sighed again. "But I didn't. So I missed the final hours of my sister's life. I missed being there to comfort my mom and dad in their worst hours. I missed it all. And I didn't even get to grieve with my family, you know? Because we had a show to do the next day."

"Yeah but this is different D."
"No, it isn't. Because all I needed to do was tell management what my priorites were but I was too scared. I was scared that they'd take their anger out on you guys. Scared that I'd disappoint the fans and scared that I'd disapoint you guys."
"You could never-"
"I know." Howie smiled. "I know that now. The point is Nicky, we all make poor choices. No point in dwelling on them, no matter how much they suck. We have to focus on the present. I mean, I think I'd lose my sanity if I kept thinking about what I could have done with Caroline."
"Yeah," Nick let out a breath. "But everyone is so different now. You know?" A small laugh escaped Howie and he smiled at his youngest friend. "I don't think anyone has really changed THAT much Ni-"

"A.J. watches me sleep." The blonde cut in, his eyes on the floor as he spoke.
"He what?"
"Watches me sleep." Nick repeated, "All the time, I think. I mean, I don't think I'm supposed to know but I've seen him a lot. Sitting in the corner just watching me. And there are times when I've had nightmares and junk, and I kinda wake up and he's there, telling me things are gonna be okay and rubbing my back and stuff." A smile flashed across Howie face as he heard Nick's statement, the older man realizing how out of character A.J. was acting.
"So you think this is a bad thing?"
"I don't know D!" Nick excalimed, throwing his hands out in frustration. "I just....it's NOT A.J.!" The youth tugged on his hat harsly, shaking his head. "Everyone is changing Howie! I mean, Kevin won't let me out of his sight, Brian has lost his mind....with all that screaming and yelling. You throw yourself into work like crazy. I hate all this."

"I know I haven't been around as much as I could Nicky."
"You have a life D. I don't fault you for that." Nick frowned, sinking back against the pillows. "I just wish we could be done with all this bullshit. You know? I feel like everyone and everything is on pause. Me, you guys, the fans, the group....it's like we're all just waiting to see what the result of all this bullshit is gonna be so then we get on with our lives." The youth let out a large sigh, "Or in my case, get to the end of mine." Howie winced at the words again, taking in a few deep breaths in order to regain his composure. "Buddy, I know things seems really tough right now but-"
"Things always seem tough Howie. That's because they are and yeah, maybe I'll get to that doctor tomorrow and things will get all better but you know, maybe they won't. Maybe it's just downhill from here. " Howie opened his mouth to respond but Nick was already getting to his feet.
"Where're you going?"
"I'm kinda tired D. I think I'm gonna go crash." The older man sadly watched Nick make his way to his bedroom, the sound of the door shutting seemingly echoing throughout the room. Letting out a large breath, Howie fell back against the cushions, shutting his eyes roughly.
"Yeah," He breathed. "Maybe they won't."