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Brian was staring at the door before him, his blue eyes darting back and forth between the numbers on the door and the hallway floor where he currently stood, shifting back and forth in trepidation. His mouth felt dry, his tongue darting out every few seconds to re-lick his lips. Every now and then, his teeth would trap his bottom lip in their grasp, holding onto it for a few moments as he desperately tried to get together what he wanted to say. His mind was racing, his hands balled into fists and sweaty. He let out another breath, chiding himself yet again for being so stupid. Raising up a hand, he brought it forth to knock on the door, freezing inches from the wood before shaking his head. Why the hell was he so nervous? Clearing his throat, he pushed himself to continue, the sound of his knuckles rapping on the door reverberating through the silent hallway.

"Coming! Coming!" A new wave of nervousness swept over him when he heard A.J.'s voice, trying to shake the thought of running for his life out of his mind. He was in the middle of contemplating the thought when the door swung open, his widened gaze snapping to his younger friend. "Oh, it's you." A.J. frowned, leaning on the door as his eyes narrowed behind the blue tinted sunglass perched on his face. "What the fuck do you want?"

"I uh," Brian mumbled. "Um, I wanted to talk....to Kev."
"Why?" Crossing his arms across his chest, A.J. arched an eyebrow and Brian sighed.
"Because I wanted to apologize."
"For?"
"You know what for, look, can I just come in?" Exasperation colored the Kentuckian's words and A.J. shrugged. "C'mon A.J., let me in."
"Where the fuck is my apology?" Brian simply stared at him, letting out a quiet sigh. "Yeah. Tough shit Littrell."
"Let him in Jay." Brian almost jumped at the sound of Kevin's voice, his older cousin appearing beside the rebel, his features cold. A.J. shrugged again, stepping aside and motioning for Brian to come in before kicking the door shut. "What do you want Brian?"
"To talk." The Southerner glanced at the couch for a moment, feeling even more awkward just standing around. He felt like an intruder.
"Can we sit or something?"
"Why? Is it too hard for you to speak and stand with your head so far up your ass?" The youngest man muttered, rolling his eyes.
"Look, I know I fucked up, okay A.J.? God."
"Well that's great Brian! Let me pull a gold star out of my ass for you! You figured it out! What a good little boy." Brian balled his fists at the words, opening his mouth to speak only to snap it shut when Kevin glared at him.

"A.J., why don't you go visit with Nicky and Howie for a bit?" Kevin suggested, taking his hardened gaze off of Brian for a moment to glance at the rebel who's eyes jumped to Kevin in surprise. "What? Why?"
"I think Brian and I need to talk alone." Brian had paled at the words, looking even more nervous than before. A.J. and Kevin were one thing, but Kevin alone? If Kevin was going to kill him, Brian wanted a witness; not that A.J. was much happier with him but still, he preferred the rebel around. "Brian can aplogize to you later."
"Kiss my ass, is more like it but whatever." A.J. relented with a huff, jamming his hands into his pocket. "Call me when you're done."
"Will do." Kevin nodded, watching A.J. leave the room before looking back at his younger cousin. "Alright Littrell, you want to talk...so talk."

~~~~~

Howie was absentmindedly flipping through TV channels, his eyes on the television but his mind wandering a million miles away. All he could think about was the meeting with the doctor tomorrow. Was this going to be the answer to their prayers or condem them even more? He let out a large sigh, running his fingers through his hair and tugging on the ends of it lightly.

Nick had given him quite a scare earlier, haunted by a nightmare he had started screaming all of the sudden, causing Howie to jump out of his skin and rush into the younger man's room, finding the youth tossing and turning in the bed. Unsure of whether to wake him or leave Nick alone, Howie had simply stared, listening as Nick begged outloud for someone to save him, for someome to not let him die. It had gotten to the point where the Latino had to bite his lip hard enough to draw blood in an effort to keep from screaming himself. The nightmare lasted no more than 10 minutes, the screams dying away from Nick as he slipped back into a peaceful slumber, leaving Howie to retreat back to the main room, his eyes full of tears. The older man had sat and cried for a good half hour, his thoughts threatening to rip away his sanity as they whirled around Nick and Caroline.

A sudden knock on the door made Howie jump, jolting him out of his thoughts as he got to his feet, slowly walking over to it and tugging it open. "Hey D." A.J. greeted, nodding curtly as he entered the room. "Where's Fracky?"
"Sleeping." The older man frowned, shutting the door. "What kind of nickname is that?"
"An annoying one." The rebel grinned, plopping down on the couch and flicking through the TV channels before shutting the TV off. "I always hate TV in other countries. There's never any good shit on in English."
"Where's Kev?" Howie sighed, taking a seat next to A.J.. "Our room. Asshole came by to talk." Howie rolled his eyes at statement, leaning back into the cushions. "You gonna stop calling him that anytime soon?"
"Hey, if the shoe fits," A.J. shrugged. "Anyways. Kev kicked me out to talk to Brian alone so," He threw his arms out with a sarcastic grin. "Here I am!"
"Lovely."

"You okay D?" A.J. asked after a moment of silence, taking of his sunglasses, he dropped them onto the table, adjusting his hat as he looked at his older bandmate. "You look upset."
"Just stressed." Howie pressed a smile onto his face as he shook his head. "I'm good."
"Uh huh. How's Nickers?"
"Had a nightmare a bit earlier." The eldest said after a quick debate on whether or not to tell A.J.. "Scared the shit out of me."
"I know those. Did he scream?” A.J. let out a small sigh as Howie nodded. "Yeah, those still scare me when I'm not expecting them. Sometimes I can tell but there are times when they come out of nowhere."
"Ahh. That's right," Howie let a small smile fall across his face. "You watch Nicky sleep."
A.J. look startled by the statement, a frown immediately breaking out. "Why the hell do you say that?"
"Nick said you did."
"Fuck." The rebel muttered after a few more choice obsenities. "He knows?" Upon Howie's nod, A.J. shook his head, his eyes dropping to the floor. "Fuck." He repeated. "What's wrong with him knowing?" A.J. was quiet for a moment, a large sigh escaping him as he finally looked up at his older friend. "I don't know D. It's just...so not me, you know?"
The younger man rolled his eyes. "I didn't want to weird him out. I guess I won't do it anymore."
"Why not? He didn't say anything about not wanting you to do it anymore."
"But he did say something about it, yeah?"
"He's just upset." Howie sighed. "He feels like everyone is changing because of him."
"No shit." A.J. muttered, rolling his eyes again. "We're falling apart man."

"We're losing one of us A.J.. What do you expect?"
"We haven't lost him yet Howie." Howie shrugged at the response, sitting up a little.
"Not yet, no."
"And what, you're expecting we will?"
"What if the doctor can't help him Jay? Have you even considered that?"
"Of course I have." A.J. spat. "I WAS the one who brought it up that one night. I mean, fuck Howie," The rebel got to his feet as he spoke, pacing before the older man, his hands going every which was as he spoke. "I can't even imagine what's gonna happen if that doctor is full of shit. Jesus....I mean, Nick is already assuming the worst, whether he admits it or not. You know he's got his will done? I found it the other day by accident. His will, his burial plot is picked out and paid for, instructions on how he wants to be buried..." A.J. trailed off and angrily shook his head. "He's a kid Howie. A fucking KID. He should be picking out his next video game not his Goddamn burial plot."
"I know." The Latino said softly. "He's only 25 years old..."

"And Brian! Brian is gonna lose it man. Look at him already! He's not gonna make it if Nicky dies. No fuckin way. I don't think Kevin is going to either."
"Are you?"
"What?"
"Are you going to make it if Nick dies?"
"What kind of question is that?" The younger man demanded, stopping his pacing to glare at Howie. "That has nothing to do with anything." Howie rolled his eyes, shaking his own head.
"It has complete relevance to everything A.J.." Howie got to his feet as well, walking over to where A.J. had frozen. "You go on and on about Nick's feelings, Brian's, Kevin's, even mine but what about your own? I haven't heard you ONCE talk about how this whole ordeal is affecting you." A.J. was silent for a moment befoe turning and walking a few steps away from Howie, shaking his head again. "You have to talk about it Jay."
"I don't have to talk about shit."
"Listen, I know-"
"No. Fuck that Howie, if I want to keep my feelings to myself than I fucking will. We have enough bullshit going on right now and I'm not about to add on more."
"A.J., you gotta talk to someone! Even if it's Nicky you-"
"Why the FUCK would I talk to Nick about something like that? Don't you think the kid has enough on his mind? Jesus christ Howie! That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."
Howie's eyes narrowed and he took in a deep breath, trying to keep his patience in check.
"Now wait a damn minute, all I was trying to say was tha-"
"You know what?" A.J. asked, rasing his hands up and shaking his head. "I'm done. Fuck this, I'm outta here." Before Howie even had a chance to say anything, the rebel was out the door, slamming it behind him and leaving Howie to simply stare.

~~~~

"Listen Kev, my behavior the other night," Brian let out a large sigh, his blue eyes focused on the hardwood floor as he spoke, slowly shaking his head. "It was completely out of line."
"I'm glad you finally managed to get that through your thick skull." Kevin muttered, rolling his eyes as he took a seat beside his younger cousin.
"I really am sorry Kevin. I don't know what I was thinking."
"I'm sure you do." Brian glanced at the older man with a frown, causing Kevin to let out a sigh. "Bri, look, I already know you know you were an asshole. What I want to know, is why." The younger Knetuckian was silent for a few moments, his leg bouncing up and down as he tried to think. "Well? Why did you say all that bullshit?"
"I don't know Kev....I mean, it was just everything. It all built up. All the stressing and the worrying, the up's and down's." Brian shook his head squeezing his eyes shut for a second. "I can't take this much longer! I-I'm going, literally, INSANE, wondering if Nick is gonna pull through, I mean, I go to sleep every night and wake up every morning, terrified that I'm gonna call A.J.'s and find out that Nick's dead. Or A.J.'s gonna call me in the middle of the night telling me that Nick is dead."

"Yeah, I know how that is." Understanding flashed across Kevin's features as he spoke. "It's the same way for me."
"Then with how close A.J. and Frack are getting....God, I feel like I'm losing him not only to the cancer but to A.J. too. You know? Like, I'm losing my best friend and it's my own damn fault. I'm not around as much as I should be."
"You have a wife and son Brian. Nick knows that and so does A.J.. Why do you think he volunteered to have Nicky stay at his place? They're good for one another." Kevin shrugged. "As much as I hate to admit it, you and I are treating Nick like he's made of glass."
"And A.J. doesn't?" The eldest shot him a look and Brian sighed again. "I guess not, huh?"
"You know how Bone is. He treats Nick like he's always treated him and that's what he needs right now Brian. You've got to understand that. Like A.J. said, we're not competing over Nick. No one wins over another by spending more time with him."
"I know, I know."
"Then stop acting like a self-centered little brat." Kevin chastised. "Grow up Bri. Cherish the time you have with Nick now, instead of measuring up against how much time A.J.'s spent with him."

"But I'm his-"
"I KNOW you're his best friend. But so is A.J.. And Howie and myself. We're ALL his best friends Brian, you've got to knock that shit off. It's ridiculous and all it's doing is causing unwanted tension." Silence overwhelmed the two men for a few minutes, Brian finally letting out a groan as he fell against the couch. "I've been such an idiot."
"Yeah, you have."
"How much do you hate me?" A smirk pulled the corners of Kevin's mouth upwards into a small smile and he playfully reached out, cuffing the back of Brian's head. "I don't hate you."
"Does A.J.?" Brian smiled at Kevin who let out a laugh, rising slowly to his feet. "He may but I'm sure if you buy him enough crap, he'll forgive you."
"What about Howie and Nicky?"
"You know D and Nicky will forgive and forget Bri. They always do, I'm actually pretty sure they have. A.J. just threatned bodily harm to anyone who spoke to you on the ride over." Brian quirked an eyebrow at the comment, getting to his feet as well. "Seriously?"
"Oh yeah." The older man nodded. "He's pretty pissed at you, more so I think, on Nick's behalf."
"He's really changed through all this." Brian breathed, running a hand through his short hair.
"We all have."

"What do you think is gonna happen tomorrow Kev? You really think this doctor is gonna be the one?" Kevin was quiet for a minute, his arms crossed against his chest as he stared at his younger cousin, his green eyes saddened. "I can't tell you how much I hope so." He said, "But we've come away empty handed so many times...." Kevin allowed his sentence to trial off into silence.
"We're not gonna make it if this one falls through, are we Kev?" Brian drawled softly, his sapphire gaze locking with Kevin's emerald stare. "No," Kevin murmured after another moment of silence, a defeated smile gracing his face before disappearing almost as quickly as it had come. "We're not."