“Kev?” The older man felt himself being pulled away from his memories as a prod hit him deep in the side, a soft grunt of protest escaping him. “Kevin?” His name was whispered again, a deeper sense of urgency creeping into it and he fought off a groan. What was so important that he had to open his eyes now? Shifting positions, he frowned, why did his body feel so stiff? So drained? “Kevin? You listening to me, man?” Emerald eyes fluttered open at the third address, annoyance rushing through the older man before confusion quickly wiped it away. Why was his dream still before his eyes? Shaking his head, he blinked once, twice, a third time, in an effort to clear the picture; a sinking feeling washing over him as the images failed to falter, more vivid and real than ever. Kevin felt his breath catch in his throat, sweat beginning to break out on his forehead. This wasn’t happening. Glancing to his left, he saw Brian staring at him mournfully, his cousin’s sapphire eyes bloodshot, his face pale and tear streaked.
“No…” The word tumbled from his lips in no more than a whisper, the slightest movement threatening to drown it out, a sick feeling building in the pit of his stomach. Looking around, he saw AJ’s brown eyes narrowed in confusion, unhidden by sunglasses and full of more sorrow than he had ever seen. Saw Howie’s chocolate colored gaze wide, round and worried, memories of times past and present day regret seeping through. Green eyes snapped to the front of the church, a sharp intake in breath coupled with a low moan escaping Kevin as he saw Nick’s casket, the faint profile of his youngest friend unwavering as he stared, grief tumbling down onto him. “No…God no…”
“Kev…what’s going on with you?” Howie murmured, reaching a hand over and shaking him gently. “It’s your turn to speak…everyone is waiting…” The sentence trailed off into silence as the Latino tried to gauge his older friend’s behavior, unsure of what was going on. Bringing a hand up, Kevin rubbed his eyes harshly before peering around the entire room. The crowd was mainly silent, rebellious whispers racing through the quiet every few moments, uncertainty of what was going on hovering over everyone. Over in the far corner, the eldest could see the minister leaning against the podium, a semi impatient look coloring his aged features as he waited for someone to make a move.
“Man…Kev, would you snap out of it?” AJ hissed, knocking the eldest in the knee as his frowned deepened. “What’s wrong with you?”
“I-It was a dream…” Kevin breathed, his jade gaze locking with AJ’s auburn eyes. His hands beginning to shake as reality fully started to sink in, his heart breaking. “It was just supposed to be a dream!” His words rose an octave or two at the end of his statement causing a muffled curse to slip from the rebel as a confused look slipped into Brian’s sorrowful state.
“What in God’s name are you talking about?” AJ snapped, trying to keep his composure. Since when was Kevin the one to fall apart like this? As if it the day wasn’t bad enough on its own, AJ had his hands full with Brian, the younger Kentuckian bordering on hysterical every time the minister said Nick’s name. “Howie…crap, um, why don’t you go for now? Give Kevin a chance to pull himself together.” The rebel suggested after a moment of silence. Howie paled at the words, his eyes jumping to the front of the church as a shiver ran through him. “AJ, I…” Howie trailed off at the look his youngest friend sent him, biting back a sigh as he nodded slowly, swallowing harshly before rising to his feet. He was almost out of the row when a hand gripped his wrist, immediately stopping him, the Latino turning to find Kevin standing next to him. “No.”
“No?” Howie repeated in confusion staring at Kevin, who simply stared back at him, his eyes narrowed and vacant. Biting back a sigh, Howie sank back down, shrugging to AJ and Brian as he waited for Kevin to move. It took only a spit second before Kevin began to make his way to the front of the church, his eyes on the floor as he walked. Reality flooded back to him with every step, silently chastising himself for making such a scene. How could he have blanked out like that? He knew this wasn’t a dream. Knew Nick really had died. A pang in his heart burst forth as he thought of the statement. Nick had died. Nick was dead.
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
He forced himself to keep his eyes on the ground, knowing full well he’d lose his composure if he stole another look at Nick’s casket. Reaching the alter, he walked up the few steps painfully slow, hesitation and an overwhelming want to run in the opposite direction creeping into his every step. Coming to the pulpit, he mumbled out a quick apology towards the minister, who simply nodded before gesturing to the microphone. Taking in a broken breath, he turned to face the crowd, his eyes sweeping around the room and recognizing more than half the people who sat waiting for him to speak. Immediately finding Howie, AJ, Brian, Leighanne and Kristin, he concentrated his gaze on them, not trusting himself to look anywhere else.
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
“I um…I-I want to apologize for the wait,” His voice was low and shaky and Kevin cleared his throat a few times before licking his lips, trying to keep his pitch steady. “I’m sure you can all understand what a hard day this is for me…for everyone, and this speech is something…something I haven’t prepared. I mean, how do you…do you say goodbye to someone that was your brother? One of your best friends? Someone that was like a….a…a son?”
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
The older man’s statement shook so much at the last question that he had to pause for a few moments, breathing deeply as he struggled to keep himself together. “This wasn’t fair to anyone, especially Nick…he fought so hard and so long to avoid this outcome. This ending was something we weren’t prepared for and I ask God everyday why He chose to take Nicky away from us so suddenly. We didn’t even get to say goodbye…”
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
~~flashback~~
“Are you SURE you feel okay?” Brain demanded as he thumped Nick on the stomach, grinning as the younger man flipped him off. “For the millionth time, I’m FINE.” The blonde sighed, his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated on the video game he was playing. “For heaven’s sake.”
“Maybe we should take your temperature.” Howie suggested, chuckling as Nick quickly shot him a glare. “Nicky, you look paler than usual and your cheeks are all flushed. We’re just making sure you’re okay.”
“First off,” Nick muttered, his sentence pausing as he began smashing the buttons on his controller before letting out a large moan of defeat. Chucking the controller to the side, he swore loudly, rolling his eyes. “Aaaaaaargh! I almost HAD him!”
“Almost, yeah. How tragic.” AJ sighed in boredom. “What were you gonna say?”
“Huh? Oh, oh yeah,” The youth nodded, picking back up the controller and clicking a few buttons. “Ummm…”
“Nick!” Kevin snapped his fingers a few times, rolling his own eyes as Nick ignored him. “Hello! Concentrate Carter, it can’t be that hard.”
“Yeah fuck you too Kev.” Came the retort as Nick finally shut off the console, sitting back with a long sigh. “I forgot what I was gonna say anyhow.”
“You spaz.” The rebel muttered kicking at Nick’s head from his seat on the couch. “I guess it was that hard.”
“I’ll kick your ass for that one McLean.”
“You can try.”
“Asshole.”
Brian watched the exchange amusingly, laughing as Nick swatted at AJ before getting up and sitting on top of him.
“OUCH!” AJ yelped, glaring as Nick plopped down onto his legs. “Get the hell off of me dude, you’re crushing me!”
“You saying I’m fat?”
“If it’ll get you off of me, yes.” The rebel spat, sitting up and shoving Nick off, a smile working it’s way onto his face as Nick hit the floor with a ‘thud’.
“That HURT!” The youngest man protested, pouting as he looked at Kevin, batting his eyes. “Kevvvvvvvvvvvv, AJ hurt meeeeeeeee.” He whined, prompting laughs from Howie and Brian. “Punish him.”
“Dream on Nicky-boy.” AJ shrugged as he re-positioned himself, “Kevvy can’t do shit.” The eldest raised an eyebrow at the comment, his eyes jumping from Nick to AJ. “You think so?” Kevin asked lowly, quirking his other eyebrow as well as he sat forward.
“I know so.”
“Hmmph.” The oldest snorted, rolling his eyes. “I’d kill you but that’d make a mess and I don’t feel like cleaning anything up.”
“Laaaaaaame.” Howie, Brian and Nick all sing-songed, watching as Kevin simply rolled his eyes again.
A small string of coughs caused everyone to fall silent, the attention turning back to Nick who rolled his own eyes again. “Time to take that temperature Nicky.” Kevin sighed, getting to his feet. “AJ, where’s your thermometer?”
“Bathroom cabinet.”
“I’m FINE.” Nick mumbled, crossing his arms as he leaned back against the couch. “Dr. Peterson said I was fine. Six months in remission now…doesn’t that mean you guys can ease up?”
“No.” The eldest answered, walking back into the room as he gave Nick a look. “C’mere Nick.”
“Why? You gonna take my temp for me?” The younger man scowled, “Just give it to me.” A half smile slid onto his face as Kevin passed the thermometer over and he uncapped it, sticking it into his mouth. “Fank voo.”
“No talking.” Brian reprimanded, causing Nick to flip him off again. “Touchy touchy.” He laughed, directing his gaze to Kevin who was pulling on his jacket as he watched Nick. “Where you going?”
“Dinner tonight…remember Bri? You, me, Leigh, and Kris?”
A startled look flashed across Brian’s face as he got to his feet, shaking his head before nodding. “I totally forgot!” A groan left him and he slapped a hand to his forehead, “I didn’t get a sitter for Baylee!”
“I can watch him.” Howie offered, watching his two friends lazily. “I’ve got nothing else to do but hang here with these two.”
“And what, may I ask, is so bad about my company?”
“Vat aboot mife?” Nick nodded, frowning at his own words.
“Errrrr….” The Latino shrugged, “Nothing?”
“Voo found bery puspicious.” Came Nick’s reply as he raised an eyebrow at Howie, making the older man turn red. “Uh-humpf.”
“Hush.” The younger Kentuckian directed, patting Nick on the head. “That’d be awesome Howie, I’d really appreciate it.”
A low beeping sounded off in the room and Brian reached down, pulling the thermometer out of Nick’s mouth. “Hey…Kev, I think he’s actually got a bit of a cold.”
“What?” Both Nick and Kevin demanded, as Kevin moved from the doorway and Nick rose to his feet.
“Yeah, look,” Brian held out the thermometer to the two men, Howie moving over to take a look. “99.8.”
“Oh c’mon!” The youth half-laughed, “99.8? That’s not a cold…that’s like…a sniffle!”
Kevin simply frowned, reaching over and placing a hand on Nick’s forehead, his frown deepening as Nick ducked out of reach. “Sniffle or not, I want you to get to bed.”
“Bed?” Nick echoed, glancing at the clock on the wall, “It’s 9’o clock!”
“I don’t care. Your immune system is still weak and I’m not taking any chances. Get to bed. AJ, make sure he stays there.”
“But Kev-”
“No Nick.” The older man shook his head. “No buts. Get to bed…now.”
“You’re totally overreacting!” Nick protested, “Right? Frick?”
“You can never be too careful Frack.”
“You guys are NUTS! I’m FINE!”
“I don’t care. Get to bed Carter, I’m not kidding.”
The ringing of Kevin’s cell phone sliced through the air and he shot Nick a look before digging it out of his pocket. “Hello? Hey babe…no, Brian and I are heading out from AJ’s now….yeah. Uh-huh. Well we gotta stop at Bri’s place to get Leigh and drop off Howie cuz he’s watching….right. Are you at home? Okay, why don’t you head to Bri’s and we’ll meet you there….yes we’re leaving now…no I’m not just standing in place talking…” An exasperated look flashed over Kevin’s face and he covered the receiver for a moment. “Bed. NOW.” He ordered, causing Nick to let out an annoyed yell before stomping off. “Huh? Yes baby…yes I was listening….”
“You ready to go D?” Brian chuckled, nodding towards the door.
“Yeah.” The Latino grabbed his coat before heading towards the door, pulling it open.
“Tell Frack I’ll see him tomorrow.” The Southerner sighed, “See ya AJ.”
“Same here.” Howie nodded, stepping out. “Later.”
“No…no we’re already in the car. Yes…we’ll be there soon…yes honey, I know…I know…hang on for one sec baby…just one sec…” Kevin pulled the phone away from his ear, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. “I’ll call you later AJ, make sure Nick stays in bed, okay?”
“Gotcha old man.”
“Huh? I said hold on…no, I was talking to…I already said we were on our way…”
~~Later that night~~
The loud whining of a phone shook Kevin from his sleep, jolting him as he let out a loud groan, grabbing his pillow and covering his head with it. Who the hell was calling at this hour? Rolling over, he cuddled up to Kristin, hearing her let out a small sigh of content as the phone went silent. He was almost back in the arms of slumber when the phone rang again, a muttered curse leaving him as he blindly grabbed for the cell phone on the nightstand, blinking harshly against the lit display.
“Who is it?” Kristin mumbled, bringing a hand up to rub her eyes. “Kevin, its 4’o clock in the morning!” She sighed, glancing at the clock with a small moan.
“I know…I don’t know the number.” Throwing the phone back down, he ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry baby. Go back to sleep.” The sentence has just left his mouth when the phone rang for a third time, prompting a low growl from the older man.
“Just answer it honey or turn it off. I just need to get some sleep.”
He nodded at the words, snatching the phone up and flipping it open. “Listen, whoever the hell this is I…Brian?” Malice turned to shock as Kevin sat up quickly, pressing the phone against his ear. “Brian…Brian slow down….no…where ARE you….? What? I can’t…Brian, WHAT is going ON? Hello? AJ? Is that you? What’s going…you’re WHERE?” Kevin leapt out of the bed as if it were on fire at the answer, running over to his dresser and yanking out a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. “Okay…okay…no…oh shit…shit….SHIT….no…I….I’ll be right there…did you call…his way….no…I’m coming now….yes! Yeah, I’ll be right there…okay…okay…I said OKAY…bye.”
“Honey? Honey what’s wrong?” Kristin was now sitting up, watching with confusion as Kevin dashed around the room, grabbing his wallet and keys and yanking on his shoes, his cell phone in his mouth as he did so. “Kevin?” She flipped on the light, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness, “What’s going on?”
“Nick…” Kevin got out, succeeding in getting his shoes on and shoving his phone into his pocket. Pulling the t-shirt over his head, he walked to the closet, grabbing his jacket out. “Something happened, Brian and AJ are at the hospital, Howie’s on his way. I gotta go…I’ll call you when I know.” And with that, he was out the door, dashing down the stairs. The front door bounced off the wall, slamming shut as he ran out to his car, shoving the keys in the ignition and stomping on the gas, the vehicle flying down the street. He was halfway to the hospital when his cell rang again, “What….no…no I’m almost there…like 5 minutes…Howie, what the hell is going on? Didn’t they say what happened? Fuck…didn’t you ASK? Well who gives a shit if you just got there…didn’t you…didn’t AJ or Brian…well why the hell NOT?” Kevin slammed on the brakes as a light turned red, almost running it in the process. “NO! Dammit, I’ll be there in 2 seconds…yes…okay…okay…yeah…bye.” The tires of the car screeched at the light turned green, the older man making it to the hospital a second later. Running through the door, he didn’t even bother with the elevator, yanking the stairwell door open and taking the stairs two at a time to the 3rd floor. Rounding the corner, he entered the waiting room, immediately finding Howie, AJ and Brian all sitting together.
“Kev!” Brian and AJ looked up at the address, both of them looking shaken.
“What happened?” The eldest demanded as a make shift greeting, looking at his two younger band-mates.
“I don’t know Kev,” AJ started, his eyes on the floor. The rebel was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, his eyes unhidden, a cap messily placed on his head. “I was watching TV in my room and all of the sudden I heard him yell, so I went to go check on him and,” He let the sentence trail off as he shook his head, closing his eyes. “He was standing by his bed…and, I don’t know what the fuck happened, I don’t…he just, he looked at me and said my name…then he just…he just went down man, I tried waking him up but I couldn’t then I called 911.” AJ blinked his eyes back open, shaking his head, “They wouldn’t tell me shit in the ambulance, all they did was fucking yell at one another and rush him in.”
“Hasn’t any-”
“No one’s been out to talk to us since.” The rebel interjected, shaking his head again. “I’ve tried asking them what’s going on, so has Bri and D. They just keep telling us to wait.”
“Fuck.” The older man hissed out, sinking down into a chair as he wrung his hands together. Letting out a breath, he assessed the situation fully, glancing at Brian, who sat almost rigid in his seat, his blue eyes glued to the door. The Kentuckian was dressed in pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt, a blue Wildcats hat smashed onto his head, flip-flops on his feet. Sighing again, Kevin brought an arm up, patting the younger man on the back and prompting Brian to quickly look at him, a miserable attempt at a smile gracing his features before he turned his attention back to the doors. Howie sat quietly next to AJ, dressed simply in gym shorts, tennis shoes and a black shirt, he ran a hand through his hair before running it over his face, unable to believe they were back in this situation once more. Half an hour turned into an hour, the minutes ticking by as the four men silently waited, none of them having the energy to speak. By 5:30am, a doctor finally emerged from the double doors, sending all of them shooting to their feet, apprehension washing over the quartet as the doctor immediately headed in their direction.
“Are you four here for Mr. Nickolas Carter?”
“Yes. I’m Kevin Richardson, that’s Howie Dorough, Brian Littrell and AJ McLean…we’re family.”
A dubious expression passed over the doctor’s face, disappearing as quickly as it had come.
“I’m Dr. Jaime Kent, if you would please, take a seat?” He gestured for the men to sit down, frowning slightly as none of them moved,
“I don’t mean any disrespect,” Howie began slowly, “But where’s Dr. Peterson? He’s been overseeing Nick’s case from the beginning an-”
“Dr. Peterson is currently with Mr. Carter, I was sent out here to explain the circumstances to you.” Dr. Kent explained stiffly, “This is a complicated situation, and Dr. Peterson felt it was best to stay with the patient and oversee various operations and procedures. Now, if you wouldn’t mind, please, sit down.” A small glare was shot at Kevin as AJ slowly sank into his seat, a scowl on his face. The eldest simply nodded, giving the rebel a look, quietly willing him to keep him mouth shut.
“So what exactly happened?” Brian asked softly, speaking for the first time since Kevin had arrived. “Is Nick okay?”
“Mr. Carter is suffering from a sudden onslaught of pneumonia, which is basically a severe cold that attacks a patient’s lungs and respiratory system, specifically.” A small moan left the Kentuckian at the explanation and Howie patted him on the knee in a small effort to comfort him as he nodded slowly, “What does that mean exactly?”
“Pneumonia occurs when the alveoli, which are tiny air sacs in your lungs that take in oxygen, become inflamed and flooded with fluid. Sadly, this outcome is a typical one in patients with lung cancer,” Dr. Kent explained. “Coughs, fevers and trouble breathing are all common symptoms but pneumonia can also manifest itself quietly and almost undetected, like it seems to have done in you friend’s system.”
“But Nick was fine when Dr. Peterson checked him less than a month ago…” AJ tried, shaking his head. “Wouldn’t he have seen something wrong?”
“Pneumonia is a very quick thing; it can start up in a matter of weeks, even in a few days.
Mr. Carter has acquired what is technically known as bronchiolitis obliterans organizing pneumonia. Because of the lung cancer and his weakened immune system, it attacked his lungs much quicker than normal. His collapse was brought on by a halt in oxygen reaching his lungs due to such an extreme amount of inflammation.”
“I-is he going to be okay?” Kevin finally got out, his green eyes wide. “I mean, this is just a cold like you said, right? Nothing you guys can’t cure? The cancer is still gone, isn’t it?”
“The cancer is still in remission, yes but Mr. Carter’s outcome is…unsure…at the moment.”
“What the fuck do you mean his outcome is UNSURE?” AJ spat, his brown eyes narrowed in anger at the explanation. “How the fuck is someone’s outcome UNSURE? That’s BULLSHIT!”
“AJ!” The eldest hissed, snapping to stare at the younger man. “Keep your damn mouth shut!”
“I-”
“His outcome is unsure, Mr. McLean,” The doctor rushed out, a stern look on his features as he paused, eyeing the younger man before continuing, “Because we aren’t sure of the extent of the pneumonia yet. We’re currently running as many tests as we can but we can only do so many while Mr. Carter remains in the unconscious state that he is.”
“What?” Brian whispered. “Unconscious?”
“As I mentioned before, there is a severe lack of oxygen reaching Mr. Carter’s lungs, thus, it has enclosed him in a level of unconsciousness. We currently have him on a respirator to help him breathe.” Dr. Kent elaborated as he shoved his hands in his pocket. “Now, if you four would like to see him, Dr. Peterson has allowed for a brief visit, mind you, only from outside the room.”
“Why do we have to stay outside?” The eldest demanded, rising to his feet and motioning for his band-mates to follow.
“The environment in the room is very crucial right now. Since Mr. Carter’s immune system is already weak from the cancer and the pneumonia, we can’t risk the chance of exposing him to any potential germs. The outcome could be fatal.”
AJ made a small sound as though someone had punched him, the air rushing from his lungs as he shook his head, his brown eyes on the floor as they walked down the hallways, coming to stop a few moments later. “You may look into the room through that window over there,” Dr. Kent nodded towards the large glass window a few feet in front of them, gesturing tiredly. “I have to check on a few things but I’ll be back in about 20 minutes.”
“Thanks.” Kevin mumbled, forcing himself to move away from the group and up to the window, his heart breaking at the scenario he saw inside. From where he stood, Nick lay parallel to him, his eyes firmly shut, his body tucked gently under a light blue hospital blanket. Two nurses, accompanied by Dr. Peterson moved around the room, administering shots, drawing blood and scribbling notes down onto clipboards they each held. A long white tube snaked up from one of the machines set off to the side, winding up the bed and disappearing down Nick’s throat, the youth’s chest rising and falling methodically with the machine.
“Oh Nicky,” He sighed, leaning his forehead against the cool window pane, his eyes fluttering shut. “You can’t give up on us now…not after everything we’ve been through…”
“Jesus,” The word slipped away from Brian as he stood aside Kevin, his blue eyes wide as he covered his mouth. “He didn’t look this bad before,” He breathed, shaking his head, “Even with the cancer, he didn’t look this bad…something isn’t right…”
“Nothing about this is right Brian.” The rebel snapped, glaring at his older friend as he shoved his hands deep into his pockets, kicking the wall before him as he looked over the scene inside the room. “Fuck.”
“Calm it down AJ.” Howie chided softly, not even looking at the younger man as he leaned on the sill of the window, letting out a deep breath, briefly clouding up the area before him. “God he looks so young.”
“He is young.” The youngest man snapped. “Too damn young for any of this bullshit.”
“Your attitude isn't helping things AJ.”
“Don’t start with me Littrell,” AJ growled, tearing his eyes away from Nick to glare once more at his older friend. “I’m not in the mood what SO ever for your holier-than-thou lecture, so just shut it.”
“Look, we’re all having a har-”
“Stop it.” Came the harsh demand from the oldest man, his jade gaze unwavering on his youngest brother. “Stop it now. This isn’t the place or the time for your petty bickering bullshit,” His eyes briefly jumped to stare at Brian, then AJ, before settling back on Nick’s still form. “So knock it the fuck off. I’m NOT going to say it again.” Silence fell over the four men at the end of Kevin’s reprimand, the only sounds coming from the muffled voices and monitors in the room before them as each man fell victim to his own thoughts.
“It’s time to go now.” Dr. Kent’s voice caused them all to jump, turning to find the doctor looking at them expectedly, a clipboard held tightly in one hand. “I’m sorry but you’re technically not even supposed to be around here. This part of the hospital is usually for patients and staff only.”
“Um, we understand.” Kevin pushed himself away from the room, his eyes roaming over Nick once more before focusing on the man before him. “Thank you for letting us see him.”
“Yeah,” Howie agreed, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” A small smile slipped onto Dr. Kent’s features and he let out a small breath. “Now if-”
“Good evening gentlemen,” A tired and slightly muffled voice interrupted as Dr. Peterson stepped out of Nick’s room, removing his facemask. “Dr. Kent, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to speak to these four for a moment.” The younger doctor nodded curtly, glancing at each man briefly before turning and walking down the hallway, soon disappearing around a corner.
“How is he?” AJ asked lowly, nodding towards the room. “Your collegue was rather…unsure.” The last word was dripping with sarcasm and Kevin fought the urge to smack the younger man, simply out of pure exasperation.
“Not the best,” Dr. Peterson said with a shake of his head. “Dr. Kent filled you in on the details of the pneumonia?” He was met with nods and let out a long sigh. “I’m afraid Nick’s odds aren’t good right now.”
“But he’ll be okay, right?” The Kentuckian forced out, his voice shaky. “I mean, his odds weren’t good with the cancer and he beat it…this is gonna be the same way…right?”
A sympathetic smile slid across the older man’s face at the words. “I wish I could tell you, yes Brian,” He began softly. “But I can’t. I really can’t say much of anything right now.”
Dr. Peterson shrugged tiredly, “The pneumonia isn’t severe but it’s definitely something to be very concerned about. I’m worried Nick’s immune system isn’t as strong as it should be by now.”
“Does that mean he won’t make it?” Howie asked hesitantly, afraid of the answer; his body shifting from side to side as he waited.
“That means,” Dr. Peterson paused for a moment, thinking over his statement carefully. “It means he has a bigger battle in front of him.”
“Is there any way we ca-” Kevin statement was cut short as a loud flat flurry of beeps shot through the room, a panicked looking nurse wrenching the door open, her eyes wide.
“He’s going into cardiac arrest!” Dr. Peterson was back in the room in a split second and AJ grabbed at the door to keep it from closing, his eyes wide as he watched the chaos unfold.
“Pull out that IV NOW! Get him 2 shots of the antibiotic! Nurse Allen…get the respirator stabilized! GET IT STABILIZED!”
AJ almost went crashing to the floor as Dr. Kent rushed passed him, running into the room and skidding to a halt next to Nick’s bed.
“His lungs are too inflamed! Cut the second medication!”
“Nothing’s changing!” Came Dr, Kent’s hurried answer, as he tugged out one line of fluids, administering another shot. “We’re loosing him! We’re loosing him! His airways are COMPLETELY blocked!”
“Cut OUT the third tube…get the new respirator tube in…GET IT IN!” Dr. Peterson yelled. “Come ON people…don’t let him go…get that new antibiotic in! Give him TWO…HURRY UP!”
All four men watched the scene in complete horror, their eyes wide, rooted to the spot as they watched everyone rush around the room, the beeping of Nick’s heart monitor speeding up to the point where Brian could barely make out the separate beeps.
“Oh shit…oh SHIT…” The rebel was hissing as they all stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do, what to think. “Shit…shit…SHIT…”
“BP is through the ROOF! HURRY IT UP! HE’S SLIPPING!” It happened before anyone could register it, the furious pacing of the heart monitor suddenly changed, a moment of silence followed by a long, low, flat pitched whine. Kevin felt his heart freeze in his chest, his body going numb. No…NO… “NO!” The oldest man screamed, his voice rising over the flat lining monitor.
“He can’t be…” Howie couldn’t finish his sentence, his body beginning to shake as he fell against the wall. “Oh God he can’t be…” AJ and Brian had gone stark white, both men rooted to their spot, their eyes wide. The latter of the two was shaking, his being trembling as he shook his head, his eyes shining with unshed tears.
A deafening silence fell over everyone as Dr. Peterson slowly clicked off the heart monitor, his face void of emotion. “Nurse Allen…note patient’s time of death…6:02am, July 9th.”
AJ almost collapsed at the words, his legs threatening to give out from under him as he grabbed the door to keep from falling over, his mouth dry. This couldn’t be happening. This had to be another nightmare. It had to be. Someone needed to wake him up. “God no…” He breathed, biting down on his lip in an effort to shake him back into reality. “No…”
“NO!” A loud, almost animalistic, scream fell away from Brian as he broke out of his stupor, running into the room, falling onto his knees next to the bed. “Nick! Nicky! Nicky answer me!” He shook the younger man’s shoulders harshly, tears falling down his cheeks, “Frack! NO! You CAN’T be GONE! NICK!” Brian shook his youngest friend again, a sob bursting out of him as he shook his head violently. “FRACK! Please….PLEASE…wake UP! Nicky…Nicky…PLEASE…”
“Brian-”
“No!” The Kentuckian shoved Dr. Peterson back as he attempted to pull him away, continuing to try and rouse his best friend. “Nicky wake up…please Frack…please wake up…PLEASE…dammit Nick…you CAN’T be GONE! You CAN’T be…”
AJ had turned away at the scene, his shoulders shaking as he broke, tears falling from his eyes as he covered his face. Howie had long since averted his gaze, crying softly as he wordlessly pulled AJ into a hug, allowing the younger man to cry into his shoulder. Kevin simply stared; watching his cousin continue to beg Nick to wake up as he allowed reality to wash over. His little brother was gone. One more person had been stolen from him. Tears pooled in his eyes and he blinked harshly, trying to hold them back. He needed to be strong for them. Pushing himself to move, he slowly entered the room, “Brian…” His voice was low and horse, grief running through him more deeply than he could ever imagine. “Bri...” He gently laid his hands on the younger man shoulders, pulling him back. He’s gone Bri…Nick’s gone...” A lump formed in his throat and he took in a ragged breath, trying to keep his eyes on the floor. “He’s gone Brian.”
“NO! He can’t be gone…he…he CAN’T!” Brian’s voice completely broke as he fell apart, hunching over as he sobbed.
“C’mon Bri…we...we should go…” Kevin pulled him to his feet, slowly trying to move him out of the room. They were halfway out, when Brian tore himself from Kevin’s grasp, running back over to the bed and grabbing Nick’s hand, his own hands shaking. Sapphire eyes stared at Nick’s form, willing him to move, to breathe, to come back. “Frack…” He choked out between his sobs, “I didn’t get to say goodbye…Kevin…I never got to say goodbye…”
The older man’s heart broke at the words and he simply ducked his head, emotion overwhelming him as he fell against the wall, sliding down it as he began to cry.
~~End flashback~~
Kevin paused to wipe a few fallen tears from his cheek, shaking his head,
“I didn’t get to tell him goodbye…none of us did.” His eyes roamed over Brian, Howie and AJ, all of them nodding slowly. “How do you sum up 13 years of love and friendship? How do you describe a dream come true? And how do you put into words, one of the biggest devastations of your life?” He slowly shook his head, “I was asked to deliver a speech today about someone who meant more to me than I could ever express…someone that never gave up. No matter how many punches life threw at him, he never gave up.”
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
“Nick was the heart and soul of the Backstreet Boys, the one that kept us all going…that reminded us to never stop smiling. That was Nick. Always smiling.” A weak smile fell over Kevin’s face at the comment, “I can’t tell you how much I’ll miss that…how much I’ll miss him. I just wish…I wish I could have done more...”
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
“I guess that’s the point to my speech here…I don’t have to remind you of what a great person Nicky was…he touched everyone in this room. I just wish I had done more.” The older man’s eyes finally fell to Nick’s casket, his heart shattering all over again as he fought to push down his emotions. “Maybe if I had, we wouldn’t be here today.” Stepping away from the podium, he paused by Nick’s coffin, looking down at his youngest friend mournfully, “I love you Nick…I’ll never, ever, forget you…”
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here*
*Lyrics by Sarah McLachlan, “Arms of an Angel”
Author's Chapter Notes:
A little note from my co-writer A-rok Obsession, who wrote this chapter!! (And if you're asking me, she did an EXCELLENT job!!) >> oooookay, update #2 out of 3. There's till ONE MORE to come. here you go:
