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Chapter 2:

Brian sighed as he emerged from the tiny bunker that would unfortunately be serving as their sleeping quarters for the duration of their voyage, quote-unquote Nick's actual words while giving Brian the grand tour of his beloved boat shortly after boarding. It was nothing as warm as the comforts of home. It was rather plain in comparison, comprised of two steel bunks latched to the far wall upon entering, a small table barely the size for two to eat upon was shoved into a corner with a plush booth that appeared even more comfortable then the beds themselves, and a single light bulb dangled from the ceiling with a metal chain, the only source of light in the room. Even the walls were painted a dreary brown shade, only to make the room even more uncomforting. Then again, interior design had never been one of Nick's talents.

That had been over an hour ago, and while Nick had disappeared to the control room where he was undoubtedly playing the part of captain to an exact 'T', Brian had begun to have the deep unsettling second thoughts that Leighanne had repeatedly expressed before he had left. Although he knew his own second thoughts were long overdue, he knew they were of no use now. The dock and Florida coast line had long since vanished in the distance, surrounding the steadily moving vessel on all sides by a never ending expanse of fresh salt water, deep, dark, and threatening to the unknowing eye. Leave it to a sudden over active imagination, but Brian began to secretly wish he had paid heed to his wife's warning. He was sure if he would have given it enough work, he would have been able to use a good amount of logic on his friend and talk Nick out of the crazy idea. And it certainly was a crazy idea. A voyage almost reckless to venture on alone without an experienced guide to lead the way, although Nick was quick to say he was just that. Brian was afraid Nick had started to become too tangled in the idea. It had started out as a fantasy, an idea Nick had proposed in a late night phone call out of the blue. And now Nick was doing everything in his power to make that fantasy a reality. Somehow Brian found himself caught in the very middle of it all.

The blasting heat of the sun hit his face as he stepped into the open from the small stairwell. The ocean around them only seemed to act as a magnifier for the sun, sending the wave of heat sensations higher. Brian adjusted his baseball cap as he felt tiny beads of perspiration already forming along his hairline. He breathed in the fresh salt water air and took another step forward, quickly by stepping an abandoned bucket at the very last second. It seemed as if Nick had been in the process of scrubbing away the evidence of some sort of mess shortly before Brian and his family had arrived; the bucket was still a quarter of the way filled with dirty soapy water and there was still a faint wet spot visible on the wooden deck to the side of the bucket.

"What have I gotten myself into...?” Brian muttered under his breath. He moved to the steel railings on his left and cautiously leaned forward, only to see the white capped wake below slapping at the side of the boat's frame. His stomach churned a little at the subtle swaying motion of the boat but he pushed the feeling aside. It wasn’t like him to suffer from seasickness anyway. Although this seemed enough to push him over the edge and start a new trend in his life.

Brian gave the water a final thought before turning on his heels and squinting against the glare of the sun as he glanced up towards the control room. Nick had the windows tinted, for what reason Brian couldn’t guess, so there was no way to tell just what was going on inside. Brian took in a deep breath and approached the steel stair case that lead up to the top room. He trudged up each step with little effort and grasped the handle to push the door open. It surprised him though to find that the door was heavier then it originally appeared and he had to use a little more force just to get the thing to budge.

“Will do. Keep me updated,” Nick was saying with the two way radio pressed to his mouth, one hand still clutching the large wooden steering wheel that was navigating the vessel. He appeared to not even hear Brian as he entered, staring straight ahead through the tinted glass.

“Keep you updated on what?” Brian questioned casually while moving forward. He peered around, noting a large map that was rolled out on the counter and adorned with multiple red markings.

Nick jumped at the sound of Brian’s voice, craning his neck to look at his friend. “Oh, uh…it’s nothing. Was just checking in with weather control,” he shrugged.

“And everything’s good?”

“Sure, for the most part.”

Brian paused, already not liking the tone that reverberated in Nick’s voice. “For the most part?” Brian repeated, hinting at his unknowing confusion.

“Nah, dawg. It’s all good. Just a bit of a weather pattern forming about a day’s speed ahead. Nothing to worry about though. The weather center seems to think it will change courses, completely bypassing our route,” Nick explained before returning his attention back to what was in front of him. But he could still feel Brian’s deep sapphire orbs burning into the square of his back, obviously not buying the whole of Nick’s answer. “Uh, yeah, you know how it is,” he decided to continue a short moment later as if it would kill the tension that had suddenly formed. “Just a fraction of a weather pattern. Not a threat to us.”

Brian continued to stare. For one reason or another he didn’t exactly believe the subdued confidence in Nick’s voice. Not that it mattered one way or another. They were too far from shore as it was, and Brian was absolutely positive there was no way Nick would turn the boat around to where the Florida coastline lay behind them. Brian stepped closer to Nick, running his hand along the smooth counter top that held the unrolled map. “Well, that makes me feel a whole lot better,” he said rather absently. Even he wasn’t sure where his sarcasm came from.

Nick had caught onto Brian’s sarcasm too because he seemed to pause for a moment, his grip on the wheel tightening ever so slightly. But the hesitation disappeared as quickly as it had appeared in the first place and he looked at Brian with a silly grin. “So what do you think?” he asked with raised brows. He looked as if he were a small child standing in the middle of the world’s largest candy store and begging his parents for a belly aching amount of candy.

“Of what?” Brian asked.

“My baby,” Nick pressed, patting the wheel lovingly as if it were a living breathing thing.

“It’s…big.”

“Yeah, almost decided against this one, but I fell in love the moment I was given a tour. She is big, quite the hefty amount of payment I admit, but Hell, I say it’s worth it. I mean, look at her. Top of the art technology on board giving access to first rate communication and navigation. You aren’t going to find this type of equipment on just any boat.”

“It was already built in then?”

“Most of it. I had a few extras added in after I purchased her of course. Spared no expense.”

“And Ashlyn was ok with this?” Brian questioned without thought as he bent slightly at the knees to get a closer look at all of the control panels lining the dash in front of them.

“Before I told her, yeah,” Nick chuckled quietly with a slight shake of the head, envisioning the tender smile of his girlfriend that he knew he would be missing the most over the course of the trip. “Afterwards…now that’s a whole other story.”

Brian rolled his eyes at his friend’s mischief, smiling. “How long before she found out?”

“Yesterday?”

Brian choked on a breath of air. “You didn’t tell her until yesterday?” he clarified in disbelief.

“Well, not exactly. No. I mean, I told her I was thinking about buying me a new boat months ago,” Nick explained carefully, drumming an impromptu beat against the wooden wheel in thought. “Just never cared to tell her how big.”

“And next you’re going to tell me you didn’t tell her about this trip you dragged me on until the moment you were walking out the door,” Brian guessed.

“Actually, it was an hour before-“

“Nick!”

“Don’t shit your pants, Brian. I told her about this trip. I just didn’t tell her it was my boat I was chartering.”

Brian shook his head in disapproval. “I wouldn’t blame her if she ripped you a new butt hole for that stunt.”

Nick sucked in a deep breath, answering the non verbalized question without any words of his own.

“She did, didn’t she?” Brian laughed.

“Something like that,” Nick muttered.

“Serves you right, man. I hate to say, but I would have kicked your ass for not telling me about something like this.”

“And that’s why we would never work out,” Nick teased, only to get a rolling of eyes in return. “Nah, Ashlyn was pissed to say the least when I told her it was just you and me taking the boat, but as you can tell, there was not much she could do about it. Although I did get quite a hefty farewell ear load of choice words.”

“You and me both.”

Nick grinned further. “Leighanne have another one of her shit fits?”

Brian frowned. “Lay off my wife already. You wonder why she don’t care for you much.”

“Laying off,” Nick answered, holding his hands up with a laugh. “But she did, didn’t she?”

Brian pondered Nick carefully. Sometimes he worried about his younger friend. Nick hadn’t always been the sharpest tool in the shed, nor had he ever took care in catching the others’ hints of when to shut up. As frustrating as it sometimes was, Brian still held all of the humorous memories from when Nick was younger and the times he nearly drove Kevin over the edge of insanity. “I’m beginning to think I don’t blame her,” Brian answered, snapping himself back to reality out of the dense fog that had crowded his mind. Nick’s lips parted as if to come back with a sarcastic remark, but instead all Brian could hear was a low drawn out sigh before Nick turned back to the tinted window, seeming to only want to end the conversation. Brian himself sighed, leaning against the edge of the panel. Despite how much he hated being where he was right then, he knew he had no right to drag Nick down at the same time, especially when their relationship had become so tattered over the course of the past few years. “Nick, listen…I didn’t mean-”

“It’s aight,” Nick was quick to interrupt and just as quickly his facial features once again changed.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be here-” Brian started.

“It’s just that you didn’t want to come period,” Nick finished.

“No, it’s not that-”

“Shit, Brian…who do you think you are trying to fool?” Nick questioned, suddenly turning an icy daggered stare on the Kentuckian. It was obvious his question had taken Brian aback because Brian fell silent with the acidity in Nick’s words, leaving the taller man to proceed further. “So why did you come?”

Brian stepped back from the sharpness in Nick’s tone, knowing one button or another had already been pushed the wrong way. “What kind of question is that?” Brian asked in return, hoping to dull the argument before it ever had a chance to really even begin.

“An honest one,” Nick answered before repeating himself, “Why did you come? And don’t say because you wanted to. Next to Howie you are one of the worst liars I know.”

Brian found himself reeling from the sudden distrust dripping from Nick’s words. He knew their friendship wasn’t what it once used to be, but even now sometimes he wondered just what sort of bond actually remained and along what point in time did mistrust appear to taint that bond. He hated the tension that now blanketed the room, only leaving him in a dumbfounded stupor, but Nick appeared unwilling to hear any excuse Brian may attempt to come up with.

“I didn’t think it was that difficult of a question,” Nick shrugged, turning from the window and slipping past Brian to one of the devices mounted on the wall. The machine had recently begun to emit a set of three short beeps followed by a steady hum that was barely audible over the rocky rhythm of Brian’s heart. Seconds passed before the machine slowly began to spit out a bright white sheet of paper decorated with words Brian wasn’t close enough to read and various markings that he figured probably wouldn’t even make sense to him even if he were close enough to see them. “Fax from weather control. Just a print out of the coordinates of that weather pattern,” Nick explained in a dull uninterested tone.

Brian continued to stare at Nick in consideration as his friend discarded the thin sheet of paper on top of the map. “Why did you even invite me?” he finally blurted before really giving his choice of words a second thought.

Nick clicked the roof of his mouth with the tip of his tongue. “Why did I invite you?” Nick repeated to have Brian nod in return. “Years ago you wouldn’t have found the need to ask me that. But I guess some things change.”

Brian paused, carefully contemplating his words, yet before he realized again what he was saying, he answered, “Yeah, I guess some things do.”

“Don’t worry about that weather pattern. It won’t affect us.”

Nick returned to the steering wheel before Brian had the chance to consider replying. Suddenly Brian felt sick to the very pit of his stomach and he somehow figured it wasn’t the weather pattern that he needed to worry about. Somewhere along the lines a line of communication had been ripped to shreds and Brian was left staring at both torn ends wondering what exactly went wrong. Nick had terminated the conversation, leaving the control room dripping with an intense tension that sent Brian’s stomach in a tumble of gut-wrenching knots. It would be useless to even try to make amends at that moment. Nick’s stubbornness often clouded his sense of rational thinking, leaving Brian no choice but to turn and leave the control room.

*****

Several hours later found Brian sitting alone in the confines of the tiny sleeping quarters, propped up on the top bunk with his back pressed against the wall. He held a thick paperback novel in his hands, and though he stared at the pages, he hadn’t read a single word. Instead, the scrawl of printed black ink all blended together, creating a jumbled mess that couldn’t catch hold of Brian’s clouded attention. He had other matters far too important crowding his mind, leaving no spare concentration to really focus on what the story was all about. Nick had still yet to appear or even strike the slightest of conversations. In fact, Brian hadn’t caught sight of the man since he himself had stormed from the control room after their earlier spat. Brian didn’t understand it. He had never had such difficulty speaking with Nick before. But it seemed the break in the group had far distanced their relationship and somewhere along the lines had almost severed their lines of communication, although Brian was beginning to fear the distance had severed the lines completely. He couldn’t speak a word to Nick now without fearing the blond would respond in the negative or take everything way out of portion. As of lately, Nick seemed to take anything someone said to him the wrong way. To Brian, it seemed way out of Nick’s character. But then again like both of them had agreed, with time some things just change.

Brian inhaled deeply and turned a page, still unable to focus on a single word but he felt the need to keep his hands busy. The dim lighting of the sleeping quarters made the room appear gloomy in all sense of the word. It seemed to mirror the dreariness of his very being at that moment. Brian found himself longing to be at home with his family where he knew he ultimately belonged, but by now, his wife and child were several hundred miles behind him on dry land while he was out on the middle of the ocean, located God knew where. Again, that sense of unease fell over him, causing a single tremor to race the length of his spine.

The door to the quarters was thrown open, allowing in a waft of fresh sea breeze that caught the senses in Brian’s nostrils almost immediately. He abandoned the paperback atop the soft blankets, looking up to find Nick teetering down the few short steps into the tiny room. Nick grunted as he hit the last step and almost lost his entire balance in the process, but at the last moment regained his equilibrium and moved quickly to the table where he discarded a plate full along with several brands of potato chips and sodas that had been stacked within his arms. Brian glanced further to note the several burgers that rested on the cheap ceramic plate.

“New George Foreman grill…fucking awesome!” Nick blurted as he tore open the closest bag of chips, only to stuff a handful into his mouth. His blue eyes danced like a happy child as he hungrily devoured several more handfuls of the snack before finally taking a seat upon one of the cushioned booth seats. Brian was only half way through climbing down from his bunk as Nick cracked open a can of soda and was slopping loads of mustard and ketchup onto his own personal burger. “I tell ya, those grills fucking rock! Slap down some raw beef, slam the lid, the shit zaps the fat away and spits out one Hell of a burger. Not to mention it’s pretty damn convenient too. You should get yourself one.”

Brian stared at Nick with raised eyebrows as he cautiously took the furthest seat from his friend. As weird as it seemed, it was as if Nick had forgotten all about their spat from earlier. If Brian didn’t know any better, he would have guessed that it had never happened to begin with. Hoping for the best, Brian tried to take advantage of the semi-peaceful moment. “Already have one. Was a Christmas present from Kevin and Kristin last year,” he answered before snatching an unopened soda and burger for himself.

“Ah, yeah, last year’s model. But man, I tell you this year’s model is the shit. The man is a fucking genius!” Nick continued, all the while drowning his burger with the various condiments he had brought to the sleeping quarters with him. The burger was beginning to look less edible as each second passed.

“With all of that swearing, you are starting to sound a lot like AJ. And to be honest, the world can’t handle two AJs running around.”

“Shit, yeah, because we’d take over the world.”

“Imagine that, Nick and AJ taking over the world. What, has that idea been one of your Pinky and the Brain Schemes you and Aje used to come up with all the time back in the day?”

Nick paused for the slightest moment, his eyes still dancing. “Sorry, can’t answer that.”

“Oh yeah? Why not?”

“Because it’s simple.”

“Try me.”

“You can’t handle the truth.”

Brian snorted. “I’m sorry?”

“Brian, my man, you can’t handle the truth. Therefore I can’t answer your question.”

“And to think all of these years I still held onto the smallest bit of hope that you had the smallest snitch of sanity hidden somewhere deep in that brain of yours. But you’ve just proved me wrong. You know what? You’re right. I can’t handle the truth.”

Nick grinned as he flattened the top half of the sesame bun onto the mound of lettuce, tomato, pickles, and onions covering a hearty round beef patty, only to complete his masterpiece meal. He piled another handful of salty chips onto his plate and downed a swig of soda. He looked up moments later to find that not only had Brian not started to prepare his own dinner, he was staring at him with an odd expression of amazement. “What?” Nick coughed, choking on a saliva coated chip particle. “Do I have a booger hanging out of my nose or something?”

Brian just shook his head. “That’s disgusting.”

“What? My booger?” Nick questioned, quickly bringing a finger up to his nose.

Brian groaned in disgust. “Nick!”

“What?” Nick grinned, returning to his food.

“Do you even have any sense of what normalcy is?”

“Normalcy? What’s that?”

“Yeah, didn’t think so,” Brian sniggered with a quick shake of the head. He lazily began to prepare his own meal with disinterest, realizing he didn’t hold much of an appetite at all. And watching Nick devouring the slop in front of him didn’t make him any hungrier. He took his time spreading equal amounts of ketchup and mustard to both buns before adding a single slice of cheese, crisp lettuce, tomato and few onions. But he didn’t take a bite. Instead he began to nurse his soda, quietly abandoning the burger without any regret.

“So I was thinking,” Nick started to say moments later when an uncomfortable silence had begun to settle over the room. He wiped his mouth on a crinkled napkin and chased the mouthful of food with another drink. “Mid day tomorrow, we could toss the anchor and maybe spend a few hours fishing. I hear they got some big ass fish out here and I loaded this baby with top notch expensive fishing poles.”

“Wouldn’t that put us behind schedule?”

“Only slightly, but I can correct that by kicking the engine up a few notches. Besides, so what if we fall an hour or two behind schedule? C’mon Brian, don’t disappoint me,” Nick answered, over exaggerating an obvious pout of his lips.

“Fishing Nick? You mean you don’t want to do no deep sea diving?”

“Actually that was my next suggestion. I have a host of scuba gear up in the-”

“You’re out of your mind, Nick. If you want to go swim with the fishies, be my guest, but please, leave me out of it,” Brian quickly interrupted.

Nick sat back from the sharpness in Brian’s tone. “Shit…” he wheezed, pushing his plate away. He belched loudly before resting a hand on his stomach. “Do the words just kidding mean anything to you?”

“All I’m saying is-”

“I’m not stupid, ok, Bri? I may say stupid shit sometimes, but I’m not stupid.”

“I never said you were.”

“Yeah, well, you got that look on your face.”

“What look?”

“The look Kev used to get when I’d say something wrong during an interview or whatever shit used to put a stick up his ass,” Nick shrugged in annoyance. “You had that look just now.”

Brian was left dazed without words for several minutes. Nick appeared to have been burned by Brian’s brazen refusal towards the ludicrous mentioning of deep sea diving way out in the middle of the ocean. And for the second time that day the flame of hope for a pleasant conversation was snuffed out and the tension settled back in. “Fishing sounds good,” Brian replied finally, but Nick was already looking sullen. Brian coughed, hoping to grab the younger man’s attention. “I’m sure you could show me a thing or two.”

“It was just an idea. Just figured…well, you know…just thought it’d give us a chance to catch up or whatever…”

“It’s a good idea. Besides, I haven’t fished in a while and I’m sure stalling for an hour or two ain’t gonna put us too far off…right?”

“Not really,” Nick shrugged again as he poked at the remainder of his dinner.

“Then it’s a deal, yeah?”

“Sure.”

“Nick…?”

Nick looked up without a word, appearing un fazed by the sudden lack of conversation. He smiled faintly however, continuing to play with the scraps of food on his plate to keep him busy. He seemed to be hesitating on a further choice of words, but he said nothing else, choosing to remain in silence for the time being. “I invited you because I knew you’d be the only one who would agree to come and I knew you wouldn’t laugh shit in my face when I mentioned this trip. Besides, we used to be best friends as far as I know and that’s got to count for something…and, I trust you.”

Brian sat back, surprised at Nick’s sudden proclamation. But one thing above all surprised him the most, something he had not once considered or even second guessed, but it was clearly obvious that Nick had done a lot of thinking about it. “Used to be?” Brian slowly drawled, unsure of the security in his own voice. ‘Used to be’ had never once crossed his mind. All along he had been foolishly fighting to believe or wishing to believe that things still were as they ought to be, not as they ‘used to be’. Part of him still wanted to live in the past and ignore the present.

Nick was already rising from his seat before the words had left Brian’s mouth. He gathered the mess he had created and carried it over to the small trash bin stashed in one of the corners. For awhile he remained erect with his back to Brian, stalling for precious time without having to provide the answer Brian demanded.

“Used to be?” Brian repeated, twisting in his seat. “What’s that supposed to mean, Nick?”

Nick stared at Brian pointedly, “You saying you disagree?”

Brian’s eyes narrowed. “No, I’m asking you what it’s supposed to mean.”

“Maybe we’ve been avoiding reality,” Nick answered simply, reaching up to run a hand through his unruly golden locks. He no longer looked like the Nick Brian used to know. Before Brian stood a man who had grown from a young boy into a young man and was now nothing more then a complete stranger. Nick appeared so emotionally void as the blunt statement left his lips that Brian was unsure what to make of the situation. Nick took in a deep breath before allowing his eyes to travel to the floor where he started to lamely kick at invisible dirt. Distraction to avoid was his best companion when it came to dealing with confrontations and he was playing it well at that very moment.

“I’m really not following you…”

“Maybe we should just face it, you know?” Nick decided to continue, still refusing to look up. “Things ain’t what they used to be. You and I both know it. We’ve both grown up. Yeah, shit happens. Again, you and I both know that, but Hell, I thought friendship was supposed to be able to stand the test of time. At least that’s what somebody I used to be really close to told me one night years ago on a tour bus when I was hella homesick and everybody else was ignoring me. Sad thing is I was stupid enough to believe him. But that’s ok now ‘cause I ain’t that little kid anymore who needs to be taken care of. I’ve learned how to stop relying on that person and expecting him to be there only to find that he never is. There’s no use living in the past, only to deny what’s reality. The past is the past man. Like I said earlier, some things change…with time, some things just change.”

“Nick, I-”

“Forget it, Brian, ok? So maybe this trip was a mistake. Well, me inviting you. But there’s not a thing you or I can do about that now.”

“Damnit, Nick, that’s not what I was going to say-”

Nick glanced up, glaring accusingly. “You don’t say much of anything to me anymore these days.”

“That’s not-”
“Not true? Name the last time you single handedly made it a personal effort to-”

“C’mon Nick, you’re talking ridiculously.”

“No, I’m talking reality, Brian. People change. I thought you would be the first to realize that.”

Brian blinked in absolute confusion, feeling sour bile rising up the length of his esophagus from the pit of his stomach. For the first time, he realized he didn’t recognize any part of the man standing before him. The little Nick he always kept stored safely in memories, his often partner in crime and sidekick, had been replaced by the man now standing before him. A cold, heart-hardened man stood feet in front of him taking up the space where Nick had once been. But now… Brian suddenly felt alone in a cold dense room, vaguely aware of the soft swaying side-to-side motion of the boat.

“Like I said, forget it.”

“Nick, I don’t want to forget it.”

“Maybe I do,” Nick strained through a whisper as he inched his way to the small set of stairs leading up to the door of the main deck. “Wouldn’t that make it easier? To just forget?”

Brian opened his mouth to object, but his voice would not project even a quiet whisper, and before he knew it, Nick had turned and fled dejectedly from the room. Once again Brian was left wondering when and where everything had gone so horribly wrong.