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Chapter 3:

Brian noticed two things immediately when he finally lost his grip on the bliss of unconsciousness and allowed himself to be dragged back into the land of the living. As he lie warmly encased beneath the several layers of soft flannel blankets, he first registered the absence of any gentle swaying motion that generally accompanied the constant movement of the boat he was so suddenly feeling rather trapped within. He lay there in puzzlement for several moments, blinking rapidly to allow his eyes to adjust to the still darkness of the room. It was impossible to make an educated guess at the hour of the day; Nick hadn’t bothered to install any windows in the walls of the sleeping quarters, so Brian almost felt safe guessing it was possibly still in the dead lonely hours of the night. But as he glanced over in what he knew to be the direction of the only door, Brian noticed a thin sliver of light at the bottom of the frame. The sun had risen once again. However knowing just that didn’t calm the unease he felt coursing through his aching body. Several hours after their final spat the previous night, Brian had willed himself into a wistful slumber, only to toss and turn restlessly the entire night. He awoke to feel as if he hadn’t slept at all. He felt absolutely ragged to say the very least which did a number on his harrowing mood.

It was also deathly quiet within the confines of the dark room, as if death had made an untimely visit during the middle of the night and snatched away all visible signs of life, leaving the room cold, empty, and most of all lonely. Brian sat up slowly, wincing against the burning sensation that had developed deep in the small of his back. He had been right about one thing; the bunks had not at all appeared to be made for comfort. Brian had certainly found that out first hand to be rather true. It was also conclusive that he was in fact alone in the tiny room, which in all reality shouldn’t have felt so odd to begin with. After Nick had stormed from the room, Brian considered chasing after the faltering friendship he watched leaving with the man, but he had hesitated and ultimately decided not to pursue. He had already seemed to manage to cause a strong ripple within whatever friendship he thought to have remained, that following after Nick would have seemed like the ultimate mistake. Instead he chose to remain holed, leaning on the hope that just maybe Nick would return shortly after allowing his nerves to return to normal. Now it seemed as if Nick hadn’t come back at all. It was the worst loneliness Brian had ever been able to feel.

Finally feeling confident that his eyes had adjusted to the darkness to the best of their ability, Brian tossed back the gathering of covers and slithered down to the hard wood floor, shivering involuntarily as his feet came in contact with the cold flooring. He muttered a low curse as he groped around in the dark, raising a hand above his head cautiously to feel for the thin chain dangling from the only light bulb. He cursed a second time until finally his hand came in contact with the stringed metal and he yanked gently, suddenly finding himself bathed in a faded iridescent yellow light. Brian turned, glancing back towards the two bunks behind him and was no more surprised to find that Nick’s bunk lie perfectly made. In fact, the bed appeared as if it had never been previously slept in, only reiterating Brian’s guess that Nick hadn’t returned sometime during the night.

Brian scratched at his right temple, willing away whatever amount of grogginess that remained from his restless slumber and staggered over to where he had previously discarded his duffle bag on the floor the previous day. He rummaged through the tightly packed contents, ignoring the basic toiletry items littering the top layer and withdrew a clean pair of boxers, khaki cargo shorts, and a plain white t-shirt. He quickly stripped himself of his nightwear and slipped into the new clothing before running fingers through his disheveled locks of hair. He glanced around the tiny room and thought, allowing his eyes to fall on the table where remnants of the previous night’s dinner still remained, carelessly abandoned. Brian had made no such attempt at cleaning the mess up, letting it remain as it was. The collective bags of potato chips remained open and had most likely already begun the process of becoming stale due to the prolonged contact with the dry air. Unopened soda cans littered the table and in the middle of it all was the other hamburger, still untouched and undevoured. Somewhere in the middle of their spat, Brian had lost whatever bit of appetite he had accumulated, going to bed that night without taking a single bite.

Sighing at the distasteful memory, Brian rolled the bags of chips closed and gathered the trash, carrying it to the waste bin in the corner near the doorway. He then rose up the few short steps and emerged out into the open sea air. Overhead, the sun hung high in the densely humid air, humidifying the salt water scent and making it stronger then it normally would be, had the sun not been out. Brian looked, squinting against the glare of the bright light and realized indeed that the boat had come to a halting stop. No white caps or sea foam lapped against the boat’s side; the vessel seemed to be idling within the gentle current of the ocean. Brian moved forward, keeping his ears trained for any unidentifiable sounds or something which would lead him to where Nick was possibly located. For a moment he stared at the case of stairs leading up to the control room, knowing that was the most likely place the blonde would be hiding out, but before he could take the first step, he caught a glimpse of spiked blond locks up toward the front of the boat.

Brian immediately headed in the direction of the boat’s front, silently preparing himself for the possibility of another negative confrontation. Approaching quietly from behind, he found Nick kicked back in a fold out lawn chair, legs propped up on the railings, fishing pole in hands, headphones covering ears and a visor pulled low over his eyes. His head hung slightly forward, and from behind it appeared as if Nick had apparently dosed off while waiting for the first bite. Brian couldn’t suppress a chuckle of amusement; it was just like Nick to dose off at a time such as the present. It was true to word that Nick had one of the world’s smallest attention spans. Anything less then exciting failed to hold his attention for very long. Unfortunately no fish seemed to be biting that morning, allowing the leeway for Nick to catch an extra few minutes of precious sleep.

A second fold out chair had been set up next to the one Nick was currently perched in, along with an unprepared fishing pole propped against the boat’s railing. For a moment Brian was unsure of what to make of the set up. A spark of hope lit within that maybe the gesture of the extra set up was Nick’s silent way of inviting Brian closer to possibly patch up what had been torn further the night before. But there was no way to be exactly sure and Brian wasn’t ready to read too far into the present situation, knowing there might possibly be a let down waiting on the other end.

A low distorted snore escaped from Nick’s pursed lips and he shifted ever so slightly in the position he sat. Brian continued to watch with hesitancy, undecided over a next move. But finally he reached forward and light tapped Nick on the shoulder, hoping to carefully arouse the younger man from his sleep. Nick however jumped violently, dropping the Ipod from his lap which slid dangerously close to the edge of the boat, and in the process, he nearly lost his grip on the fishing pole. He quickly regained his posture, leaning forward and grabbing the Ipod before it could slip off into the water. Pulling the headphones away from his ears, he craned his neck, slowly looking up towards Brian with his expression dazed and slightly taken off guard. “You scared the shit out of me,” he spoke in a hoarse voice, slipping the MP3 player into one of the cargo pockets of his shorts. Then he began to real the empty line in, preparing for another cast.

“Sorry,” Brian apologized with a simple shrug.

“You slept late,” Nick said, adjusting his visor. He quickly glanced at his wristwatch, noting the current hour before lifting the pole to cast off again.

“Didn’t sleep much the night before,” Brian lied in a lame tone, and then added, “Seems you didn’t sleep at all last night.”

“Pulled an all nighter in the control room,” Nick answered.

“Why’s that?”

“Had a lot on my mind I guess.”

“Oh.”

“You can sit down you know. That chair ain’t set there to bathe in the sun and get a tan.”

Brian raised a surprised eyebrow, catching hint of the mysterious tone in Nick’s voice. Again, he wasn’t sure what to make of it. But as to not take any chances of offending Nick, he slowly lowered himself into the chair. “Didn’t want to sit on Casper the Friendly Ghost if he had by any chance happened to make a visit,” Brian attempted to joke, hoping to produce the faintest smile from Nick, but Nick’s face remained set in stone, never wavering. Brian fought a sigh; it had been a lame joke, but he didn’t know what else to say. Nick wasn’t making the situation any easier and he sure wasn’t making the hope for striking a conversation very bright either. Brian shifted in the chair to get comfortable and glanced out along the ocean line. The ocean stretched out as far as his eyes could see, and if he didn’t know any better, he could have very well guessed that the Earth just fell away past that point. It struck him as amazing to know that the vast ocean stretched on even further. But that was beside the point.

“You do know how to fish, right?” Nick questioned moments later when neither had spoken a single word.

“Man, do I know how to fish?” Brian chuckled. “Nick, I come from Kentucky.”

“They got oceans in Kentucky?” Nick asked, and if the absolute seriousness etched across his face wasn’t enough to break the tension in the air, then nothing would be able to.

Brian shook his head, grinning. “Sure they got oceans. My gramps had one in his back yard.”

For a second Nick sat back as if pondering what Brian had just said, then he rolled his eyes, finally catching on to the true meaning behind Brian’s words. “Ha ha,” he replied slowly, flicking his wrists ever so exquisitely and sending the fishing line sailing out over the water where it landed several yards away.

“Maybe I ain’t ever ocean fished before, but I’ve done my share of lake fishing,” Brian continued, deciding it wouldn’t be the best of ideas to give Nick such a hard time for the less then bright question he had just asked. “In fact, when I was younger, my dad and my gramps used to take Harry and me out on this lake close by where we lived and we’d spend the whole day together fishing. Kev and I used to go out quite a bit too. In fact, we still do anytime we go back to visit. Then afterwards, depending on whose house we headed to, Mom or Grams would have this huge feast set out on the table for us. Auntie Anne is quite the cook also. Those were the good ol’ days.”

Nick nodded, but inside he felt a sharp pang of jealousy stab right at the center of his heart. While Brian was able to sit there and reminisce about warm and happy memories from his past, Nick himself couldn’t do the same. He didn’t hold those special memories where he had spent the day out on the lake with his father and grandfather, fishing and being macho men, only to go back home and sit down to a huge home cooked meal. His family had never been that close knit. He would never admit it aloud, especially to Brian, but Nick had always been jealous. He hated hearing of Brian and Kevin speaking of their past back in Kentucky, Howie speaking of his family that he was also very close to, or the extremely close relationship AJ had with his mother and grandparents. It often made Nick sick inside with jealousy because he had never experienced such relationships. He had never been that close with his family, especially not his mother. But he would never admit it to the others. If he couldn’t beat them, then he would just join them, even if he was the only one who knew it was all a lie.

“So, uh…” Brian hesitated, leaning forward and grasping the large fishing pole with a questioning stare. “Any differences between this and lake fishing that I should know about?”

“Bigger pole, bigger fish, more fighting and difficulty when you reel them in,” Nick answered shortly, kicking his feet back onto the railing.

“Ah, ‘k. Gotcha.”

“You’ll get used to it. But nothing’s biting.”

“Did you scare them away?”

“Funny, but no. I think it’s more like you have scared them away, with that hair of yours. Dude, have you even looked in the mirror?”

“I was thinking of trying for a new style. Ya know maybe out do AJ for once.”

“Good luck, but I don’t think anyone could out do AJ when it comes to hair.”

“Couldn’t hurt to try,” Brian mumbled, running a hand through his tasseled locks. “So…do I just what, cast like I would cast any other fishing line? Or what?”

“Just give it a good flick of your wrist. You want to cast it as far away from the boat as you can. That way you got enough room to reel it in when the shark bites.”

“Shark?”

“You never know. But you don’t have to worry about a shark. That pole isn’t built to handle a shark.”

“But-”

“I was just kidding, Brian.”

“Yeah, I knew that,” Brian answered, fumbling with the thin line for a moment before raising the pull and attempting to imitate the wrist flick that Nick had previously showed. However, Brian’s turned out to look more like a messy wrist flop and his line fell only half way as far away from the boat as Nick’s had. “Should I try again?”

“Nah, it’s fine where it is.”

Brian inhaled a deep breath, easing back into the seat as silence draped over the general area once again. He started to wonder if it was the best idea to be hanging around when it was obvious Nick wasn’t keen to be on speaking terms at the moment, but Brian wasn’t one to give up so easily. He knew Nick believed their friendship wasn’t at all what it used to be, and maybe Brian was starting to believe the same thing, but he had all but given up hope on the possibility of mending the broken relationship. Certainly they had grown distant over the years, and especially during the long break the group had unanimously agreed to take. Generally everybody’s friendship wasn’t what it once used to be, but like time had caused a rift between them, time was also able to mend that rift. At least Brian still believed that, even if Nick didn’t.

“You’re thinking,” Nick blurted.

“Aren’t you?” Brian answered.

“Maybe.”

“About Ashlyn?”

“Yeah, among other things. You?”

“The same.”

“Why would you be thinking about my girl?”

Brian turned to look at Nick. “No you tard. I’m thinking about my family.”

“Oh.”

Silence again; an uncomfortable silence.

“Ashlyn’s pregnant.”

Brian nearly lost his grip on the fishing pole as he whipped around in his seat, his jaw dropped and staring at Nick in disbelief. For reasons unbeknownst to him, he figured he shouldn’t have been as shocked to hear those two words slip from Nick’s lips, but actually hearing them spoken out loud was a bigger surprise then any. The sudden revelation revealed came as a total shock. But Nick refused to meet his stare. Instead he looked off over the surface of the glimmering sun streaked water, chewing sullenly on his bottom lip as if contemplating any further words. But he didn’t speak anymore, only continued to stare off into the distance. “Nick…” Brian drawled slowly, unsure of the correct thing to say that wouldn’t set Nick off in a temper.

“Before you go all Kevin anal on me, I know what you are thinking,” Nick interrupted, hesitating ever so slightly as he scratched at his temple with furled brows. For the first time in years, Brian could see that scared child from long ago peaking through Nick’s rough exterior. He no longer appeared tough as a brick, but more so looked run down and at a loss for the energy that used to get him through life when times got tough.

“You underestimate me,” Brian replied unconvincingly. “Nick, look at me.”

Nick slowly glanced in Brian’s direction. “Please just do me the favor and save the lecture.”

“I’m not gonna lecture you, Nick.”

“That’s a surprise.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because I can just hear you now. ‘Nick, what were you thinking?! Don’t you realize what this means?! You idiot! You never think, do you! I can’t believe how irresponsible you are!’ It’s called being Kevin anal because I can hear him saying the same things to me.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything like that at all. You are old enough to make your own decisions, and I can’t stop you from doing what you’re going to do. None of us can. But Nick, a baby?”

“See? You’re doing it.”

Brian sighed, knowing there was no win to the situation. “How far along is she?” he finally asked, hoping to turn the conversation in a more positive direction. He hated the way Nick’s facial expressions were so withdrawn. It was obvious the subject had been a constant thought on Nick’s mind, but Brian wondered just how long Nick had been hiding it. And why he had blurted it so suddenly.

“The doctor said about three and a half months,” Nick shrugged.

“And you’re sure it’s yours?”

“Shit, Brian, of course I’m sure it’s mine!” Nick exclaimed, his face turning several shades darker as he shot an icy offended glare full of daggers in Brian’s direction.

“I didn’t mean it like that-”

“Well what did you mean it as?” Nick spat. “I’ve never cheated on Ashlyn and I know for a fact that she has never cheated on me. We have always been faithful to each other. I know I have been a major screw up in the past when it comes to relationships, but is it really so hard to believe that I am capable of being faithful to the one I truly love?”

“I know you are capable of being faithful. I never thought you weren’t.”

“Then why did you ask if it was mine?”

“I was…surprised, I guess.”

“Well, it is mine. I know it is. I’m going to be a father damnit, ok? A baby, Brian. Ashlyn and I are having a baby together and I’m scared shitless,” Nick trembled as the words rushed from his mouth in one drawn out breath. He looked away again, bowing his head to keep his face hidden from view. His hands hung limply in front of him as he sat hunched forward, the pole positioned at an odd angle. His body visibly began to shake and it was soon apparent that a stream of warm tears was streaking the skin of Nick’s cheeks. “Brian, I…I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared right now. This wasn’t meant to happen. We were so careful with everything… and then… God, I’m going to be a father and I don’t know the first thing about raising a child.”

“But you’re great with kids, Nick. Look at your siblings. You used to help take care of them all of the time. And Baylee absolutely adores you, ya know. Being around kids comes natural to you. It’s like it’s a second nature that allows you to connect with them on a certain level that not everybody else can. It’s alright to be scared about this because I was scared to death when Leigh told me she was pregnant. But it’s something you learn to accept and as time goes on, you will start to get very excited and you’ll look forward to it. I can honestly tell you that you are going to be fine and I know you are going to be a great father to this child. Despite what you may think of yourself.”

Nick nodded, but he still refused to look up. He was grateful for all that Brian had said, but had all the difficulty of actually believing any of it. He wasn’t ready to be a father. Not with everything going on in his life or the way things were going. Life seemed so unstable again, taking him in all directions he wasn’t able to predict. He wasn’t sure if bringing a new child into the equation was such a smart idea. After all, he had watched the difficulties Brian had gone through after Baylee was born. But the difference between him and Brian was the support system. Brian had the support of his wife and family. Nick, himself, only had Ashlyn to rely on. He had learned over the years that he couldn’t expect to rely on his family for the support he needed, especially when his family was so damn dysfunctional to begin with. And the fellas would never understand. He wasn’t so sure he believed Brian’s automatic acceptance of the revelation either.

“Do you trust me, Nick?”
“I suppose.”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“Not exactly.”

“Trust me now, alright? I’m not gonna lie to you. You’re up for a rough road ahead, but you’re gonna get through it. I know you love Ashlyn, and I’m happy for you. And I know things haven’t exactly been peachy between us for a long time, but I’m here for you, alright? Something big is happening in your life and things are about to change for you, but you’re not alone. Nick, you’re never alone. And as for the others, because I know you’re thinking about it, they will be there too. Even if Kevin does go a bit anal on you. He still cares.”

Nick chuckled quietly, hiccupping with embarrassment from the tears he was furiously trying to wipe away. He began to reel the line in, abandoning all interest in spending the hours hoping to catch at least one bite to make him feel proud again. When he had the line completely in, he stood from the chair and with a kick of his foot, brought it back into the compacted position. He stood there for a moment, chewing at his bottom lip again. “Figuring I’ma go pull the anchor and get us back on course. Probably wasted too much time already. Don’t want Kevin to have a shit fit if we arrive too late.”

“Kevin have a shit fit? Nah, not my cousin.”

“You’re living in denial, Bri. Shit fits are Kevin’s favorite hobby.”

“Yeah, I guess I can see what you’re saying.”

“Guess I’ll head up to the control room now. Just put the chair in the storage compartment whenever you’re ready. And uh, thanks for everything, Bri.”

Brian watched Nick head off without another word, noticing the way he wavered slightly with each step. He suddenly viewed Nick in such a different perspective, a deeper sense of admiration. Nick had admitted the mistake he had made, but despite having admitted such was still stepping up to the responsibility of taking care of the new life he and Ashlyn had created together. Brian was still surprised to know such a fact that Nick’s life was about to take a three hundred and sixty degree turn, but more so, it provided Brian the hope that this change would act as mending glue to their tattered relationship. Somehow he hoped things would be ok in the end after all. But first Nick was going to need all of the support he could get. Nick was about to become a father, something Brian never would have guessed.