A/n: Please bear in mind that this is an AU, lol...It took A LOT to write about Bob and Jane the way they are in this chapter and I know I could have given Nick fictional parents but I was too lazy to come up with names, lmao

He wasn’t sure what time of the morning it was but was certain that it had to be very early for anyone to be awake. Except, maybe for him. He had stayed that way most of the night, entertaining his little thoughts while his left arm slowly went numb and lifeless underneath the little hump that was his wife’s neck. The extended portion that was once curved and pulling her body closer to him now laid limply on the mattress. When he suddenly felt lonely, he would listen to her even breathing, murmuring sleep into his ears but sleep never came. Jane moved a little and her arm draped across the landscape of his waist, tugging him even closer to her warmth. Her face buried deep on the concave of his neck, her nose nuzzling just the nape, sending warm breaths there. He was glad that sleep had paid a visit to her, she needed it the most. Resting his cheek on the forest of her dark hair, he entertained his thoughts yet again. Not that they were anywhere interesting, most of them were dark ones, reminding him yet again why he wasn’t getting any sleep that night; but nonetheless, they were his thoughts, that little voice deep within raising questions and emotions he had successfully shoved back most of the time. In the still of the night where the mind went blank, it had managed to plough its way through to the front and forcing him to face them. How did it get so blurry? The question that was now lingering in his mind. The beautiful memories; how did it get so blurry? And the same answer was whispered to him. Nick died. Yes, that was when the beautiful memories started to fade and threaten to disappear altogether. And he couldn’t afford to lose them. Memories were what he had left of once, their happy family together. It didn’t entirely fade away, but happiness was too farfetched these days. True, they still had the twins, they were still a family, but it wasn’t complete. No, nothing is complete now. This beautiful woman whom he had vowed to love till his dying day, his promise to never make her cry and to show her nothing but love, all those vows were lost to the wind when she cried. Cried for the lost of their baby. How could he make it all better? How could he make this woman smile again? How could he get his family back? Damn you Darla! They were childhood sweethearts, he had never known any other girl beside her and it was with her that he had brought to the junior prom. It was with her that he had brought to the Senior prom. It was with her that he had been slapped with a speeding ticket. That was a nice memory now. Both raving with teenage blood, hungry for some action. Both were eighteen and being poor, had started working and so during their rare nights off from work, wanted a night of fun. He had sped like no tomorrow in his car, her screams of delight blending with the cold, ferocious wind of the night, the silver moon above them, the stars bathing their light and a wide, open road stretched in front of them. Ahead, unknown future beckoned. He frowned. How could he have endangered her life like that? There could be an incoming truck then and he would have rammed right into it. She would have been slammed on the screen or worst, got stuck in her seat and not breathing. Just like Nick. Just like Nick. Damn the accident! On his birthday nonetheless. He was working late yet again and had returned home to find out that his son was out, celebrating his birthday. Good for him, he had said to Jane then. I’m sorry we didn’t have anything plan for him, going out with his friends will do him good, he had explained. But it was short-lived when Jane had told him that he was feeling rather sick all day. Fatherly concerns took over. It wasn’t that Nick couldn’t take care of himself. He was eighteen and the fact that circumstances had him grew up a lot faster than boys his age was an advantage. He never doubted his trust in his son. Nick was everything a father could ask for in a son. But the thought of knowing that Nick had been sick and was out partying brought him back to the day he was born. Jane was beautiful during her pregnancy. In fact, she was glowing even. They didn’t have much to live by but what is wealth when you’re so in love? Happiness was their wealth. Health was their wealth. Love was their wealth. And whatever income he managed to bring back home from working at the factory plant was enough to feed them both. He was there throughout her labour and witnessed every single detail of it. Hearing her cried out in pain was heart wrenching and when he heard the baby whom they had decided to Christened Nickolas Gene Carter, cried out his existence into the world, he had promised not to let his wife went through such pain again and that Nickolas Gene would grow up living out all childhood dreams that a child deserve. But Jane, beautiful, lovely Jane, had other plans. He’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on Bob, it’s worth the pain to have lots of babies, they’re truly God’s gift! Jane had said only minutes after giving birth to Nick. Strong woman she is, much stronger than he could ever give credit for. But that very night, Nickolas Gene had caught a temperature. He was burning and yet he was gradually turning blue. He remembered staying awake just like he was right then, lulling her tired wife into sleep after long hours of crying over the possibilities that they could lose their first born. Jane had finally surrendered to darkness while he prayed. Prayed for God to have mercy on them both and not to take away the very gift HE had given them that day. And God listened. He let Nickolas lived and their lives had been bliss with this child. He was the light of the family, the angel on top of their Christmas tree. And somehow, this child knew that his parents couldn’t give him all the luxuries in the world and for some reason, he never did ask for anything extravagant. He never wailed and created a scene in public for a toy he so badly wanted and his parents couldn’t really afford to buy. There was never any of that and Bob had personally found it quite strange. And it was the warning the doctors had given him on the day both mother and baby were discharged from the Maternity Hospital that had got him worried when Nick left for the party on his 18th Birthday feeling sick. He’s not like any other child. Him surviving this far was already a miracle, don’t ever take advantage of that Mr Carter. Taking advantage he never did. And as a single tear trickled down the side of his face and blurred his vision just like it had blurred his memories, he wished for a miracle to happen again to his baby. He wished that God would send him back to this very home he grew up in, saying the words he so longed to hear. Dad, guess what? I’m alive! And the single tear had turned into one heavy downpour as his mind whispered those words in his head; it was Nick’s voice, the voice he missed dearly. That very same voice that had made a grown man like himself cried his eyes blind when he first uttered the word ‘daddy’ as he trot towards him. Flashes of his first crawl, his first laugh, his first smile, his first walk, his first word ‘mommy’, his first to everything invaded his mind, like a movie he can’t control. And the sobs had turned to wrecks when he felt Jane shifted next to him, her hand reaching out for his face and wiping away his tears. She whispered lovingly in his ears, ‘We will be alright’ and right then, he knew that a miracle was a wishful thinking on his part. Yesterday marked the first year anniversary of their son’s death. They had gathered in Nick’s room where everything was the way it is when he had left. He reminded the twins of good memories they had with their brother, making sure that they never forget him. Looking at them both, he knew it was unnecessary. Nick Carter was a hero in their young eyes. He will always be looked upon as that. Stories of their brother will be passed on to their children and grandchildren, that he knew for certain. They had cried and laugh and the twins fell asleep in their brother’s bed. That was where they were now. Deep in sleep. But for him, sleep never came. The thought of his son living his last days in a strange place and died in a bed not his own and without his loved ones by his side and being cremated without their presence had always etched in his mind. That painful memory never did ebb. Were you in pain son? A question that he had wailed within himself ever since. Did you cry out for mom? Did you call for me as you breath your last? Did you wish for your room and not a prison as your deathbed? Did you hate us for letting you go? Did you hate us for what we did? Do you hate me? - Once, a very long time ago, he had stepped into this very compound with anticipation of a child. To him, it was a rare freedom that he looked forward to every day. The innocence of a boy let lose on his own, where exciting and new adventures always caught up with him every single day. Where nothing was just four walls that made up a huge box and overhanging windows with heavy drapes that felt out of place in a five year old’s bedroom. It was always the same every morning. He remembered driving in the black Mercedes with tinted windows, always trying to catch a glimpse of the world outside but never could. He remembered the rectangular black box sitting on the expensive leathered seat next to him, waiting to be picked upon destination. The soft humming of tyres against well-tarred road often lulling him back to slumber land, although he would always wake up at the very last second before getting lost totally into the world of the dreams. When the engine finally died down to a halt, he would wait impatiently for the door to be opened and a hand would appear, beckoning for him to take it. Grabbing the black box that was his bag with his right hand, he would extend his left to the waiting hand and grasped it firmly. The hold made him feel safe and secure; and as he waited for Tom to close the door behind them, he would bath in the scene that was going on around him. His fellow adventure-seekers dressed in identical uniforms, one hand holding on to an adult while the other holding on to bags that were too big and too sophisticated for them. And he remembered vividly, that he would, like a ritual, turned to his left as they walked further in to the compound and watched the children over at the other school across the road. Always without fail, he would find a young boy his age, with floppy mass of blond hair, blue glistening eyes and always a grin on his face as he walked two steps in front of the woman he had heard him often called ‘mommy’. With his cute Garfield bag hung safely on his shoulders, he would skip and hop his way into the building, often with the woman he called ‘mommy’ calling for him to hold her hand. He always wanted to be friends with him, too bad Tom said that the boy was poor. As a child, he was often left to wonder what that had got anything to do with him wanting to be friends with that boy. He seemed like fun, they could create a lot of mischief together. As they walked further into the compound, his eyes would leave the blond boy and was now searching for familiar faces. There were Justin, his best of friends who would later turn out anything but that; Michael, the one friend who amazed him to know end with his quick pace; Joseph the loudmouth and of course, Taylor, who had a beautiful, elegant elder sister whom he personally had a crush on. She had the perfect blonde straight hair, eyes of the bluest sky and always dressed up like a doll. Of course, the crush come and go. But the friendship stayed a life time. And while he used to have ‘fake’ fights with Brian Littrell over this girl who had now turned into a gorgeous young woman, his determination to make friends with the floppy blond blue eyed boy who went to the school across the road from him came true. Nick had been a great companion, a friend that truly listens while others were too busy hogging with him for a little bit more of fame. And for a moment he felt lost when he was taken away from him forever. How could you cope with a lost of your best friend? You don’t. And it had been that way ever since. The lost was too much that he had stopped coming over to the Carters’ house altogether. Some times, a voice would nag at him, blaming him of being a liar. Your promised the twins you will come visit. You promised them you’ll always be there to be their brother. YOU PROMISED! Yet those promises were left to the wind, ignored by him totally. Memories alone had him going crazy, to be in the Carters’ house and knowing no Nick would be skipping down the stairs would kill him. But what would hurt even more was to see the love that radiated in that small house. He felt belonged there once. They had always accepted him as their own. Perhaps it was a good decision not to bother them any more. Maybe the sight of him would only remind Jane and Bob of Nick. They were like brothers once, joint at the hip bone, many had said. To have him in the house would meant raking the past, where happy days were an ever present moment. And the last thing he wanted to do was raking the past and opening up closed wounds. And it hurt him so that he wouldn’t be able to feel that kind of love again. To forever be doomed in his castle of loneliness. Where wealth were everywhere but love so damn hard to come by. What are you trying to prove by doing that Alex? That you still have a heart to care. The school bell screamed its presence and immediately brought him back to where he was. Sitting on a bench in the ‘Parent’s Waiting Area’ and listening to chuckles of children anticipating for the official ending of school and teachers frantically trying to put order back at hand. The expected ‘Good bye teacher, goodbye friends, goodbye and see you tomorrow again’ could be heard and then the doors would open and children would walk in rows, fast pace in one united rhythm and as they reached the door to the outside world, all was forgotten as they rushed for the embrace of open space. He smiled as the kids rushed pass him, ignoring his very presence. Out there, neat rows of big, expensive cars were parked, with drivers in black suit or smart casual wear to greet the children and drive them back home to their castles. He just wish that they castles were happier than his. Come to think of it, he couldn’t find a single day when he would rush out of the school and find his mother or father waiting for him instead of Tom. It had always been Tom. A driver hired by father to drive him around, a man who was detached from any emotional contact with him. A man who was paid to do his job. But no matter what, one thing remained true. This place was a haven, an escape from the prison of his castle. “AJ?” Pulled out of his reverie, he looked up from his seat and found the face of angel looking back at him. He smiled. She slumped on the seat next to him and sighed suddenly. He waited as she looked at him sideways, weary expression evident on her face. “I told you AJ, you have to stop stalking me, between you and I, there is nothing more than friends.” And her face broke into a smile, a smile he so often witnessed when she would crack a private joke with Brian. The love that shone through her face meant for him only. He remembered how she had stuck next to him through times when everyone else were calling him a fallen star; when fingers were pointing at him for the results of taking drugs and drinking too much. And he remembered how devastated she had looked when Brian mysteriously disappeared. She would never tell what happened to him but was always quick to scream back at anyone who dared said that Brian was killed for a drink and drive fatal road accident. Nick and him had always given her the space, never to question her again when they realised she was determined to keep that secret or promise to someone. Between Nick and him, they had decided that maybe Brian was in rehab. “I can’t help myself.” He replied teasingly and was rewarded with a chuckle. “No, seriously AJ, what did I do to have this honour?” “Did you know how difficult it is to find you these days? I didn’t know you’d end up here again.” “Who would have thought huh?” She sang. “But this would be my last week here. I’m transferring to a public school.” “Really? What gives?” “It’s the Loving Hearts Grammar School. I’m going to be in the before and after school care.” She beamed. AJ had a mischief grin on his face. “What?” “Jackie Littrell works there.” “She’s the Principle.” “And she’s Jackie Littrell.” He stressed. “You made it sound like I am doing this to get to her son. He’s dead.” She pointed out, a smile still firmly on her face. Once, she had cried over no apparent reasons in school. Now he knew that it must have been she found out that Brian died in the Home. If she only knew the truth. Part of her life is still alive when she thought it was dead. “I know about Darla.” AJ started, slowly trying to read her expression. “What about Darla? You did mean the disease right? I hope it’s the disease and not some girl I have no idea who.” “The disease.” AJ nodded. “I know Brian got it.” She nodded as she hunched forward, body bent and head hanging low. “He died from it.” “Did you know that Nick died from it too?” That got her attention fast. She bolted right up and then, as if that wasn’t enough, had stood up and stared down at him. “Nick is dead?” “From Darla.” “Nick Carter?” “One and only.” And the tears started to well and trickled down her cheeks. Her lips started to tremble and her body shook. And then she started wailing softly. As if realising that she was still in the school compound and teachers might find her in that state, she started pacing back and forth, trying to stop herself from losing control. He got up from his seat and waited for her to make that u-turn, and when she turned back to face him, he was waiting with opened arms, ready to welcome her in comfort. She let out another soft cry and dwelled into his embrace, her whispers keep repeating the same words over and over again. Why? Why? Why? “Why him Alex? He’s such a good kid!” “Death never chose his victims.” He replied as his fingers caress her long hair, brushing his fingers through them. It should have been Brian holding her right now, he’s still alive damn it! His heart cried. He waited for her to calm down and when she pulled away from him, he knew she would be back to the strong young woman he knew. He motioned her to seat back down again and she did without question. Drying away her tears with the back of her hands, she looked like the Senior High girl he used to know. The girl who had lost her boyfriend but had to keep it all to herself. “How did you find out?” “I’m his bestfriend, remember?” “Oh…yeah…” “You know what, I’m tired of just sitting back and watching innocent lives wasted away because of this. They died, God Bless their souls, but what happen to the people they left behind? Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, girlfriends, boyfriends and so on? I hate to see them suffer their entire life for the lost of these people. I want to do something about it and I need your help.” “I’ve been there AJ, and it’s really awful. If by doing this means that we can make them feel better about it, then I’m interested.” “Good. Are you done? Cause if you are, let’s talk this over lunch.” “Yeah, I’m ready to go.” And he walked her to his Mercedes, black and shining. Soon, it would be one of those caretakers’ van he would ride in. Unless, if his beloved parents do something about it. And do it fast. He opened the door for her and as she was about to enter, he pulled her hand and gained her attention. “You’re not a ‘had been’ Leighanne, you’re still there, mourning for Brian. And you will always be that way cause I know how much you love him. I just hope if this plan works, you’ll no longer mourn for him but be happy for where he is right now.” “And I hope the same for you Alex, I know how it feels to lose your bestfriend.” - It was that finger again, tapping against the window. This time, it sounded not just inviting but urgent. It promised freedom and escape from this hell. It promised the end of all pain and an eternity of sleep. And it was calling for him, taunting him for being too gullible. What did you expect out of last night Howard? An uprising from a group of dying boys? To be heard by millions? You think you can achieve all that by just one night of making welds out of dough? Come with me, I promise you no pain. And it worried him that he did want to do it. To get up from this death bed and reach for that call, to open that very window and jump. No, he will fly. “We need to do something about that noise.” He closed his eyes, Brian’s almost whispered voice invading his thoughts. He silently thanked him, for bringing him back to this harsh reality and not accepting the tempting invitation of that tapping. “We could ask Kevin to cut that branch out…that would solve the problem, don’t you think?” Brian continued. “We could.” Howie replied, turning sideways to look at him. Brian was still in the same position he was hours ago. Curled up on his side, facing him. No colour at all on his sickly face but the pain was plain to see in those blurry eyes. “How’s the back?” “I’m NEVER gonna do anything like that EVER again.” Brian groaned. “I take it you’re still in hell.” Howie smiled. Brian groaned his reply. “I wish I had seen you in action last night. Picking locks is one thing, walking faster than Nick? That’s priceless right there.” “Yeah.” Brian sighed as he shifted a little. “You think what we did last night is worth it?” Howie pushed himself to a right up position, ignoring the thousands of tiny black spots dancing in his eyes, temporarily blinding him. “After what happened? No…it’s not worth it.” “I thought so too.” “You think Nick will come out of that toilet any time soon?” “How long has he been in there anyway?” “Long enough.” The door to their room creaked open and time stood still. Fear shot through straight in the heart as the footfalls approached them. Don’t let it be the man in white, Howie whispered. “Nick?” “Oh thank God it’s Kevin!” Brian cried. Howie stared at his trembling hands, waiting for them to calm down. It’s only Kevin, only Kevin. “Brian?” Kevin called out as he reached his bed. “Something’s wrong?” “No…everything’s fine.” Brian replied as he let his guards down and relaxed. “What’s up?” Howie asked. “AJ met up with Leighanne as planned.” Kevin replied. “He did?” Brian glowed. For a moment, his face was filled with radiance. “How is she?” “She’s going to teach at Loving Hearts next week.” Kevin smiled and the face glowed again. A mix of love and hope. Hope to see her again. “That’s where my mom is.” He nodded his approval. “It’s a blessing in disguise. Our plan will work better that way...if it’s even worth it after what happened.” Howie pointed out. “Yeah, I hope so too. And I just found out that Aaron and Angel are going there too.” Kevin replied. Howie rose an eyebrow. “How come?” “Not sure about that for now, but what I know is, if Jane is going to be there to fetch the twins and with Leighanne working with Jackie, we already have three people who will definitely listen.” Brian and Howie nodded solemnly. Kevin sighed, wishing there was something that he could do to make it all better. But nothing could have prepare them of the news he had broke to them that morning. He was still trying to grasp the reality of it himself. “Where’s Nick?” “In there still.” Brian said. “I’m worried about him.” Howie said. Kevin glanced over the closed door to the toilet. He wasn’t sure if breaking the news to Nick especially would be a wise move, he knew how close their relationship was and knew the outcome would be a mess. But he had to tell him because AJ told him so. “Me too.” - He had went straight for the sink, both hands gripping the ceramic bowl of the sink and head bent low. It was like a ritual of his every morning and every hour after that. Just him and the sink, and the spits of blood that he would throw up. Thoughts would swirl together with the dizziness and this time, of AJ and his stupid, stupid act. Why would he do something like that? Why would he sentence himself to death row? I trusted you AJ! Damn it, I trusted you! And then the thoughts would disappear as quickly as it had come, replaced by the jolts of pain he felt shooting right up from his back. It was too tempting to run up his fingers on his bare back, where at the base of his spine, swollen needle marks that had turned swollen red and itching; waiting for him to release it from the clutch of unbearable pain. But he didn’t. Instead, he had gaze down at the blood that was now swirling into the sink, washed away by the running water from the tap. And slowly, the tears that he had been holding on inside trickled down. “Why AJ?” He whispered to himself, the grab on the sink was harder now as his legs warned him of their weariness. But nobody answered and he brought his face down to the sink again as he felt another bout rising up. Through blurry eyes and wrecked shoulders from crying too hard, he had purged, immediately decorating the sink with yet again, in red. - Why AJ? I don’t know. They say things happen for a reason, maybe so; but if I had known from the start that this is what it takes to have our voices heard, I wouldn’t take it. And I know the others, no matter how desperate they were in trying to find a way out of this hell, would agree with me. And that is also the reason why, in our eyes, AJ had become the continued reason for our fight for justice.