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Ceased To Exist

“Carter, I’ve lost count how many times you missed a pass. And don’t tell me you’re not feeling well coz it’s been two months! Even AJ is jumping around well!” Coach Volante yelled, forcing the training session to stop. Nick hung his head low, his eyes penetrating at his own pair of worn out shoes. There was nothing left to say, no reasons to give except that he was indeed not feeling well. Everyone else was getting tired of his same old excuses. Sometimes, he began to believe them and thought that it was only in his head. But how could he explain the series of mild fever he had been having and the constant headaches that come with it? He knew he wasn’t imagining that. “If you continue like this, we’re going to loose the finals and you’re not going to get that scholarship you need. Do you want to end up like him?” Coach Volante continued, finger pointing witchingly at a framed picture of a young man not much older than Nick himself, entombed in a glass panel with medals surrounding him. They call him ‘The Fallen Star’. Nick had always begged to differ but that day, he wasn’t in a mood to be defending someone else when he’s own life seemed to be the topic of the day. He could feel another twelve pairs of eyes boring into him at that moment. Feeling their anger and frustration at being stopped because of what he did. He could even feel AJ’s eyes blaming him for everything. He was bringing the whole team down. “Take a break boys, I’ll be back. And you Carter, better get yourself straighten up or you can stop dreaming going out there next week with your captaincy intact!” Coach Volante slammed the orange basketball against the wall, the impact deafening the entire indoor sports hall of Ebay Town High School. He remained on his ground as the heavy footsteps drifted away and the sudden banging of a door being open and shut could be heard. He waited for the verbal abuse from his team. He hoped they won’t shout that loud or it would only make the headache worst. “Anyone with a brain knows he’s not a fallen star.” Andrew said, breaking the tensed silence. Nick, upon hearing this, looked up to meet his gaze. “Don’t you think so?” “The guy is called B-Rok for a lot of reasons ya know. And fallen star is not one of em.” AJ agreed as he approached Nick, resting an arm on his shoulder. He knew then that they weren’t mad at him. And yet, the guilt lingered. “It’s not like he took drugs and died in a car accident.” Trevor added, staring at the picture. “He was like the best player ever to play for Ebay High.” Marcus, who was a dead ringer of ‘The Fallen Star’ himself, agreed. “Oh puh-leez!” Nick turned to the voice and raised his eyebrow. He wished the guy hadn’t said anything. B-Rok, as they had nicknamed ‘The Fallen Star’, was the guy who willingly offered to take him under his wings and guided him through his passion. If it weren’t for him, he wouldn’t be the captain of sixth time reigning state champion. “No one ask for your opinion J.” Nick glared at the vice captain. “It’s a free country Nick. I talk when I want.” Justin hissed, bouncing a ball in one hand while his stare locked into Nick’s. A snide smirk appearing at the corner of his mouth. “Ignore him Nick, not worth your spit.” AJ said, trying to break the ice. “Well you whine like an old fart, so spare us all the agony and just shut up!” Nick growled, ignoring AJ. “Or you could just spend the break practicing and spare us the humiliation next week.” Justin retorted. “You know Justin, the only thing that’s keeping all eleven of us from beating the crap out of you is this rule in school.” AJ smiled. “Break em then. Your parents practically own this damn school, they’ll get you out of the mess. But my father will still sue you.” “Stop hiding behind your father Justin, how old are you?” AJ mocked. “Like the way you splash around your parent’s money? I bet you buy your condoms with their money too.” “I bet you sue that red haired chick for not fucking with you last week. Tough girl, knows a wuss when she sees one.” AJ rebutted. Nick wasn’t paying attention at the verbal abuse any longer. The churning in his stomach had started again and he had acknowledged it’s urgency to show him it’s contents. He turned and started to run towards the boys’ shower room, leaving the argument behind. “That’s it Nick, run away! Just like Littrell!” Justin shouted behind him. He heard AJ yelled back a remark and then everything just shuts down on him. All it mattered was to get to the shower room and rushed straight to the toilet stall on legs that threatened to collapse beneath him. Crouching beside the bowl, he let nature took it’s course. AJ decided that it was stupid to argue with an imbecile and decided to catch up with his best friend. He knew that Nick was sick and was always throwing up in between classes. When he reports in late for class, he would be there to cover him up from being mauled by their teacher. It had worried him so much. He tried telling everyone who would listen that Nick needs attention for his health that he had suspected something major, but everyone was quick to dismiss it as a norm after a serious injury that he had suffered. He tried to convince himself that he was just over working his imaginations but seeing how it had badly affected his life, AJ was beginning to have doubts again. When the sensation had passed, Nick sat in the small stall and stared up at the ceiling. He was shaking all over. His face felt hot. His heart was pounding with the force of a bass drum and there was a tightness in his skull that warned of an impending headache. He had no control over his own body anymore. The pain comes and goes as it like, his body was only a host, the core of things brewing evil. AJ moved closer to the slumped figure in the stall. He sat on the tiled floor just outside it, facing Nick. “What’s going on with you?” AJ asked calmly. It took him a while before he turned to face him. His eyes were full of pain and in desperate need to confide but his mouth uttered nothing. Knowing Nick, AJ didn’t press the matter any further. They sat like that for a while, a companionable silence existed between them. “You’re not gonna end up like Rok, if that’s what you’re thinking about right now.” AJ said, breaking the silence. Nick’s gaze fell upon his friend once more. He had been thinking about Brian Littrell. He had been a year older than them and was the captain of the basketball team when Nick and AJ entered. He doesn’t know why but Brian had taken a liking towards him and had personally spent extra time coaching him at being his best. The three of them were very close then until it happen. Brian Littrell ceased to exist. Just like magic, he was gone. No one knew the reason why. Teachers were informed by his parents that he would not be attending school anymore. That there was no need for it. People started throwing accusations, making their own theories about his sudden disappearance. What made it even worst was for the fact that he had been acting strangely days before he left. Now that Nick think about it, he was behaving exactly like Brian was then. People said that he was drinking too much, hence the constant throwing up, linked to a very bad hangover. Brian was very distant then, drawing himself away from everybody and his temper, which was normally hardly flares, became short. He even pushed away from Nick when he tried to understand him, just like what he was doing to AJ now. The lump was back, bigger this time, like a boulder in his throat, blocking the words. He breathed deeply, struggling for composure so that he could tell his best friend what he was feeling right then. “He didn’t even say goodbye. Like both our friendship meant nothing to him. Have you ever wonder where he is right now, if he’s even alive?” Nick asked at last. “Everyday of my fucking life bro.” AJ replied, staring at the floor. “And you know what I’m afraid of?” Nick asked. He didn’t wait for a reply and continued, “I see myself going that path too. I’m becoming him AJ.” “You don’t know what you’re talking about Nick.” AJ said. “Don’t I? Then tell me what the fuck is going on! I’m feeling so sick every fucking day and I’m throwing up what I ate every five minutes! And they don’t even believe me when I say I’m sick!” Nick cried, frustration finally oozing out of him. “And to bag it all up, my back hurts like a bitch but did coach even care? No! All he cares about is to keep that damn trophy!” “I believe you.” AJ whispered. “When will everyone else believe me? When I suddenly disappear without saying goodbye? No reasons at all?” “You’re not gonna disappear Nick. You’re sick and I’m tired watching you like this. Let’s take you to the doctor right now, how does that sound?” AJ asked. “Do I have to?” Nick cringed. “I will drag you if I have to.” AJ replied. “What about practice? What about Coach?” Nick asked as he pulled himself up. He felt the world spinning around him and almost lost his bearing when AJ caught him half way. “What about him?” **************** “Mc Lean! Carter! Where do you think both of you are going?” Coach Volante shouted from across the hall. His authoritative voice like a stereo blast to the fullest. “He’s sick! He can’t practice.” AJ replied. “Since when are you an expert to diagnose people AJ? He’s given the green light to play three weeks ago so don’t try to get away with it! Now get your ass here or you’ll forget about playing next week!” “You don’t really care about winning, do you?” AJ asked Nick. “No I don’t. But I need the scholarship or I’ll never see College.” Nick replied regretfully. “Your health is more important Nick!” AJ pointed out. Frustrated that his friend was about to give in to the Coach’s demands again. “It’s not about me man. I can’t disappoint my parents.” Nick explained. “You know they can’t afford to see me through college and you know how much the scholarship means to them.” Nick sighed. There was no way in talking him out of it. “If you snap your back out there Carter, don’t say I didn’t warn ya.” “Great wish AJ.” Nick grumbled as their reluctant footsteps made their way back to the training ground. “You know I have your back, but I can’t promise you that it’s gonna be enough.” “It’s good enough for me.” *********** So, from that day onwards, for one whole week, my world evolved around school and practice. Sometimes, I amused myself that I managed to pull through undetected. Or maybe people just don’t care. AJ kept bugging me to go for a check up but we were always rushing for practice or other stuffs that it kept me preoccupied all the time. It became a habit of mine to dash out of the classroom in between lessons to empty my stomach and teachers were raising their own suspicions. Alcohol, drugs, you name it. I think the only thing that made them kept their distance was the fact that I was a straight A student, I lead our Basketball Team to three years state champions in my Senior years and I don’t get myself into huge troubles. Mom, apart from AJ, was the only one who really saw the change in me. Dad is a great guy, but his world evolved around slaving himself at work to make ends meet. But just like AJ, I pushed her away too. If I only knew that those one whole week would be the last I’d be spending time with my family, I wouldn’t have pushed them out of my life. ********* “Listen up boys, we have exactly one minute to score or it’d be over. I want you to use the same trick I told you during practice, don’t mess it up!” Coach Volante instructed as the Ebay High team crowd together for a last minute pep rally talk. “We’d be winning if it hadn’t been for Carter.” Justin hissed. “Shut up J. This is team work, you don’t point fingers!” Andrew glared at the vice captain. “Girls,” Coach Volante mocked. “If you mess this up, you will ruin everything. It’s up to you! Justin, don’t try to be hero and stick to the original plan, and Carter, are you sure you can handle this?” “Yeah.” Nick replied, shaking off the headache. He wished he could just abandon the whole game and empty his stomach. It had been grinding and churning non stop but he knew that everyone was depending on him. And he needed the scholarship. “Okay then, bring it on!” Nick got into position, it was their ball and Justin was ready to aim it in his direction as planned. The other team looked set to get disarrayed by the little play in his eyes, eyeing Andrew instead of Nick. AJ passed by his best friend, whispered an assuring ‘I have your back’ and got into his position. The whistle blow. The opposition team quickly made their way towards Andrew while Justin jumped in mid air, hands outstretched as if to pass a high ball towards his direction. But he made a swift turn mid air and slammed it down towards Nick, who was free off guard. He saw the ball coming towards him and was in position to receive it. Dribbling almost two thirds of the court, with the crowd cheering at the back for the home team, he found AJ, already waiting near the hoop. The clock showed they had only ten seconds left. In the corner of his eyes, he saw someone in blue coming up fast towards him, and he knew that it wasn’t friend. He knew his exact moves for he had tried it before himself. He was going to throw a high ball and he knew that the guy in blue could read his game. In that split second, his world came to a stop. AJ was looking on in question, confused of why he wasn’t playing along with the plan. The cheerleaders were chanting ‘Pass it on! Pass it on!’ and he could see his family somewhere in the stand, cheering for him. Their hope for a son to be awarded a scholarship seemed to be coming true right before their eyes. He did the only thing he could, he aimed the ball low, ready for a hard low pass to his best friend. Realizing this, the opponent dive for a low interception, he could see his right hand ready to block the ball. He made a half turn, blocking him with his own body and raised the ball up for a high pass. AJ caught it perfectly, the opponent was deceived and he looked on as AJ slam dunk the ball home. The clock stopped, the home team won. The crowd cheered, seventh championship in a row. The team rushed up to AJ, the man of the match and together, they carried him on their shoulder. The trophy was sailed from one hand to another and finally came up to AJ and he showed it off to the world. Nick looked on from where he was standing, the victory smile on his face slowly fading as he felt a tight sensation growing at the pit of his stomach. It wasn’t the same feeling he had felt every time he had to throw up. This was something else. A whole new set of pain altogether. All at once, the churning emotions crystallized into one intense sensation. He felt like exploding, the pain now spreading in every part of him. He felt the need to breath but it was like as if someone was blocking his air way. His energy finally drained from him, he gave in to the pain and collapsed. It felt like the whole world was celebrating the victory with him but the only thing that he really want was to celebrate it with his partner in crime, his best friend. He searched the entire hall, looking for that one person who had contributed so much to the game. It was to his advantage that people were carrying him on their shoulders, letting him have a bird’s eye view of the whole situation. Then he saw him, standing at the same exact spot where he had passed the ball to him. He could have a clear shot at goal himself but had passed it to him as planned. He could have been the one they were carrying right now but he wasn’t greedy. But it puzzled him that the young man wasn’t celebrating their victory. He didn’t rush up to the crowd and cheered together with them. He was just…standing. He called out to him, shout and scream at the top of his lungs, only to be drowned by thousands more voices like his. And when he saw the figure suddenly came crumbling down, he knew the reason why. In the moment of utter shock, he pleaded with the sea of people to let him down but his cries were left unheard. He had to shout at them, and even yelled until he got their attention. Puzzled at his sudden burst of frustration, they let him down. He pushed through the crowd and his heart sank when he saw no one had even acknowledged his fall. Everyone was celebrating, hugging each other and no one saw his agony. He made a dash towards him. he was lying on his side, his body hunched up into a ball, his forehead covered in perspiration, his eyelids flickering and his mouth forming unspoken words. But you don’t need a genius to understand him. He was asking for help. “Stay with me Nick, you’re gonna be alright!”